A Deeply Healthy Kind of Perfectionism | Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
This episode features Tibetan Buddhist nun Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo discussing the six paramitas, or perfections. She explains how cultivating qualities like generosity, ethics, patience, effort, meditation, and wisdom can dissolve the small self and lead to profound inner happiness.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Introduction to Buddhist Perfection and the Six Paramitas
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo's Early Life and Path to Buddhism
Understanding Buddhist Perfection Beyond Perfectionism
Exploring Non-Dualistic and Primordial Awareness
Tenzin Palmo's Journey to India and Finding a Teacher
Experiences as a Western Nun and Addressing Sexism
Life and Practice in a Himalayan Cave
Overview of the Six Paramitas (Perfections)
Cultivating the Paramitas in Daily Life
Practical Application of Patience and Forbearance
The Importance of Right Effort and Enthusiasm
Making Friends with the Ego and Self-Compassion
The Role of Humor and Joy in Spirituality
Operationalizing Generosity in Everyday Interactions
The Interconnectedness of Beings and the Value of Sanity
6 Key Concepts
Buddhist Perfection
In Buddhism, perfection refers to realizing one's true nature, which is beyond conceptual thought and is blocked by the 'small self' or ego. It's about dissolving the ego to open up to a vaster, interconnected, non-dual awareness, rather than Western perfectionism.
Small Self / Ego
This refers to the individualistic, conceptual self that blocks the realization of one's true, primordial nature. The Buddhist path involves making friends with the ego and using it to walk towards its own dissolution, rather than trying to bash it away.
Non-dualistic Awareness
This is a state of mind where there is no split between subject and object, self and other, unlike ordinary awareness. It's described as a sense of interconnection, like space, ungraspable yet all-pervading, and is the primordial nature of the mind.
Rikpa (Knowing)
In Tibetan Dzogchen practice, Rikpa is the ultimate nature of the mind, which is not just empty space but also a cognizant, knowing quality. It points to the idea that there is a knowing, but no separate 'knower,' leading to liberation from grasping.
Six Paramitas
Also known as the Six Perfections, these are transcendent qualities needed to reach one's full enlightened potential. They include generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiastic effort, meditation, and wisdom, all of which must be developed, not just meditation alone.
Middle Way
A core Buddhist principle advocating for balance between extremes. In the context of effort, it means not pushing too hard to the point of exhaustion or discouragement, nor being too lax, but finding the right 'tuning' to make gradual, sustainable progress.
8 Questions Answered
Buddhist perfection is about realizing one's true nature, which is beyond conceptual thought and is blocked by the ego. It involves dissolving the small self to access a vaster, interconnected, non-dual awareness, distinct from Western notions of perfectionism.
Non-dualistic awareness is a state where the mind is not split into subject and object (self and other), but experiences a sense of interconnection. It's often compared to space – ungraspable, unseeable, but all-pervading and essential for existence.
The six paramitas are generosity, ethics (non-harming, honesty, sexual responsibility, sobriety), patience (tolerance, forbearance), enthusiastic effort, meditation (attentiveness, calm, insight), and wisdom (seeing things clearly as they are).
One cultivates them by treating daily life as one's practice, imbuing every activity (eating, walking, talking, thinking) with awareness and presence. Every interaction and circumstance becomes an opportunity to practice generosity, ethical conduct, patience, and effort.
When patience is challenged, one can bring attention back to the breath, taking deep breaths to relax and recenter. It's also helpful to appreciate that difficult people or situations provide opportunities to learn and develop forbearance, acting as 'armor' against irritation.
The right approach is the 'middle way,' avoiding extremes of pushing too hard (leading to exhaustion) or not hard enough (leading to no change). It's best to start small and simple, gradually building up as practices become habitual, and not getting discouraged by setbacks.
Cultivating loving-kindness towards oneself (making friends with the ego) is crucial because a well-balanced and healthy sense of self is more likely to walk the spiritual path with confidence. It heals the mind, reduces self-anger, and allows compassion to radiate outwards.
Generosity, encompassing sharing money, possessions, time, caring, and understanding (Dharma), is considered the starting point of the spiritual path. It's a counteraction to greed, fostering an openness of hands and heart towards others, and bringing genuine inner joy.
18 Actionable Insights
1. Dissolve Small Self for Vaster Consciousness
To realize your true, perfect nature, work to dissolve the ‘small self’ or ego. This opens you up to a vaster, non-dual awareness that is interconnected and primordial.
2. Integrate Practice into Daily Life
View your entire daily life – including interactions, work, eating, walking, and thinking – as your spiritual practice. This approach allows for continuous transformation and growth, rather than sequestering spiritual life to formal meditation or religious activities.
3. Cultivate Six Perfections
Systematically develop the six paramitas: generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiastic effort, meditation, and wisdom. These qualities are essential for reaching your full enlightened potential and living skillfully.
4. Befriend Your Ego
Develop loving kindness and a friendly, well-balanced relationship with your ego. The Buddha taught to send good thoughts to ourselves first, making us good companions to ourselves to encourage walking the path with confidence.
5. Observe Thoughts Mindfully
Practice mindfulness to observe your thoughts and feelings without becoming completely involved or carried away by them. This helps you realize you are not your mind and leads to deeper levels of awareness.
6. Inquire into “What is Knowing?”
Ask yourself, ‘What is knowing all of this?’ (e.g., sounds, sights, bodily sensations) to glimpse the primordial awareness beyond the small self. Approach this inquiry gently, as looking too hard can hinder the experience.
7. Use Breath to Recenter
When feeling upset, irritated, or stressed, bring your attention back to your breath. Take three deep breaths, holding briefly and then releasing, to dissolve tightness and return to a centered, open state.
8. Appreciate Difficult People
View challenging people and situations as invaluable opportunities to cultivate patience, tolerance, and forbearance. They push your ‘buttons,’ revealing areas where you need to grow.
9. Practice Patience as Openness
Understand patience as an open expansiveness of feeling, rather than a tense, uptight suppression of irritation. Relax and be open, allowing things to be without letting them upset your inner balance.
10. Manage Your Responses
Recognize that external events or other people don’t inherently hurt you; it’s your internal response to them that causes suffering. Focus on managing your own reactions to maintain inner peace.
11. Start Small, Build Habits
When making efforts towards personal or spiritual goals, begin with short, simple steps and gradually build up as they become habitual. Avoid being overly ambitious to prevent discouragement.
12. Persist Without Discouragement
When you encounter setbacks or ‘fall down’ in your practice, stand up again and continue without getting discouraged. Consistent, gentle effort is key to long-term change.
13. Focus on One Area
To avoid overwhelming yourself, choose one particular area or shortcoming to work on at a time. Focus on it slowly and steadily until it becomes a habitual change.
14. Cultivate Sense of Humor
Develop a strong sense of humor, as it helps maintain proportion, prevents taking oneself too seriously, and fosters joy even amidst suffering.
15. Share Time, Care, Understanding
Practice generosity not only with material possessions but also by sharing your time, caring presence, and understanding (Dharma or insight into life) with others.
16. Embrace Joy of Giving
Actively seek and accept the genuine joy that comes from giving and sharing with others. This openness of hands and heart is a fundamental step on the spiritual path.
17. Offer Kind Words and Smiles
Recognize the profound impact of simple acts of kindness. Even a kind smile or a kind word can significantly change someone’s entire day.
18. Prioritize Genuine Connection
Actively seek out and engage in genuine human connection, as the collapse of social interaction and over-reliance on mobile devices contribute to widespread depression and anxiety.
6 Key Quotes
You have to ride this flawed horse of self all the way to not-self.
Dan Harris
Patience is a wonderful, wonderful strength. I mean, Shantideva compares it to an armor. All the arrows which would otherwise penetrate us just don't. They just fall away because we have this wonderful, open, spacious sense of being which doesn't allow anything to upset us.
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
We need people to push our buttons because otherwise we don't know what buttons we have. And how are we going to learn if people don't do things sometimes which upset us?
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
I think a sense of humor. I've often said sense of humor is the seventh parameter.
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
Real joy, real happiness is an inner happiness. It's nothing to do with external circumstances.
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
It's not just a matter of being mindful. We also have to be kind. As Ajahn Brahm said, we have to be kindful, right?
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
1 Protocols
Four Brahma Viharas (Illimitable Meditations) Practice Sequence
Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo- Start by sending good thoughts, loving kindness, and friendliness to ourselves.
- Extend these good thoughts to those we love.
- Extend these good thoughts to those we feel neutral towards.
- Extend these good thoughts to those we have problems with.
- Finally, extend these good thoughts to all living beings everywhere.