A Surprisingly Effective Way to Deal With Your Inner Critic
This episode features therapist Dick Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems, who explains his model of the mind as multiple "parts." It explores how to develop a sane relationship with these parts and access the "Self" for healing.
Deep Dive Analysis
9 Topic Outline
Introduction to the 'Parts' of the Human Mind
Mani Chandy's Personal Impact of Internal Family Systems (IFS)
The Foundational Concepts of Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Understanding the Three Main Types of 'Parts' in IFS
The Discovery and Qualities of the 'Self' (Capital S) in IFS
Reconciling IFS 'Self' with Buddhist 'No-Self' Concepts
Exploring the Concept of Essential Human Goodness
Relating to 'Demons' or Inner Parts with Compassion
The Role of Aversion in Mindfulness Practice
8 Key Concepts
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
A school of psychology founded by Dick Schwartz that posits the mind is naturally multiple, composed of various 'parts' or inner personalities. It aims to understand how these parts interact and how to work with them more successfully, especially when they've been forced into destructive roles by trauma.
Parts (in IFS)
Inner beings or personalities within the mind, each with inherent talents and resources. These parts can be forced out of their naturally valuable states by trauma or 'attachment injuries,' taking on 'burdens' (extreme beliefs and emotions) that then drive their operation.
Exiles (in IFS)
Young, vulnerable, and sensitive parts of the self that are most susceptible to hurt from trauma. They carry burdens such as terror, worthlessness, shame, or emotional pain, and are often locked away or abandoned by other parts due to the overwhelming feelings they evoke.
Protectors (in IFS)
Parts that emerge to shield the individual from the pain and overwhelming emotions of exiles. They are categorized into two types: Managers and Firefighters, each with distinct strategies for maintaining internal balance and safety.
Managers (in IFS)
A type of protector part that tries to preemptively manage life and relationships to prevent exiles from being triggered. They are often careful, controlling, and people-pleasing, sometimes manifesting as an inner critic, aiming to keep the individual safe and in control.
Firefighters (in IFS)
A type of protector part that reacts *after* an exile has been triggered, aiming to douse the overwhelming emotions through immediate relief. Their methods, such as substance use, distraction, or excessive shopping, often disregard the long-term consequences to the body or relationships.
The Self (capital S in IFS)
An inherent, undamaged essence within every person, distinct from the 'parts.' It possesses qualities like calm, confidence, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness, and spontaneously emerges when other 'parts' create space.
Burdens (in IFS)
Extreme beliefs and emotions, such as terror, worthlessness, or shame, that parts take on during traumatic experiences. These burdens then 'graft onto' the parts and drive their operation, influencing their behavior like a virus.
8 Questions Answered
IFS is a psychological model that posits the mind is naturally multiple, composed of various 'parts' that can be understood and worked with to promote healing and inner harmony.
Trauma and attachment injuries can force parts out of their naturally valuable states into destructive roles, freezing them in time and causing them to carry 'burdens' of extreme beliefs and emotions.
Protector parts, like managers and firefighters, emerge to shield individuals from the pain of 'exiled' parts, either by preemptively managing life to avoid triggers or by reacting with immediate relief after a trigger occurs.
The 'Self' (capital S) is an inherent, undamaged essence within every person, characterized by qualities such as calm, confidence, compassion, and curiosity, which spontaneously emerges when other 'parts' create space.
Dick Schwartz suggests that the Buddhist 'no-self' refers to the absence of extreme voices and parts cluttering the mind, while the IFS 'Self' is the calm essence found when these parts open space, reconciling the concepts as linguistic differences.
Some scientific data, supported by Rutger Bregman's book 'Humankind,' indicates that humans possess an essential goodness or 'Buddha nature' that does not require external factors like good parenting to exist.
Rather than fighting or shooing them away, it is more effective to approach these parts with warmth, curiosity, and compassion, recognizing they are often trying their best to keep you safe, even if misguided.
Aversion towards one's 'demons' or difficult inner parts can hinder true mindfulness, as proper self-awareness includes warmth and non-judgmentalism, leading to less cooperation from these parts.
15 Actionable Insights
1. Relate From Your Self
Recognize all your internal parts and strive to relate to them from your ‘Self’ (capital S), which is described as the sanest, calmest, clearest, and most compassionate aspect of your mind.
2. Welcome Internal Parts
Welcome and acknowledge all your internal parts, even the ones you dislike, with warmth and recognition that they are trying to protect you, which can lead to them becoming more compliant.
3. View Parts As Inner Beings
To foster love and compassion, think of your internal parts (e.g., the ego) not as vilified entities, but as little inner beings trying their best to keep you safe, even if misguided.
4. Reframe Inner Critic’s Intent
Instead of labeling parts of yourself (like an inner critic or a part that numbs out) as bad or broken, understand that they are genuinely trying to help you get your needs met.
5. Understand Protectors’ Intent
Recognize that manager parts (e.g., inner critic, perfectionist) and firefighter parts (e.g., addiction, distraction) are both trying to protect you from pain, even if their methods are unskillful or destructive.
6. Question Dominant Parts
When you notice a specific part of your personality has taken over, ask yourself what that part is trying to accomplish or what it needs right now to understand its underlying motivation.
7. Ask Parts To Step Aside
When trying to work with a specific part (e.g., a critic), ask any other parts that have an ‘attitude’ about it (e.g., hate, fear) to step aside and create space, allowing your calm, confident, and compassionate Self to emerge.
8. Don’t Abandon Hurt Parts
Resist the cultural instinct to ‘just move on’ from trauma memories and emotions, as this can lead to abandoning the most hurt parts of yourself and losing contact with their wonderful qualities.
9. Acknowledge Parts’ Value
Understand that every part of your mind, before being hurt by trauma, possesses valuable talents and resources that can help you in your life.
10. Feed Protective Parts
Instead of fighting or trying to shoo away protective parts (often called ‘demons’ in some traditions), ‘feed’ them with understanding and kindness to help them calm down, relax, and transform.
11. Mindfulness With Warmth
Practice mindfulness and self-awareness by including a mixture of warmth and non-judgmentalism towards your internal experiences, as aversion hinders true mindfulness.
12. Understand Personality Parts
Recognize that your mind has different modes or parts (e.g., angry, jealous, calm, happy) and develop a healthy relationship with them to improve your mental well-being.
13. Cultivate Self Qualities
When parts separate, your true ‘Self’ emerges, characterized by qualities such as calm, confidence, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness, which you can access and cultivate.
14. Utilize IFS Workbook
Use Dr. Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems Workbook to access great tools for learning about your own internal parts and developing strategies to deal with them effectively.
15. Subscribe For Meditations
Become a paid subscriber at danharris.com to access a growing library of guided meditations customized to the Monday and Wednesday podcast episodes, serving as a ’lab’ for practice.
6 Key Quotes
I am large, I contain multitudes.
Mani Chandy
Even my inner critic, or the part that numbs out with shopping or doom sprawling, is genuinely trying to help me get my needs met.
Mani Chandy
I believe it's the natural state of the mind to be multiple.
Dick Schwartz
Virtually every spiritual tradition has a word for this, and almost no other psychologies do.
Dick Schwartz
It's a lot easier if you think of them as these little inner beings who are trying their best to keep you safe. And sometimes they're misguided.
Dick Schwartz
If you're actually feeling aversion towards something, you're not truly being mindful of it.
Dan Harris