An Antidote to Overwhelm and Anger | Father Gregory Boyle
Father Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest and founder of Homeboy Industries, discusses counteracting polarization by fostering community, practicing affectionate awe, and finding antidotes to despair through daily practices influenced by Buddhism.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
Navigating Division, Despair, and Compassion
Father Boyle's Background and Achievements
Societal Anguish as a Defining Mental Health Issue
Critique of Retribution and Focus on Health Over Morality
The Wild One: An Expansive Understanding of God/Sustaining Spirit
Love Never Fails: Resisting Without Demonizing
Building Intentional Communities to Foster Sanity
The Practice of Affectionate Awe (Acatamiento)
Shifting from Moral Judgment to Health Assessment
Hope vs. Optimism and Adding Your Light to the Sum of Light
Father Boyle's Personal Daily Practice and Buddhist Influences
Mindfulness as Recollecting and Remembering
7 Key Concepts
Health vs. Morality Frame
Instead of judging people as 'good' or 'evil,' evaluate their behavior based on whether the person is 'healthy' or 'not so well.' This reframes societal issues away from moral condemnation towards understanding underlying pain and brokenness, leading to progress.
The Wild One (Meister Eckhart)
This refers to an expansive, spacious, and comforting notion of God, always greater than any partial or limited human view. It encourages a larger understanding of a 'higher power' or 'sustaining spirit' that grounds and delights, and which is not limited by traditional, partial images of God.
Resisting Without Demonizing
This is the approach of taking strenuous action against injustice or harmful behavior from a place of love and compassion, rather than anger or hatred. It's described as a 'cleaner burning fuel' for the doer, less likely to cause burnout, and more likely to contribute to successful, caring action.
Cherishing Love
This concept describes love with its sleeves rolled up – active, connective tissue that helps people inhabit the truth of who they are. It transforms individuals by showing kindness, leading to personal change, which in turn contributes to systems change.
Community Driving Sane
This idea suggests that being located in an intentional community, where everyone supplies a dose of tenderness and kindness, helps individuals heal and move towards health and wholeness. It counteracts isolation and anguish by surrounding people with a soothing presence.
Affectionate Awe (Acatamiento)
Derived from the Spanish word 'acatar' meaning 'to look at something with attention,' this is a disposition or stance at the margins. It means standing in awe at what others (especially the marginalized) have to carry, rather than judging how they carry it, allowing one's heart to be altered by them.
Comprehension (Getting Underneath)
This involves moving beyond surface-level judgment or annoyance to understand the underlying pain, wound, or motivation behind someone's behavior. This expansive understanding is liberating and allows for a more compassionate and helpful response.
8 Questions Answered
One can resist without vilifying by moving past reflexive judgments and reductive concepts of good and evil, instead focusing on whether the person whose behavior is being evaluated is healthy or not.
God can be understood as the 'sustaining spirit,' the 'ground of being,' or whatever one returns to in practice to find their center and be grounded. It's an expansive notion that is always greater than any limited view and comforts rather than judges.
One can take strenuous action from a place of love, caring, and compassion, which is a 'cleaner burning fuel' for the doer and more likely to contribute to successful, caring action, rather than being motivated by anger or hatred.
Create intentional communities where people surround each other with a calm, soothing, and tender presence, much like elephants forming an 'alert circle' around their young, fostering a sense of belonging and healing.
Shift from moral judgment to a 'health assessment,' recognizing that problematic behavior often stems from pain, brokenness, or wounds. This requires comprehending the underlying causes and conditions, which is a form of love and understanding.
Welcoming one's own woundedness is crucial because if one hasn't acknowledged their own pain and anguish, they will be tempted to despise the wounded in others, contributing to societal division and preventing progress.
He gets up very early (around 2:45 AM) for a long practice, including prayer and checking in with his spiritual director, and throughout the day, he tries to reconnect his breathing to the present moment and 'breathe out' the spirit of delight into the world.
In the ancient language of Pali, the word 'sati' (translated as mindfulness) originally meant 'recollecting' or 'remembering,' highlighting the practice of bringing awareness back to the present moment and one's intentions.
28 Actionable Insights
1. Evaluate Health, Not Morality
When evaluating others’ behavior, shift your focus from whether they are ‘good’ or ’evil’ to whether they are ‘healthy’ or ’not healthy.’ This frame allows you to resist harmful actions without vilifying the person, fostering compassion rather than judgment.
2. Resist Without Demonizing
Take strenuous action against injustice from a place of love and compassion, rather than anger or hatred. If you find yourself demonizing or making someone a villain, you are on the wrong track, as this only creates further division.
3. Dismantle Separation’s Illusion
Remind yourself that separation is an illusion and there is no ‘us and them,’ only ‘us.’ Cling to the notion that everyone is unshakably good and belongs to each other to foster unity and collaboration.
4. Insist on Inclusive Compassion
Imagine a circle of compassion and insist that nobody stands outside it, actively working to dismantle barriers that exclude. This means doing everything you can to make every person feel welcome and included.
5. Cherish Others for Transformation
Understand that systems and individuals change when people feel cherished. Actively apply a ‘bombardment of cherishing love’ to others, as this compelling dosage can transform belligerent behavior and dissolve hate.
6. Form Communities for Sanity
Create or gravitate towards intentional communities that ‘drive you sane’ by providing a constant dose of tenderness and kindness. These communities serve as a soothing presence, helping members heal and move towards wholeness.
7. Practice Affectionate Awe (Acaramiento)
Adopt a disposition of ‘acatamiento’ or affectionate awe, which means looking at others with deep attention and receiving them openly. This stance allows your heart to be altered by people, reminding them of their true selves without judgment.
8. Stand in Awe, Not Judgment
Instead of judging how people carry their burdens, stand in awe of what they have to carry. This practice applies to everyone, encouraging curiosity and understanding rather than wrathful or exacting judgment.
9. Welcome Your Own Woundedness
Acknowledge and welcome your own pain and woundedness with humility and vulnerability. Failing to do so can lead to despising the wounded in others, which is a symptom of societal unwellness.
10. Find the Thorn Underneath
When encountering difficult behavior, look beyond the surface to ‘find the thorn underneath’ – the real wound or brokenness from which it originates. This approach helps you understand the pain driving the behavior and be more helpful.
11. Lean In with Curiosity
When someone’s behavior bothers you, lean in and be curious about it rather than reacting with embarrassment or mortification. This shift from personal offense to comprehension can lead to a deeper understanding and dissolve your annoyance.
12. Catch and Comprehend Judgment
Catch yourself being judgmental, then go against that inclination by seeking to comprehend the underlying reasons for the behavior. This practice moves beyond simple compassion or empathy to a deeper understanding of causes and conditions.
13. Shift from Self-Concern to Joy
Move quickly from self-concern (e.g., ‘will I have enough?’) to concern for others (e.g., ‘does she have what she needs?’). This shift in focus is where true joy resides, pulling you out of self-absorption.
14. Be the Person Who Sees
Actively engage in seeing and acknowledging others, especially those in need. The joy in life comes not only from being seen but also from being the person who sees, offering delight and safety to others.
15. Ask: What’s the Next Loving Thing?
Throughout your day, hold the question ‘What’s the next tender, loving thing I can do?’ as a guiding principle. This practical approach helps you stay grounded in the moment and spurs you to continuous, small acts of love.
16. Add Your Light to Sum of Light
To combat overwhelm and despair about global concerns, focus on adding your own ’light to the sum of light.’ This means concentrating on what you can do right in the present moment, rather than feeling paralyzed by the scale of problems.
17. Soothe Anguish, Choose Community
Recognize that shared anguish, not just differing views, holds people in division. Actively choose community and soothing interactions to walk each other home to wholeness, health, and well-being.
18. Offer Tenderness and Kindness
Provide doses of tenderness, gentleness, and extraordinary kindness to help ease the pervasive anguish that everyone shares. This approach helps people feel soothed and supported in their struggles.
19. Act from Love, Not Anger
When taking action, ensure it is motivated by caring and loving rather than anger or hatred. Love provides a ‘cleaner burning fuel’ that is less likely to burn you out and more likely to contribute to successful, caring outcomes.
20. Embrace a Spacious ‘Sustaining Spirit’
Cultivate a notion of a ‘sustaining spirit’ or ‘ground of being’ that is always greater than any limited concept. This ‘higher power,’ however you define it, should be the core you return to in practice, allowing you to receive and love others.
21. Return to Grounding Practice Daily
Engage in a daily practice that returns you to your core grounding, allowing you to be freshly anchored. This practice enables you to receive people, listen, and allow your heart to be altered by them, preventing you from losing your grounding.
22. Be a Calming Presence
Choose to be a calming, peaceful, and kind presence for others, especially those who are stressed or carrying heavy burdens. Your anchored demeanor can help soothe those around you.
23. Surrender, Then Be the Arms
Surrender to your core being or ‘God,’ then consciously choose to embody that spirit in the world. This means receiving a tender glance and then becoming that tender glance for others, looking at things with attention.
24. Connect Mystical to Ordinary Life
Recognize that a ‘mystical view’ is not otherworldly but connected to ordinary living and the present moment. Integrate this perspective into your daily life to find deeper meaning and connection in everyday experiences.
25. Engage in Early Morning Practice
Dedicate time early in the morning, such as 2:45 AM, to personal practice, eating, and checking emails. This routine helps establish an anchored start to your day, preparing you for its demands.
26. Reconnect Breathing to Present
Throughout the day, especially during lulls, reconnect your breathing to the present moment. Find peace in every step you take, using your breath as an anchor to stay grounded.
27. Breathe In, Breathe Out Spirit
Practice ‘breathing in the spirit that delights in your being’ and then ‘breathing it out into the world.’ This metaphorical breathing reminds you that your inner peace is meant to be shared and exhaled with every loving step.
28. Remember to Cherish Consistently
Consciously remind yourself to cherish others throughout the day, as ‘cherishing is not hard, but remembering to cherish is exceedingly difficult.’ This constant recollection is key to maintaining a loving and inclusive stance.
11 Key Quotes
Nobody healthy, well, or whole has ever done such a thing in the history of the world.
Father Gregory Boyle
Retribution is not the endeavor of a healthy adult, period. Not ever.
Father Gregory Boyle
It is a lie, any talk of God that doesn't comfort you.
Father Gregory Boyle (quoting Meister Eckhart)
God protects me from nothing but sustains me in everything.
Father Gregory Boyle
Don't let yourself be taken to that place.
Homeboy Industries homies
Community drives us sane.
Father Gregory Boyle (quoting Denise Levertov)
Love never fails.
Father Gregory Boyle
Systems change when people change, and people change when they're cherished.
Father Gregory Boyle
How can we stand in awe at what the poor have to carry rather than in judgment at how they carry it?
Father Gregory Boyle
Today, I will surrender into the arms of God, then choose to be those arms.
Homie (spiritual director to Father Boyle)
Cherishing is not hard, but remembering to cherish is exceedingly difficult.
Father Gregory Boyle
2 Protocols
Responding to Challenging Behavior (The 'Hello, Governor' Example)
Father Gregory Boyle- Catch yourself judging: Notice your initial reaction of embarrassment or annoyance.
- Go against your inclination: Resist the temptation to be mortified, disparage, or judge the person.
- Lean in and be curious: Ask yourself, 'What's that about? What pain is that representing? What wound is being excavated?'
- Comprehend: Seek to understand the underlying meaning or motivation behind the behavior.
- Move beyond judgment: Realize that the issue might be your own perception or discomfort rather than the other person's behavior.
Daily Practice for Anchoring and Cherishing
Father Gregory Boyle- Engage in an early morning practice: Dedicate significant time (e.g., starting at 2:45 AM) to meditation, prayer, or centering, along with other routines like eating and checking emails.
- Connect breathing to the present moment: Throughout the day, especially during lulls, consciously reconnect your breathing to the present moment.
- Breathe in and out the spirit: Intentionally 'breathe in the spirit that delights in your being' and then 'breathe it out into the world' with every loving step.
- Remember to cherish: Continuously remind yourself to cherish, recognizing that while cherishing is not hard, remembering to do it is exceedingly difficult.