Brené Brown On: How To Succeed Without Being a Bullying, Bullshitting, Power-Hungry Jerk Face
Dan Harris speaks with research professor Brené Brown about her new book, "Strong Ground," which explores how to build a strong personal and organizational core, achieve nervous system sovereignty, and operationalize values to move through a chaotic world with grace.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Introduction: Success with Integrity and a Calm Nervous System
The Origin Story of 'Strong Ground': A Pickleball Injury
Finding Your Ground: Physical and Metaphorical Core Strength
Translating 'Strong Ground' to Organizations and Personal Life
The Importance of Nervous System Management in All Aspects of Life
Understanding the 'Above the Line / Below the Line' Practice
Applying the 'Above the Line / Below the Line' Practice
Language as an Indicator Light for Emotions
Distinguishing Between Stress and Overwhelm
The Role of Values: Definition and Operationalization
Identifying and Living Your Core Values
Common Enemy Intimacy and the Urge to 'Shit Talk'
The Importance of Paradoxical Thinking as an Elite Skill
Paradox, Fear, and the Challenge of Non-Dualistic Thinking
7 Key Concepts
Strong Ground (metaphor)
Originating from a physical training experience, 'Strong Ground' is a metaphor for building life and organizations on a foundation of function, values, and a calm nervous system. It means moving from a position of maximal strength by addressing underlying dysfunctions rather than building on top of them.
Above the Line / Below the Line
This framework describes behavior based on whether one is operating from a place where fear is driving (below the line) or where one is aware of fear but still driving (above the line). Below the line behaviors often manifest as hero, victim, or villain roles, while above the line behaviors are characterized by being a coach, challenger, or creative.
Language as an Indicator Light
This concept suggests that the words we use not only communicate emotions but also impact and influence them. By being mindful of our language, we can gain self-awareness about our emotional state, using specific phrases or patterns of speech as signals of underlying feelings like fear or overwhelm.
Stress vs. Overwhelm
Stress is characterized as a 'whack-a-mole' feeling where things pop up quickly and are managed, but unsustainably. Overwhelm, as defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, occurs when 'the world is unfolding faster than my nervous system can manage.' Mislabeling stress as overwhelm can cause the nervous system to stop functioning.
Values (Guiding Principles)
Values are core guiding principles that define who we are and how we want to show up in the world, serving as the foundation for all other aspects of our lives. For values to be meaningful, they must be operationalized into specific, measurable, and observable behaviors, which introduces accountability.
Common Enemy Intimacy
This term describes the act of connecting with others by talking negatively about a third party who is not present. It's a way to 'hotwire' connection through shared dislike, but relationships built on this foundation are considered counterfeit and lack genuine depth.
Paradoxical Thinking
This is the ability to hold two seemingly opposing ideas or truths in tension simultaneously, without resorting to dualistic 'either/or' thinking. It is considered an elite skill because it allows for deeper understanding, creativity, and the emergence of new, innovative solutions by straddling complex tensions.
8 Questions Answered
The book was inspired by a pickleball injury that led her to a functional strength trainer who taught her the importance of building a strong physical core by 'finding the ground,' which she then translated into a metaphor for building strength and function in life and organizations.
One way is to become aware of one's language as an 'indicator light' for emotions. By recognizing language patterns associated with fear (e.g., hero, victim, villain roles), individuals can identify when they are 'below the line' and take steps to regulate their nervous system, such as pausing for 'nothingness' when feeling overwhelmed.
It's a coaching concept where 'the line' represents fear. Operating 'below the line' means fear is driving, leading to behaviors like hero, victim, or villain. Operating 'above the line' means one is aware of fear but is driving, leading to behaviors like coach, challenger, or creative. The practice involves recognizing when one is below the line (often through language) and taking a pause to reset.
Language doesn't just communicate emotion; it impacts and influences it. By paying attention to the specific words and phrases we use, we can gain self-awareness about our underlying emotional state, using our language as an 'indicator light' to signal when we might be in fear or overwhelm.
Stress is a feeling of managing many rapidly appearing tasks, while overwhelm is when the world unfolds faster than one's nervous system can manage. It's important to distinguish them because mislabeling stress as overwhelm can cause the body and nervous system to stop functioning, whereas correctly identifying overwhelm prompts the need for 'nothingness' to recover.
To identify core values, one can use an exercise to narrow down a list of values to one or two sacred guiding principles that forge everything else. To live by them, these values must be operationalized into specific, measurable, and observable behaviors, which introduces accountability for alignment between words and actions.
People often talk negatively about others to 'hotwire connection' with the person they are talking to, a phenomenon called 'common enemy intimacy.' This creates a superficial bond based on shared dislike, but relationships built on it are considered counterfeit.
Paradoxical thinking is the ability to hold two seemingly opposing ideas or truths in tension simultaneously, without defaulting to dualistic 'either/or' thinking. It's considered an elite skill because it allows for deeper understanding, creativity, and the emergence of innovative solutions, especially in complex situations, and it requires a regulated nervous system to engage in it.
21 Actionable Insights
1. Practice Above/Below The Line
Use the “above the line/below the line” framework to identify when fear is driving your behavior (below the line, characterized by hero, victim, or villain roles) and consciously shift to above-the-line behaviors (coach, challenger, creative).
2. Operationalize Values into Behaviors
Translate your one or two core values into specific, observable behaviors that demonstrate them, and also define behaviors that are misaligned, to ensure accountability and prevent values from being meaningless.
3. Develop Paradoxical Thinking
Build your capacity for paradoxical thinking by holding two seemingly opposing ideas simultaneously and tolerating the tension, allowing for new insights and creative solutions to emerge.
4. Build on Function, Not Dysfunction
Before attempting to achieve goals, identify and address underlying dysfunctions, then “ground in” and build on function, rather than trying to build on dysfunction, for sustainable growth.
5. Achieve Nervous System Sovereignty
Strive for “sovereignty over your nervous system” to achieve success and navigate life’s challenges with calm and perspective, recognizing that your nervous system is undefeated.
6. Protocol for Overwhelm
When you catch yourself using the word “overwhelm” (world unfolding faster than your nervous system can manage), stop what you’re doing for 10-15 minutes and engage in “nothingness” such as walking, meditation, or contemplative prayer, recognizing it as the only way to recover.
7. Use Language as Emotional Indicator
Be mindful of the language you are using, especially phrases from the “drama triangle” (hero, victim, villain), as it acts as an indicator light for your emotions and can reveal fear before you consciously feel it.
8. Schedule Important Self-Care
Reconcile the paradox of discipline and freedom by intentionally scheduling important self-care activities like meditation, prayer, or exercise, recognizing that if it’s important, you must be disciplined to make time for it.
9. Talk to People, Not About Them
Adopt the practice of talking to people directly about issues rather than talking about them to others, fostering healthier communication and relationships.
10. Maintain Fit Spiritual Condition
To live your values (e.g., faith), maintain a “fit spiritual condition” by prioritizing eating well, sleeping well, moving well, loving well, and connecting well.
11. Identify 1-2 Core Values
Identify your one or two core values that are so sacred they serve as the foundation for all other important aspects of your life.
12. Use Your Body as Value Barometer
Tune into your body as a barometer for what behaviors and mindsets align with your values, and take care of yourself (spiritual fitness, mental clarity) to enhance this attunement.
13. Recognize Resentment as Value Misalignment
Use deep resentment as an “ooga, ooga light” indicator that you are not practicing your core values and are operating outside of them.
14. Help from Generosity, Not Guilt
Offer help from a place of genuine generosity and loving kindness, as this is energy-giving, rather than from guilt or a need to be a “fixer,” which leads to depletion and resentment.
15. Avoid Common Enemy Intimacy
Be aware of and avoid “common enemy intimacy,” which is building connections by talking negatively about others not in the room, as such relationships are counterfeit and easily broken.
16. Practice Courageous Ownership
Demonstrate courage by confronting painful or unacceptable realities (e.g., history), owning them, and committing to knowing and doing better rather than running from discomfort.
17. Prioritize Deep Learning and Connection
Actively cultivate interest and engagement in deep learning, deep connection, and deep thinking to counteract superficiality and external pressures in your life.
18. Disengage from Social Media for Clarity
Consider disengaging from social media to reduce disorientation and clarify your own thoughts and beliefs, free from external influence and the pressure to conform.
19. Lead with Vision and Systems
Practice leadership as both “poetry and plumbing” by casting an inspiring vision that motivates people, and then building operationally excellent systems to deliver against that vision.
20. Listen to Midlife Nervous System Signals
In midlife, pay close attention to strong messages from your nervous system (e.g., insomnia, addiction, sleeplessness, injury) as indicators of how well you are taking care of it.
21. Meditate to Find Your Ground
Engage in meditation or contemplative prayer not to escape chaos, but to remember and find your ground even amidst difficult situations, as a source of stability.
9 Key Quotes
Writers should have to request a permit if they want to use the word writhe.
Brené Brown
We don't build on dysfunction. You're not going to move heavy shit because you think that's cool. We're going to figure out what's going on with your body. You're going to ground in. You're going to find your ground. And then we build on function.
Brené Brown
People are people are people. And systems are systems, whether it's a family system, an organizational system, a team system.
Brené Brown
To be able to have some sovereignty around our nervous systems is such a superpower.
Brené Brown
Language has the ability to change the ingredients of how we feel.
Brené Brown
Resentment is drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
Brené Brown
The root of the word sarcasm in Greek is to tear flesh.
Brené Brown
Leadership is poetry and plumbing.
Brené Brown
Inner peace, motherfuckers.
Dan Harris
2 Protocols
Restaurant Protocol for 'Blown' (Overwhelm)
Brené Brown- Walk into the kitchen and declare 'I am blown' to the line manager.
- Someone takes your order book.
- A hostess is called to take over your tables.
- You must leave the restaurant for 15 minutes (e.g., go into the cooler or outside).
Organizational Protocol for 'Below the Line' (Team Practice)
Brené Brown- A team member recognizes and states, 'I'm so far under the line right now.'
- The team agrees to pause and circle back later (e.g., 10 or 30 minutes).
- When reconvening, the person explains how they got 'under the line.'
- The leader or team acknowledges and apologizes if appropriate.
- The team moves on.