Civility Pays, Christine Porath
Christine Porath, a Georgetown professor and author, discusses the critical importance of civility in the workplace, detailing its immense costs and offering strategies for individuals and organizations to foster more respectful and productive environments.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Christine Porath's Meditation Journey and Its Benefits
Origin Story of Researching Workplace Civility
Personal and Organizational Costs of Incivility
Cognitive and Health Impacts of Witnessing Incivility
Lack of Self-Awareness as a Root Cause of Incivility
Rising Incivility in Workplaces and Society
Financial Impact of Incivility on Organizations
Organizational Strategies for Fostering Civility
The 10-5 Way for Spreading Civility
Effectiveness of Civility Training
Importance of Leader Role Modeling
Value of 360 Reviews and Peer Feedback
Individual Strategies for Dealing with Incivility
Gender Differences in Incivility Expression
Relationship Between Incivility and Harassment
Self-Assessment and Personal Improvement for Civility
Importance of Self-Care for Leaders and Individuals
Professional Benefits of Civility and Giving
6 Key Concepts
Incivility
Rudeness, disrespect, or insensitivity in the workplace that hijacks cognitive performance, making people less attentive, slower, and prone to errors. It can spread like a bug or virus, affecting not only victims but also witnesses, leading to decreased creativity, aggressive thinking, and reduced helpfulness.
Self-awareness
The ability to accurately perceive one's own strengths and weaknesses. The episode highlights that while 95% of people believe they are self-aware, only 10-15% truly are, indicating a significant blind spot for most individuals regarding their own behavior, especially incivility.
De-energizing relationships
Interactions with people, even if not intentionally rude, that drain one's energy and 'suck the life out of you.' These relationships have a disproportionately negative effect (four to seven times) compared to positive, energizing relationships, impacting well-being and performance.
Radical Candor
A communication framework emphasizing caring personally while challenging directly. It suggests that if you've established genuine care for someone, you can provide more direct and constructive feedback without them becoming defensive, fostering improvement rather than resentment.
Psychological Safety
A shared belief that a team is safe for interpersonal risk-taking, meaning individuals feel comfortable speaking up, bringing up issues, or sharing ideas without fear of embarrassment or punishment. It drives team effectiveness and is fostered by trust and respect.
Idiot Compassion
A Tibetan phrase describing a misunderstanding of compassion where one is overly nice, gives away everything, or avoids conflict to the point of being a doormat. It implies that true compassion does not mean allowing oneself to be walked over but can involve fierce determination and self-protection.
10 Questions Answered
Experiencing or witnessing incivility can hijack cognitive performance, making people five times more likely to miss information, operating 18% slower in working memory, and making significantly more errors.
People are far less creative when they witness incivility, are much more likely to think in aggressive and dysfunctional ways, and are three times less likely to help anyone, leading to reduced collaboration.
The vast majority of incivility stems from a lack of self-awareness, with only 4% of people admitting to being rude because it's fun or they can get away with it.
Incivility can be extremely costly; for example, Cisco estimated it cost them over $12 million annually, and a small regional hospital estimated over $30 million annually, due to reduced work effort, lost time worrying, and employee turnover.
The most impactful strategy is careful recruiting and selection, thoroughly vetting candidates beyond standard references to assess how they treat subordinates and peers, as incivility spreads quickly.
Yes, civility training has been shown to improve employee satisfaction and reduce bullying and harassment, possibly because the message of universal respect is more palatable and less defensive than other types of training.
Working for a toxic boss can be more detrimental to a woman's health than obesity, as chronic stress from incivility accumulates like 'thousand paper cuts' and can lead to serious health issues like heart attacks, cancer, and diabetes.
While distinct, incivility and sexual harassment are related; uncivil environments with disrespectful norms are more likely to foster harassment, and civility training can mitigate both bullying and harassment.
Individuals can improve by actively seeking feedback from colleagues and personal contacts, reflecting on their behavior through journaling, paying attention to stress levels and energy management (e.g., sleep, nutrition), and using self-assessments.
Yes, research shows that those perceived as more civil are twice as likely to be viewed as leaders and perform 13% better, as people prefer to work with and are more likely to share information with respectful individuals.
36 Actionable Insights
1. Practice Meditation for Mental Health
Engage in meditation as a form of ’exercise for your brain’ to cultivate a calming influence, process thoughts better, and achieve greater peace, especially during challenging times or ruts. It can significantly improve mental well-being and reduce type-A tendencies.
2. Stay Present, Appreciate Each Moment
To move forward from disappointments and reduce worry about the future, consciously practice staying present. Appreciate each moment as it comes, focusing on the current day to foster a healthier mindset.
3. Surrender Control, Embrace Flow
Learn to let go of the need to control everything and allow nature to take its course, as suggested by Michael Singer’s work. This practice can lead to greater peace and acceptance, especially when facing uncontrollable professional or personal disappointments.
4. Optimize for Adequate Sleep
Prioritize getting sufficient sleep, as sleep deprivation is a major contributor to being on edge, rude, or short with people, and negatively impacts how you respond to others. Improving sleep can significantly enhance your civility and mindfulness.
5. Prioritize Exercise and Healthy Diet
Optimize your physical well-being through regular exercise and a healthy diet. These fundamental self-care practices contribute to better energy management, which in turn helps you interact more effectively and civilly with others.
6. Actively Reduce Stress Levels
Engage in stress-reducing activities like meditation, yoga, or spending time outdoors, as stress is the primary cause of rudeness and incivility. Managing stress primes you for more effective and positive interactions.
7. Focus on Energy Management
Prioritize self-care and energy management, which includes physical activity, proper nutrition, and mindfulness practices. This foundational self-investment enables you to have better relationships and contribute to a more positive culture.
8. Continuously Evaluate Your Own Behavior
Regardless of your position or rank, regularly evaluate your own behavior and strive for continuous improvement. This self-reflection is crucial for personal growth and for fostering civility in all aspects of life, including family and community.
9. Obtain Comprehensive 360-Degree Feedback
Actively seek 360-degree feedback from superiors, peers, and subordinates (and even personal contacts) to uncover blind spots in your behavior. This anonymous and comprehensive feedback is ‘astonishingly helpful’ for increasing self-awareness and improving conduct.
10. Utilize Online Civility Self-Assessment
Take the free 32-item self-assessment test available on christineporath.com to identify specific areas where you can improve your civility, such as saying ‘please’ and ’thank you’ or sharing credit. The test provides actionable behaviors for improvement.
11. Understand Your ‘When Factor’
Cultivate self-awareness about your personal ‘when factor’ – the times of day you are at your best or worst. Avoid critical conversations or responding to negative communications during your low-energy periods to prevent uncivil interactions.
12. Ground Decisions in ‘Who I Want to Be’
When making daily choices or responding to others, ask yourself, ‘Who do I want to be?’ This question serves as a personal mantra to guide your actions and responses, ensuring they align with your desired self.
13. Practice Fierce Self-Compassion
If you tend to be ’too nice’ and avoid conflict, cultivate fierce compassion and self-compassion to stand up for yourself and others. This allows you to be determined and relentless in pursuit of justice or personal needs without resorting to cruelty.
14. Be a Wise Giver, Not a Doormat
Strive to be a ‘giver’ in your professional and personal life, as givers are often the most successful, but do so wisely. Avoid being a doormat by setting boundaries and ensuring your generosity doesn’t compromise your own work or well-being.
15. Compete Without Cruelty
Remember that it is entirely possible to be competitive and strive for success without resorting to cruel or unkind behavior. This mindset allows for ambition while maintaining civility and ethical conduct.
16. Practice Radical Candor in Feedback
Strive for ‘radical candor’ by demonstrating personal care while directly challenging others with constructive criticism. This approach balances kindness with the necessary developmental feedback, avoiding sugarcoating while still being helpful.
17. Utilize Informal Peer Feedback
Foster a culture of informal peer feedback by having team members share ’three things you do well’ and ’three things you could work on.’ This simple, courageous exchange can be highly effective for team improvement and individual growth.
18. Address Incivility with Direct Feedback
If safe, directly provide feedback to an uncivil colleague or boss, perhaps by initiating a conversation about mutual strengths and weaknesses. If direct feedback isn’t possible, seek guidance from HR, their superior, or a mentor to find a safe way to convey the information.
19. Protect Yourself by Avoiding Toxic Interactions
When unable to provide feedback to a toxic individual, prioritize self-protection by minimizing interaction with them, such as working from home, moving your desk, or adjusting your hours. This prevents them from depleting your energy and negatively impacting your well-being.
20. Identify and Minimize De-energizing Relationships
Be aware of ‘de-energizing relationships’ – those that drain your energy, even if unintentionally – as they have a disproportionately negative impact compared to positive ones. Actively minimize exposure to such individuals to protect your well-being and performance.
21. Leaders Must Role Model Civility
Leaders should consciously model civil and respectful behavior, as employees often mirror their superiors’ conduct. Leading by example is crucial for fostering a positive workplace culture and ensuring that civility is embraced throughout the organization.
22. Leaders: Encourage & Model Self-Care
Leaders should not only encourage self-care among their teams but also actively role-model it themselves. This dual approach creates positive spirals, leading to better connections and a healthier organizational culture.
23. Establish Clear Civility Expectations
Clearly communicate and set expectations for respectful behavior, positive collaboration, and avoiding unconscious biases within an organization. This guides employees toward a desired culture of civility and mutual respect.
24. Invest in Civility Training
Implement civility training programs for employees, as these have been shown to improve satisfaction and reduce bullying and harassment. Focusing on respect is often more palatable and effective than other forms of sensitivity training.
25. Hire for Civility, Prevent Toxicity
Prioritize civility in the hiring process by thoroughly vetting candidates beyond standard references, including checking with direct reports or peers. This prevents the spread of uncivil behavior, which can act like a virus in an organization.
26. Assess Candidate Treatment of Support Staff
During the hiring process, observe how candidates treat support staff like parking attendants, secretaries, or interview coordinators. This reveals their true character and civility, which is crucial for preventing toxic additions to the workplace.
27. Adopt the 10-5 Civility Rule
Implement a simple civility protocol where you make eye contact and smile when within 10 feet of someone, and say hello when within five feet. This small action can contagiously spread civility, improving interactions and even customer satisfaction.
28. Be Mindful in Daily Interactions
Approach daily interactions, or ’touch points,’ with agility and mindfulness, even if they are brief. Paying attention and listening in these moments can make employees feel valued and contribute to a positive environment.
29. Balance Tough Standards with Tender Hearts
Adopt a leadership approach that is ’tough-minded on standards but tenderhearted with people.’ This means maintaining high expectations for performance while treating individuals with civility and respect, making them feel valued.
30. Prioritize Work with Public Impact
Consider pursuing work that has broader public consumption and impact, rather than solely focusing on niche academic or specialized outputs. This aligns with a desire to make a difference and reach a wider audience.
31. Use Notebook to Avoid Interruptions
Carry a notebook to jot down thoughts or questions during conversations, allowing you to wait for the other person to finish speaking before responding. This practice helps avoid interruptions and signals that you are attentive and care.
32. Mindfully Observe Discomfort in Meditation
During meditation, when experiencing discomfort or an itch, practice tuning into the raw physical sensations rather than immediately reacting. Observe both the physical data and the mind’s reactive thoughts to learn about aversion and desire.
33. Embrace ‘Awareness Doesn’t Care’
Use the mantra ‘awareness doesn’t care’ during meditation to remind yourself that pure awareness has no preference for pleasant or unpleasant sensations. This helps you detach from aversion and desire, fostering greater ease.
34. Detect ‘In Order To’ Mindfulness
During mindfulness practice, observe if you are engaging with a sensation ‘in order to make it go away.’ This ‘in order to mind’ reveals a subtle aversion, allowing for deeper, non-judgmental awareness.
35. Prioritize Safety in Meditation
If you experience significant pain during meditation and fear causing yourself harm, prioritize your physical safety by moving or getting up. The goal of meditation is not to inflict pain.
36. Share Inspiring Podcast Episodes
If you find an episode particularly meaningful or inspiring, share it with individuals or on social media. This helps the podcast grow and spread valuable insights to a wider audience.
5 Key Quotes
I started this work thinking, gosh, there are some real jerks in the workplace and we need to correct this. And where I've landed is the vast majority of this stems from a lack of self-awareness.
Christine Porath
Bad is stronger than good.
Christine Porath
If you care personally and you've shown through little things that, you know, you like people and you want them to do well and so forth, you can give more direct and candid feedback.
Christine Porath
Leaders have 400 touch points a day. Most don't take two minutes, you know. But the key is to be agile and mindful in those moments.
Doug Conant (via Christine Porath)
It's possible to compete without being cruel.
Sharon Salzberg (via Dan Harris)
3 Protocols
Ochsner Health Care System's '10-5 Way' for Spreading Civility
Christine Porath- If you are within 10 feet of someone, make eye contact and smile.
- If you are within 5 feet of someone, say hello.
Team Tune-Up for Improving Civility
Christine Porath- Have a conversation about civility within the team.
- Each person identifies three things they do well that help the team and should continue doing.
- Each person identifies three things they could work on to improve.
- Share this feedback (e.g., on an index card) with the team.
Individual Self-Assessment for Civility Improvement
Christine Porath- Take the 32-item free assessment on christineporath.com.
- Check off how consistently you perform specific civil behaviors (e.g., saying please/thank you, sharing credit, appropriate communication methods).
- Identify areas to focus on for improvement based on the test's specific behavioral suggestions.