Comedian Aparna Nancherla on: Impostor Syndrome, Anger, Social Anxiety, and Stage Fright
Aparna Nancharla, a comedian and author, discusses her lifelong struggle with imposter syndrome, its connection to anxiety and depression, and how she's learned to cope. She shares insights on procrastination, the "agreeability industrial complex," and finding balance between career demands and personal well-being.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Introduction to Aparna Nancherla and Imposter Syndrome
Early Experiences and Origins of Imposter Syndrome
Defining Imposter Syndrome and its Objective Nature
Choosing Comedy and Acting with Imposter Syndrome
Imposter Syndrome as a Core Identity
Structural vs. Individual Factors in Imposter Syndrome
Individual Strategies and Body Work for Imposter Syndrome
Interplay of Imposter Syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, and Perfectionism
Procrastination and Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
Shifting Values and Gaining Distance from Work
Taking a Break from Performing and Its Impact
Comedy as Art vs. Therapy
The Agreeability Industrial Complex and Saying 'No'
Race, Gender, and the Burden of Representation
Current Relationship with Imposter Syndrome After Writing the Book
5 Key Concepts
Imposter Syndrome (Imposter Phenomenon)
A pervasive sense of feeling like a fraud, where any success or achievement is attributed to luck or a fluke, rather than personal ability. Individuals with imposter syndrome cannot accept objective evidence of their accomplishments as truth, eclipsing any ownership over their success.
Fake It Till You Make It
A common piece of advice that suggests embodying confidence until it becomes real. However, for someone with imposter syndrome, this can be counterproductive as they are already pretending, and it can reinforce the feeling of being a fraud rather than convincing oneself of competence.
Perfectionism as a Coping Skill
Perfectionism can act as a coping mechanism for imposter feelings, where one constantly chases an unattainable perfect outcome. This pursuit can fuel anxiety and provide more evidence of perceived incompetence when perfection is not achieved, creating a self-reinforcing cycle.
Revenge Bedtime Procrastination (RBP)
The tendency to stay up very late as a way to reclaim personal time from the day's productivity expectations. Nighttime becomes a 'neutral zone' free from societal demands, offering a sense of relief and an escape from self-criticism experienced during the day.
Agreeability Industrial Complex
A belief, particularly prevalent among women, that one should always say yes, be accommodating, and mold oneself to fit situations rather than asserting personal desires. This 'people-pleasing' tendency can be tricky for those with imposter feelings, as they constantly try to meet others' expectations while doubting their own capacity to do so.
9 Questions Answered
Aparna recalls feeling like she was struggling to fit in or catch up as a child, as if everyone else had received an instruction manual she hadn't, a feeling that has persisted throughout her life.
Imposter syndrome is a pervasive sense of feeling like a fraud, where any success or achievement is attributed to luck or a fluke, and one cannot see themselves as responsible for positive outcomes, despite objective evidence to the contrary.
Aparna describes herself as a 'seeker' who wandered into stand-up after trying an open mic in college. It went well enough the first time to provide incentive to continue, rather than being a deliberate career choice.
Performance can create a barrier or filter, allowing one to translate inner thoughts through a controlled, planned way, providing security. The feedback is on the character or performance, not necessarily the core self, which can shield individuals from direct criticism.
Imposter feelings are often a reaction to systems where individuals, particularly those from marginalized identities, don't fit certain ideals. These feelings are not solely an individual problem but can be exacerbated by environments that implicitly or explicitly tell people they need to 'fit in better' or that there isn't a place for them.
Aparna has utilized therapy, medication, meditation, ensuring enough sleep, exercise, and water. She also employs body work, such as tapping, to ground herself and acknowledge feelings without letting them take the 'driver's seat'.
Revenge bedtime procrastination is the tendency to stay up very late because the daytime is perceived as when society expects productivity, while nighttime feels like a neutral zone where nothing is expected. This allows for a sense of relief and freedom from self-criticism.
This term refers to the belief, particularly for women, that one should always say yes, be accommodating, and mold oneself to fit situations rather than asserting personal desires. It's essentially people-pleasing, which can be challenging for those with imposter feelings.
No, Aparna states that therapy is her therapy. While she finds catharsis in writing jokes and framing struggles humorously, the act of performing comedy does not resolve her underlying anxiety or mental health struggles.
28 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Basic Self-Care
Engage in fundamental self-care practices such as therapy, medication (if prescribed), meditation, getting enough sleep, regular exercise, and staying hydrated to support overall mental health.
2. Manage Internal Critical Voices
Learn to live with insistent self-critical voices in your head by acknowledging their presence but not allowing them to take control or dictate your actions.
3. Utilize Body Tapping for Grounding
Engage in body tapping (on specific points like the side of your hand, forehead, face, chest, armpit, top of head) while acknowledging anxious feelings, then affirming self-permission to relax, to help get thoughts out of your head and feel more grounded.
4. Affirm with Body Connection
When using affirmations, combine them with physical body connection (e.g., tapping) to make them more effective and help them lodge in a way that mere verbal repetition might not.
5. Challenge Brain’s Authority
Consciously remember that your brain isn’t always the ultimate authority on what you need, even when it insists otherwise, especially when it comes to trying new coping mechanisms.
6. Acknowledge Fear, Don’t Suppress
When experiencing fear responses, welcome them and tell them to ‘chill out’ rather than pushing them away, as suppression can intensify them.
7. Identify Roots of Self-Doubt
Engage in self-reflection to identify the roots of your thinking and imposter feelings, understanding your background and how your brain developed to differentiate personal issues from external exacerbations.
8. Examine Childhood Influences
In therapy, explore how formative experiences, such as growing up in an achievement-oriented or perfectionistic household, contributed to the roots of your imposter feelings.
9. Seek Professional Therapy
Utilize therapy to become aware of what is going on within yourself, recognizing it as a valuable resource for personal understanding and growth.
10. Contextualize Imposter Feelings
Recognize that imposter feelings are often a reaction to systemic issues and unsupportive environments, not just an individual flaw, which can help in understanding their roots.
11. Engage in Deep Self-Reflection
Undertake a project like writing a book or engaging in deep self-reflection to force stern conversations with yourself about how you see yourself, which can help in coming to terms with imposter syndrome.
12. Practice Immediate ‘No’
Cultivate the habit of saying ’no’ immediately to requests or opportunities you don’t have the capacity or interest for, rather than agreeing and later canceling, by gauging your future willingness.
13. ‘No’ Empowers Against Fraud
Assertively saying ’no’ to things you don’t want to do or don’t have capacity for can harness a sense of power that actively fights against feelings of being a fraud.
14. Accept Not Chasing All Opportunities
Be comfortable with not pursuing every possible opportunity, recognizing that you don’t have to see where everything leads, and that it’s okay to decline if it’s not a good fit.
15. Cultivate Internal Meaning
Seek meaning and validation from within yourself and your own life, rather than relying on external markers of success or the approval of others.
16. Distance Work From Self-Worth
Cultivate a perspective that separates your work from your personal measurement as a person, allowing for a healthier distance that can make the work itself easier and more enjoyable.
17. Separate Role From Identity
Consciously separate your professional role (e.g., ‘I am a doctor’ vs. ‘I practice medicine’) from your core identity to achieve a more balanced and healthy sense of self.
18. Take Deliberate Career Breaks
If your identity is too wrapped up in your profession, take deliberate breaks, even if unconventional, to gain clarity on why you do what you do and what you truly get out of it.
19. Separate Art from Therapy
Understand that creative expression, even if it draws from personal struggles, is not a substitute for actual therapy; recognize that they are distinct categories with different healing functions.
20. Process Anger Healthily
Work on letting anger be present and acknowledging it as a healthy, useful emotion, rather than approaching it with fear or mistrust of its potential consequences.
21. Accept Positive Impact
Work on internalizing and accepting the notion that you can represent something empowering to others, even if you internally feel outside of groups or struggle with your own self-perception.
22. Simply Say ‘Thank You’
When receiving praise or compliments, practice responding with a simple ’thank you’ to gracefully accept the positive feedback.
23. Release Control of Creative Work
After creating and releasing a piece of work, embrace the freedom of letting go of control over how it’s received or its success, allowing yourself to move on from the turmoil of creation.
24. Recognize Procrastination Patterns
Be aware that procrastination and avoidance until the last minute can be a chosen strategy stemming from imposter syndrome and perfectionism, driven by the fear of not being good enough.
25. Beware Fear-Driven Productivity
Recognize the unfortunate feedback loop where fear and last-minute urgency can sometimes lead to good work, but this reinforces procrastination and an unhealthy reliance on stress.
26. Cultivate Daily Motivation
Actively seek methods to recreate a sense of urgency and motivation on a daily basis without having to rely on last-minute fear or adrenaline to produce your best work.
27. Address Revenge Bedtime Procrastination
Understand that staying up late (revenge bedtime procrastination) can be a way to escape daytime self-criticism and expectations, and address this by finding ways to reduce self-criticism during the day.
28. Reduce Overthinking and Proceed
Recognize your tendency to overthink and get caught in existential questions, then consciously try to proceed with tasks without excessive caution, rather than getting sidetracked by rumination.
7 Key Quotes
I often felt that everyone else in school had received some sort of seminar or instruction manual that I hadn't, and I just constantly felt like I was just struggling to fit in or catch up.
Aparna Nancherla
I always find it interesting because you'll hear the advice, fake it till you make it. And I've often been like, oh, if I could just embody that more, because I always feel like everyone is faking it to a degree.
Bianca Harris
I'm always just learning to remember that my brain isn't always like the authority on what I need regardless of what it says.
Aparna Nancherla
I'm always fighting with myself to get things done during the day. And then I feel like by the time it gets to nighttime, I think I feel just this big sense of relief that the expectation is gone.
Aparna Nancherla
I'm okay shutting down possible opportunities, just because you don't have to like see where everything leads all the time.
Aparna Nancherla
I'll have a lot of young South Asian women of color be like, you're the reason I do comedy. Or like when I saw you perform, I realized it was something I could pursue. And I, I still have trouble sometimes like being able to really accept that or internalize that notion that I represented something to them that made them feel empowered in some way.
Aparna Nancherla
I wanted to write this book to fix my imposter syndrome, but that's saying, I'm going to sleep my way through this plate of food.
Aparna Nancherla
1 Protocols
Tapping for Grounding
Aparna Nancherla- Tap nine different points on your body, including the side of your hand, forehead, other points on your face, chest, under your armpit, and top of your head.
- While tapping, state the feelings you are experiencing, such as 'I'm feeling really anxious' or 'This show is not going to go well'.
- Go through the tapping sequence again, stating affirmations like 'I give myself permission to relax' or 'I acknowledge that I've done this before, and I'm good at this'.
- Connect with your body while saying the affirmations to help them lodge in a way that just saying them might not.