Do You Feel Like Everybody Sucks? Here's a 10-Minute Pain Reliever.
Dan Harris guides a 10-minute loving-kindness meditation, a practice he initially found cheesy but now considers crucial. He explains how to direct benevolent phrases to various beings, from easy to difficult, and encourages listeners to join live sessions and use companion meditations.
Deep Dive Analysis
9 Topic Outline
Introduction to Loving Kindness Meditation
Scientific Basis of Loving Kindness Practice
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to an Easy Person
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to Yourself
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to a Mentor
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to a Neutral Person
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to a Difficult Person
Guided Meditation: Sending Kindness to All Beings
Understanding Samsara and Returning to the Mundane
2 Key Concepts
Loving Kindness (Meta) Meditation
This practice, initially perceived as 'cheesy,' is now considered a crucial and scientifically supported method for well-being. It involves systematically sending benevolent phrases like 'May you be happy, safe, healthy, and live with ease' to various categories of beings, including oneself, easy people, difficult people, and all beings.
Samsara
In the context of meditation, Samsara refers to the 'daily cycle of wanting and not wanting,' representing the mundane world. It is contrasted with the 'more mindful world' experienced during meditation, and meditators 'rejoin' it after practice.
4 Questions Answered
Loving kindness meditation, also known as meta meditation, is a practice that involves systematically sending benevolent phrases like 'May you be happy, safe, healthy, and live with ease' to various categories of beings, including oneself, easy people, difficult people, and all beings.
Yes, it is completely fine if you don't feel any particular way during the meditation; it's an exercise or practice, and sometimes even the opposite of loving kindness may emerge, which is totally acceptable as long as you continue with the repetitions.
Sending benevolence to a difficult person is not an endorsement of their bad behavior; it's based on the understanding that individuals who are truly happy, safe, and healthy tend not to act badly.
In meditation, 'samsara' refers to the daily cycle of wanting and not wanting, representing the ordinary, mundane world that one returns to after a period of mindful practice.
18 Actionable Insights
1. Practice Loving Kindness Meditation
Engage in loving kindness (Metta) meditation, as it has the power to turn your day around and is scientifically proven to be beneficial, even if it initially seems ‘cheesy’.
2. Dedicate 10 Minutes to Metta
Commit to a 10-minute loving kindness meditation session to integrate this practice into your daily routine.
3. Choose Comfortable Meditation Posture
Assume a comfortable position for meditation, whether on the floor, in a chair, standing, or even walking, whatever works best for you.
4. Start Metta with an Easy Person
Begin your loving kindness meditation by focusing on an ’easy person’ or animal, such as a pet, a child, or a close friend, bringing their image or a felt sense clearly to mind.
5. Use Four Core Metta Phrases
Once focused, repeat the four loving kindness phrases: ‘May you be happy, May you be safe, May you be healthy and strong in your body, May you live with ease.’
6. Personalize Images to Fit Phrases
Tweak your mental image to align with the sentiment of each phrase, for example, imagining a family hug for ‘May I be happy’ or a safe scenario for ‘May I be safe.’
7. Connect Words to Image
Actively try to connect the words of the phrases to your mental image and allow the sentiment to deeply resonate within you.
8. Continue Despite Negative Feelings
If you don’t feel a specific way or if negative feelings arise during meditation, acknowledge them and continue with the practice, as it is an exercise in repetition.
9. Extend Metta to Yourself
Direct the loving kindness phrases towards yourself, picturing your current self or a childhood photo, or simply tuning into your sense of being a self.
10. Include Mentors and Role Models
Expand your loving kindness practice to include a mentor, benefactor, or role model, whether a family member, teacher, or historical figure.
11. Practice Metta for Neutral People
Direct loving kindness towards a neutral person you see often but have no strong feelings about (e.g., a barista), as this is a good exercise for ’tuning up the mind.’
12. Send Benevolence to Difficult People
Extend loving kindness to a difficult person, remembering that this is not condoning their bad behavior, but rather acknowledging that happy and safe people tend to behave better.
13. Adopt ‘God Perspective’ for Difficult People
When meditating on a difficult person, try to imagine sending benevolence from a ‘God perspective’ or a benevolent viewpoint looking down from a great height.
14. Conclude with All Beings
Finish your meditation by extending loving kindness to ‘all beings everywhere,’ either by visualizing the planet or feeling an omni-directional sense of benevolence somatically.
15. Utilize Felt Sense for Focus
If you struggle with visualization, generate a ‘felt sense’ in your body instead of an image when focusing on a person or animal during meditation.
16. Join Live Meditation & Q&A
Subscribe to the paid Substack to join live guided meditation and Q&A sessions every Tuesday at 4 PM Eastern, featuring a teacher of the month.
17. Access Companion Meditations
Become a paid subscriber to receive companion meditations with Monday and Wednesday episodes, designed to help integrate wisdom from conversations into your understanding.
18. Attend Live Podcast Tapings
Sign up to attend live podcast tapings in person, such as the one on November 18th in New York City with Pete Holmes, which also benefits a meditation center.
5 Key Quotes
I initially found loving kindness or meta meditation to be, I guess you could say, unforgivably cheesy, but it really is now a crucial part of my practice.
Dan Harris
You don't have to feel any kind of way. This is an exercise, it's a practice. Sometimes the opposite of loving kindness emerges. Totally fine, just keep going with the reps.
Dan Harris
Sending, well, benevolence to a difficult person is not co-signing on their bad behavior.
Dan Harris
People who are happy or safe tend not to behave badly.
Dan Harris
Samsara... is like the daily cycle of wanting and not wanting, the mundane world as opposed to the sort of more mindful world.
Dan Harris
1 Protocols
Loving Kindness Meditation (Guided by Dan Harris)
Dan Harris- Assume a comfortable position, which can be sitting, standing, walking, or lying down (preferably on the floor if at home).
- Bring to mind an 'easy person' (e.g., a pet, a child, a close friend) and generate their image or a felt sense as clearly as possible.
- Repeat the four phrases for this easy person: 'May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy and strong in your body. May you live with ease.'
- Next, picture yourself (e.g., a recent image, a childhood photo, or a general sense of self).
- Repeat the four phrases for yourself: 'May I be happy. May I be safe and protected from any harm. May I be healthy and strong in this body. May I live with ease in the face of whatever comes up.' (Optionally, tweak the image to fit the sentiment, such as imagining a family hug for happiness).
- Bring to mind a mentor or benefactor (e.g., a family member, a teacher, a work mentor, or a public role model like Abraham Lincoln).
- Repeat the four phrases for them: 'May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy and strong. May you live with ease.'
- Next, think of a neutral person (e.g., a barista, a dry cleaner) – someone you see often but have no strong feelings about.
- Repeat the four phrases for them: 'May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.'
- Next, bring to mind a difficult person (if new to the practice, it's recommended not to start with the 'artist person'). Remember that sending benevolence is not condoning bad behavior, and consider taking a 'God perspective' (a benevolent point of view looking down from a great height).
- Repeat the four phrases for them: 'May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy and strong. May you live with ease.'
- Finally, extend the practice to 'all beings everywhere,' imagining the planet floating in space or feeling an omni-directional sense of benevolence somatically in your body.
- Repeat the four phrases for all beings: 'May we all be happy. May we all be safe. May we all be healthy and strong. May all beings everywhere live with ease.'