Dr. Jennifer Ashton, Life After Suicide
Dr. Jennifer Ashton, ABC's Chief Medical Correspondent, discusses her book "Life After Suicide" after her ex-husband's death. She shares insights on navigating grief, finding meaning, and the importance of mental health awareness and suicide prevention.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Introduction: Jeremy Richman's Suicide and the Episode's Purpose
Dr. Jen Ashton's Personal Connection to Suicide and Her New Book
Dr. Ashton's History with Meditation and Its Benefits
The Impact of Her Ex-Husband's Suicide
Navigating Self-Blame, Anger, and Grief After Suicide
The Decision to Write 'Life After Suicide'
Lessons Learned from Personal Tragedy and Others' Stories
Embracing Imperfections and Vulnerability for Healing
Reflecting on Jeremy Richman's Suicide and Its Broader Context
Understanding Suicide Contagion and the Importance of Kindness
Addressing the Lack of Warning Signs in Suicide Cases
How to Respond When Someone is Struggling with Self-Harm
Distinguishing Suicidal vs. Non-Suicidal Thinking
Factors Contributing to Rising Suicide Rates
Finding Happiness and Meaning After Suicide: The Concept of Multiple Truths
Resources for Suicide Prevention and Support
Listener Question: Using Meditation as an Escape from Grief
Listener Question: Balancing Truthfulness with Wise Speech in Meditation
6 Key Concepts
Buffer/Cushion (Meditation Benefit)
Meditation creates a psychological buffer or cushion, providing space between an event and one's response, and building psychological resilience against life's ups and downs, like having 'gas in the tank' for mental energy.
Untethered Soul (Metaphor)
This concept, inspired by Michael Singer, suggests that people often respond to pain by building walls to protect themselves, but this also blocks out positive experiences. Instead, one should welcome pain as part of the emotional range and let it pass through without holding onto it.
Suicide Contagion
This phenomenon refers to the idea that increased media reporting of suicide can sometimes lead to an increase in 'copycat' suicides, potentially triggering responses in vulnerable individuals.
Dangerous Triad (Suicide Risk)
A combination of three factors that significantly increases a person's risk for suicide: feeling isolated or not belonging, feeling like a burden to others, and not being afraid of death (losing hope for the future and losing the fear of death).
Multiple Truths
This concept allows for holding conflicting emotions or realities simultaneously, such as being happy while also being incredibly sad about a loss. One truth does not negate the other, which is crucial for healing and recovery after tragedy.
Right Speech/Wise Speech (Buddhism)
A guideline in Buddhism for communication, which involves asking three questions before speaking: Is it true? Is it useful? Is now the right time to say it? This framework aims to promote honest and constructive communication.
9 Questions Answered
Meditation can lead to increased mental energy, focus, and a more positive mood by reducing inner chatter and providing a psychological buffer against life's challenges.
Yes, self-blame is a common and almost universal pain felt by those affected by a loved one's suicide, even when logically understanding that other factors don't 'cause' suicide.
Healing often involves embracing vulnerability, acknowledging imperfections, and finding ways to help others. It also means accepting that one can experience both happiness and deep sadness simultaneously (multiple truths).
Ask them directly if they are thinking of hurting themselves or taking their own life. If they say yes, ask if they have a plan, as this indicates a medical emergency requiring immediate professional help.
A non-suicidal person believes things will get better and looks for hope, even subconsciously, while a suicidal person believes tomorrow will be much worse and feels an urgent need to escape the present pain.
Contributing factors include increased life stress, potential environmental factors, and particularly social isolation, which forms part of a 'dangerous triad' along with feeling like a burden and losing the fear of death.
Yes, it is possible to find happiness again, though it may be a different kind of happiness, characterized by a deeper appreciation for life and self-understanding. This doesn't negate the sadness but exists alongside it.
If meditation is used to genuinely avoid or anesthetize oneself from pain rather than to process emotions, it might be beneficial to explore talk therapy or other modalities in addition to meditation.
The Buddhist concept of 'right speech' involves asking three questions before speaking: Is it true? Is it useful? Is now the right time to say it? This framework allows for honesty without being rude or unkind.
20 Actionable Insights
1. Directly Ask About Suicidal Thoughts
If you suspect someone is depressed and thinking of self-harm, directly ask them if they have thought about hurting themselves or taking their own life. This will not insult them or plant the idea, but rather open the door for them to answer honestly.
2. Assess Suicidal Plan
If someone confirms they are having suicidal thoughts, immediately follow up by asking if they have thought of a plan. This is a critical step to assess the immediate danger and urgency of the situation.
3. Treat Suicidal Ideation as Emergency
If a person expresses suicidal thoughts, with or without a plan, it constitutes a medical emergency. Do not leave them alone; they should be brought to a psychiatric emergency room for immediate professional help.
4. Increase Suicide Prevention Awareness
Educate yourself on suicide prevention resources, such as hotlines, and learn appropriate ways to talk to someone who is overtly struggling. This preparedness can help you respond effectively in a crisis and support those at risk.
5. Welcome Pain, Let It Flow
Instead of building walls against pain and hurtful experiences, welcome them as part of your range of emotions and allow them to pass through you without holding on. Blocking out pain also blocks out joy and growth, while allowing it to flow enables healing.
6. Embrace Imperfection and Vulnerability
Be comfortable with the ‘ugly pieces’ and imperfections of your life, both internally and externally. Realize that true personal growth comes from looking at all aspects of yourself, not just the positive ones.
7. Cultivate Deeper Life Appreciation
Strive to understand what truly matters, avoid sweating the small stuff, and cherish every day. This perspective, often gained through hardship, can lead to a more profound and authentic sense of happiness and purpose.
8. Recognize Multiple Truths in Grief
Embrace the concept of ‘multiple truths,’ allowing yourself to experience happiness and profound sadness simultaneously after a loss. This understanding prevents self-judgment and allows for a more complete and authentic healing process.
9. Find Meaning in Suffering
Seek to frame suffering or tragedy through the lens of meaning, potentially by helping others or contributing to the greater good. This can be a powerful means for personal recovery and healing.
10. Lean on Others for Support
Allow yourself to rely on and lean on people for support when recovering from difficult experiences. This is crucial for healing, especially for those who are typically more comfortable being caregivers than receivers of care.
11. Learn and Practice Meditation
Learn and consistently practice meditation to improve your mental well-being. It can make you more relaxed, provide mental energy, focus, positive mood, and a psychological buffer against life’s challenges.
12. Choose a Meditation Technique
Seek out and learn a specific meditation technique, such as Transcendental Meditation (TM), which involves 20 minutes twice a day. A technique helps ensure you are actually meditating and can lead to noticeable benefits within weeks.
13. Maintain Meditation Consistency
Be consistent in your meditation practice, even if you take a break during difficult times, and return to it. Regular practice can lead to significant positive changes in mental state and overall well-being.
14. Prioritize 7-8 Hours Sleep
Prioritize getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep per night, recognizing it as a medical necessity rather than a luxury. Adequate sleep provides the energy needed to manage a demanding schedule and maintain overall health.
15. Practice Efficient Time Management
Practice efficient time management by triaging how to use each minute or hour for maximum benefit and avoiding time-wasting activities like excessive social media before bed. This allows you to integrate essential well-being practices into a busy life.
16. Limit Social Media Usage
Be mindful of and potentially limit your social media usage. Excessive social media can contribute to depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation or inferiority by fostering comparison.
17. Consider Talk Therapy for Trauma
Consider accessing talk therapy, especially when dealing with trauma or powerful emotions that meditation alone might not fully address. It provides a crucial additional tool for processing complex experiences.
18. Sincere Welcome to Thoughts
When thoughts and emotions arise during meditation, sincerely welcome them and explore them rather than using the practice as an escape. This approach allows for true processing of powerful emotions, preventing meditation from becoming a form of denial.
19. Practice Right Speech
Before speaking, ask yourself if what you are about to say is true, useful, and if now is the right time to say it. This Buddhist framework allows for honest and direct communication without being unkind, fostering mindful interactions.
20. Dedicate Time for Exercise
Dedicate time daily for physical exercise, recognizing it as a crucial form of self-care. Exercise provides a personal space for well-being and contributes to overall energy levels.
5 Key Quotes
The purpose of life is not avoiding pain. The purpose of life is living through pain and learning from it.
Patient (quoted by Dr. Jen Ashton)
When you put up that wall and you close those shutters and put the bars on the windows so you don't get hurt again, you're also blocking out the sun.
Dr. Jen Ashton (paraphrasing Michael Singer)
A non-suicidal person, when things are at their worst, will say to themselves, this is going to get better... A suicidal person, when things are at their worst, says, tomorrow is going to be a thousand times worse. I have to get out now.
Dr. Sue Simmering (quoted by Dr. Jen Ashton)
Yes, I can be happy with my understanding of life, with my children's life, with my career, with my new relationship. I can be happy and I can be incredibly sad that my children don't have a father. One doesn't negate the other.
Dr. Jen Ashton
When you talk about being happy after someone you love dies by suicide, I believe that that's actually a tribute to that person's spirit.
Dr. Jen Ashton
1 Protocols
Responding to Suspected Suicidal Ideation
Dr. Jen Ashton- If you suspect someone might be depressed and thinking of self-harm, ask them directly: 'Have you thought about hurting yourself or taking your own life or killing yourself?'
- If they answer yes, ask: 'Have you thought of a plan?'
- Recognize that this is a medical emergency; the person cannot be left alone and should be brought to a psychiatric emergency room.