From Kelly Corrigan Wonders | A Conversation with Dan Harris
Kelly Corrigan talks with journalist Dan Harris, former ABC News anchor and 10% Happier founder, about being a lifelong learner, the value of intellectual humility, and personal tools like provisional language and meditation. They discuss managing self-centeredness, understanding causes and conditions, and the importance of psychological safety.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Introduction to Dan Harris and His Background
Overcoming the 'I'm a Monster' Self-Story
Understanding Causes and Conditions for Behavior
The Practice of Intellectual Humility and Provisional Language
Why 'Ignorance is Not Bliss' for Difficult Thoughts
Reflecting on Leaving the News Anchor Career
Experiencing 'Moral Beauty' by Helping Others
Being Wrong About Meditation and Loving-Kindness
Learning from Feedback: Rudeness and Psychological Safety
Reluctantly Embracing Suburban Life
Grappling with Deep Unfairness and Responsibility
Parenting Philosophy: Prioritizing Goodness Over Happiness
Managing Fame and Privilege as 'Rotten Eggs'
Micro-Practices for Generosity and Connection
The Detrimental Effects of Rushing and How to Counter It
Joseph Goldstein's Influence and Key Slogans
The Humor in Buddhism and the Mind's Ridiculousness
9 Key Concepts
Trainability of the Mind
The brain and mind are not fixed with unalterable 'factory settings'; they are trainable, allowing individuals to work on their issues and benefit themselves and others.
Causes and Conditions
A Buddhist concept (similar to karma as cause and effect, not mystical punishment) that suggests all present moments and behaviors are a result of a massive swarm of prior causes and conditions. This perspective can foster empathy and self-compassion.
Intellectual Humility
The recognition that there are always things one does not know or understand about every interaction and human being, inspiring curiosity and protecting against dogmatism.
Provisional Language
A communication tool involving peppering one's speech with words like 'maybe,' 'perhaps,' or 'it looks like' to reflect the impermanence and constant change of causes and conditions, thereby fostering humility.
Ignorance is Not Bliss
The idea that squelching or compartmentalizing difficult stories or traumas, rather than examining them, gives them more power and allows them to control one from unseen parts of the mind.
Psychological Safety
A quality in teams where even the most junior members feel safe to speak up, leading to better functioning teams.
Loving-Kindness Meditation
A set of Buddhist practices designed to cultivate warmth and love towards oneself and others, which can have significant psychological and physiological benefits.
Wise Selfishness
A concept from the Dalai Lama suggesting that the best way to be selfish is to be generous because doing good feels good and benefits others, creating a positive feedback loop.
Micro-interactions
The quality of brief interactions with people, even marginal figures in one's life, which cumulatively adds up to happiness, as supported by 'weak ties research'.
8 Questions Answered
By recognizing that the brain and mind are trainable and not fixed, one can work on these issues, leading to benefits for oneself and others. This involves examining and not fighting these stories.
Looking at the world through this lens can be a relief, as it helps one avoid judging others as 'evil' and instead understand that their actions stem from a complex web of past influences, fostering empathy and self-compassion.
A practical tool is 'provisional language,' which involves consciously using phrases like 'maybe,' 'perhaps,' or 'it looks like' to acknowledge impermanence and avoid speaking with excessive confidence.
Squashing or compartmentalizing difficult internal stories gives them more power, allowing them to control one from unseen parts of the mind, whereas examining them (e.g., through therapy or meditation) helps to disarm them.
Teams function best when they have 'psychological safety,' meaning even the most junior members feel safe and comfortable speaking up and sharing their opinions.
These practices, often dismissed as 'cheesy,' are backed by data showing amazing psychological and physiological benefits, helping individuals cultivate a warmer attitude toward themselves and others.
Tipping and other micro-practices of generosity train the mind to be more generous and to let go, which feels good and improves one's life, ultimately benefiting both the giver and the recipient.
Rushing 'shuts you down,' making people less likely to help others, even in situations where they might otherwise feel compelled to. A practice is to make a mental note when rushing and consciously relax, recognizing that tasks can be done without frantic speed.
18 Actionable Insights
1. Embrace a Trainable Mindset
Recognize that your brain and mind are trainable, and you are not stuck with unalterable ‘factory settings’; you can actively work on all aspects of yourself, which benefits both you and others.
2. Don’t Side With Yourself
In moments of conflict, consciously choose not to immediately side with your own perspective; instead, empathetically consider why others think as they do, which can de-escalate situations and foster understanding.
3. Examine Unseen Difficulties
Avoid squelching or compartmentalizing difficult stories or traumas, as ignorance is not bliss and unexamined issues will control you from unseen crevices of your mind; instead, explore them through therapy, meditation, or discussions with trusted friends.
4. Practice Provisional Language
Pepper your speech with phrases like ‘maybe,’ ‘perhaps,’ or ‘it looks like’ to avoid speaking with too much confidence, acknowledging impermanence and thereby cultivating intellectual humility in your daily communication.
5. Cultivate Psychological Safety
For teams to function optimally, establish an environment where even the most junior members feel safe to speak up, which involves presenting as humble and genuinely interested in others’ opinions.
6. Engage in Loving Kindness Practices
Incorporate practices designed to foster warmth and love towards yourself and others, as these have significant psychological and physiological benefits and can help overcome self-critical narratives.
7. Prioritize Family & Meaningful Work
Consider re-evaluating high-stress careers to gain bandwidth for family and work that aligns with your values, as increased time with loved ones and purpose-driven activities can greatly improve well-being.
8. Seek Access to Nature
Make an effort to have constant access to nature, as scientific evidence suggests it has a significant positive and buoying effect on your psychological state.
9. Accept Help from Others
When in a difficult situation, allow others to help you, as accepting assistance provides them with an opportunity to experience a sense of attunement and realize their own humanity, giving them a better day.
10. Practice Wise Generosity
If you are in a position to afford it, practice generosity through micro-actions like tipping more or being nice to service people, as this trains your mind to be more giving, feels good, and reinforces your values.
11. Enhance Micro-Interactions
Improve the quality of your brief interactions with people, even those who are marginal figures in your life, by showing genuine interest and asking questions, as these ‘weak ties’ contribute significantly to overall happiness.
12. Stop Rushing Consciously
Make a mental note when you are rushing, recognizing that rushing shuts you down and prevents you from helping others; instead, relax and complete tasks without feeling hurried, even when facing deadlines.
13. Slow Down Email Responses
Intentionally delay responding to emails to set a more relaxed pace for communication, indicating that not everything is urgent and allowing everyone in the chain to be more present in their day.
14. Separate Behavior from Person
Adopt the mindset that there are no purely evil people, only bad behavior driven by causes and conditions; this allows for understanding and a less judgmental view of others, without excusing the behavior itself.
15. Manage Ongoing Dynamics
Recognize that some challenges in life are not problems to be solved definitively, but rather ongoing dynamics that need to be managed continuously, fostering a more sustainable approach to complex issues.
16. Embrace Your Mind’s Ridiculousness
Observe your mind for an extended period and find humor in its often-ridiculous tendencies; becoming comfortable and familiar with this perspective can prevent you from being overly owned by your thoughts.
17. Avoid Pushing Advice on Children
Be cautious about overtly pushing your values or advice on children, as they are often wired to reject it; instead, model desired behaviors and allow them to discover principles organically.
18. Use Your Platform for Good
If you have a platform or position of influence, recognize your responsibility to use it for the greater good, as giving back can improve your own life and contribute positively to society.
10 Key Quotes
The brain and the mind are trainable, and you're not stuck with a bunch of factory settings that are unalterable. You can work on all of your stuff.
Dan Harris
I don't believe in evil people. I believe in bad behavior.
Father Gregory Boyle (quoted by Dan Harris)
Don't side with yourself.
Joseph Goldstein (quoted by Dan Harris)
There's always things I do not know or understand about every interaction, every human being.
Kelly Corrigan
If you won't accept help, you're eliminating this great opportunity for other people to feel this sense of attunement that you just described.
Kelly Corrigan
Praise Allah, but tie your camel to the post.
Sufi Islam (quoted by Dan Harris)
Some things are not problems to be solved, they're dynamics to be managed.
Esther Perel (quoted by Dan Harris)
With great power comes great responsibility.
Peter Parker's uncle (quoted by Dan Harris)
Rushing shuts you down.
Dan Harris
You can't look at your mind for an extended period of time without laughing because it's ridiculous.
Dan Harris
3 Protocols
Cultivating Intellectual Humility (Provisional Language)
Dan Harris (attributing to Dan Klerman and Mudita Nisker)- Recognize that impermanence is a non-negotiable law and things are constantly changing.
- Pepper your language with words like 'maybe,' 'perhaps,' or 'it looks like.'
- Avoid delivering diagnoses or prognoses with too much confidence.
Responding to Conflict (Don't Side With Yourself)
Joseph Goldstein (quoted by Dan Harris)- In moments of conflict, say to yourself, 'don't side with yourself.'
- Think about why other people might be thinking the way they are.
- Consider if they might be right, or if empathetically leaping into their shoes can de-escalate the situation.
- Understand that if you endured the same causes and conditions, you might believe the exact same thing.
Managing the Urge to Rush
Dan Harris- Make a little mental note when you notice yourself rushing.
- Remind yourself that you don't have to rush, even if you have a deadline.
- Consciously relax and just do what you need to do without frantic speed.