Harvard Business School Professor on Building Trust, Reducing Regret, and the Underrated Power of Oversharing | Leslie John

Mar 2, 2026 1h 10m 14 insights Episode Page ↗
Leslie John, James E. Burke Professor at Harvard Business School, argues that "too little information" (TLI) is a greater danger than TMI. She highlights the physiological and psychological benefits of self-disclosure and offers practical strategies for strategic, successful revealing.
Actionable Insights

1. Embrace Self-Disclosure for Well-being

Actively engage in self-disclosure, as it is intrinsically rewarding, activating pleasure centers in the brain, and can reduce physiological stress, as seen in studies where expressive children were less stressed.

2. Verbalize Thoughts to Reduce Anxiety

Transform swirling thoughts and feelings into spoken or written words to engage the logical prefrontal cortex and impose a story structure, which reduces uncertainty and anxiety.

3. Validate Feelings, Not Just Advise

When listening to others, prioritize validation by acknowledging their feelings (e.g., “I hear you,” “That sounds hard,” “That sucks”) over offering advice, as it is more comforting and increases well-being.

4. Avoid Undersharing’s Steep Costs

Be aware that undersharing leads to missed opportunities in relationships, work, and life, and can result in rumination, mental load, and lower well-being, as not saying something is an active choice with consequences.

5. Clarify Disclosure Goals

Before revealing, understand your purpose (e.g., venting, seeking support, influencing change) because your goal dictates the appropriate context, timing, and audience for disclosure.

6. Evaluate Disclosure with Four Quadrants

When making disclosure decisions, consider not only the risks and benefits of revealing, but also the costs and benefits of not revealing, to make a more informed and strategic choice (the Ben Franklin upgrade).

7. Go One Layer Deeper in Conversations

To foster true connection beyond small talk, go one level deeper than usual by commenting on the meaning of events to you, rather than just what happened, and then invite the other person to share.

8. Practice “I Feel, I Need” Statements

In conversations, articulate your feelings using an expanded emotional vocabulary, and clearly state your needs (e.g., “I need a hug,” “I need you to listen”) to avoid mind-reading expectations and improve communication.

9. Listen First for Effective Feedback

When delivering difficult feedback, spend the majority of the meeting listening to the other person first to understand their perspective, disarm defensiveness, and make the conversation more developmental.

10. Begin Feedback with Appreciation

When giving constructive feedback, always start with a compliment or expression of appreciation for the employee, as this “first slice” of the feedback sandwich is vitally important for its reception.

11. Refine Emotional Vocabulary

Use tools like an emotions wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary, helping you to better understand and articulate your inner state, which is foundational for effective self-disclosure.

12. Address Mind-Reading Expectations

Recognize and challenge the implicit belief that others should just know how you feel, as this “mind-reading expectation” can undermine relationships by reducing curiosity and communication.

13. Experiment to Build Disclosure Skills

Treat revealing as a skill that improves with practice; experiment by going a little further than you think you should in various situations to develop a better feel for appropriate disclosure.

14. Share Feelings to Prevent Regrets

Share your feelings more often to avoid common life regrets, as studies show that a significant majority of regrets are about things not done, and “I wish I had shared my feelings more” is a top regret of the dying.