Here's What I Learned From Writing A Whole Book About Meditation | Dan Harris

1. Respond Wisely, Don’t React Blindly

Cultivate the ability to respond thoughtfully and wisely to situations rather than reacting impulsively or blindly, by creating distance from your thoughts.

2. Basic Mindfulness Meditation Practice

Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on the physical sensations of your breath; when your mind inevitably wanders, simply notice the distraction and gently return your attention to the breath, repeating this process.

3. Correct Meditation Misconception: Don’t Clear Mind

Understand that the goal of meditation is not to clear your mind, but to repeatedly bring your attention back to a neutral focus (like the breath) whenever you get distracted, as noticing distractions means you are practicing correctly.

4. Develop Non-Judgmental Self-Awareness

Through meditation, cultivate mindfulness to observe your thoughts and inner narrator with non-judgmental and even humorous distance, preventing neurotic obsessions from controlling you.

5. Take Responsibility for Your Mind

Recognize that while the mind’s contents are influenced by countless causes and conditions (not ‘yours’ personally), you still have the responsibility to manage and respond to them.

6. Depersonalize Inner Turmoil for Liberation

Avoid taking your inner ‘Mishigas’ (turmoil) too personally; instead, view it as an impersonal phenomenon influenced by causes and conditions, which can lead to liberation from self-blame while still taking responsibility.

7. Cultivate Intellectual Humility

Make it a habit to acknowledge that you might be missing information, not seeing clearly, or could be wrong, especially before stating your views, to foster intellectual humility.

8. Interrupt or Name Negative Impulses

Practice checking a negative impulse in the moment, or if missed, name it immediately after it surfaces, or even later, to take the charge out of the behavior.

9. Foster Psychological Safety for Vulnerability

Create a culture, especially in workspaces, where people are encouraged to voice their vulnerabilities and ‘messy feelings’ rather than letting internal narratives run unchecked, promoting open communication and psychological safety.

10. Permit Imperfection in Self-Development

Do not expect perfection when engaging in self-development or spiritual growth, as this expectation is a form of delusion; allow yourself to be imperfect.

11. Expect Zigzagging, Not Linear Progress

When pursuing self-improvement, expect marginal and consistent progress with ups and downs, understanding that improvement is not a steady upward trajectory but a zigzagging path.

12. Believe in Universal Capacity for Change

Recognize and believe in the universal human capacity for growth and change, even if it’s a slow and multi-lifetime process.

13. Seek Professional Help for Mental Health

If struggling with mental health issues, seek professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist to identify the root causes and receive appropriate treatment.

14. Consult Professional for Mental Health & Meditation

If you have mental health issues, consult with a mental health professional to ensure that meditation practices are safe and appropriate for your specific condition.

15. Avoid Self-Medication for Mental Health

Do not use recreational drugs to cope with feelings of not being well or depression, as this can lead to problematic outcomes like panic attacks.

16. Commit to Long-Term Therapy

If undergoing therapy, commit to regular sessions over a sustained period (e.g., once or twice a week for many years) to address underlying issues effectively.

17. Align Skills with Desire to Help

Identify your innate desire to be helpful and useful, and then seek to match it with your skills to find fulfilling work and express your best self.

18. View Power as Responsibility

If you hold a position of power, strive to view it as a responsibility towards others, especially in your best moments, rather than a source of discomfort or personal gain.

19. Actively Practice Recollection (Mindfulness)

Actively work to recollect and remember wisdom and inspiring insights, as humans are wired for forgetting and denial, and culture often works against retaining such wisdom.

20. Train Yourself to Be Patient and Inclusive

Actively train yourself to overcome default tendencies like rudeness, dismissiveness, and impatience, especially towards junior colleagues, to create psychological safety for others.

21. Be an Analyst, Not a Dogmatist

Strive to be an analyst rather than a dogmatist, avoiding clinging to views and opinions, as this approach can prevent you from ‘annoying people’ and fosters open-mindedness.

22. Manage Dynamics, Don’t Always Fix Problems

Recognize that some challenges in life are not problems that can be definitively ‘fixed,’ but rather ongoing dynamics that require continuous management.

23. Embrace Vulnerability in Storytelling

When sharing personal experiences, focus on vulnerable and relatable moments, as these are often more engaging and impactful for the audience than theoretical discussions.

24. Leverage Vulnerability for Connection

Share your vulnerable moments, even if they feel cringy, because it can be a powerful way to connect with others and demonstrate authenticity.

25. Share Advice from Personal Experience

When offering advice or answering questions, speak from your own personal experience using ‘I language’ and avoid pretending to know more than you do, as this establishes you as an authority in your own story and is safer.

26. Disclaim Limitations Before Giving Advice

When friends or others seek your advice, preface your counsel by explaining what you don’t know or your limitations, which can make you feel more comfortable and responsible in offering insights.

27. Adapt Communication to Audience & Context

Tailor your communication style, language, and tone to break through to a specific audience, especially when addressing skepticism or trying to make a topic accessible.

28. Communicate in Listener-Centric Ways

Prioritize communicating in ways that your audience is most likely to listen and receive your message effectively.

29. Re-evaluate Communication Habits as Culture Shifts

Regularly assess if your communication habits and conditioning are still relevant and effective as cultural contexts and audience needs evolve.

30. Show Your Journey from Skepticism to Openness

Share your personal journey of overcoming skepticism and opening up to new ideas, as this narrative can be inspiring and relatable to others.

31. Adjust Tone for Younger, Suffering Audiences

When addressing younger audiences who may be experiencing significant suffering, avoid excessive skepticism or profanity, as they are often seeking direct help for anxiety and depression and may find such tones discordant.

32. Apply Skepticism to Wellness Trends

Maintain a healthy skepticism towards current wellness trends and conventional wisdom, questioning whether common approaches to topics like trauma or anxiety are truly helpful or potentially harmful.

33. Distinguish Healthy from Corrosive Skepticism

Cultivate healthy skepticism, characterized by rigor and careful thought, and avoid corrosive skepticism, which manifests as cynicism, glibness, lazy profanity, or easy jokes.

34. Prioritize Listener Value in Content Creation

When creating content, ensure that each piece provides standalone value and is useful and interesting for the listener, beyond any overarching promotional themes.

35. Research Meditation Retreats Before Attending

Before deciding to go on a meditation retreat, research what you need to know and whether it’s the right choice for you.

36. Find Comfort in Impersonal Nature of Mind

Understand that not taking the contents of your mind personally, though initially seeming scary, can be a deeply comforting realization.

37. Enjoy the Process

Approach tasks or experiences with a mindset of enjoyment to enhance the overall experience.

38. Pre-Emptively Communicate Your State

Acknowledge and communicate your current emotional or physical state (e.g., tiredness, frustration) to others, explaining that potential negative reactions are not about them, to set expectations and foster understanding.

39. Acknowledge and Apologize for Missteps

If you realize you’ve acted poorly or ‘came in hot’ in a conversation, acknowledge it and apologize, as this can diffuse tension and show self-awareness.

40. Reflect on Past Regrets for Growth

Reflect on past instances of ‘ugliness’ or misjudgment, acknowledging your regrets, as this self-awareness is part of a slow, multi-lifetime process of growth.

41. Embrace Non-Dogmatism through Self-Observation

Consistently observe the ‘madness’ of your own mind, as this practice can lead to a helpful lack of dogmatism and decreasing confidence in your absolute correctness.

42. Improve Decision-Making through Awareness

Use the process of mindfulness to become aware of your mind’s constant activity, which enables you to make better, more conscious decisions.

43. Gain Visibility into Inner Dialogue

Become aware of your constant inner monologue and mental cacophony, as a lack of visibility into this internal chatter allows it to control your actions and reactions.

44. Cultivate Innate Helpfulness through Clearing

Engage in practices like meditation to clear away noxious mental tendencies, allowing your innate capacity for helpfulness and usefulness to emerge, which is a universal human trait.