Holding it Together When Things Fall Apart | Pema Chödrön
Pema Chödrön, a Buddhist nun and director of Gampo Abbey, discusses how to navigate difficult times by cultivating self-awareness, befriending inner "demons," and embracing uncertainty. She offers practical meditation techniques for working with fear and fostering compassion amidst chaos.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to COVID-19's Mental Health Impact
Pema Chödrön's Background and Relevance to Difficult Times
Preparing for Global Difficulties and Cultivating Resilience
The Core Practice: Self-Awareness and Kindness Towards Patterns
The Role of Loving-Kindness (Metta/Tonglen) in Practice
Embracing Chaos and the Groundlessness of Life
Human Tendency for Denial and Potential Societal Polarization
Cultivating Sympathy for Others' Fear-Driven Actions
Condemning Actions, Not the Person: A Principle of Compassion
Lessons from Tibetan Prisoners and Nelson Mandela on Anger
Practicing Intimacy with Fear Through Embodied Awareness
Applicability of Meditation Techniques in Acute Suffering
The Calming Effect of One Person's Presence in Crisis
5 Key Concepts
Making Friends with Your Demons
This involves acknowledging one's own habitual patterns and tendencies (like fear or aggression) without judging them as bad. Instead, one cultivates a kind and open attitude towards these patterns, observing them without acting them out or repressing them, which builds inner strength and confidence.
Groundlessness of Existence
This concept refers to the fundamental truth that life is impermanent, uncertain, and not as solid or predictable as we often imagine. Crises can serve as opportunities to realize this truth, leading to a deeper connection with the fleeting, precious quality of life rather than denial or resistance to change.
Condemn the Act, Not the Person
This principle suggests that while one can disapprove of and condemn harmful actions, one should not condemn the person performing them. It maintains a view that individuals are capable of change and possess inherent goodness, even when carried away by negative emotions like aggression or hatred.
Intimacy with Fear
This approach to fear involves considering it an opportunity for practice rather than something to be avoided or thought away. It encourages acknowledging fear with kindness, letting go of mental storylines that escalate it, and directly experiencing its physical sensations in the body.
Embodied Practice for Fear
A practical method for working with fear by shifting attention from mental rumination to the body. It involves identifying where fear manifests physically (e.g., throat, solar plexus), and then breathing deeply into those contracted areas with a sense of opening and warmth to promote relaxation and expansion.
5 Questions Answered
By developing a meditation practice that fosters self-awareness, allowing one to acknowledge habitual patterns (like fear or aggression) without judgment, and cultivating a kind and open attitude towards them rather than repressing or acting them out.
Crises can reveal the fundamental groundlessness of existence, the impermanence of life, and our deep interconnectedness, leading to a more profound connection with reality and a shift away from superficial living.
It is possible to condemn the harmful action itself without condemning the person, recognizing that the individual is capable of change and may be acting out of an attempt to be kind to themselves, even if their methods cause suffering to themselves and others.
Through meditation, acknowledge fear with kindness, let go of escalating thoughts, bring attention to the physical sensations of fear in the body (e.g., throat, solar plexus), and breathe deeply into those contracted areas with a sense of opening and warmth.
Yes, these techniques have been found helpful by individuals in highly challenging circumstances, such as hospital workers facing danger, inmates in prison, and those who have lost their livelihoods, by helping them settle, gain insight, and foster resilience.
17 Actionable Insights
1. Prepare for Difficult Times
Train and work with difficulty when life is not intense, to build strength, resilience, and compassion, enabling you to be of benefit during future global challenges.
2. Practice Self-Awareness Meditation
Engage in a meditation practice to increase self-awareness, reflect on your own habitual patterns (such as fear or aggression), and understand your tendencies.
3. Cultivate Kindness to Patterns
When acknowledging your habitual patterns, cultivate a kind attitude towards them instead of making them an enemy or judging yourself negatively, without acting them out or repressing them.
4. Embrace Open Acceptance
Practice meditation with open acceptance of whatever arises, avoiding judgment or categorizing experiences as good or bad, to foster a non-reactive mindset.
5. Befriend Uncomfortable Feelings
Work to become comfortable and familiar with the unpleasantness or fear-producing quality of seeing yourself clearly, rather than running away from these feelings, to build resilience and confidence.
6. Extend Kindness Unconditionally
Cultivate unconditional friendliness and acceptance towards yourself, as this directly enables you to extend unconditional regard and openness to other people.
7. Warm Your Inner Weather
Integrate loving kindness (metta) or Tonglen practices into your meditation to cultivate warmth towards your inner experiences, allowing you to approach difficult emotions with humor and less aversion.
8. Avoid Adding Rage
When experiencing hardship, consciously choose not to add rage or bitterness to the situation, as these emotions will only consume you and prolong your own suffering.
9. Condemn Act, Not Person
When faced with actions you disagree with, condemn the harmful act itself, but refrain from condemning the person, remembering that individuals are capable of change and possess inherent goodness.
10. Place Fear in Kindness
When fear arises, acknowledge it with kindness and warmth, rather than aversion, to create a nurturing space for understanding and processing the emotion.
11. Observe Fear Storylines
Pay attention to your internal narratives and storylines, recognizing how they can escalate and exaggerate your fear, and understand that feeding these thoughts causes more pain.
12. Return to Body with Fear
During meditation, practice letting go of fear-inducing thoughts and redirect your attention to the physical sensations of fear in your body, rather than getting caught in mental rumination.
13. Breathe into Physical Fear
When feeling fear physically, breathe deeply into the contracted areas of your body, using the in-breath to open and expand with warmth, and the out-breath to relax and release.
14. Engage Immediate Experience
Engage directly with the immediate physical and emotional sensations of your experience, without the interference of analytical thoughts, to find a more settled and genuine understanding.
15. Calmness Unlocks Insights
Cultivate inner calmness and settledness through practices that foster warmth and compassion, as this state can open the door to new insights and fresh perspectives on challenging situations.
16. Open Heart to Suffering
Maintain an open heart to the suffering and losses experienced by others, allowing the strong and vivid feeling of interconnectedness to arise.
17. Be a Calming Presence
Strive to cultivate inner calmness, especially in crisis situations, as the presence of one calm individual can positively influence and calm those around them.
6 Key Quotes
Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news.
Chögyam Trungpa (quoted by Dan Harris)
You place that fearful mind in the cradle of loving kindness.
Trungpa Rinpoche (quoted by Pema Chödrön)
If I let that anger consume me, then I'm still their prisoner.
Nelson Mandela
I was afraid that I would lose my compassion for the people that were torturing me.
Tibetan monk (quoted by Pema Chödrön)
There was nothing between me and the feeling. It was just right there. That's all that was happening. There weren't thoughts in between.
Pema Chödrön's student (quoted by Pema Chödrön)
If one person on the boat remained calm, it had the ability to calm everybody.
Thich Nhat Hanh (quoted by Pema Chödrön)
1 Protocols
Working with Fear Protocol
Pema Chödrön- Through meditation, become aware of the presence of fear.
- Acknowledge the fear with kindness, placing it in 'the cradle of loving kindness'.
- Notice the storylines and thoughts that escalate the fear, and learn to let them go, returning to the present moment.
- Bring attention to the physical sensations of fear in your body, identifying where it is contracted (e.g., throat, shoulders, solar plexus, stomach, heart).
- Breathe deeply into those contracted places: with the in-breath, open and let yourself feel the fear physically; with the out-breath, relax and expand that area with warmth.