How (and Why) to Hug Your Inner Dragons | Richard Schwartz
Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, explains his model where consciousness comprises multiple "parts." He and Dan Harris discuss how to relate to these inner personalities with curiosity and compassion, "hugging your dragons" instead of fighting them, to heal trauma and transform extreme roles.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model
Origin Story of IFS and the Discovery of 'Parts'
Challenging the Unitary View of the Mind
The Concept of 'Self' in IFS Therapy
Meditation's Role and Limitations in IFS
Dan Harris's 'Hug the Dragon' Analogy and IFS Overlap
The 'No Bad Parts' Principle in IFS
Live IFS Session: Engaging with 'Robert Johnson' (Inner Critic)
Exploring the Origins of Robert Johnson's Protective Role
Addressing the Skeptical Part During the Live Session
Attempting to Engage with an 'Exile' Part
The Full Process of Healing Exiled Parts
Resources for Learning More About IFS
6 Key Concepts
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model
A form of psychotherapy based on systems thinking, which posits that the mind is naturally multiple, composed of various 'parts' or subpersonalities. These parts can be forced into extreme, destructive roles by trauma or attachment injuries, but all parts are inherently valuable and protective. The goal is to help these parts transform back to their naturally valuable states.
Parts (in IFS)
Full-range inner personalities within an individual's mind, not just bundles of emotion or programming. They can have autonomy, take over, and are often frozen in time, acting as if past traumas are still occurring. All parts are considered valuable, even those in extreme roles, as they are trying to protect the individual.
Self (capital S)
An inherent core of being present in everyone, which cannot be damaged. When 'parts' open space, this 'Self' emerges, characterized by qualities like calm, confidence, curiosity, compassion, creativity, and courage. The Self knows how to heal and relate in a healing way, both internally and externally, and acts as an active leader and healer within the internal system.
Exile Parts
Parts of an individual that were hurt or traumatized in the past and subsequently 'locked away' or abandoned internally by other protective parts. They are stuck in time, carrying burdens of pain, fear, and extreme beliefs from those experiences, and can organize one's life or manifest in extreme ways (e.g., panic attacks) to be seen.
Burdens (in IFS)
Extreme beliefs and emotions (e.g., worthlessness, fear, anger) that are not native to an individual but attach to parts due to trauma or attachment injuries. These burdens drive the part's extreme behavior and can be unloaded through the IFS healing process, allowing the part to transform.
Spiritual Bypass
Using meditation or spiritual practices to avoid or live 'above' one's inner parts and traumas, rather than engaging with and healing them. While it can be helpful for navigating life, it doesn't fully address or transform the underlying wounded parts.
6 Questions Answered
IFS therapy is based on the idea that our consciousness is composed of multiple 'parts' or subpersonalities, rather than being a single, unitary mind. These parts, when traumatized or unattended, can become troublesome but are inherently valuable and can be healed.
IFS views the mind as naturally multiple, with various 'parts' that are full-range inner personalities. This is a radical departure from the traditional scientific view of the mind as unitary and is not yet a mainstream scientific consensus, though some theorists agree.
The 'Self' (with a capital S) is an undamaged, inherent core of being present in everyone, characterized by qualities like calm, confidence, and compassion. Meditation, by creating space from thoughts and emotions, can allow this 'Self' to naturally emerge, but IFS encourages becoming an active healer with the Self, rather than just a passive witness.
While meditation can help access the 'Self' and create space from parts, it might not fully heal deeply wounded parts, especially if used as a 'spiritual bypass' to avoid engaging with them. IFS emphasizes actively going to and healing these parts, rather than just observing or getting away from them.
No, IFS posits that there are no 'bad parts.' Even parts that engage in destructive behaviors (like self-harm or perpetration) are seen as trying to protect the system, often forced into extreme roles by trauma and carrying 'burdens' that are not native to them.
IFS involves accessing the 'Self' to approach the exiled part with compassion and curiosity. The process includes understanding what the part experienced, helping it unload its burdens (pain, fear, beliefs), and transforming it into its naturally valuable state, allowing other protective parts to relax their extreme roles.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Inner “Dragons”
Learn to “hug your dragons” (difficult personality aspects) instead of attempting to slay them, as fighting them only makes them stronger. This approach fosters a healthier inner relationship with challenging parts of yourself.
2. Recognize Inner “Parts”
Understand that your consciousness is composed of multiple “parts” or sub-personalities, all of which are valuable and become troublesome when unattended or forced into extreme roles by trauma.
3. Shift from Coercion to Curiosity
When encountering difficult inner parts, shift from a coercive or confrontational stance to one of genuine curiosity and openness. This allows parts to reveal their protective intentions, which is crucial for healing.
4. Dialogue with Inner Parts
Engage in direct dialogue with your inner parts by focusing on them, finding their location in your body, and asking them questions about their roles and fears. Wait for answers to come organically, without overthinking.
5. Identify Protective Intentions
Recognize that even destructive or unpleasant inner parts (like a critic or a self-harming part) are always trying to protect you, often unskillfully, from perceived threats or past pain. This reframing is key to working with them.
6. Access Your “Self”
Learn to ask interfering inner parts to “give space” so that your core “Self” can emerge. This Self is characterized by qualities like calm, confidence, curiosity, compassion, creativity, and courage, and is your natural inner leader.
7. Meditation for “Self” Access
Employ mindfulness meditation to separate from thoughts and emotions, allowing the “Self” to naturally emerge and provide a foundation of calm and clarity. This practice helps create the inner space needed for healing.
8. Become Active Inner Healer
Move beyond passively witnessing thoughts and emotions in meditation; instead, use the “Self” to actively lead and heal your inner parts. This involves embracing their “personhood” with love and attention, rather than just observing them.
9. Cultivate Warmth Towards Parts
Consistently approach all inner characters, even those that cause distress, with warmth, love, and appreciation for their efforts. This compassionate stance tends to calm them down and foster cooperation, making them less extreme.
10. Negotiate Space from Parts
When attempting inner dialogue, ask any parts that are angry, skeptical, or eager to please to step back and give space. This allows for clearer communication with the target part from your “Self,” without interference.
11. Honor Parts for Service
Express gratitude and appreciation to your protective parts for their hard work and service in trying to keep you safe, even if their methods are outdated or unskillful. Acknowledging their burden helps build trust.
12. Identify Origins of Fears
When a protective part expresses fears (e.g., of financial ruin or failure), ask it where that fear originated in the past. Understanding its historical context and root cause can help you address the underlying issue.
13. Challenge Parts’ Age Perception
Communicate to protective parts that you are no longer a child and are capable of handling more than you were in the past. This helps them to update their perception of your current abilities and potentially relax their extreme vigilance.
14. Recognize Protective Parts’ Relief
Understand that protective parts experience relief when they can trust your “Self” to lead and take on responsibility, as their constant vigilance is exhausting. This relief can motivate them to step back from extreme roles.
15. Be Compassionate Witness to Exiles
When accessing a hurt “exile” part (a part stuck in past trauma), become a compassionate witness to its experience, acknowledging its pain and what it went through. This validation is a crucial first step in healing.
16. Heal and Unburden Exiled Parts
With guidance, go into the past scene with the hurt exile part, provide the presence and help it needed, then take it to a safe place to unload its burdens (extreme beliefs and emotions). This process allows it to transform back to its naturally carefree state.
17. Avoid Abandoning Hurt Parts
Understand that “exiling” hurt parts (locking them away in inner basements or abysses) is an “insult to injury” that prevents healing and deprives you of vital inner resources. These parts will often find ways to be seen, like through panic attacks.
18. Seek IFS Therapy
To engage in deeper healing and unburdening processes, find a qualified therapist specializing in the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model. A directory is available on the ifs-institute.com website.
19. Utilize IFS Self-Help Resources
Explore books like “You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For” or audio courses like “More Than The Sum of Your Parts” for exercises to practice IFS principles and dialogue with parts on your own. These resources offer structured guidance for self-practice.
6 Key Quotes
One of the healthiest possible inner moves is to learn how to hug your dragons, instead of attempting to slay them, which is only likely to make them stronger.
Dan Harris
There are no bad parts, but trauma and what are called attachment injuries have the effect of forcing these parts out of their naturally valuable states into extreme roles that can be destructive and also freeze these parts in time during the trauma.
Dr. Richard Schwartz
The act in mindfulness of separating from your thoughts and emotions, and watching them like a movie, that allows that space to happen, where then yourself is just naturally there.
Dr. Richard Schwartz
It's really about not just seeing them as thoughts and emotions, but honoring their personhood, for lack of a better word, that they are little inner personalities.
Dr. Richard Schwartz
The analogy in Buddhism might be, you become an internal bodhisattva. You are going with love to these parts of you in the same way a bodhisattva goes with love to every external living being.
Dr. Richard Schwartz
This is like a totally real other world that shamans have been going into for centuries. And it really works.
Dr. Richard Schwartz
2 Protocols
Initial Steps for Engaging an Inner Part (IFS)
Dr. Richard Schwartz- Focus on the part and find its location in your body or around your body.
- Ask yourself, 'How do you feel toward it?' to gauge the presence of 'Self' versus polarized parts.
- If other parts (e.g., anger, fear, skepticism) interfere, ask them to step back to create space.
- Once in a state of curiosity and compassion (from 'Self'), let the part know you feel this way.
- Ask the part what it wants you to know about itself, waiting for an answer to come from that place without thinking.
Healing an Exiled Part (IFS)
Dr. Richard Schwartz- Focus on the exiled part (e.g., a hurt child) and notice how you feel toward it.
- If other parts (e.g., a 'wimp' part) interfere, ask them to step out so you can lead with compassion.
- Let the exiled part know you have compassion for it.
- Ask if it's ready to let you feel, see, and sense what its past experience was like.
- Go into that past scene and be with the part in the way it needed someone back then.
- Ask the part what it wanted you to do (e.g., deal with a bully) and do it for him.
- Take the part out of the past to a good, safe place (e.g., family presence, fantasy place).
- Once safe and trusting, the part unloads its burdens (feelings, beliefs) through a ritualized way.
- The part transforms into its carefree, naturally valuable state.
- Bring in other protective parts to see that they don't have to protect the healed exile anymore, allowing them to unburden themselves and take on new roles.