How (And Why) To Lose Yourself | Jay Garfield
Jay Garfield, Doris Silbert Professor in the Humanities at Smith College, discusses the Buddhist principle that the self is an illusion. He differentiates between a person and a self, explaining the problems of selfhood and the benefits of "losing ourselves" to live a more effective, happier, and interconnected life.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Introduction to the Self as an Illusion
Distinguishing Between a Self and a Person
The Mueller-Lyer Illusion as an Analogy for Self-Illusion
Why the Self-Illusion is Not a Design Flaw
Problems Arising from the Self-Illusion
Reconciling Self-Interest with the Absence of Self
Benefits of Shedding the Self-Illusion
Methods for Losing Oneself
Analytical Meditation and its Role
The Brahma Viharas: Divine Moral Attitudes
Cultivating Brahma Viharas and Reducing Bias
Understanding the Three Kinds of Suffering
Defining Real Happiness and Distinguishing Pain from Suffering
Optimism for Humanity's Future
8 Key Concepts
Self-Illusion
The powerful cognitive illusion that human beings are wired to believe they are a substantial, permanent, independent entity (a 'self') that stands behind their mind and body, acts on the world, and observes it, but isn't truly part of it. This illusion is considered dangerous and something to be shed.
Person vs. Self
A 'person' is an existing entity, appearing in the mirror, having a name and responsibilities. A 'self' is the illusory, permanent, independent entity believed to stand behind the person. We exist as persons—constantly changing, causally open continua of psychophysical processes in interaction with others—but not as selves.
Illusion (Buddhist Definition)
Something that exists in one way but appears in another. It is not non-existent, but its mode of existence is different from its mode of appearance, like a mirage existing as a refraction pattern but appearing as water.
Spandrel
A metaphor for features that come along for the ride as a consequence of adaptive systems, even if they aren't inherently good. The self-illusion is considered a spandrel of our cognitive and perceptual systems, arising from our ability to monitor our position and inner states, which has survival advantages.
Middle Pole
The tendency, when taking oneself to be a self, to place oneself at the center of one's own universe. This leads to viewing others as objects, prioritizing one's own interests, and fostering partiality, clannishness, and injustice.
Flow State
A highly enjoyable and rewarding state where one doesn't thematize 'me and the world,' but simply experiences the world in interaction without a superimposed artificial subject-object duality. Shedding the self-illusion allows for living life more consistently in this state, leading to a 'virtuoso life'.
Brahma Viharas (Divine States)
Four fundamental moral attitudes in Buddhist tradition: Maitri (friendliness), Karuna (care/compassion), Mudita (sympathetic joy), and Uzupeksha (impartiality/equanimity). Cultivating these states helps shift focus away from the self and towards the welfare of others, leading to greater happiness.
Three Kinds of Suffering
The Mahayana Buddhist analysis of suffering includes: 1) Evident suffering (obvious pain like headaches), 2) Suffering of change (good things turning bad, aging), and 3) Suffering of pervasive conditioning (our complete connection to everything, leading to unhappiness when others suffer and a lack of control).
9 Questions Answered
We exist as persons, which are dependently arisen, constantly transforming sequences of psychophysical processes in constant interaction with other persons. Our identity is a role played by this sequence, not a substantial, permanent 'self'.
The self-illusion might be a 'spandrel'—an unavoidable side effect of adaptive abilities like proprioception, spatial awareness, and monitoring inner states, which provide significant survival advantages. Evolution may have found it the easiest way to design these systems.
It leads to self-alienation, ethical distortions (egoism, partiality, clannishness, violence), a distorted sense of rationality (prioritizing self-welfare), excessive pride or blame, and takes us out of 'flow states' by encouraging self-monitoring, making us less effective and clunky.
Self-interest focused on a 'self' is inappropriate because it distinguishes one person as uniquely deserving. However, taking an interest in the welfare of the 'person' one is, while recognizing interdependence with others, can be appropriate, especially when one can best pursue their own benefit without devaluing others.
The biggest benefit is living life in a 'flow state' more consistently, where one is at their best, doing their best work, and appreciating the world optimally. It allows for a 'virtuoso life' lived in expertise rather than as an amateur.
There isn't a single answer for everyone; routes include meditational, religious, or spiritual practices, developing disciplines (martial arts, music, athletics), philosophical reflection, or simple activities like walking in nature. The key is finding what enables a more realistic experience of one's being.
It is a family of meditation practices, important in Indian and Tibetan traditions, where one focuses on a phenomenon (physical object, mind, conscious state) and constantly questions its nature, origins, components, and interdependence, immersing oneself in the appreciation of essencelessness.
Pain is a physical or mental sensation, while suffering is pain combined with aversion. One can experience pain without suffering, as seen in vigorous sports where athletes might smile through pain, because they have learned to subtract the aversion.
Real happiness would be the extinction of suffering, which means the extinction of attraction and aversion, and the primal confusion that takes things that are sources of suffering to be sources of happiness, or insubstantial things to be substantial.
16 Actionable Insights
1. Recognize Self-Illusion
Actively recognize and work to shed the illusion of a permanent, independent “self” to understand your true nature as a constantly changing, dependently arisen “person.” This dispels a dangerous cognitive illusion, helping you live more effectively and happily.
2. Cultivate Divine States (Brahma Viharas)
Practice the four Brahma Viharas: Maitri (spontaneous wishing well for others), Karuna (commitment to alleviate suffering), Mudita (sympathetic joy in others’ success), and Uzupeksha (impartiality towards all). This involves taking yourself out of the equation, fostering a moral landscape where your self is not the center, and ultimately leads to greater happiness and benefit to others.
3. Distinguish Brahma Vihara Enemies
When practicing the Brahma Viharas, be aware of their “near enemies” – partiality (for Maitri), sloppy sympathy (for Karuna), clannishness (for Mudita), and self-centered regard (for Uzupeksha). Actively distinguish these from true Brahma Viharas by ensuring your motivation is for the other’s sake, not your own comfort or group affiliation.
4. Live in a Flow State
Strive to live life in a “flow state” by shedding the self-illusion, allowing you to experience the world without a superimposed subject-object duality. This leads to more enjoyable, rewarding experiences and enables you to perform at your best, whether in work, sport, or conversation.
5. Distinguish Pain from Suffering
Understand that pain is not inherently suffering; suffering arises when aversion is added to pain. Practice techniques, such as those in mindfulness-based stress reduction, to remove aversion from pain, enabling you to experience physical discomfort without the added mental anguish.
6. Choose Your Meditation Practice
Select a meditation practice that aligns with your personality and learning style, whether it’s analytical, focused on moral attributes, or open awareness. Experiment with different approaches and consider consulting a qualified teacher to find what works best for you in shedding the self-illusion.
7. Deconstruct Powerful Emotions
When powerful aversive (anger, hostility) or attractive emotions arise, notice them, step back, and deconstruct them by questioning their appropriateness and effectiveness. This practice helps you calm down and become a more effective agent, as these emotions prevent you from being at your best.
8. Observe Negative Patterns with Warmth
Use practices like loving kindness meditation to observe your negative emotional patterns (e.g., rage, greed) with warmth and less personal identification. Recognize them as ancient, shared human tendencies rather than uniquely personal flaws, allowing you to respond more wisely and with less shame.
9. Bargain as a Person
Approach negotiations or bargaining as a social interaction between persons, rather than a cutthroat, zero-sum game driven by self-illusion. Engage with respect and a desire for a mutually agreeable outcome, leading to happier interactions for all involved.
10. Pursue Self-Interest Wisely
Pursue self-interest by focusing on the welfare of yourself as a “person” interconnected with others, rather than as a separate “self” whose interests are paramount. Recognize that your well-being is bound up with the well-being of others, leading to more appropriate and less egoistic actions.
11. Question Illusions
When an illusion (like the self-illusion or optical illusions) crops up, pause and question your perception, recognizing that things might appear differently from how they truly are. This allows for a more effective and accurate engagement with the world.
12. Strive for Spontaneity
Cultivate spontaneity by reducing self-conscious deliberation and the subject-object duality, which helps you act more effectively and be a happier, better version of yourself. This allows for a more natural and fluid engagement with life.
13. Recognize Flow States
When engaged in an activity, actively recollect your goal of attaining a flow state and tune into when you’ve achieved that experience. This helps you recognize and value moments where you “disappear” and are happiest, reinforcing the practice.
14. Practice Analytical Meditation
Engage in analytical meditation by focusing on a phenomenon (physical object, mind, conscious state) and deeply questioning its nature, origin, components, and interdependence. This helps you see it as an impermanent part of a web of dependent origination, rather than a substantial independent entity.
15. Live with Practice Paradox
When practicing to lose the self, be aware of the paradox that self-monitoring (“I’ve got it!”) can reinstate the self-illusion. Learn to live with this paradox, focusing on the practice itself rather than self-consciously evaluating your progress.
16. Take Individual Responsibility
Take personal responsibility to choose to live a happier, more helpful life, recognizing that this is the only thing you can control and your obligation. This individual effort helps you experience difficult planetary conditions in a less gruesome fashion and contributes to the collective good.
7 Key Quotes
An illusion isn't something that's non-existent. It's something that exists as an illusion, but whose mode of existence is different from its mode of appearance.
Jay Garfield
What we really are are dependently arisen, constantly transforming sequences of psychophysical processes that are instantiated by physical and psychological things that are themselves constantly changing.
Jay Garfield
The illusion is that there's some unchanging, immutable nugget of Dan behind my eyes, peering fretfully out through the sockets at the world from which I am separate.
Dan Harris
Just because we're subject to illusions and that evolution has found it convenient to construct us in those ways doesn't mean that those illusions are good for us.
Jay Garfield
If our only source of happiness is our own preferences and what we want and what feels good to us, then out of the six billion people in the world, only one can make me really happy. But if our source of happiness is the welfare of all other persons, then the sources of my happiness are boundless.
Jay Garfield
Nobody could really be free from suffering. Nobody could be happy unless everyone else is. Because if somebody else is unhappy, then your only choice is either, hey, I don't care, or gee, that makes me unhappy too.
Jay Garfield
Pain is not suffering and pleasure isn't happiness. And it's really important to remember that.
Jay Garfield