How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver
This episode features Matthew Brensilver, MSW, PhD, discussing the true meaning of "being present." He explores how to navigate memories, the brain's predictive nature, and the concept of "becoming" in meditation practice to achieve deeper presence and psychological well-being.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Understanding the Cliche: Being in the Present Moment
Matthew Brensilver's Radical Definition of Presence
Relating to Challenging or Remote Meditation Teachings
The Role of Memory in Meditation Practice
Practical Approach to Healing the Past Through Presence
The Brain as a Prediction Machine and Constant Vigilance
Link Between Self-Evaluation, Anxiety, and the 'Am I Okay?' Loop
Considering a Futureless Moment and the Need for Safety
The Benefits and Indispensability of Meditation Retreats
Defining 'Becoming' in a Buddhist Context
Transcending the Pattern of 'Becoming' and Finding Liberation
Operationalizing Teachings for Daily Practice
Distinguishing True Alarms from False Alarms
Tying Together Presence, Warmth, and Wisdom
5 Key Concepts
Radical Presence
To be truly present means to surrender vigilance, orientation, and the tracking of phenomena as threat or opportunity. It involves becoming profoundly porous, defenseless, and willing to care more about awareness than one's life, even if just for a moment.
Mindfulness as Exposure Therapy
Mindfulness practice functions as an unsystematic exposure therapy, where whatever can disrupt one's peace will arise. By allowing these disruptions (like memories or anxieties) to be known and blessed with presence, one systematically desensitizes oneself to feared objects, transforming the gripping quality of the past.
Brain as Prediction Machine
Neuroscientists increasingly view the brain as a prediction machine, constantly modeling self, time, and trajectory to ensure future safety. This leads to an ambient vigilance and a compulsive questioning of 'Am I okay?' or 'Will I be okay?' in every moment.
Becoming (Buddhist Concept)
Becoming refers to the sense of continuity of self across time and the impelling force of the future, where happiness is always deferred. It's the feeling of never quite arriving, always moving towards a future state where the heart might finally rest, rather than allowing it to rest in the present.
Liberation as Cessation of Becoming
This concept, from a Buddha's disciple, describes liberation (Nibbana) as the end of the 'tumbling forward' and being stuck in time. It signifies a profound openness and respite from living perpetually squeezed between the past and the future, allowing for moments that feel futureless and undefended.
7 Questions Answered
It means not being identified with discursive thought or the narrative of the moment, but rather re-establishing metacognitive awareness of phenomena arising and passing, radically surrendering vigilance about the future, and being profoundly porous and undefended.
Instead of turning them into a lesson about personal insufficiency or using them as a metric for self-assessment, one should approach them with curiosity and wonder, allowing them to be a directional inspiration for deeper understanding over time.
Give radical permission for the memory, associated feelings, and bodily sensations to arise without contention, allowing the energy and intensity to unfurl and be discharged in the space of awareness, effectively 'blessing' the past with wisdom and love.
The brain is evolutionarily wired as a 'prediction machine' for survival and protection, constantly modeling the present moment to ensure future safety and to determine if the current trajectory portends 'okayness'.
Retreats provide seclusion and artificial conditions that help relinquish vigilance, allowing for a deeper appreciation of what mindfulness is and the radical potentials of awareness that may not fully dawn on people in daily practice.
By cultivating a deep trust in the practice and its inherent logic, recognizing the 'tumbling forward' as phenomena arising and passing, and bringing mindfulness, equanimity, and love to the energies of this continuous striving.
By recognizing that many alarm bells going off are false alarms (egoic threats, threats to control, or the sense that one shouldn't feel pain), rather than genuine existential threats or tissue damage, and learning to de-escalate the arousal around these false alarms.
22 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Open Heart and Wisdom
Develop an “open heart” by bringing an attitude of warmth and wisdom—seeing things as they are and recognizing their impermanence—toward whatever arises in your mind, as this is key to inhabiting the present moment more fully.
2. Radically Surrender Vigilance
To achieve a radical sense of presence, surrender vigilance about the future, stop tracking phenomena as threat or opportunity, and allow yourself to be profoundly porous and defenseless. This entails a willingness to care more about awareness than one’s life, even if just for a moment.
3. Practice Non-Identification with Thought
To be present, avoid identifying with discursive thought or the narrative of the moment; instead, re-establish mindfulness and metacognitive awareness of what’s arising and passing. This means not getting stuck in the “bubble of thought.”
4. Bless Memories with Presence
When memories, especially difficult or “electrified” ones, arise in meditation, bless them with presence, wisdom, and love by allowing them to be known and understood from a new perspective. This process helps digest and metabolize the past, making it less sticky and more whole.
5. Permit Memories to Unfurl
When memories arise, give radical permission for them, along with associated feelings and bodily sensations, to unfurl in the space of awareness without contention. Consciously absorb their intensity, “loving them to death” by accepting them rather than fighting them, which helps digest their stickiness.
6. Embrace Memory in Meditation
Do not try to sever yourself from memory or the past during meditation, as the path to deeper presence takes you through it. Understand that memories are not an interruption but an organic part of the healing process.
7. Reframe Past Pain with Wisdom
Understand that painful past episodes are often encoded in a primitive frame of reference; consciously import your current wisdom into those past moments to understand the “innocence of your pain” and help digest it. This happens organically by being willing to learn and be softened by everything.
8. Release Future-Oriented Vigilance
Recognize that much of our focus on the past is an attempt to leverage it for future safety; practice letting go of this future orientation to release the “squeezed” feeling of the present and enter its “bottomlessness.”
9. Contemplate a Futureless Moment
Engage in contemplations about death to consider what a futureless moment would feel like and how deeply your heart might surrender if the present moment were truly without a future. This fosters a very surrendered, porous, and undefended state.
10. Observe Compulsive Self-Assessment
Notice the compulsive self-assessment in meditation and life, which stems from an underlying need for safety and a constant questioning of “Am I okay?” or “Is this moment headed in the right direction?” Appreciate the innocence but also the confinement of this state.
11. Practice Infinite Self-Forgiveness
Greet your animal condition’s vulnerability with acceptance, love, and patience, rather than demonizing yourself for defensive or territorial movements of mind. Cultivate “infinite forgiveness for our own human fallibility,” loving these tendencies to death.
12. Avoid Self-Judgment from Teachings
When encountering teachings that feel remote or out of reach, avoid turning them into a lesson about your own insufficiency, as this creates “static in the system.” Instead, approach them with curiosity and wonder, following the thread of sincerity that comes alive in your heart.
13. Cultivate Patience in Practice
Be patient with your meditative progress, avoiding the compulsive habit of sampling data after every breath to assess how you’re doing against a single metric. Recognize that practice has many mechanisms of action and heals in various ways beyond one specific barometer.
14. Metabolize Predictive Agitation
Recognize the “tug of ensuring” the future as a form of agitation arising from the brain’s predictive modeling. Practice metabolizing and equanimizing this agitation by observing it as phenomena arising and passing.
15. Embrace Vulnerability, Surrender
Instead of shoring up defenses and trying to become invulnerable, move towards and embrace your vulnerability. Surrender more deeply to this feeling, trusting in the path of practice.
16. Distinguish True from False Alarms
Learn to distinguish between true alarms (genuine threats) and false alarms (egoic threats, not existential). Practice de-escalating the arousal around false alarms, recognizing that not every perceived threat represents actual bodily harm or disaster.
17. View Mindfulness as Exposure
Understand mindfulness practice as a form of “unsystematic exposure therapy,” where whatever can disrupt your peace will arise. This is a core element of practice, allowing you to habituate to everything that might disrupt your peace.
18. Recognize “Becoming” as Suffering
Understand “becoming” as the continuous sense of self across time and the impelling force of a deferred future, where happiness is always “out there.” Recognizing this pattern helps to see the suffering inherent in constantly striving and never fully arriving.
19. Trust the Practice Process
Have faith in the practice itself, understanding that its mechanisms are already encoded in the instructions and that transformation happens wordlessly. Avoid letting the “tides of becoming” hijack your practice by constantly seeking something extra to do.
20. Practice in Safe Environments
Practice in environments conducive to safety, such as seclusion or retreats where ethical precepts are observed, to allow for the relinquishment of vigilance. This provides a modicum of safety necessary to surrender more deeply into the present moment.
21. Consider Meditation Retreats
While not strictly necessary, consider going on meditation retreats, as seclusion often helps people appreciate the multidimensional depth and radical potentials of awareness that may not fully dawn in daily practice.
22. Name Mental Phenomena to Tame
Consider giving a name, even a playful one, to mental phenomena like fear or self-protective characters in your mind, as this can help to “tame” them by making them less amorphous and overwhelming. Be sensitive to when labels outlive their usefulness.
6 Key Quotes
To be present is to be willing to die.
Matthew Brensilver
We love it to death.
Matthew Brensilver
The present moment just feels like the canary in the coal mine of the future.
Matthew Brensilver
Liberation is the cessation of becoming.
Matthew Brensilver
Pain is the prediction of bodily harm.
Matthew Brensilver
For a long time, I was trying to do the practice and make it work. And then at some point, I just was doing the practice.
Sharon Salzberg (quoted by Matthew Brensilver)
1 Protocols
Processing Memories in Meditation
Matthew Brensilver- Be willing to experience the past in the present moment, giving radical permission for memory, images, and associated feelings/affect in the body to arise without contention.
- Allow the energy, intensity, and stickiness of memory to unfurl and be discharged in the space of awareness, without explicitly trying to reconceptualize it.
- If stuck in reliving the memory, re-establish mindfulness by becoming conscious of body sensations, memories, and affective flavors.
- Willingly absorb the intensity, 'loving it to death' by not fighting it and seeing it as sensations, then return to the anchor of attention (e.g., breath).