How To Be Okay No Matter What | Kamala Masters
Kamala Masters, a guiding teacher at Insight Meditation Society, discusses equanimity: what it is, how to develop it, and common misconceptions. She shares her story of learning to practice meditation during everyday life while raising three children, emphasizing practical application.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Equanimity and Kamala Masters' Background
Defining Equanimity: Spacious Mind and Non-Reactivity
Accessibility of Equanimity for Everyday Life
Equanimity: Forceful Response vs. Passive Doormat
Strategies for Forceful, Non-Harmful Communication
The Power and Nuance of Intention
Intention vs. Impact: A Nuanced Buddhist Perspective
Understanding Karma and the Karmic Stream
Integrating Metta (Loving-Kindness) with Equanimity
Daily Practices for Cultivating Equanimity
Formal Equanimity Meditation Instructions
Understanding the Near and Far Enemies of Equanimity
Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Life with Children
7 Key Concepts
Equanimity
Equanimity is described as a spacious mind that can include everything without being reactive to anything, maintaining a balance free from attachment or aversion to inner or outer experiences. It allows for wise and compassionate responses rather than blind reactions.
Sila
Sila refers to morality or the practice of non-harming. It involves refraining from actions that are harmful to others and one's own karmic stream, while nurturing qualities that promote harmony and goodwill in the world.
Karma (Buddhist context)
Karma is defined as intention, encompassing the cause and effect relationship of our actions, words, and even thoughts. It results in an inward effect, known as resultant karma or karma vipaka, which shapes our internal experience and contributes to our 'karmic stream'.
Karma Vipaka (Resultant Karma)
Karma Vipaka is the inward effect or consequence of our intentions, words, and actions. It manifests as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feelings within our own hearts and minds, forming a crucial part of our karmic stream.
Karmic Stream
The karmic stream represents the accumulation of the internal results (karma vipaka) of our actions, words, and thoughts. These results are carried within our own hearts and minds, influencing our ongoing experience and personal evolution.
Brahma Viharas (Divine Abodes)
These are four sublime states of mind in Buddhist practice: metta (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (sympathetic joy), and upekka (equanimity). They are practices aimed at cultivating beneficial and wholesome qualities of mind.
Near and Far Enemies of Equanimity
The 'far enemies' of equanimity are easily identifiable states like attachment and aversion. The 'near enemy' is passivity, numbness, or disconnection, which can be mistaken for equanimity but is rooted in delusion and prevents true wisdom and active, responsive engagement.
5 Questions Answered
Equanimity is a spacious mind that can include everything without being reactive to anything, maintaining a balance free from attachment or aversion to inner or outer experiences.
Yes, it is possible, especially for those with a strong sense of sila (morality or non-harming) and mindfulness, which allows for discerning, wise, and compassionate responses instead of blind reactions.
While intention is considered karma and is powerful, the impact of our actions on others is also a crucial part of karma. It's important to acknowledge and pay attention to the impact, even if unintended, and not use good intentions as an excuse for harm caused.
A karmic stream refers to the inward accumulation of the results of our intentions, words, and actions, which manifests as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral feelings within our own hearts and minds, shaping our internal experience.
The 'far enemies' of equanimity are attachment and aversion, which are easy to spot. The 'near enemy' is passivity, numbness, or disconnection, which can masquerade as equanimity but is rooted in delusion and prevents active, wise, and responsive engagement.
12 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Mindfulness & Sila
Practice mindfulness through meditation to know your mind and refrain from acting out unwholesome states, and cultivate ‘sila’ by refraining from harmful actions while nurturing qualities that cause harmony and goodwill.
2. Set Powerful Daily Intentions
Start your day by internally stating intentions, such as ‘May I be helpful today?’ or ‘May I try to be as kind and calm as possible,’ as these intentions are powerful and become more accessible in your mind stream.
3. Integrate Mindfulness into Chores
Practice mindfulness during daily activities like washing dishes (noticing sensations like warmth, thoughts like worrying) and walking (noticing steps in a hallway) to build continuity of awareness, especially when sustained sitting meditation is not possible.
4. Practice Formal Equanimity Meditation
Begin with Metta (loving-kindness) practice for yourself and others, then move to equanimity by focusing on a neutral person and using wisdom-oriented phrases like ‘Pleasure and pain arise and pass away; this is how it is’ or ‘All beings have their own journey’ to cultivate acceptance and non-reactivity.
5. Cultivate Metta for Difficult People
When practicing Metta (loving-kindness) for a difficult person, start by sending Metta to yourself and then to an easy person before moving to the difficult person, or visualize them surrounded by people you care for or by your own benefactors.
6. Prepare Mind for Tough Talks
Before entering difficult conversations or meetings, prepare your own mind by internally stating intentions like, ‘May I use words that are clear, beneficial, and useful?’ to guide your speech and actions.
7. Use In-Moment Stability Reminders
During reactive moments in conversations or meetings, give yourself short, internal reminders such as ‘Stay stable, stay spacious, stay clear’ to maintain balance and prevent blind reactions.
8. Acknowledge Impact, Not Just Intention
When your words or actions have caused unintended harm, sincerely apologize for the impact on the other person, even if your intention was different, recognizing that both intention and impact are important aspects of karma.
9. Employ ‘Dharma Duct Tape’
In fast-paced, potentially reactive situations, consider using ‘Dharma duct tape’ (i.e., refraining from speaking) if you don’t have time to think about the potential impact of your words.
10. Act Forcefully Against Harm
When witnessing harm, take decisive action by speaking up loudly and calling for help, even if it means retreating to safety afterward, demonstrating that equanimity is not passivity but can be a wise, forceful response.
11. Join Free Meditation Challenge
Participate in the free 7-day ‘Do Life Better’ meditation challenge at danharris.com starting January 6th, receiving daily guided meditations and access to live check-ins to use meditation as a foundational habit for behavior change.
12. Try 10% Happier Meditation App
Explore the ‘10% with Dan Harris’ meditation app with a 14-day free trial to access a library of guided meditations for various issues, weekly live Zoom community sessions, and ad-free podcast episodes.
6 Key Quotes
I'm a proponent of speaking loud, speaking up, standing up for one's rights, really saying what needs to be said. But maybe, you know, if we have time, we could think about it ahead of time and saying the right words at the right time.
Kamala Masters
my path is not yet finished.
Kamala Masters
Intention is powerful. Intention is powerful.
Burmese Nun (quoted by Kamala Masters)
I raised three children on my own when I was in my twenties. It was a hell realm. It's what sent me to the Dharma.
Kamala Masters
the potential for change happens in here, in our own hearts.
Kamala Masters
I was so desperate. I wouldn't do anything. When I went to my first long retreat, it was a very, I could see, yeah, I can practice, you know, I can really practice sitting down and being quiet. And yeah, it was really helpful to do that practice at home, everyday practice.
Kamala Masters
3 Protocols
Preparing for Difficult Conversations
Kamala Masters- Before a meeting or talk, state intentions to oneself, such as 'May I use words that are clear, beneficial, and useful?'
- During the meeting, if feeling reactive, give oneself short reminders like 'Stay stable. Stay spacious. Stay clear.'
- If triggered and feeling hot-headed, acknowledge it by saying something like, 'I may not be right, but this is my perception right now... I feel a bit hot-headed, so I apologize in advance if it comes out too strong.'
- If mistakes are made, forgive oneself, remembering that one is human and not perfect.
Formal Equanimity Meditation
Kamala Masters- (Optional, but recommended) Begin with Metta (loving-kindness) practice to cultivate a heart of goodwill towards oneself, benefactors, dear friends, neutral persons, difficult persons, and all beings.
- Shift focus to equanimity practice, starting with a neutral person.
- Use specific, wisdom-oriented phrases that are statements of understanding rather than offerings. Examples include: 'Pleasure and pain arise and pass away. This is how it is.' 'Gain and sorrow arise and pass away. This is how it is in life.' 'Birth and death are part of life.'
- When focusing on a close person or difficult situation, use phrases like: 'This is how it is in your life right now. This is how your life is unfolding. May I open to how it is in your life right now.'
- Conclude with a phrase related to karma, such as: 'All beings are owners of their karma. Their happiness or unhappiness depends upon their actions and not upon my wishes.' (A shortened version for children could be: 'All beings have their own journey.')
Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Chores
Anagarika Munindra (taught by Kamala Masters)- When washing dishes, pay attention to the sensory experience, such as 'feeling the warm water.'
- Notice thoughts that arise (e.g., 'worrying, worrying') and gently return attention to the present moment activity.
- When walking (e.g., from dining room to bedroom), practice walking meditation by being mindful of each step.