How to Become a Regular Meditator (and More) | Alexis Santos

1. View Habits as Impersonal

See habits like greed, aversion, judging, or shame as impersonal patterns or ‘grooves worn into the mind,’ rather than personal failures. This perspective fosters curiosity and reduces self-judgment, allowing for insight into their nature.

2. Cultivate Receptive Awareness

Approach meditation with a receptive, gentle awareness, like a mirror, rather than a striving or aggressive ‘picking apart.’ This allows you to know things as they are without wanting them to be different, leading to deep ease and freedom.

3. Embrace ‘So What?’ Attitude

Adopt an attitude of ‘so what?’ towards falling asleep during meditation or not sleeping at night. This depersonalizes the experience, allowing you to be with changing experiences rather than resisting them.

4. Get Curious About Mental Patterns

In scenarios of unwanted experiences (e.g., sleepiness during meditation, sleeplessness at night), get curious about what’s happening in your mind regarding the presence of something you don’t want or the absence of something you do want. This helps to disintegrate the story and reduce suffering.

5. Relate to Habits as ‘Nature’

Frame your habits and mental tendencies as ’nature’ or natural processes, similar to anything in the natural world. This depersonalizes them, fostering a more compassionate, skillful, and wise way of engaging with them.

6. Practice Self-Compassion for Habits

When dealing with unwanted habits, cultivate self-compassion, which means relating to whatever is happening with acceptance and understanding that it’s okay. This counters the normal response of self-judgment and wanting to escape.

7. Remember to Wake Up

Cultivate the habit of ‘remembering to wake up’ to the present moment, whether on the meditation cushion or in daily life. This involves noticing when you’ve been distracted and gently returning your attention, which improves over time.

8. Trust Awareness’s Function

Instead of trying to ‘be aware’ through forceful striving, trust that awareness itself can function. Set the intention to be aware, then let go and see what happens, allowing awareness to do its job of knowing your feelings, moods, and body in the present moment.

9. Bring Awareness to Deep Ruts

When experiencing deep-seated habits or ‘ruts’ that lead to suffering, bring awareness and curiosity to them. Each moment of awareness alongside the rut builds a new pattern, which, with patience, will eventually lead to choosing differently.

10. Normalize Mind’s Nature

When starting meditation, normalize that the mind will think, drift, and feel agitated. Understand that this is the nature of the mind and part of the practice, which takes off pressure and allows you to appreciate when awareness returns.

11. Start Small with Meditation

To begin a meditation habit, set very low expectations, even as little as 30 seconds or one breath. This creates ‘small wins’ and prevents the practice from feeling like a chore, building momentum day after day.

12. Practice Free-Range Mindfulness

Integrate meditation into daily life by taking advantage of small moments (e.g., riding an elevator, standing in line, using the bathroom) where the mind isn’t in ‘doing mode.’ This builds the habit of awareness, making your day smoother and less exhausting.

13. Expand Awareness Naturally

Once comfortable with a primary meditation object (like breath or body), allow awareness to open and know whatever parts of your experience present themselves, such as feelings of depression or agitation. This expands awareness and helps you notice more without it being a distraction.

14. Know Your Mind’s State

Practice noticing your general state of mind (e.g., agitated, overwhelmed, at ease, unclear) throughout the day. This simple knowing doesn’t require hard work and can help you recognize mental tightness, allowing for softening and awareness to meet the moment.

15. Formal Practice for Stability

Engage in formal meditation practice (sitting still, eyes closed) to strengthen and stabilize awareness, as it reduces triggers on the conceptual mind. This training helps awareness become stronger for daily life interactions.

16. Rest When Tired Meditating

If deeply tired during meditation, allow yourself to lie down and even fall asleep. This provides rest, and the mind’s natural wakefulness will eventually show up, fostering ease and curiosity rather than burden.

17. Observe Coughing Mindfully

If a coughing fit arises during meditation, don’t view it as a distraction or try to suppress it. Instead, observe it as an expression of nature, an opportunity to explore what the body feels like, what happens in the mind, and how you relate to discomfort.

18. Reframe Sleep Resistance

When struggling to fall asleep, reframe the experience by exploring underlying ideas that cause resistance. Instead of reacting with aversion, try to simply be with the experience of lying in bed, even if not sleeping, to cultivate peace.

19. Curiosity for Meditation Sleepiness

If you fall asleep during formal meditation, don’t struggle with it. Instead, get curious about the ideas making you resist the experience and simply feel the sleep, recognizing that the mind and body might be tired.

20. Cultivate Curiosity for Unwanted Habits

When caught in an unwanted habit (e.g., mindless eating), cultivate curiosity about its nature and how it unfolds, rather than succumbing to shame. This allows for learning and insight, weakening the habit’s power.

21. Seek Personal Teacher Guidance

If practicing meditation through pre-recorded materials, seek out a teacher with personal practice who can share wisdom and answer questions. This can help deepen understanding and address specific challenges that arise.

22. Explore Dharma of Sex

To learn more about how Buddhists approach sex and mindfulness in intimate experiences, explore Martin Aylward’s talk titled ‘The Dharma of Sex.’ Practicing awareness can enhance presence and enjoyment during sex.