How To Handle Constant Exhaustion (Without Blaming Yourself) | Jay Michaelson
Jay Michaelson, a meditation teacher, author, and lawyer, discusses how to handle constant exhaustion and feeling fried. He emphasizes self-compassion, investigating fatigue before fixing it, and practical antidotes like screen hygiene, micro-naps, and even brain machines, while acknowledging societal factors.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
Introduction to Constant Exhaustion and Fatigue
Starting with Self-Compassion for Tiredness
The HALT Acronym for Self-Regulation
Oscillation: Being with Difficulty vs. Seeking Antidotes
Investigating Exhaustion Through Mindfulness
The Fierceness and Bravery of Self-Compassion
Acknowledging Social Conditions Causing Exhaustion
Mindfulness-Enhanced Screen Hygiene
The Benefits of Micro-Naps and Dispelling Nap Shame
Utilizing Brain Machines for Sleep and Relaxation
Adapting to Modern Lifestyles with Technology
The Hijacking of Stone Age Brains by Tech
5 Key Concepts
Self-Compassion
The practice of relating to oneself with kindness and understanding, especially when experiencing suffering like exhaustion, rather than self-blame. It can involve a 'fierceness' to stand up against internalized negative stories or cultural pressures.
Oscillation (Mindfulness Practice)
A key dynamic in mindfulness where one alternates between being present with a difficult experience (e.g., pain, exhaustion) and actively seeking an antidote or solution. There's no fixed rule for which to do, requiring discernment over time.
HALT Acronym
An acronym standing for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, used as a self-regulation tool. When experiencing any of these states, it suggests 'halting' or pausing before taking action, as one is not at their cognitive best.
Micro-Micro Naps
Very short, often unintentional moments of sleep, sometimes just a fleeting moment of dream consciousness, that can occur while meditating or sitting. Even these brief periods can provide refreshment and help alleviate fatigue.
Brain Entrainment
A process where brainwave activity synchronizes with external rhythmic stimuli, such as flashing lights from a 'brain machine.' This synchronization can be used to guide the brain into desired states like relaxation, sleep, or increased energy.
6 Questions Answered
Start with self-compassion, recognizing that being tired is a form of suffering without blaming yourself, especially in a culture obsessed with sleep optimization.
HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. It's a self-regulation tool to check your state and consider halting before taking action (e.g., writing an email) when you're not at your best.
It's beneficial to practice an 'oscillation' between being present with the difficult feeling of exhaustion, investigating its sensations, and then seeking an antidote, rather than immediately reaching for a fix.
Mindfulness can create a moment of spaciousness to recognize the desire to check social media or scroll, allowing you to see how these desires are instrumentalized by corporations, and potentially choose a different action.
Nap shame is 'pure garbage' and culturally constructed; many cultures structure their days around siestas, so it's perfectly fine to take naps if your life allows for it.
Yes, tools like 'brain machines' that use flashing lights for brain entrainment can help induce states of energy, sleep, or relaxation, and soundscape apps can also be helpful for calming or focusing.
11 Actionable Insights
1. Practice Self-Compassion for Tiredness
When feeling exhausted, practice self-compassion by acknowledging the suffering without self-blame or self-pity, treating yourself with the same kindness you would a loved one. This provides comfort and helps relate wisely to the difficult sensation.
2. Oscillate Between Being and Antidote
When facing difficult feelings like exhaustion, learn to oscillate between being present with the sensation and then seeking an antidote. This allows you to relate to the experience mindfully and wisely before immediately trying to fix it.
3. Mindfully Investigate Difficult Feelings
Before trying to fix difficult feelings, take a moment to mindfully investigate what’s happening in your body and mind, such as muscle tension or eye fatigue. This diagnostic approach can reveal underlying issues like dehydration or simple tiredness, preventing unhelpful emotional narratives.
4. Use HALT for Self-Regulation
Check in with yourself using the HALT acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) and if you’re experiencing any of these, consider halting your actions, like not sending an email. This helps with self-regulation because you’re not at your best when experiencing these states.
5. Acknowledge Societal Exhaustion Factors
Recognize that some exhaustion stems from social conditions and societal structures beyond individual control, such as capitalism or unlivable wages. This awareness can help address self-blame by understanding that some suffering is larger than personal agency.
6. Mindful Screen Hygiene
Practice screen hygiene, like not having your phone in the bedroom, by applying mindfulness to the desire to check social media. Recognize that this desire is being instrumentalized by tech companies for dopamine hits, and use that awareness to create spaciousness and strength to resist.
7. Release Nap Shame
Discard any feelings of shame associated with taking naps, as it is a culturally constructed negative thought. Many cultures structure their days around siestas, indicating that naps are a natural and beneficial practice.
8. Utilize Micro-Micro Naps
When feeling tired at your desk, try taking micro-micro naps by pretending to meditate and allowing yourself to briefly fall asleep, even for a moment or a minute. Even a moment of sleep consciousness can be really helpful and refreshing.
9. Employ Brain Machines for Regulation
Use brain machines, such as the Mind Space ‘kasina’ which flashes lights through goggles, to help energize, relax, meditate, or fall asleep. This can be particularly useful when ’tired and wired’ to achieve a refreshed state or induce sleep.
10. Leverage Technology for Nervous System
Don’t feel self-shame about using technology, like soundscape apps or brain machines, as exogenous inputs to regulate your nervous system for sleep, calming, or focus. Our modern lifestyle has evolved much faster than our nervous system, making technological aids a valid tool.
11. Prioritize Sleep and Nutrition
Ensure you are getting adequate sleep and consuming square meals, as these are fundamental and obvious practices for combating exhaustion.
7 Key Quotes
If anyone is still carrying around nap shame, you could kiss that baby goodbye. We don't need that garbage. That's pure garbage.
Jay Michaelson
It's not what's going on, it's how you relate to it.
Sharon Salzberg (quoted by Jay Michaelson)
Imagine if you talked to other people the way you talk to yourself, they would leave.
Jay Michaelson
Our lifestyle has evolved much more quickly than our nervous system. We're using these brains that were meant for a different time and place.
DJ Cashmere
The same instincts that were really useful... have been... hijacked... by tech companies.
Jay Michaelson
This isn't what I wanted, but it's what I've got.
Sylvia Borstein (quoted by Jay Michaelson)
You're a different person at mile 20 than you are at mile two.
Jay Michaelson
4 Protocols
Dealing with Exhaustion (Oscillation Practice)
Jay Michaelson- Start with self-compassion, recognizing the suffering without self-blame.
- Practice being present with the difficult feeling of exhaustion, investigating its sensations (where in the body, what emotions, mind state).
- When skillful, switch to seeking an antidote or solution.
Mindfulness-Enhanced Screen Hygiene
Jay Michaelson- In the moment of desire to check social media or scroll, pause.
- Recognize what is happening: the desire for a dopamine hit, and how it's being instrumentalized by corporations.
- Use this spaciousness to make a conscious choice about engaging with the screen.
Using Micro-Micro Naps for Refreshment
Jay Michaelson- When feeling tired at your desk, start meditating.
- Allow yourself to fall asleep briefly, even for a moment of dream consciousness.
- Wake up refreshed, even from a very short nap.
Using a Brain Machine for Relief
Jay Michaelson- When feeling tired and stressed ('tired and wired') and unable to nap, lie down and wear the goggles.
- Select a pre-programmed pattern (e.g., for sleep, relaxation, or energy).
- Allow the brain to entrain to the rhythm of the flashing lights.
- Experience a hypnagogic state or fall asleep, waking up refreshed.