How To Handle Literally Anything | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren
This Meditation Party episode features meditation teachers Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren, discussing how to be at ease with life's challenges by "trusting life" and viewing experiences as a "curriculum." They also address listener questions on work-life balance, obsessive thinking, and meditation vs. napping.
Deep Dive Analysis
8 Topic Outline
Exploring the 'Trust Life' Mantra and its Meaning
Different Perspectives on Life's 'Curriculum' and Coherence
Applying 'Trust Life' to Personal Challenges and Growth
Three Dimensions of Meditation Practice: Moment, Months/Years, Whole Life
Listener Voicemail: Navigating Work-Life Balance
Strategies for Overcoming Obsessive Thinking
Listener Voicemail: Meditation vs. Napping
Cultural Recommendations: Books, Workshops, Documentaries, Films
5 Key Concepts
Trust Life
A guiding philosophy, appropriated from Los Armiento, that encourages allowing what's happening with flexibility, meeting challenges without denying them, and moving towards freedom, joy, and love, even amidst difficulties. It's about seeing balancing forces and not feeling life is against you.
This is the Curriculum
An attitude towards life's challenges, viewing them as lessons that are present and undeniable, which can lead to increased capacity to respond intelligently and a sense of coherence or meaning in one's life experiences. It suggests that challenges are ideally suited to train one for future encounters.
The Happiness Trap (ACT)
A concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which suggests that believing one *should* always be happy is a trap, leading to unhappiness when difficult times arise. The approach advocates for accepting unhappiness when it occurs and committing to moving towards one's values regardless of emotional state.
Stirring and Stilling
A Buddhist practice, originating from Khmer traditions, where intense emotions or ruminations are first 'stirred' through physical activity (like dancing or jumping) or vocalization (singing), and then 'stilled' into a more spacious and mindful practice like meditation.
The Will to Believe
A philosophical concept by William James, suggesting that individuals have the freedom to choose what they believe, and these beliefs profoundly affect their happiness and capacity to engage with the world, regardless of objective truth.
5 Questions Answered
'Trust Life' is a philosophy of allowing what's happening with flexibility, meeting challenges without denying them, and moving towards freedom, joy, and love. It can be applied by acknowledging the multitude of realities (both challenges and positive aspects) and choosing not to drain attention away from joy by worry and obsessive thinking, instead focusing on self-care and surrendering the need for control.
One approach is to accept that there will be hard times and unhappiness, rather than falling into 'the happiness trap.' In challenging moments, identify how to move towards one's values, even if it's just by reframing the experience as building resources or capacity. Setting intentions, such as dedicating actions 'for the benefit of all beings,' can also help shift perspective from self-centeredness to a broader view. Additionally, finding moments to introduce 'softness' or fluidity through embodied practices can transform challenging transitions.
Strategies include 'stirring and stilling' (engaging in physical activity or vocalization to release energy before sitting in mindfulness), using a ritual like consulting the I Ching to provide a sense of finality and stop rumination, singing repetitive thoughts out loud to not take them so seriously, using a mental mantra like 'up and out' to let thoughts go, and asking oneself 'is this useful?' to assess the value of continued rumination.
It's generally okay to nap if one is genuinely tired, as sleep can be a form of deep rest, and some teachers even suggest 'sleep is the best meditation.' If tiredness is a recurring issue during meditation, one might be underslept and need to prioritize rest. If it's an avoidance habit, practicing when alert is beneficial. Combining the two by starting with a body scan before napping can also be a mindful approach.
Meditation practice can have effects in three time scales: in the moment (shifting immediate feelings), over months and years (training the nervous system for permanent openness and responsiveness, habit change), and over one's whole life (a spiritual dimension where one feels more integrated with the arc of their life, community, and existence).
21 Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Life’s Curriculum
Accept that life’s challenges are the curriculum you’re meant to learn from, which can increase your capacity to respond more intelligently and see them as opportunities for growth.
2. Practice “Trust Life” Mantra
Actively engage with challenges by allowing them, having flexibility, and moving with them, rather than denying or painting over them, while also moving towards existing joy and love.
3. Consciously Choose Your Beliefs
Recognize that you have the freedom to choose your beliefs, and actively select those that foster a more pleasurable life, increased capacity to help others, and greater happiness, rather than rigidly adhering to a purely objective worldview.
4. Align Actions with Values
Even in moments of extreme challenge and unhappiness, consciously seek opportunities to act in ways that move you towards your core values, transforming the experience into a path of growth.
5. Set Altruistic Daily Intentions
Regularly set an intention, ideally before various daily activities (meditation, exercise, sleep, waking), to dedicate the benefit of your actions to all beings, which can help shift focus from self-centeredness.
6. Manage Crisis Fear & Control
When facing a crisis (like a health diagnosis), avoid immediately defaulting to fear and excessive control; instead, acknowledge the difficult realities without letting them consume all other positive aspects of your life.
7. Delegate & Prioritize Self-Care
Trust experts (e.g., oncologists) for their domain, and focus your personal energy on fundamental self-care: sufficient sleep, good nutrition, physical activity, and nurturing social connections for support and joy.
8. Holistic Self-Management Approach
Combine the mantra “it’s okay” (to feel difficult emotions), practice gratitude for positive aspects, and develop a deep understanding of your own mind-body patterns to respond effectively to challenges.
9. Physically Release Ruminative Energy
When experiencing strong rumination or emotion, engage in physical activity like dancing, jumping, or vocalizing (singing) before sitting for meditation, to honor and release that energy, allowing for a more spacious and easeful practice.
10. Interrupt Rumination with Ritual
To stop obsessive thinking, employ a ritual (like consulting the I Ching or Tarot) or make a definitive decision, even if arbitrary, to break the cycle of rumination and allow yourself to move forward.
11. Transform Suffering into Meaning
Take personal life challenges and suffering, and transform them into something that can benefit others, thereby creating deeper meaning in your own life.
12. Reframe Challenges as Tests
When facing difficulties, view them as tests or challenges worthy of taking on and passing, rather than fighting against them unnecessarily.
13. Engage in Consistent Practice
Understand that consistent practice (e.g., meditation) yields benefits across three time scales: immediate shifts in mood, long-term nervous system training for increased openness, and a holistic sense of meaning in your life’s arc.
14. Diverse Tactics for Obsessive Thoughts
To manage repetitive or obsessive thoughts, try singing them aloud to reduce seriousness, using a mental mantra like “up and out” to release them, or asking yourself “is this useful?” to assess their value.
15. Cultivate Ease, Not Easy
Aim for an “easeful” relationship with discomfort and suffering through practice, understanding that the goal is not the absence of pain but a more adaptable response to it.
16. Release Regret for Past
Acknowledge that past events happened as they did, and recognize that they contributed to your current understanding and growth, making regret unhelpful.
17. Cultivate Softness in Transitions
During difficult transitions or when moving between intense tasks, consciously aim for “softness” or “smoothness” by bringing a playful intention to enjoy the moment and make your body feel more fluid, open, or supple.
18. Prioritize Naps When Tired
If you’re genuinely tired and inclined to nap, allow yourself to do so, potentially integrating a body scan or mindfulness into the beginning of the nap, but also ensure you find time for alert meditation practice to cultivate mindfulness for daily life.
19. Adjust Meditation Posture
If you tend to fall asleep during meditation, try walking meditation or lying down to meditate, as these postures can sometimes help maintain alertness more effectively than sitting.
20. Embrace Enchantment & Mystery
Explore “other ways of knowing” (like astrology, as mentioned earlier) that imbue the universe with enchantment and mystery, as this can make life more enjoyable and full of wonder.
21. Try Clowning for Spontaneity
To cultivate spontaneity, silliness, and overcome embarrassment, consider taking a clowning workshop, and practice focusing on positive feedback (“go where the love is”) rather than negative judgment.
7 Key Quotes
Trust life allows me to be with, and this is the practice, right? Be with what's happening with some measure of allowing having the flexibility to move with the challenges.
Sebene Selassie
The basic attitude for me is this is the curriculum. This is the, this is the thing I say to myself. I don't say trust life. I say, this is the curriculum because this is the curriculum life is giving me moment by moment.
Jeff Warren
The longer I live, the more there's a sense of coherence to that. The more certain things that have happened in the past, challenges that I've had to work with, they make sense now from this place of more maturity and more integration.
Jeff Warren
The thing I hear again and again, I see again and again, is someone meets a life challenge, and they've decided to turn it into someone else's healing.
Jeff Warren
I can't even comprehend the idea of regret anymore, because it happened.
Sebene Selassie
The view is so much better when you pull your head out of your ass. And that is the head out of ass removal mechanism for me on the regular.
Dan Harris
Go where the love is. Why are you going where it's not?
Sebene Selassie
3 Protocols
Stirring and Stilling Practice for Strong Emotions/Rumination
Sebene Selassie- Engage in physical activity like dancing or jumping on a trampoline to honor and allow the strong energy or rumination to come forth.
- Optionally, incorporate vocalization like singing along to music.
- After stirring the energy, sit down to meditate or be with the feelings in a more spacious way.
Ritual to Stop Rumination
Jeff Warren- When experiencing strong rumination, engage in a ritualistic action (e.g., consulting the I Ching, tarot, or shouting something out).
- Use this action to create a sense of finality, signaling that the rumination is complete.
- Recognize that the goal is not necessarily to find the 'right' answer, but to stop the unproductive mental cycling and move on with life.
Intention Setting for Daily Activities
Dan Harris- Before engaging in any activity (meditation, exercise, going to bed, waking up, even small tasks like brushing teeth), set an intention.
- A suggested intention is 'I dedicate the benefit of whatever I'm doing now to all beings.'
- This practice helps to broaden one's perspective, counter self-centeredness, and foster a genuine desire to be of benefit.