How To Handle Your Demons | Richard Schwartz
Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), explains how the mind is made of "parts" and a core "Self." He details how to make peace with these inner characters, even without a therapist, and discusses IFS's connections to Buddhism and psychedelics.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model
The Concept of 'Parts' in the Mind: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters
The 'Self' (Capital S) in IFS and its Qualities
Reconciling IFS 'Self' with Buddhist 'Not-Self' and Buddha Nature
The 'Love' Thesis: Inner Work and Social Fitness
IFS Perspective on Compassion: Constraint-Releasing vs. Building Up
The Role of Meditation and Spiritual Bypass in IFS
Introduction to the IFS Workbook for Self-Practice
Live Demo: Working with a 'Protector' Part (Arthur)
Transforming Fear-Based Motivation to Love-Based Motivation
Operationalizing IFS as a Daily Life Practice
Distinction Between Protector and Exile Parts in IFS
The Link Between IFS and Psychedelics for Accelerated Healing
Risks and Preparation for Psychedelic-Assisted IFS Work
7 Key Concepts
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS is a psychotherapy model that views the mind as naturally multiple, composed of various 'parts' that are inner personalities. It emphasizes understanding and relating to these parts from a core 'Self' to promote healing, rather than fighting or suppressing them.
Parts
These are inner beings or personalities within the mind, each with talents and resources. Trauma and attachment injuries can force them into destructive roles, freezing them in time and causing them to carry 'burdens' of extreme beliefs and emotions.
Exiles
These are young, vulnerable parts of us that are sensitive and get hurt the most by trauma. They carry burdens of terror, worthlessness, shame, or emotional pain, and are often locked away or abandoned because their raw emotions can overwhelm us.
Protectors (Managers & Firefighters)
These parts emerge to protect the system from the pain of exiles. Managers try to preemptively control life and relationships to avoid triggers, while Firefighters react after an exile is triggered by dousing emotions with substances, distractions, or other extreme behaviors, often without regard for consequences.
Self (Capital S)
The Self is an undamaged, healing essence present in everyone, distinct from the parts. It possesses qualities like calm, confidence, compassion, curiosity, clarity, courage, creativity, and connectedness, and emerges spontaneously when parts open space.
Legacy Burdens
These are anxieties or patterns that may not originate from one's own life experiences but are absorbed through generations. They are extreme beliefs and emotions passed down through family systems that parts can carry.
Spiritual Bypass
This refers to using spiritual practices to avoid directly addressing and healing raw, painful emotional experiences or traumatized parts. IFS advocates for engaging with these 'raw places' rather than bypassing them.
6 Questions Answered
Dick Schwartz suggests that the Buddhist 'no self' refers to the absence of extreme voices and parts cluttering the mind, which, once space is opened, reveals the calm essence that IFS calls the 'Self' (capital S). He views the 'Self' as an inherent, undamaged essence, akin to 'Buddha nature' or 'Christ consciousness' in other traditions.
IFS takes a 'constraint-releasing' approach, believing that compassion and love are innate and the goal is to remove obstacles (burdens carried by parts) that keep the heart closed. This contrasts with approaches that focus on building up compassion through practice, which can be difficult for individuals with significant trauma.
Yes, a certain amount of IFS can be done safely on one's own, particularly getting to know, honor, and help protector parts trust Self-leadership. However, when encountering an 'exile' (a deeply hurt, vulnerable part), it is recommended to seek a therapist for the full healing steps to avoid getting into trouble.
Protector parts (managers and firefighters) are parts that try to keep you safe and manage your life, often by suppressing or reacting to pain. Exile parts are young, vulnerable parts that carry the actual pain and terror from past traumas, which the protectors are trying to prevent from overwhelming the system.
Psychedelics, like ketamine, can help by temporarily 'putting managers to sleep,' which allows for greater access to the Self and provides an invitation for exiles to emerge. This can significantly accelerate the healing work with exiles, potentially achieving in minutes what might otherwise take multiple therapy sessions.
There are definite risks, so IFS practitioners are very careful. Before administering medicine, multiple sessions are dedicated to asking for permission from the client's protector parts and addressing their fears. This pre-work helps prevent backlash reactions that can occur if protectors are bypassed.
16 Actionable Insights
1. Relate to Parts from “Self”
Recognize that you have various inner “parts” and strive to relate to them from your “Self” (capital S), which is described as the sanest, calmest, clearest, and most compassionate aspect of the human mind.
2. Name Inner Parts, Build Relationships
Give names to your inner characters or “parts” (e.g., critic, hustler) and then actively create relationships with them, as this concept has been massively helpful for managing internal patterns.
3. Be Active Inner Parent/Leader
Move beyond just observing thoughts and emotions (mindfulness) to become an active inner parent, attachment figure, or leader for your parts, expressing love and reassuring them that you can handle things, allowing them to release their burdens.
4. Practice “U-Turn” for Triggers
When triggered by an external event, perform a “U-turn” by pausing, focusing inward, noticing the protector part that arose, getting curious about it, asking it to separate, and learning what exile it’s protecting, then respond from your “Self” or communicate vulnerably about the impact.
5. Work with Protectors, Get Help for Exiles
Work on your own to get to know and honor your “protector” parts; if you encounter an “exile” (a deeply hurt, vulnerable part), acknowledge its pain and desire to help it, then seek a therapist for the deeper healing steps.
6. Feed/High-Five Inner “Demons”
Instead of fighting your inner “demons” (protective parts), “feed” or “high-five” them by welcoming and acknowledging them with compassion, which helps them calm down, relax, and transform.
7. Embrace Parts for Meditation
Instead of trying to shoo away “ego” or other parts during meditation, embrace them with love and compassion to achieve greater cooperation and effectiveness in your practice.
8. Address Stuck, Raw Inner Parts
Avoid “spiritual bypass” and actively engage with the raw, vulnerable parts of yourself that are stuck in past trauma to help them heal and move forward.
9. Follow IFS “F” Steps for Self-Inquiry
To engage with a part, follow these steps: 1) Focus and Find it in your body, 2) Feel Toward it (assess your feelings), 3) Ask Interfering Parts for Space to get curious, 4) Befriend it by expressing appreciation and building trust, 5) Flesh Out by asking what it wants you to know, and 6) inquire about its Fears or what it’s protecting.
10. Receive Intuitive, Not Intellectual, Answers
When asking questions of your parts, ensure the answers come from an intuitive, bodily place (“don’t think”) rather than allowing your intellectual or “thinking part” to intervene and provide the answers.
11. Check for Legacy Burdens
When exploring a part’s fears or motivations, ask if it carries the energy or burdens of someone else (e.g., an ancestor), as some anxieties and patterns can be absorbed through generations.
12. Offer Unburdening to Parts
Let the part know that if it wishes to unload its burden (e.g., terror, fear), there is a way for that to happen, allowing it to transform into a more preferred role within you.
13. Unburden Parts to End Terror
Understand that through the unburdening process, it is possible to transform and eliminate the terror carried by parts, preventing that reaction from occurring ever again.
14. Utilize IFS Workbook for Self-Therapy
Use the Internal Family Systems Workbook to practice IFS therapy on your own, especially if you don’t have access to a trained therapist.
15. Utilize Guided IFS Meditations
Use guided meditations, either written in the workbook or recorded (e.g., “Greater Than the Sum of the Parts,” “No Bad Parts” audio version), to walk yourself through the IFS process and work with your inner parts.
16. Get Protector Permission for Psychedelics
Before engaging in psychedelic medicine, spend sessions asking for permission from your protector parts and addressing their fears, and do not proceed if they do not give permission to avoid backlash reactions.
6 Key Quotes
The idea that we all have these little inner beings, these little inner personalities, is for me a natural state of the mind.
Dick Schwartz
When you have a bunch of those kind of raw, vulnerable parts, you feel more delicate, because so many things could trigger that. And the world seems more dangerous, because so many things could trigger it.
Dick Schwartz
In addition to these parts, there's a kind of essence in people that I call the self with a capital S.
Dick Schwartz
If you can have compassion for all parts of you, then when other people act like those parts of the outside world, you can have compassion for them.
Dick Schwartz
Mindfulness properly understood, self-awareness properly understood, contains in it a kind of mixture of warmth and non-judgmentalism.
Dan Harris
The part of them that did the harmful thing isn't who they are and that part isn't even who they think it is, it's not pure evil at all, it's the part that was trying to protect them and that there is this other person inside of them who's pure goodness.
Dick Schwartz
1 Protocols
Six Steps for Working with Parts (F-words)
Dick Schwartz- Focus on the part (e.g., Arthur).
- Find it in your body or around your body (e.g., malfunctioning gills in the chest).
- Flesh out how you feel toward it (e.g., annoyed, embarrassed, then appreciative; ask other parts to give space if there's aversion).
- Feel toward it (express curiosity, appreciation, and caring to the part).
- Befriend it (continue expressing warmth until a trust and connection is established).
- Fear (ask the part what it's afraid would happen if it didn't protect you this way, and what it wants you to know about itself).