How To Keep Your Sh*t Together No Matter What | Kamala Masters
This episode features dharma teacher Kamala Masters discussing equanimity and how to maintain balance and calm amidst life's chaos, specifically while raising young children. She shares practical methods for integrating mindfulness into daily tasks.
Deep Dive Analysis
7 Topic Outline
Introduction to Equanimity and Kamala Masters' Teaching
Executive Producer DJ Kashmir's Personal Connection to the Clip
Context for Kamala Masters' Discussion on Equanimity
Formal Practice of Equanimity: Combining Meta and Wisdom Phrases
Applying Equanimity to Personal Relationships and Parenting Challenges
The Empowering Principle of Handling Your Own Mind
Integrating Meditation Practice into Everyday Life and Chores
3 Key Concepts
Equanimity
Equanimity is a state of mental balance and calm that allows one to align with the unfolding of life without reacting to its ups and downs. It involves understanding that pleasure, pain, gain, and sorrow are inherent parts of existence, and cultivating wisdom to accept things as they are rather than resisting them.
Meta (Loving Kindness)
Meta, often called loving kindness, is a meditation practice where one sends a series of benevolent phrases (e.g., 'may you be happy, healthy, safe, live with ease') towards oneself and a progression of other beings (benefactor, dear friend, neutral person, difficult person, all beings) to develop a heart of love and warmth. It is often used as a preparatory practice for equanimity.
Karma (in equanimity context)
In the context of equanimity, karma refers to the understanding that all beings are owners of their actions, and their happiness or unhappiness depends on those actions, not on one's wishes or ability to control their journey. This wisdom helps cultivate acceptance and non-attachment to specific outcomes for others.
5 Questions Answered
One way to formally practice equanimity is to first engage in Meta (loving kindness) meditation to cultivate a tender heart, then transition to equanimity practice by bringing specific people to mind and using wisdom-oriented phrases that acknowledge the inherent nature of life's experiences, such as 'pleasure and pain arise and pass away. This is how it is.'
Equanimity phrases are statements of understanding, not offerings, and include: 'pleasure and pain arise and pass away. This is how it is,' 'gain and sorrow arise and pass away. This is how it is in life,' 'birth and death are part of life,' or the traditional 'All beings are owners of their karma. Their happiness or unhappiness depends upon their actions and not upon my wishes.'
Equanimity allows you to maintain mental balance and composure when others are suffering, which enables you to remain useful and supportive without becoming overwhelmed or reacting with distress yourself.
Yes, it is possible to integrate meditation into daily life by consciously turning routine tasks, like washing dishes or walking through a hallway, into mindful moments where you pay attention to physical sensations and arising thoughts.
The primary responsibility is to handle your own mind, as you can't control everything that happens with others, but you have the potential to change what goes on within your own heart and mind.
15 Actionable Insights
1. Integrate Meditation into Chores
Turn repetitive daily tasks like washing dishes into meditation practice by mindfully noticing sensations (e.g., water on hands) and arising thoughts, making practice accessible even in busy lives.
2. Practice Mindful Walking
Transform everyday movements, such as walking through hallways, into walking meditation by consciously observing each step, fostering continuity of practice throughout your day.
3. Take Responsibility for Your Mind
Focus on managing your own internal state and thoughts, recognizing that this is your primary area of control and where the greatest potential for personal change and positive impact lies.
4. Cultivate Equanimity Formally
Engage in formal equanimity practice by first developing a heart of meta (loving-kindness), then focusing on individuals (starting with a neutral person) and using wisdom-oriented statements of understanding rather than offerings.
5. Begin with Meta (Loving-Kindness)
Start your meditation practice by cultivating loving-kindness for yourself, then extending it to others (benefactor, dear friend, neutral, difficult, all beings) using phrases like “may you be happy, safe, healthy, live with ease” to tenderize the mind.
6. Use Equanimity Wisdom Phrases
In equanimity practice, employ phrases like “pleasure and pain arise and pass away; this is how it is” or “birth and death are part of life” to align with the truth of life’s unfolding and reduce reactivity.
7. Acknowledge Others’ Journeys
Understand that “all beings are owners of their karma” and “have their own journey,” meaning their happiness or unhappiness depends on their actions, not solely on your wishes, fostering a deeper, non-controlling wisdom.
8. Maintain Composure Amid Suffering
Develop equanimity to stay balanced and calm when encountering others’ suffering, allowing you to remain useful and supportive without becoming overwhelmed or reactive.
9. Combine Metta with Equanimity
When sending goodwill (metta) to a difficult person, add an equanimity phrase like “things are just as they are right now” to acknowledge the current reality and support your efforts without attachment.
10. Discern Beneficial Actions
Cultivate awareness to identify what actions or thoughts are beneficial and actively nurture them, while recognizing what is not beneficial and consciously refraining from it, to act with greater intention.
11. Strive for Purity of Mind
Work towards lessening hatred, greed, and delusion in your mind, as a pure and balanced mental state is powerful and can significantly impact your surroundings and interactions positively.
12. Practice Self-Compassion
When you make mistakes or lose your temper, remember that “we’re all just human” to foster self-forgiveness and understanding, rather than succumbing to harsh self-criticism.
13. Subscribe for Guided Meditations
Become a paid subscriber at danharris.com to receive custom guided meditations that accompany Monday and Wednesday podcast episodes, designed to help integrate learnings more deeply.
14. Join Live Meditation & Q&A
As a paid subscriber to danharris.com, participate in weekly live guided meditation and Q&A sessions every Tuesday at 4 PM Eastern to deepen your practice and engage with teachers.
15. Attend In-Person Retreats
Consider attending in-person meditation events, such as the Meditation Party at the Omega Institute (October 24-26), to practice with experienced teachers like Dan Harris and Seb N. A. Selassie.
7 Key Quotes
if you're alive, you can practice. You can find the moments in your life to turn into a place of practice.
DJ Kashmir
All beings are owners of their karma. Their happiness or unhappiness depends upon their actions and not upon my wishes.
Kamala Masters
The job is to handle your own mind.
Kamala Masters
mostly the potential for change happens in here, in our own hearts.
Kamala Masters
when there is a purity of the mind, even in the moment, you know, when there is no hatred, no greed, no delusion, or a lessening of that, the mind is very powerful.
Kamala Masters
Remember that we're all just human.
Kamala Masters
keeping your shit together no matter what's going on.
Dan Harris
3 Protocols
Formal Equanimity Practice
Kamala Masters- Begin with Meta (loving kindness) practice: Sit in a reasonably quiet place, close your eyes, and bring to mind yourself, a benefactor, a dear friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, and then all beings.
- Send classical phrases to each, such as 'may you be happy, may you be safe, healthy, live with ease,' to tenderize the mind with love and warmth.
- Transition to equanimity practice by calling specific people to mind, starting with a neutral person, then an easy person, yourself, and others.
- Say wisdom-oriented phrases that direct your mind to the truth of how things are, such as 'pleasure and pain arise and pass away. This is how it is,' 'gain and sorrow arise and pass away. This is how it is in life,' 'birth and death are part of life,' or 'all beings are owners of their karma. Their happiness or unhappiness depends upon their actions and not upon my wishes.' (A shortened version for children is 'all beings have their own journey.')
- Optionally, add 'right now' to phrases like 'things are just as they are right now' to emphasize the impermanence of conditions.
Integrating Meditation into Daily Chores (Dishwashing)
Kamala Masters (as taught by Munindraji)- Go to the sink to wash dishes.
- As you wash, feel the warm water on your hands, noticing the sensation (e.g., 'feeling, feeling or warmth, warmth').
- Notice any thoughts arising in your mind (e.g., 'worrying, worrying, worrying') and acknowledge them without getting caught up in them.
Integrating Meditation into Daily Chores (Walking)
Kamala Masters (as taught by Munindraji)- Identify a common walking path in your home (e.g., from the dining room to the bedroom).
- Every time you step in that hallway, practice walking meditation by being present with each step.