If It's Hysterical, It's Historical: The Liberating Power of Understanding Your Past | Dr. Orna Guralnik
Dr. Orna Guralnik, a psychoanalyst from 'Couples Therapy,' discusses how psychoanalysis helps understand unconscious forces and past patterns for deeper self-knowledge. She shares practical tools to foster open-mindedness, cultivate love, and navigate complex relationships and societal challenges.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Psychoanalysis and its Purpose
Distinguishing Psychoanalysis from Other Therapies
Happiness, Truth, and the Buddhist-Psychoanalytic Connection
Psychoanalytic Tools for Navigating Current Crises
Understanding and Counteracting the 'Splitting' Mindset
Practical Phrases to Reduce Splitting and Foster Nuance
The Debate on Compassion vs. Action in Activism
Cultivating Internal Love and Openness
Practices for Open-Mindedness and Challenging Certainty
The Impact of Transgenerational History on Individuals and Culture
Transgenerational Patterns in Intimate Relationships
Strategies for Healthier Interpersonal Relationships
Understanding as a Path to Relief in Therapy
5 Key Concepts
Psychoanalysis
A serious, intensive therapeutic project that aims to help people understand unconscious forces operating on them. Patients meet multiple times a week, sometimes lying on a couch, to delve deep into their past, including early and transgenerational history, and the wider sociopolitical context, to change deeper psychological patterns.
Splitting State of Mind
A primitive way of thinking, common in infancy and childhood, where one assigns all 'good' qualities to oneself or close people and all 'bad' qualities to others or outside forces. It's a defensive mechanism to maintain a sense of goodness and coherence, often retreating into when feeling threatened, and is characterized by an inability to tolerate complexity or nuance.
Depressive Position
A more mature state of mind, contrasted with splitting, where one can tolerate complexity, contradiction, and nuance in oneself and others. It involves integrating both 'good' and 'bad' qualities within the same person or situation, leading to greater compassion, forgiveness, and a clearer, more honest view of reality.
Holy Befuddlement
A concept described by George Saunders, referring to a constant state of reconsideration and openness, often induced by reading. It involves questioning certainties and embracing uncertainty, which can lead to deeper understanding and empathy, rather than psychological armoring.
Transgenerational History
The idea that past events, secrets, traumas, or systemic cultural issues from previous generations can be passed down and continue to shape an individual's anxieties, patterns of thinking, and even cultural narratives. These buried histories can haunt individuals and cultures in profound ways, influencing personal relationships and societal dynamics.
9 Questions Answered
Psychoanalysis is an intensive, long-term therapeutic process where patients meet multiple times a week, often on a couch, to deeply explore unconscious forces, personal history, and transgenerational patterns. Unlike many other therapies that might address specific symptoms or provide quick advice, psychoanalysis aims for deeper, more fundamental changes in the psyche.
While traditionally thought to be for sophisticated and well-put-together individuals with 'ego strength,' contemporary psychoanalysis has expanded its techniques to include people with more troubling conditions. It's essentially for anyone who is deeply curious about themselves, willing to invest significant time and effort, and desires a deeper dive into their inner workings.
While psychoanalysis may not always lead to a 'happier' picture, it offers a fuller, richer, and more honest understanding of oneself and reality. This deeper truth, even if uncomfortable, is seen as essential for a life well-lived, aligning with Buddhist traditions that emphasize embracing difficult truths like mortality for liberation.
To counteract splitting, cultivate a 'depressive position' by tolerating complexity and nuance, recognizing that people and situations contain both good and bad. Practices like asking 'just like me' when encountering others, and 'am I sure?' when faced with strong opinions, can help foster a more integrated and compassionate view.
Cultivating internal love involves adopting a stance of deep curiosity and openness, observing your mind's tendency to rush to judgments and comparisons, and letting go of the impulse to differentiate. By listening with a beginner's mind and immersing yourself in the experience of another, you can elicit feelings of curiosity, empathy, and understanding.
Practices include 'fact-checking' your own mind by asking 'am I sure?' when certainty arises, especially when consuming news or social media. It's beneficial to consume multiple news outlets, including those from different perspectives, to avoid manipulation by algorithms and foster 'holy befuddlement' or a constant state of reconsideration.
Transgenerational history refers to unspoken family secrets, traumas, or broader historical events (like slavery or national conflicts) that are passed down through generations. These can implant anxieties, patterns of thinking, or 'haunt' individuals and cultures, shaping personal identities and influencing dynamics within intimate relationships, often unconsciously.
When you're troubled or annoyed about something, especially in a romantic relationship, ask yourself: 'Why is this bugging me so much?' or 'What's going on with me?' This shifts the focus from blaming the external trigger to understanding your internal reaction and taking care of yourself.
Yes, understanding gained from therapy, particularly psychoanalysis, can lead to genuine relief and deep, internal change, provided it's not used defensively to avoid change. If one approaches therapy with the intention of understanding to be liberated from past patterns and has a therapist who encourages genuine exploration, profound shifts in how one feels about everything will occur.
22 Actionable Insights
1. Leverage Evidence-Based Life Modalities
To improve the quality of your mind and life, utilize a pantheon of evidence-based practices including sufficient sleep, regular exercise (avoiding orthorexia), healthy eating, spending time in nature, appreciating beauty, using medication if needed, practicing meditation, engaging in meaningful work, and critically, cultivating high-quality relationships through communication skills and self-talk.
2. Cultivate Internal Love
Recognize that love is a powerful force to be cultivated internally as a deliberate practice and action, rather than expected from the external world, embracing its gritty, challenging aspects over a cartoonish or comfortable version.
3. Recognize & Resist Splitting
Be aware of the “splitting state of mind” where you categorize everything as purely good or bad, often retreating into it when threatened; work to move beyond this primitive, toxic mind space to tolerate complexity and nuance in yourself and others.
4. Practice “Just Like Me” Empathy
When encountering people with opposing views, cultivate empathy by reminding yourself, “just like me, they want to be happy; just like me, they’re doing what they think is right,” to move beyond a splitting mindset and enable more nuanced understanding and wise action.
5. Question Certainty with “Am I Sure?”
When you feel strong certainty or judgment, especially regarding complex issues or individuals, ask yourself, “Am I sure?” to challenge your assumptions and open your mind to alternative perspectives, fostering a “holy befuddlement.”
6. Reflect on Your Own Reactivity
When something external troubles you greatly, especially in relationships, ask yourself, “Why is this bothering me so much?” or “What’s going on with me?” to take back your projection and understand your own internal problem rather than solely blaming the external trigger.
7. Listen Anew to Your Partner
In troubled relationships, challenge your ingrained “stories” about your partner by approaching them with less certainty and more curiosity, actively wiping the slate clean to listen afresh and discern what they are actually saying and what truly matters to them.
8. Understand & Modulate Reactivity
Develop tools to understand and modulate your own reactivity by examining your personal history and observing how current events trigger you, allowing you to keep a clear mind and make conscious choices rather than passively falling under the spell of what’s happening.
9. Fuel Action with Compassion
Choose compassion as your fuel for action, even when dealing with difficult situations or people, because hatred and rage lead to poor decisions and toxic mind states, whereas compassion can lead to “wise action” and does not preclude firm responses.
10. Adopt a “Don’t Know” Mindset
Approach new information and experiences with a “don’t know mind” or “beginner’s mind,” and verify teachings for yourself in the “laboratory of your own mind” rather than accepting them at face value, as advocated by the Buddha.
11. Question the Feeling of Certainty
When you feel a strong sense of certainty, especially in chaotic or scary times, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling so certain right now?” or “Is this certainty making me feel safer?” to notice if you’re grabbing onto it defensively.
12. Mindfully Consume News
When consuming news, carefully observe your mind to notice if you’re grabbing onto certainties due to anxiety, or if the content is twisting you into states of rage or vengeance, rather than evoking understanding and curiosity.
13. Diversify News Consumption
To avoid manipulation and challenge your certainties, consume news from multiple outlets, including those with different perspectives, even if you disagree with them, to understand how various groups shape reality and to check your own sense of what is true.
14. Seek “Other Side” of Arguments
Cultivate a persistent curiosity about “what is the other side of this argument,” even listening to people you know you will disagree with, as this practice can reveal blind spots and lead to useful “befuddlement.”
15. Distinguish Opinions & Values
While engaging with diverse perspectives and challenging your opinions, ensure you do not compromise your fundamental values, such as protecting the vulnerable, as the rhetoric of “splitting” can dangerously lead to forgetting these basic ethical principles.
16. Create Conflict “DMZ”
In difficult conversations, especially with those on opposing sides, consciously create a “demilitarized zone” where you actively try to find commonalities and imagine yourself into the other’s experience before returning to debate specific issues, fostering understanding.
17. Explore Transgenerational History
Invest time in collecting and getting interested in your family’s transgenerational history, as uncovering events or patterns from past generations can profoundly shape who you are and release you from unspoken influences or “hauntings.”
18. Engage in Intensive Psychoanalysis
If you desire a deeper dive into yourself and more profound change, invest time and effort into psychoanalysis, which involves meeting with a therapist multiple times a week to understand unconscious forces and deeper patterns.
19. Seek Understanding for Liberation
Engage in therapeutic processes with the intention of understanding your past not just for knowledge, but for liberation from being “owned” or “swamped” by it, allowing genuine relief and deep internal change rather than merely intellectual comprehension.
20. Embrace Uncomfortable Truths
To find liberation, embrace uncomfortable truths such as mortality and finitude, as this approach, rooted in Buddhist tradition, helps in understanding what ultimately will destroy you.
21. Holy Befuddlement via Reading
To cultivate openness and love, read authors who induce “holy befuddlement” and a “constant state of reconsideration,” as this practice fosters empathy for diverse perspectives and challenges the certainties that can deaden lived experience.
22. Avoid Over-Optimization Dogmatism
Be wary of knowing “too well” how to do things or falling into the trap of dogmatism and over-optimization, as this can blind you to unpredictable internal and external factors, and may lead to reliance on external “next big things” rather than genuine understanding.
7 Key Quotes
If it's hysterical, it's historical.
Dan Harris
Psychoanalysis helps you see reality in a much richer way. It's not always a happier picture, but it's a fuller, richer, more honest picture. Sometimes happier.
Dr. Orna Guralnik
I'm always a little suspicious of knowing too well how to do things.
Dr. Orna Guralnik
Hatred and rage don't tend to lead to the best decisions. And even if you set that aside, they're pretty unpleasant, toxic states of mind for you to live with.
Dan Harris
I do think that love is a much more powerful force than hate.
Dr. Orna Guralnik
Nothing, not one single thing hurts us more than our certainties.
Maria Popova
Certainty is not an indicator of truth.
Joseph Goldstein