Imposter Syndrome, Politics and Sensuality, Dr. Jay Michaelson
Jay Michaelson, author, rabbi, and Chief Editor of Wisdom Content at 10% Happier, explores mindful parenting, his "meditative imposter syndrome," the overlap of politics and spirituality, and meditation's role in enriching sensuality and the species' future.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Parenting and Mindfulness Practice
The 'Unoriginality' and Joys of Parenthood
Parental Fear and Meditative Awareness
Jay Michaelson's Meditative Imposter Syndrome
Authenticity and the 'Fake Normal Person' Feeling
Balancing Spiritual Depth with Worldly Engagement
The Overlap of Politics and Spirituality
Meditation's Role in Navigating Political Toxicity
Meditation and Sensuality: A Deeper Experience
Jay's Role at 10% Happier: Expanding Wisdom Content
Contemplative Practice and the Future of Humanity
Dealing with Post-Meditation Fatigue
Understanding Buddhism Without Beliefs
5 Key Concepts
Propuncia
This ancient Indian language word describes the mental process where a small data point in the present moment triggers the creation of elaborate, often negative, 'movies' or imagined scenarios about awful future events. It refers to the mind's tendency to spin out phantasmagoric narratives from minor occurrences.
Meditative Imposter Syndrome
This refers to the feeling of being a fraud as a meditation teacher because one still experiences anger, pain, or self-doubt, questioning one's authority to give advice. It can also manifest as feeling like a 'fake normal person' when one's most authentic self resonates with more intense or unconventional spiritual experiences.
Accurate Disagreement
This approach to political discourse, advocated by groups like Better Angels, focuses on achieving precision about facts and what is actually happening, rather than trying to change minds. The goal is to understand the other side's assumptions and demand accuracy on data points, costs, and benefits of policies.
Moral Disgust (Neurological Basis)
Neuroscience suggests that the parts of our brain registering moral disgust are the same as those registering physical disgust. This means that encountering morally repellent ideas can trigger a visceral, almost physical, reaction akin to seeing something physically repulsive like rotten meat.
Buddhism Without Beliefs
This perspective views Buddhism not as a faith or religion requiring belief in specific dogmas (like God or creation myths), but as a practical system for understanding the mind and its workings. It emphasizes personal investigation and experience over blind faith, aligning with a skeptical, scientific approach.
9 Questions Answered
It's both amazing and tiring, with many opportunities for disagreement and stress, but also overwhelming love. Mindfulness helps navigate the anger and fear that arise, making it easier to see conditions for emotions rather than blaming individuals.
Yes, it serves as a connector. Being an older parent also helps reduce FOMO, making it easier to appreciate mundane moments with the child as the best possible use of time.
Meditative self-awareness helps in being conscious of neurotic thoughts and fears, preventing them from being projected onto the child. While it might make one more aware of the pain, it's ultimately better for the child as the neurosis is not acted upon.
It's the feeling of being a fraud when teaching meditation, despite personal progress, because one still experiences anger, pain, or self-doubt. It also involves feeling like a 'fake normal person' when one's true authentic self resonates with more unconventional spiritual experiences.
It requires self-awareness of one's own biases and emotional responses, like moral disgust. Engaging in 'accurate disagreement' (focusing on facts rather than changing minds) and showing up as a human being can help bridge divides, as seen in the LGBT rights movement.
No, it's not naive. Meditation can help by fostering '10% less engagement in an unskillful way,' building resilience against burnout, and enabling self-care, which allows individuals to show up for those who lack the privilege to unplug.
Meditation can significantly enrich one's sensual life, leading to more awakened and aware experiences not just in sex and relationships, but also in appreciating music, art, and even food with greater delight and presence.
Dan views himself as a Buddhist, but not in the sense of a faith or religion requiring belief in a God or creation myths. For him, Buddhism is 'something to do'—a treasury of practical information about how the mind works, emphasizing personal investigation over blind belief.
Two recommended books are 'Buddhism Without Beliefs' by Stephen Batchelor and 'Why Buddhism is True' by Robert Wright. Both offer an introduction to Buddhism from a skeptical, scientific, and practical standpoint.
41 Actionable Insights
1. Integrate Practice with Worldly Life
Actively seek ways to integrate serious contemplative practice with the demands and responsibilities of living in the world, allowing the interplay to be constantly new and evolving.
2. Embrace Skepticism in Buddhism
Maintain a skeptical approach to Buddhist concepts, as the Buddha himself encouraged personal investigation rather than blind faith, especially regarding metaphysical claims.
3. Practice Buddhism as “Doing”
Approach Buddhism as a practical “doing” rather than a system of beliefs, aligning with the Buddha’s encouragement to “check it out for yourself” rather than blindly believing.
4. Engage in Contemplative Practices for Species’ Survival
Dedicate energy to contemplative practices like meditation, viewing them as crucial tools to diminish root causes of greed, hatred, delusion, ignorance, and fear, thereby contributing to the long-term viability of the species.
5. Remember Impermanence
Recall the principle of impermanence, recognizing that whatever difficult experience or emotion you are currently facing will eventually pass.
6. Mindfully Investigate Urges
If you decide that an urge (like to veg out) is not the right move, mindfully investigate its arising, along with any fatigue or frustration, to observe that it will pass.
7. Cultivate Empathy for Politics
Wake up to more empathy, as this practice can lead to positive political consequences and make it harder to ignore oppression.
8. Use Mindfulness for Tactical Responses
Cultivate mindfulness to create “spaciousness in the mind” during stressful interactions, enabling you to respond tactically and compassionately rather than react impulsively.
9. Prioritize Self-Care for Activism
Engage in self-care and maintenance practices to recharge, which is necessary for sustained activist work and responsible engagement in the world.
10. Practice Self-Care for Others
If you have the privilege of being able to “unplug” or practice self-care, use this opportunity responsibly to maintain your well-being so you can better support those who lack such luxuries.
11. Regulate News/Social Media Exposure
Consciously regulate your exposure to news and social media, knowing when not to click, to maintain health and sanity, which enables you to better support those without that luxury.
12. Engage in Cross-Political Conversations
Engage in conversations with people holding opposing political views, aiming for “accurate disagreement” rather than trying to change their minds.
13. Foster Human Connection in Debates
Focus on fostering human connection and understanding people’s humanity, as this is often more effective in shifting perspectives than presenting facts alone.
14. Check Self-Interest in Politics
Regularly examine how personal interests and desires might create blindness or make it harder to hold certain political views, especially when advocating for policies that benefit oneself.
15. Be Aware of Your Neuroses
Cultivate awareness of your own neuroses and anxieties, as this self-awareness can prevent them from negatively impacting your children.
16. Observe Mental “Propuncia”
Recognize and observe the “phantasmagoric movies” your mind creates from present-moment data points, which often project awful future scenarios, especially as a parent.
17. Take Time Out When Angry
When anger or intense frustration arises, especially with children, take a moment to step away and take time out before reacting.
18. Practice Self-Care as a Parent
Engage in self-care or mindfulness practices as a parent to better navigate the many opportunities for disagreement and stress that arise in the parenting journey.
19. See Anger as Conditions
When anger arises, view it as a “hurricane” created by conditions, rather than a fixed entity, and “get out of the way” to prevent escalation.
20. Cherish Every Moment with Children
Actively cherish and enjoy every moment with your children, as this common advice is genuinely valuable and time with them passes quickly.
21. Teach Kids Awareness, Not Formal Mindfulness
Focus on teaching children to be aware, awake, mindful, present-moment focused, and aware of their emotions, rather than formal mindfulness practices.
22. Enrich Sensual Life with Meditation
Practice meditation to become more awake, aware, and mindful, which can lead to a richer sensual life, including better relationships, intimacy, delight in music, art, and food.
23. Practice Eating Meditation
Engage in eating meditation to fully experience and appreciate each bite of a meal, enhancing delight in food.
24. Acknowledge Growth in Practice
When feeling like an “imposter” in a practice like meditation, acknowledge your personal growth and progress from where you started, recognizing its value to others.
25. Don’t Claim Full Enlightenment
Avoid claiming full enlightenment, as being “still on the path” can be a valuable and relatable quality for those you teach or influence.
26. Reduce Unskillful Engagement by 10%
Strive for at least 10% less unskillful engagement in arguments and conflicts, as even small improvements in response can lead to better outcomes.
27. Observe Compulsive Consumption
Use meditation to develop the ability to recognize when you’re engaging in unconstructive, compulsive consumption of social media or entertainment, and then adjust your behavior.
28. Allow Entertainment Post-Meditation
It’s perfectly fine to watch Netflix or engage in other forms of entertainment after meditating; being a meditator doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy leisure.
29. Engage with Practice’s Intellectual Side
Connect with the intellectual infrastructure of your meditation practice to stay engaged and find inspiration, especially when sitting feels “dumb” or repetitive.
30. Work for Future Generations
Engage in work or practices whose full benefits may not be realized in your lifetime, with the hope that future generations will reap the rewards, like an old man planting a tree for his grandson.
31. Embrace and Affirm Sadness
Move beyond a clinical approach to negative emotions by lyrically embracing and profoundly affirming the sadness experienced daily when attuned to life’s ups and downs.
32. Live Fully Before Parenthood
Live a full life before becoming a parent to reduce FOMO and foster a greater appreciation for mundane moments with children, seeing them as the best possible use of time.
33. Avoid Exploiting Children for Content
Resist the temptation to turn your children into “material” for writing or content creation, as it can be liberating and allow for more pure presence.
34. Correct Misinformation in Your Circle
In your closed circle, correct misinformation (e.g., about immigrant crime rates) or challenge nasty memes, even if it’s just by noting it and not being okay with it.
35. Communicate Mindfulness Deeply
Strive to communicate the deeper, transformative benefits of contemplative practice in a way that is accessible to a wide audience, beyond just “chilling out.”
36. Read Intro to Buddhism Books
To learn more about Buddhism from a skeptical, practical perspective, read “Buddhism Without Beliefs” by Stephen Batchelor and “Why Buddhism is True” by Robert Wright.
37. Read Jay Michelson’s Books
Explore Jay Michelson’s books “Evolving Dharma” for insights on meditation and the next generation of enlightenment, and “Gate of Tears” for a lyrical embrace of everyday sadness and spiritual attunement.
38. Sign Up for Meditation Weekly
Sign up for the free “Meditation Weekly” newsletter at 10percenthappier.com/blog to receive excellent content from Jay Michelson.
39. Pre-order “10% Happier” Book
Pre-order the 5th anniversary edition of the “10% Happier” book at hc.com/happier to get new guided meditations and free audio versions on the app.
40. Vote for 10% Happier Webby
Vote for 10% Happier for the Webby Award by clicking the link in the show notes or visiting 10percenthappier.com; it takes only 30 seconds.
41. Rate/Review the Podcast
Support the podcast by rating or reviewing it on your podcast platform and by talking about it on social media.
6 Key Quotes
I actually have no idea how people become parents without some kind of self-care practice or some kind of mindfulness practice, whatever it is.
Jay Michaelson
Every single one of them, even the contradictory ones, they're all true about it. It's a, it's a very helpless feeling because you're stuck in a Hallmark card.
Dan Harris
I feel like I'm pretending to be an imposter, but I've wondered about it a lot.
Jay Michaelson
It's not something to believe in. It's something to do.
Dan Harris
I don't know, I really just don't know if on a species level we have what it takes, um, to coexist with our, with the technology that we've created.
Jay Michaelson
You may not see the results of your work in your lifetime.
Dan Harris