Is It Still OK to Be Happy? | Sylvia Boorstein
Legendary meditation teacher Sylvia Boorstein discusses how delight is a necessity, not a luxury, during difficult times. She explores cultivating "inner cordiality," the interplay of wisdom and compassion, and how kindness can be a salvation, even seeing the pandemic as a unique retreat for mental clarity.
Deep Dive Analysis
10 Topic Outline
The Necessity of Delight in Difficult Times
Finding Buoyancy in Acts of Kindness and Courage
The Pandemic as a Personal Retreat and Opportunity for Mental Housekeeping
Shifting Perspective: From Wisdom-First to Kindness-First
Understanding the Buddha's 10 Perfections of Character (Paramitas)
All Paramitas as Permutations of Generosity and Integrity
The Interwoven Nature of Mindfulness and Loving Kindness
Meeting Each Moment Fully and as a Friend
Overcoming Personal Worry and Catastrophizing During Crisis
Compassion as a Universal Savior and Dispeller of Ill Will
7 Key Concepts
Inner Cordiality
A quality of mind or spirit that fosters warmth, friendliness, and ease, which Sylvia suggests is essential for navigating difficult times and for effective mindfulness practice.
Boundless Talkeremia
A self-deprecating term Sylvia uses to describe her natural inclination and enjoyment of talking and storytelling, a quality she's had since childhood.
To Know the Truth, Only Cease to Cherish Opinions
A phrase from the third Zen patriarch, suggesting that letting go of old, unnecessary opinions frees the mind and allows for a clearer perception of reality, unburdening the mind.
Grok
To understand something intuitively or by empathy, to establish rapport with it, and to communicate with it. Sylvia uses it to describe a deeper, felt understanding of universal suffering.
Paramitas (Perfections of Character)
A list of 10 qualities (generosity, morality, renunciation, wisdom, energy, truthfulness, patience, determination, loving kindness, equanimity) that the Buddha is said to have perfected in himself before achieving enlightenment, serving as a framework for ethical and compassionate living.
Dharma Equation (Wisdom vs. Kindness)
Sylvia's evolving understanding of the path to happiness, initially seeing deep insights and wisdom leading to kindness, but now considering that starting with kindness, compassion, and integrity can also lead to happiness and insights, questioning the necessity of insights if one is already behaving kindly.
Loving Attention
A term used by Jack Kornfield and adopted by Sylvia Boorstein, suggesting that mindfulness is not just bare awareness but an awareness imbued with warmth, hospitality, and friendliness towards the present moment.
8 Questions Answered
Yes, it is okay and even necessary; moments of happiness can fortify you to deal with difficulties and are simply what is true in that moment, not negating the reality of the pandemic.
By intentionally seeking out sources of delight, such as arts and entertainment being streamed online, and by observing and appreciating acts of human kindness and devotion.
The pandemic can be seen as a forced 'retreat' that focuses attention on what truly matters, allowing one to shed old, unnecessary negative opinions and preoccupations, freeing up mental space.
Traditionally, wisdom (understanding impermanence and interconnectedness) was seen as leading to compassion. However, it's also possible to start with kindness and compassion, which can directly lead to happiness and insights, or to cultivate both simultaneously.
They are generosity, morality, renunciation, wisdom, energy, truthfulness, patience, determination, loving kindness, and equanimity, which are qualities the Buddha cultivated.
Instead of viewing them as separate practices, one can aim for 'loving attention' or to 'meet this moment fully, meet it as a friend,' integrating a sense of hospitality and ease into the awareness of the present moment.
She finds that the enormity of the actual catastrophe (the pandemic) makes smaller, fabricated worries seem ridiculous and not worth her mental energy, leading to a more steady mind focused on the present reality.
Turning attention to others' needs, asking 'how are you,' or caring for other living things (like a plant) can be an immediate solution to being pulled under by one's own preoccupations, bringing a sense of salvation and happiness.
24 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate World Compassion
In the face of universal suffering and vulnerability, cultivate compassion for the world, as it can displace personal fretting and is presented as the only possible response.
2. Integrate Loving-Kindness Practice
Integrate loving-kindness (Metta) practice with mindfulness, as Metta boosts focus, reduces remorse, and fosters kindness, mutually reinforcing mindfulness practice.
3. Pay Attention to Others
Pay attention to other people and their needs, as it serves as an immediate solution to being pulled under by your own preoccupations and needs, making the person next to you your ‘surest salvation’.
4. Cease Cherishing Old Opinions
Cease cherishing unnecessary old opinions, as they can ‘mess up part of the real estate of your mind and your heart’ and are not needed.
5. View Isolation as Retreat
Understand current isolation or difficult times as a personal retreat, offering an opportunity to identify and discard old, unnecessary negative opinions and unburden the mind.
6. Experience Moments of Delight
Actively experience moments of delight, as happiness can fortify you to deal with difficulties and is a necessity, not a luxury, during challenging times.
7. Practice ‘Meeting Moment as Friend’
Use the phrase ‘May I meet this moment fully, may I meet it as a friend’ as an intention, melding mindfulness and loving-kindness to foster alertness and hospitality towards present experience.
8. Direct Positive Energy Outwards
Consciously direct positive energy and affection outwards, as it acts as an ‘absolute dispeller of ill will’ and negativity in the mind, because you cannot drive forward and in reverse at the same time.
9. Practice Daily Gratitude & Connection
Practice daily gratitude and appreciation for each day, and connect with friends, to celebrate life and counteract radical uncertainty.
10. Respond to Situations with Calm
Manifest your response to situations in a way that is always based on calm, as this leads to feeling better and more effective outcomes.
11. Limit TV News Consumption
Limit consumption of television news, as reading news in a newspaper or online is less overwhelming than seeing it in real-time.
12. Observe Acts of Human Kindness
Actively observe demonstrations of human kindness and generosity, as witnessing courage and care for others can be uplifting and buoy the heart.
13. Appreciate Nature’s Continuity
Appreciate the continuity and enduring nature of the natural world (e.g., blooming flowers, moon cycles), as it provides a sense of things persisting beyond personal troubles.
14. Care for Another Living Thing
Care for another living thing, such as a potted plant, as taking responsibility for something beyond yourself can lead to feeling better and thriving more.
15. Share Useful Information Generously
Share useful information generously with others, as withholding it for personal gain is less kind than offering it as a gift.
16. Practice Patience & Pleasantness
Practice patience and pleasantness in interactions, as anger is ineffective and a pleasant demeanor is more likely to achieve desired outcomes.
17. Practice Deep Attention
Practice deep attention, as truly paying attention can convert your heart to goodness.
18. Recognize Universal Vulnerability
Recognize that everyone shares the same fundamental vulnerability to loss, aging, sickness, and death, fostering a deeper understanding and empathy.
19. Welcome All Experiences as Guests
Welcome all experiences, including difficult ones like grief, worry, or problems, as guests in a ‘guest house,’ as you can learn from all of them.
20. Recognize Catastrophe, Cease Fret
When a situation is already catastrophic, recognize this fact and cease excessive fretting, as there’s nothing additional to think about in terms of potential catastrophe.
21. Embrace ‘Cheesiness’ for Freedom
Embrace practices or ideas that might seem ‘cheesy’ or overly sentimental, as overcoming discomfort with such things is necessary for true freedom.
22. Frame Mindfulness as Loving Attention
Frame mindfulness as ’loving attention,’ emphasizing the inherent kindness and hospitality required for effective present-moment awareness.
23. Practice Relaxed Breathing
Practice relaxed breathing by allowing the breath to come naturally to your body without grabbing it, fostering ease and appreciation for natural processes.
24. Engage with Difficult Information Purposefully
Engage with difficult or sobering information purposefully, knowing why you are doing it, as it can be ‘sobering for the heart’ and provide a realistic understanding.
8 Key Quotes
Every time there's a moment of delight, it just is what's true in that moment. It doesn't mean that the pandemic is not happening, and that there are people that I'm seriously concerned about.
Sylvia Boorstein
Delight actually may not be a luxury right now. It might be a necessity.
Dan Harris
To know the truth only cease to cherish opinions.
Sylvia Boorstein
The person next to me is my surest salvation. If I turn to somebody and say, how are you? And how are you doing these days? And they say, well, I'm so glad you asked. I'm terrified. And I have my children at home and my husband's job is in peril. They feel better because you ask, but you feel better because you ask.
Sylvia Boorstein
If you really paid attention, it would so convert your heart to goodness.
Sylvia Boorstein
The very least I can do is try to celebrate and be grateful for and appreciate every day that I do have and call as many friends as I can and be on as many podcasts and Zoom calls as I can be.
Sylvia Boorstein
If you can't be comfortable with the cheesiness, you can't be free.
Sylvia Boorstein
When the energy of affection or positive is going out from you, it dispels any negativity in you. You can't be driving your car forward and in reverse at the same time.
Sylvia Boorstein