Jeremy Richman, 'There Is Hope in Helping'
Jeremy Richman, a neuropharmacologist, discusses losing his daughter Avielle in the Sandy Hook shooting, how meditation aided his recovery, and the work of The Avielle Foundation in brain health and preventing violence.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Introduction: Mass Shootings and Jeremy Richman's Story
Listener Call: Meditation Teacher Authority
Listener Call: Anxiety During Meditation and 'In Order To Mind'
Jeremy Richman's Background and Early Meditation Practice
Avielle's Personality and the Sandy Hook Tragedy
Coping Mechanisms and Founding The Avielle Foundation
The Avielle Foundation's Research and Community Engagement
Jeremy's Scientific Career Path
Impact of the Foundation and New Children on Recovery
The Enduring Grief of Losing a Child
Meditation's Role in Extreme Circumstances
The Challenge of Receiving and Giving Compassion
The Avielle Foundation: Mission and Call to Action
Forgiveness and Understanding the Sandy Hook Shooter's Context
5 Key Concepts
Zazen
Zazen is the Zen term for sitting, or seated meditation. It often involves practices like counting breaths, focusing on exhales, and observing internal distractions as a way to train the brain to focus.
In Order To Mind
This concept describes the tendency to practice mindfulness with an underlying agenda to make an unpleasant sensation or emotion disappear. This desire can paradoxically make the difficult experience worse, as true mindfulness aims for non-judgmental awareness of whatever arises.
Discordant Twin Study
A research method that studies identical (monozygotic) twins who are genetically the same and raised in the same household but exhibit different behaviors, such as one twin having aggressive antisocial violence and the other not. This allows researchers to identify differences in DNA modification (epigenetics), brain structure, and biochemistry linked to violent behavior.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
These are traumatic experiences in childhood that can lead to significant changes in adult behaviors. Research into ACEs aims to understand how to prevent these experiences and mitigate their long-term effects on adult behavior.
Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta)
A meditation practice where one silently repeats phrases of well-wishing, such as 'May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease.' This practice is systematically directed first to oneself, then to a benefactor, a neutral person, a difficult person, and finally to all beings.
8 Questions Answered
Anxiety can arise during meditation because the mind might have an unconscious agenda to make an unpleasant sensation or emotion go away. The practice encourages non-judgmental awareness of whatever arises, including the desire for it to disappear, as everything is impermanent.
Jeremy started meditation as a young child through his traditional martial arts instructor, who incorporated Zazen-like techniques into his training, such as counting breaths, focusing on exhales, and examining distractions.
Avielle was described as a bright, fun-spirited child with an infectious smile and giggle. She had a strong sense of justice, enjoyed diverse activities from playing Barbies to Kung Fu, and would often narrate her mornings in song.
In the first 48 hours, they actively sought out 'something of beauty' each day, like a bird or a kind gesture. They then escalated to purposefully doing 'something of beauty' for others, which helped them find a new purpose in creating The Avielle Foundation.
The Avielle Foundation's mission is twofold: to fund and foster neuroscience research into violence as a preventable and treatable disease, and to engage the community through education to make scientific findings approachable and provide tools for brain health.
Meditation has provided him the ability to examine intense physical and emotional sensations, allowing him to respond instead of react. This enabled him to continue moving forward despite overwhelming discomfort and heartbreak, and also helped him accept kindness and find the need to give compassion.
The brain is an organ like any other, capable of being healthy or unhealthy. Talking about brain health without shame or stigmatization is crucial so people can get help for mental disturbances, recognizing that it's not a character flaw but an organ that requires care and personal responsibility.
Jeremy expresses profound anger that no intervention was made for the shooter, attributing it to fear, shame, and stigmatization around mental illness. While he doesn't forgive them, he finds liberation in understanding how the situation could escalate, viewing this understanding as a form of compassion.
16 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Purpose in Adversity
In the face of tragedy or immense difficulty, actively seek and commit to a new purpose. Having a strong ‘why’ (purpose) enables one to endure any ‘how’ (obstacles or suffering).
2. Practice Mindful Response, Not Reaction
Practice meditation to cultivate a calm state that enables you to respond thoughtfully to situations instead of reacting impulsively. This ability is hugely liberating, allowing you to move forward despite discomfort.
3. Engage in Service to Others
Actively seek opportunities to give back and be of service to others, especially after experiencing profound loss or difficulty. Giving is a fundamental human need that provides hope, purpose, and prevents spiraling into depression and hopelessness.
4. Actively Seek Beauty Daily
After experiencing profound grief or difficulty, actively seek out and find something of beauty each day (e.g., a bird, sunlight, a kind gesture). This is an active exercise that can be surprisingly easy and rewarding, helping to keep moving forward despite immense pain.
5. Practice Non-Judgmental Awareness
When difficult sensations or emotions arise during meditation, practice non-judgmental awareness by welcoming them rather than trying to make them go away. Notice if you have an ‘in order to’ mind, as trying to eliminate sensations can paradoxically worsen them.
6. View Brain as Any Other Organ
Adopt the perspective that the brain is an organ, like the heart or liver, that can be healthy or unhealthy, rather than associating mental health issues with character flaws or shame. This perspective encourages open discussion and reduces stigma.
7. Take Responsibility for Brain Health
Take personal responsibility for your own brain health and that of your loved ones and communities by identifying and eliminating risk factors for violence, and fostering protective factors like compassion, kindness, connection, and resilience.
8. Talk Openly About Brain Health
Engage in open conversations about brain health, feelings, and motivations in your communities and social circles. This helps break down stigma, encourages understanding, and fosters a supportive environment for mental well-being.
9. Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation
Practice loving-kindness meditation by silently repeating phrases of well-wishing (e.g., ‘May you be happy, healthy, safe, live with ease’) systematically towards yourself, loved ones, neutral people, difficult people, and eventually all beings. This cultivates compassion and frees one from negative feelings.
10. Use Meditation for Physical Endurance
Use meditation to observe physical discomfort and mental urges to stop (e.g., during exercise) as separate phenomena. This allows you to acknowledge sensations without being controlled by them, enabling you to push through discomfort.
11. Translate Expert Knowledge for All
If you possess complex scientific or expert knowledge, strive to translate it into approachable, digestible information for the everyday person. This makes knowledge valuable and personally meaningful, enabling individuals to apply it in their lives.
12. Practice Daily Meditation Habit
Cultivate a daily meditation practice, even for short durations like 2-10 minutes. Consistent practice, even in brief sessions, provides significant benefits over time.
13. Start Zazen with Breath Counting
Begin seated meditation (Zazen) by counting your breaths, aiming to count as high as possible without moving or being distracted. Note your count and try to improve over time to train focus.
14. Progress Zazen Focus Techniques
Deepen your Zazen practice by progressing from counting exhales to examining the nature of distractions when they arise, and eventually focusing on the space between breaths. These techniques enhance focus and self-awareness.
15. Understand Situations, Not Forgive
In situations involving harm or wrongdoing, strive for an understanding of the circumstances and motivations that led to the event, even if forgiveness is not possible or desired. This understanding can be a liberating form of compassion that adds nuance beyond blind rage.
16. Accept Kindness with Composure
When receiving an overwhelming wave of compassion or kindness from others, practice accepting it with composure and gratitude. This is an important, albeit sometimes difficult, part of allowing support and healing.
7 Key Quotes
Those who have the why can endure anyhow.
Jeremy Richman
You get a new organ whose only job is to secrete sadness.
Jeremy Richman
The brain is just like the heart, the lung, the liver, the kidneys, it can be healthy and it can be unhealthy. And we all need to talk about that and recognizing it and recognize it. It's not a character flaw.
Jeremy Richman
Hope in helping, no question about it.
Jeremy Richman
It's a selfish need to be able to give.
Jeremy Richman
Few are guilty, but all are responsible.
Jeremy Richman
I'm really effing angry that nothing was done, that there was no intervention.
Jeremy Richman
3 Protocols
Martial Arts Meditation Practice
Jeremy Richman (describing his instructor's teaching)- Sit and count breaths, aiming to count as high as possible before distraction, and note the count.
- Repeat the counting after a lesson to observe improvement.
- Change the focus to counting on exhales.
- Examine the thoughts or sensations that distract you when you realize you've been sidetracked.
- Examine the space in between your breaths and try to 'live there for a little while'.
Coping with Grief and Finding Purpose
Jeremy Richman (describing his and his wife's actions)- Actively look for 'something of beauty' each day (e.g., a bird, sunlight, a kind gesture).
- Purposefully do 'something of beauty' every day for yourself, for each other, or for somebody else.
- Focus on a new purpose, such as creating a foundation to prevent others from suffering.
Classical Loving Kindness Meditation Progression
Dan Harris (describing the classical progression)- Close your eyes and envision specific people.
- Silently repeat phrases of well-wishing (e.g., 'May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease') to yourself.
- Direct these wishes to a benefactor (a mentor or dear friend).
- Direct these wishes to a neutral person (someone you see but have little relationship with).
- Direct these wishes to a difficult person (or an enemy).
- Direct these wishes to everybody.