Jessica Morey, Teaching Meditation to Teenagers
Jess Morey, Executive Director of iBme, discusses her journey into meditation as a teenager, including a challenging retreat in Burma. She shares how iBme teaches mindfulness to teens through unique retreats, fostering self-compassion and connection.
Deep Dive Analysis
16 Topic Outline
Jessica Morey's Introduction to Meditation as a Teen
Early Teen Retreats: Unstructured and Experimental
Intense Adult Retreat and Journey to Burma
Confronting Self-Criticism in a Burmese Monastery
Interpreting Core Buddhist Concepts as a Teenager
Becoming a Buddhist Nun and Exploring Loving-Kindness
Post-Monastery Travels and Career Shift
The 'Heavenly Messengers' and Leading iBme
Why Working with Teenagers is Rewarding
Structure and Activities of iBme Teen Retreats
Rules, Trust, and Community on Teen Retreats
Workshops, Wilderness, and Solo Periods on Retreat
Transformative Impacts of Retreats on Teenagers
Research Findings: Self-Compassion and Loving-Kindness Benefits
Advice for Parents on Teen Meditation and School Programs
Jessica's Current Somatic and Loving-Kindness Practice
6 Key Concepts
Dukkha (Suffering/Stress/Dissatisfaction)
The Buddhist idea that life contains suffering, stress, or dissatisfaction. Jessica initially interpreted this as 'life sucks' as a teenager, leading to feelings of hopelessness.
Impermanence
The Buddhist concept that everything changes and nothing lasts forever. As an 18-year-old, this was emphasized to Jessica in a way that highlighted death and loss, making her feel she shouldn't think about loved ones.
No-Self (Anatta)
The Buddhist doctrine that there is no permanent, unchanging self or soul. Jessica initially interpreted this as 'you don't exist,' which, combined with other teachings, created a 'tough cocktail' of despair.
Metta (Loving Kindness Practice)
A meditation practice where one systematically envisions people—loved ones, benefactors, neutral individuals, disliked people, and all beings—and sends them good wishes. This practice helps create a chiller, more compassionate atmosphere.
Hot Seat Exercise
A small group meditation practice on teen retreats where one person becomes the object of kind, curious attention from others. Participants practice keeping their eyes and attention on the person, asking questions that arise naturally from curiosity without any agenda.
Somatic Meditation
A meditation practice focusing on body sensations from the inside, where awareness is deeply embedded within the experience rather than observing from a distance. It often involves relaxing the body and feeling sensations directly, sometimes connecting to the earth.
11 Questions Answered
She was 14 when her mom, who attended retreats, encouraged her to join the first teen meditation retreats that were starting, which she had always been interested in.
It was extremely tough, with a 3 AM wake-up, limited sleep, and constant meditation, compounded by cultural differences and physical ailments. Her biggest insight was realizing she was constantly beating herself up mentally.
When you identify the habit of beating yourself up, it creates a gap or an opening, allowing you to break the thought train and return to the present moment, making the experience less overwhelming.
A series of 'heavenly messengers'—friends and family members in their late 20s/early 30s facing severe illnesses or death—made her realize there might not be a 'later' to dedicate herself to what she loved most, leading her to pursue her passion for teen retreats now.
She finds them energetic and creative, and believes they have 'less crust on their hearts' than adults, allowing them to transform quickly and return to their natural generous, compassionate selves in the right environment.
Retreats combine sitting meditation, walking meditation, yoga, daily loving-kindness and compassion practice, and two hours of small group 'hot seat' work, along with workshops on various topics and sometimes wilderness activities.
The approach is based on trust and deep respect, with clear explanations of why rules (like celibacy or being drug/alcohol-free) are important. Breaking these rules results in being sent home.
Teens learn to be with difficult feelings they previously avoided, leading to shifts away from substance use. They also form deep connections across diverse backgrounds, seeing past initial judgments to recognize shared human experiences.
The research showed that teens had improved mood and life satisfaction three months after the retreat, with self-compassion and the practice of loving-kindness being strongly correlated with longer-lasting and greater benefits.
Jessica advises parents to meditate themselves as an influence. For teenagers, direct encouragement to meditate can be counterproductive; instead, parents might share teen-friendly videos or flyers about retreats, as teens often bring friends and siblings organically.
She practices 1-2 hours daily, primarily focusing on somatic meditation (feeling body sensations from the inside, deeply relaxing the body, and maintaining posture) and a felt-sense loving-kindness practice, sometimes connecting to the earth.
28 Actionable Insights
1. Act on Meaningful Passions Now
Recognize life’s impermanence and the uncertainty of ’later,’ prompting you to dedicate yourself to what you love and find most meaningful in the present.
2. Prioritize Self-Compassion & Metta
Cultivate self-compassion and regularly practice loving-kindness meditation, as these practices are strongly correlated with longer-lasting well-being benefits.
3. Recognize Self-Criticism Habit
Become aware of the habit of beating yourself up, especially when lost in thought, because recognizing this pattern makes the experience less painful.
4. Label Doubt to Disarm
When experiencing self-doubt, simply label it as ’that’s doubt’ to pop the balloon of the thought spiral and disarm its power.
5. Return Attention to Breath
After noticing you’ve been lost in thought or self-criticism, gently escort your attention back to your breath to re-anchor yourself.
6. Observe Life’s Background Static
Pay attention to recurring unpleasant feelings or ‘background static’ in your life, as recognizing these subtle patterns reveals underlying habits of mind.
7. Release Grasping, Don’t Believe Thoughts
Understand that suffering arises from constantly grasping at impermanent things and believing all your thoughts, and practice letting go of these tendencies.
8. Parents: Meditate Yourself
Parents should practice meditation themselves, allowing their personal practice to serve as a positive influence and example for their children.
9. Simple Practices & Full Presence
For younger children, engage in simple practices like quiet moments or feeling emotions, and most importantly, truly ‘hang out’ with them by giving full, complete attention.
10. Full Attention as Meditation
When with a baby or young child, practice full and complete attention on them, treating this focused presence as a form of meditation.
11. Join Kids’ Fresh Perspective
With younger children, join them in their natural fascination with the world, such as observing grass, to experience the world afresh and practice mindfulness.
12. Be Authentic Teaching Teens
When teaching mindfulness or any subject to young people, be totally authentic and consider how you frame the introduction, as genuine approach impacts effectiveness.
13. Encourage Self-Exploration, Not Belief
When introducing practices like mindfulness, emphasize self-exploration and personal experience over adopting a belief system, encouraging individuals to ’explore for yourself.’
14. Practice Kind, Curious Attention
Cultivate kind and curious attention by focusing on others without agenda, bringing your mind back if it wanders, and asking questions arising from genuine curiosity.
15. Foster Inclusive, Safe Environments
To create a safe and inclusive community, especially in group settings, minimize romantic or sexual distractions, allowing individuals to connect as friends.
16. Introduce Meditation as Option
For teenagers, introduce meditation as an option so they can get a taste of it and decide for themselves if it is helpful, without forcing it.
17. Use Peer Influence for Teens
To encourage teenagers to try something like meditation, use peer-friendly marketing such as videos of other teens sharing positive experiences, rather than direct parental pressure.
18. Incorporate Diverse Meditation Practices
Integrate a variety of practices into your routine, including sitting meditation, walking meditation, yoga, loving-kindness, and compassion practice, for a well-rounded approach.
19. Dedicate 1-2 Hours Daily
Aim to dedicate between one to two hours daily to your meditation practice to cultivate deeper awareness and experience sustained benefits.
20. Practice Somatic Meditation
Engage in somatic meditation by focusing your awareness deeply inside your body sensations, rather than observing them from an external perspective.
21. Practice Somatic Loving-Kindness
Cultivate loving-kindness through a ‘felt sense’ practice, focusing on the internal sensation of wishing well, either with a specific target or as a general feeling.
22. Start Lying Down, Then Sit
Begin your meditation practice by lying down for about 10 minutes, focusing on a relaxing body scan, and then sit up to continue, using an alarm if needed.
23. Soften Muscles During Body Scan
During a body scan meditation, actively soften the muscles in each area of your body as you bring attention to it, combining relaxation with mindful awareness.
24. Focus on Posture & Low Belly
When meditating, pay attention to your posture by keeping your back straight and elongated, and lightly hold your attention on the breath at your low belly.
25. Notice Tension, Identify Avoided Sensations
When lost in thought, notice if your body has tensed, then soften and relax, and investigate if you are avoiding a particular sensation or feeling, treating struggle as feedback.
26. Soften & Be Willing to Feel
When encountering an unpleasant sensation or feeling, practice softening around it and developing a willingness to be with the experience, rather than pushing it away.
27. Connect to Earth for Groundedness
During loving-kindness practice or anytime you need to feel grounded, let your awareness drop down and connect deeply with the earth, sensing your connection to its foundation.
28. Choose IMS for Retreats
If you are considering a meditation retreat, the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) in Barre, Massachusetts, is recommended as one of the best places to do it.
8 Key Quotes
My mind was more intense than all of that. Like the physical pain was in some ways a relief because my mind was so, in so much pain.
Jessica Morey
It's less painful when you know that that's what's happening. It's even more painful when you don't know that that's happening.
Jessica Morey
This is the background static of my entire life since like sentience and, and I didn't notice it until now.
Jessica Morey
I just had this like inclination that I wanted to be like a busy, crazy person and meditate so that I could then teach crazy, busy people about how to meditate.
Jessica Morey
They have less, like, crust on their hearts than adults do. So they much more quickly put in the right atmosphere with the right conditions... they go back to that best self pretty quickly.
Jessica Morey
One of the biggest things is like what that energy, when you're attracted to someone, when you're crushing on someone is so distracting. And then it like takes away.
Jessica Morey
If you tell them to meditate, it's probably the worst way to get them to meditate.
Jessica Morey
Don't believe me. Like, actually don't believe me. That's what the Buddha said. Right. So we take that all the time. It's just like, don't believe, like this, just explore for yourself and see if you find this to be interesting.
Jessica Morey
3 Protocols
iBme Teen Residential Retreat Schedule
Jessica Morey- Engage in sitting meditation.
- Practice walking meditation.
- Participate in yoga sessions.
- Practice loving kindness every day.
- Practice compassion.
- Dedicate two hours to small group 'hot seat' work.
- Attend an hour and a half workshop period in the afternoon, choosing from options like mindful sports, arts, creative writing, social justice discussions, or nature practices.
iBme Teen Wilderness Backpacking Retreat Schedule
Jessica Morey- Go backpacking and camp along the way.
- Meditate out in the wilderness.
- Maintain silence at night.
- Engage in a longer solo period of two nights alone, encouraged to use mindfulness.
Somatic Meditation Practice (Reggie Ray's style)
Jessica Morey- Start lying down for the first 10 minutes (setting an alarm to sit up later).
- Perform a body scan with an attitude of relaxing, softening muscles in each area (e.g., 'soften the head').
- Sit up.
- Feel the body sitting, holding awareness in the center of the body, focusing on posture (straight back, elongated back).
- Lightly hold attention on the breath at the low belly.
- When lost in thought, gently escort attention back to the posture, noticing if the body tenses.
- If lost due to an unwanted sensation, soften around it and develop willingness to be with it, exploring what is happening.