Jordan Harbinger On: How To Succeed at Work; How to Network Without Being Gross; And How Not To Succumb To Hustle Culture
This episode features Jordan Harbinger, a Wall Street lawyer turned podcaster, discussing how to succeed at work without succumbing to hustle culture. He shares techniques for networking, asking for raises, and the strategic value of advice, emphasizing generosity and authentic connections.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Jordan Harbinger's Early Life and Introduction to Social Dynamics
The Genesis of Jordan's Interest in People and Connections
Leveraging Relationships in East Germany and College
Addressing Privilege and the Philosophy of Generous Networking
Tactical Networking: The Connect 4 Text Exchange Method
Tactical Networking: The Gmail Roulette Email Method
The Philosophy of 'Digging the Well Before You're Thirsty'
Making Social Media Truly Social and Engaging Above the Fold
The Importance of Pivoting and Flexibility in Career Paths
Rethinking 'Follow Your Passion' vs. 'Bring Your Passion With You'
Critique of Hustle Culture and the Value of Rest
The Upsides and Downsides of Vulnerability in Relationships
Strategic Approach to Asking for a Raise
The Strategic Value of Asking for Advice
6 Key Concepts
Social Engineering
A form of 'hacking' that involves manipulating people to gain information or access, which Jordan Harbinger learned as a teenager and later applied to building genuine relationships. It's about understanding what makes people tick.
Dig the Well Before You're Thirsty
A networking philosophy emphasizing the importance of building relationships proactively, long before you actually need help or opportunities. This ensures you have a support system when unexpected challenges arise, like job loss.
Above the Fold Engagement
A social media strategy where instead of merely liking or commenting on posts, you take the interaction to a more intimate and personal channel, such as a direct text or phone call. This makes your engagement more memorable and impactful to the recipient.
Bring Your Passion With You
A career philosophy that suggests instead of strictly 'following your passion' (which can be unrealistic or ruin a hobby), you should commit fully to your chosen work, learn everything you can, and apply your energy to excel, potentially finding passion or success within that field.
Hustle Culture
A toxic mindset that promotes working excessively long hours, often implying that constant work is necessary for success and that anything less means you're 'not enough.' Jordan Harbinger views it as a deceptive and disingenuous approach that leads to burnout and unhappiness.
Benjamin Franklin Effect
A psychological phenomenon where asking someone for a favor or advice can make them like you more. The person rationalizes that they wouldn't have helped you if they didn't like you, thereby strengthening the relationship and giving them a stake in your success.
8 Questions Answered
Networking is crucial because it provides an 'insurance policy' of goodwill and connections, offering opportunities and support when you need it most, even if you don't anticipate needing it. It also exposes you to diverse perspectives and potential collaborations.
Effective networking focuses on generosity and helping others without keeping score or expecting immediate returns. The goal is to build genuine relationships and contribute to others' success, which naturally fosters goodwill and reciprocal support over time.
The 'Connect 4' method involves sending texts to four people from your phone's old message threads every weekday. This simple, consistent effort helps you reconnect, stay top-of-mind, and discover new opportunities or ways to help others in your network.
Instead of just liking or commenting on social media posts, engage 'above the fold' by taking the conversation to a more intimate channel like a direct text or phone call. This makes your interaction more personal and memorable, strengthening the connection.
View your career path as a meandering hike rather than a rigid railroad track. Be open to pivots and don't feel locked into a single decision for life. Focus on 'bringing your passion with you' to whatever you do, rather than strictly 'following your passion' from the outset.
Hustle culture promotes an unhealthy, temporary motivation based on the idea of 'never enoughness,' leading to burnout, mental health issues, and a lack of work-life balance. It often relies on deceptive tactics from gurus who profit by selling recycled advice rather than practicing what they preach.
The most effective way to ask for a raise is to first demonstrate increased value by taking on new projects, automating tasks, or working on initiatives that directly save or generate money for the company. Then, frame your request by quantifying the value you've added and asking for a percentage of that savings or revenue.
Asking for advice not only provides valuable insights but also triggers the 'Benjamin Franklin effect,' making the person you ask feel more connected to you. It also gives them a psychological stake in your success, strengthening the relationship and increasing their willingness to help you further.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Dig the Well Before Thirsty
Proactively build and nurture relationships before you need them, creating a robust network that can serve as an invaluable ‘insurance policy’ during times of career or personal need, rather than trying to build connections in a crisis.
2. Generosity in Networking
Approach networking with a mindset of helping others as much as possible, without being attached to getting anything in return, as this builds a strong, reciprocal foundation and a positive reputation.
3. Never Keep Score in Relationships
Avoid keeping score in relationships, as it poisons the well and leads to feeling resentful; only consider it if you genuinely feel you are being taken advantage of.
4. Prioritize Rest for Productivity
Recognize that work and rest are two sides of the same coin; prioritize adequate rest, including engaging in hobbies that refresh your mind, to avoid burnout and bring fresh ideas and sustained productivity to your work.
5. Reject Hustle Culture
Insulate yourself from ‘hustle culture’ content and its deceptive, disingenuous message that you are never enough, as it relies on temporary, ineffective motivation and is inherently bad for your well-being.
6. Embrace Career Pivots
View your career path as a meandering hike rather than a rigid railroad track, allowing yourself to pivot and explore different interests without the pressure of making a lifelong decision, which prevents burnout and opens new opportunities.
7. Earn a Raise by Adding Value
To earn a raise, proactively seek out projects or tasks in other departments, even after hours with your boss’s permission, that add significant, quantifiable value (e.g., automating tasks to save hours), then present the value you’ve created when asking for compensation.
8. Strategic Value of Asking Advice
Asking someone for advice not only provides you with guidance but also leverages the ‘Benjamin Franklin effect,’ making them psychologically invested in your success because they’ve helped you.
9. Consistent Networking Outperforms Privilege
Consistently nurture and expand your network over decades, as sustained effort in relationship building can ultimately create a wider and deeper network than inherited privilege alone.
10. Prioritize Intimate Communication
When engaging with people, especially friends, always choose the most intimate method of communication available (e.g., text, phone call, in-person visit) over public social media interactions like likes or comments, to foster deeper and more memorable connections.
11. Utilize the Dossier Technique
Before meeting someone you want to connect with, create a ‘dossier’ by researching their work, recent activities, and personal interests (e.g., hobbies like squash) to find common ground and initiate a more personal, memorable interaction.
12. Daily ‘Connect Four’ Text Routine
Every weekday, send a personalized text message to four people you haven’t connected with in a while, including your name, a brief update about yourself (e.g., kids, location), and an open-ended question about what they’re up to, without pressuring for an immediate reply.
13. Daily ‘Gmail Roulette’ Check-in
Once or twice a day, open your email, type a random combination of letters, and if an interesting contact autocompletes, send them a quick check-in note to stay top-of-mind and foster connections.
14. Bring Passion, Don’t Just Follow It
Instead of strictly ‘following your passion,’ bring your passion and full focus to whatever work you are doing, even if it’s not your ideal job, to excel and gain valuable experience without committing to it long-term.
15. Embrace Vulnerability for Connection
Put down your emotional shield and be vulnerable by sharing your struggles and past mistakes, as this fosters deeper connections, helps others feel understood, and encourages them to open up to you.
16. Filter Relationships Wisely
Learn to filter people into different buckets, especially those who know, like, and trust you, to ensure they have your best interests in mind and avoid negative influences.
17. Seek Advice from Precedents
When navigating complex systems like creating a custom degree, seek out and ask for introductions to people who have successfully done it before, then learn from their presentation strategies and insights.
18. Design Your Own Path
When possible, design your own academic or career path by selecting courses or projects you are genuinely interested in, then create a coherent narrative and a compelling name for it to stand out.
19. Help Others Without Self-Derailment
Be generous in helping others, but ensure the assistance you provide does not derail your own ability to do your work, as this approach offers doses of joy and positive reinforcement without personal cost.
8 Key Quotes
If you find yourself keeping score, you are doing it wrong and you're going to poison the well of all of pretty much all the relationships that you have.
Jordan Harbinger
I'm collecting a lot of sticks and I'm stacking those sticks up. It doesn't matter if I got a better deal. Not keeping score is one of my like cardinal rules of relationship development.
Jordan Harbinger
The ideal outcome for you, if you do this is that everybody you've helped is a wildly successful runaway, absolute runaway success. And maybe one out of a hundred of them is like, hey, I should thank you for that. And maybe something cool happens as a result. That's enough.
Jordan Harbinger
You can't really be so locked onto the rails. Life is sort of like a hike, right? It's like you go off the trail, you got to the bathroom, you want to see the flower over here. People act like it's a railroad track and you can only go in this direction.
Jordan Harbinger
There's no better way to ruin a passion than to try and monetize it and make it your job.
Jordan Harbinger
Work and rest are two sides of the same coin. In other words, if you want to be productive, you need rest.
Dan Harris
Anybody who's teaching you how to make money, they are lying to you because if what they taught worked, they would do that. That's how they would make their money.
Jordan Harbinger
You and I both won the lottery. We won the lottery. And anybody who's in our position, speaking of privilege, that doesn't acknowledge the massive role of luck in timing. They are delusional.
Jordan Harbinger
4 Protocols
Connect 4 Text Exchange
Jordan Harbinger- Open your messaging app and scroll to the bottom to find old, inactive threads.
- Skip outright awful connections (exes, people who stole from you, etc.).
- Select four people from these threads every weekday.
- Send a text using your full name (e.g., 'Hey, it's Jordan Harbinger here').
- Ask 'What's new with you?' and share a brief personal update (e.g., 'I've got a couple of kids now').
- Optionally, send a picture for a more personal touch.
- State your current location (e.g., 'I'm in the Bay Area') and express interest in what they're doing ('I'd love to know what you're up to').
- Add 'No rush on the reply, I know everybody's busy.'
- Repeat daily, spending only a few minutes each time (e.g., while waiting for coffee).
Gmail Roulette
Jordan Harbinger- Open your email program.
- Type a random combination of letters into the search or recipient field.
- If an interesting contact pops up via autocomplete, send them a quick check-in note.
- Repeat once or twice a day to reconnect with people you haven't spoken to in a while.
Dossier Technique for Meeting New Contacts
Jordan Harbinger- Before meeting someone you want to connect with, do some research (e.g., Wikipedia, recent social media posts, current projects).
- If possible, ask mutual contacts what the person is interested in or working on recently.
- Identify a personal interest or unique aspect of the person (e.g., 'enjoys squash,' 'has been to North Korea four times').
- Use this information to initiate a conversation or activity that aligns with their personal interest, rather than immediately asking for something professional.
- Clearly state your interest in their personal hobby/interest, and separate it from any professional agenda, if applicable.
- Engage in the shared interest first to build rapport and a more genuine connection.
Strategic Raise Negotiation
Jordan Harbinger- Identify a project or area of work you're interested in, potentially in a different department or involving automation.
- Seek permission from your current boss to contribute to this new area, ensuring it doesn't interfere with your primary duties.
- Volunteer to do the work, even if it's unpaid or after hours, to prove your capability and commitment.
- Keep your boss regularly updated on your progress and the value you're creating (e.g., hours saved, revenue generated).
- During your performance review, quantify the value you've added (e.g., 'we're saving six hours a week, worth $1200 per person').
- Propose a compensation increase that is a percentage of the value you've brought (e.g., 'I would like 50% of that savings added to my compensation').
- Highlight other ideas you have for continued value creation to demonstrate ongoing potential.