Lewis Howes, Former Pro-Athlete on Removing 'Mask of Masculinity'

1. Detach Self-Worth from Achievements

Recognize that tying your self-worth to external accomplishments (like financial success, accolades, or relationships) can lead to internal suffering and a feeling of emptiness, even when outwardly successful. Instead, aim for actions that come from a desire to lift others up, rather than to prove yourself.

2. Embrace Radical Vulnerability

Share your deepest, most shameful past traumas or insecurities with trusted individuals. This act of radical vulnerability can lead to a profound sense of inner freedom, lift a heavy weight off your shoulders, and deepen connections with others by giving them permission to share their own stories.

3. Mindfulness for Suffering

If you are suffering or in a bad mood, bring nonjudgmental, friendly awareness to the present moment and the sensations in your body. This simple awareness acts as ‘kryptonite for the ego,’ stopping the mental spinning of planning, hating, or wanting, and causing the suffering to evaporate, even if only for nanoseconds.

4. Commit to Daily Meditation

Engage in a regular meditation practice, even if it’s just 1-5 minutes a day, to build a baseline of mental strength. This daily practice ‘supercharges’ your ability to apply mindfulness techniques effectively in acute, stressful situations and helps train your mind over time.

5. Meditation Trains Your Mind

Understand that meditation is fundamentally about training your mind, which is a trainable asset. You can systematically develop desirable qualities like patience, compassion, and calm, while actively deemphasizing unwanted traits like anger or selfishness.

6. Cultivate Male Vulnerability

Challenge societal conditioning that discourages men from expressing emotions or being vulnerable. By revealing your authentic, caring, and vulnerable self, you can foster deeper trust and connection with others, inspiring them to do the same.

7. Sustain a Beautiful State

Aim to cultivate a ‘beautiful state’ of mind, characterized by love, joy, peace, harmony, and creativity, rather than an unsustainable ‘peak state.’ When you recognize you’re in a ‘suffering state’ (ego-driven resentment, anger, etc.), consciously disassociate your ego from it to return to a beautiful state.

8. Disempower Trauma by Sharing

Repeatedly share your personal trauma or difficult experiences until the fear and shame associated with them diminish. This process helps you regain control over the narrative, making it less emotionally charged and allowing you to speak about it freely.

9. Practice Forgiveness

Actively work towards forgiving yourself and others who have caused you pain. Holding onto hatred or resentment does not serve your personal peace or humanity, and releasing it can bring a profound sense of inner peace.

10. Common Sense & Spirituality

Balance spiritual beliefs and practices with common sense, especially regarding physical well-being. Take practical steps to care for your body (e.g., seeking medical attention for injuries) while also engaging in prayer or mental practices.

11. Acute Stress Techniques

When facing an acutely stressful situation, take deep, intentional breaths to physiologically and psychologically calm yourself. Simultaneously, employ basic mindfulness by tuning into where the fear or worry manifests in your body, pulling you out of the ‘story’ of anxiety, even for brief moments.

12. Manage Calm Expectations

Do not expect to achieve ‘overwhelming calm’ in stressful situations, especially without a strong meditation baseline, as this expectation can lead to self-flagellation. Accept that a degree of nervousness is normal and can even keep you alert and on your toes.

13. Lewis’s Soul Sink Meditation

Practice a daily 12-15 minute ‘soul sink’ meditation that includes breathing strategies, visualizing your daily intention, and expressing gratitude. Incorporate a personalized visualization that cultivates compassion (e.g., gathering people into a dance party), perspective (e.g., seeing Earth from space to diminish problems), and a sense of abundance/possibility (e.g., expanding universes).

14. Meditate on Annoyances

When confronted with an annoying or frustrating sound or situation (e.g., a partner’s snoring), try making it the focus of your awareness. Meditating on the sounds or sensations can transform frustration into a sense of tenderness or acceptance.

15. Challenge Age Limits

Reject the idea that your age limits your potential or dreams. Avoid focusing on age as a limiting factor, as it can create a mental barrier to pursuing what you want to achieve.

16. Cultivate Lifelong Curiosity

Maintain a deep curiosity about people, ideas, and how things work, continuously seeking to learn and understand. This student mindset helps you distill complex challenges into simple, actionable tools for a better life.

17. Share Vulnerability for Impact

Consider sharing your personal vulnerabilities and struggles publicly, especially if you have a platform, to serve a broader mission. This can create awareness, give others permission to open up, and lead to unexpected positive impact and connection.

18. Attend Emotional Workshops

Participate in emotional intelligence workshops or group therapy sessions to explore past traumas, resentments, and pain points. These structured environments can help you process difficult experiences and clarify your vision for the future.

19. Test Acceptance with Question

Before sharing a deeply personal or vulnerable truth with loved ones, ask them: ‘Is there anything I could ever say or do that would make you not love me?’ Their response can quickly indicate their openness and readiness to accept your truth.

20. Visualize for Performance

For technical or athletic endeavors, regularly visualize the precise movements and repetitions in your mind. This mental practice can significantly enhance physical performance and help you achieve peak results.

21. Embrace Entrepreneurial Hustle

Adopt an entrepreneurial mindset by constantly seeking ways to ’turn dirt into gold,’ add value, solve problems, and build relationships. Be proactive in learning all aspects of business (marketing, sales, branding) and execute daily with an ‘athlete mode’ intensity to achieve financial goals.

22. LinkedIn Networking Strategy

Dedicate significant time daily to connecting with successful individuals on LinkedIn, asking questions, and learning their stories. Leverage these connections to host networking events, secure sponsorships, offer consulting services, and generate income streams.

23. Seek Love & Inner Peace

Define your personal ‘religion’ as one centered on love, inner peace, and lifting humanity up. This philosophical stance guides your interactions and life choices towards a more compassionate existence.