Lodro Rinzler, Meditation for the Heartbroken
Meditation teacher Lodro Rinzler discusses making Buddhist teachings accessible, coping with heartbreak through a "choose-your-own-adventure" approach, and practical advice for meditation, including accepting thoughts and cultivating self-kindness. He also shares insights on motivating practice and his drop-in studios, MNDFL.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Lodro Rinzler's Early Introduction to Meditation
Advice for Parents on Kids and Meditation
Lodro's Background in Shambhala Buddhism
Childhood Meditation and Dealing with Peer Perceptions
Making Buddhism Accessible: 'The Buddha Walks Into a Bar' Series
Applied Mindfulness in Daily Life: Mindful Drinking
Meditation as Familiarization and Self-Acceptance
Addressing the 'I Can't Stop Thinking' Obstacle
The Concept of 'Inner Bitch Radio' and Self-Kindness
Lodro's Personal Experience with Heartbreak
'Love Hurts' Book: Its Structure and Broad Scope
MNDFL Meditation Studios: Concept and Community
Overcoming Hurdles to Adopting a Meditation Practice
Lodro's Personal Meditation Practice and Style
The Role of Teachers and Initiation in Advanced Practices
The Ethics of Monetizing Dharma and Spirituality
MNDFL's Philosophy on Growth and Integrity
5 Key Concepts
Gom (Tibetan)
This Tibetan term can be translated as meditation, or more deeply as 'become familiar' or 'familiarization.' It signifies that meditation is the process of becoming familiar with all thoughts and strong emotions that arise, ultimately leading to self-acceptance rather than striving for self-improvement.
Vipassana (Pali)
Meaning 'insight' or 'seeing clearly' in ancient Indian language, Vipassana refers to the practice of clearly observing what is happening in one's mind and body in the present moment. This clear seeing helps prevent one from being blindly controlled by thoughts and emotions.
Inner Bitch Radio
This is a term used to describe the judgmental, self-aggressive inner voice that constantly criticizes oneself. It often manifests during meditation when the mind wanders, leading to self-laceration rather than kindness.
Shamatha (Calm Abiding)
A form of mindfulness meditation, often practiced with eyes open and gaze cast down, where one brings full attention to the breath. The underlying principle is that a sense of peace and calm is inherently innate within us, and this practice helps peel back layers to access it, even if the experience itself doesn't always feel calm.
Vajrayana (Indestructible Path)
A series of Tibetan Buddhist practices that include contemplations, mantra recitation, and visualization. These practices are often best learned directly from a teacher through initiation, rather than through self-study, to ensure proper guidance and understanding.
7 Questions Answered
Parents can introduce meditation to young children by simply showing up for them and being willing to talk about it, making it a generally accepted and encouraged activity in the household, rather than a separate or hidden practice.
Yes, by approaching it with intentionality; pausing to consider if the intention is to get drunk and forget, or to connect with friends, and then guiding behavior to mindfully enjoy the company or a single drink, aiming for an uplifted feeling rather than a hangover.
It's not necessary to stop thinking; the mind will always generate thoughts. Meditation is about becoming familiar with these thoughts and emotions, befriending them, and learning to be okay with who you are, rather than trying to achieve a thoughtless state.
Meditation helps by transforming the judgmental inner voice ('inner bitch radio') into a kinder one, allowing you to treat yourself with compassion when you get distracted, and fostering self-acceptance rather than constant self-correction.
The biggest hurdles are inflated expectations due to an instant gratification culture, leading people to think they are 'doing it wrong' if they don't immediately feel happy or stop thinking, and the isolation of practicing alone without guidance.
In a consumer society, charging for meditation services can be a sustainable model that supports teachers and keeps businesses open, allowing for an exchange where people support the work being done. This contrasts with a non-profit model that can sometimes lead to a 'poverty mentality.'
Some longstanding traditions, like Vajrayana Buddhism or Vedic meditation, believe that certain practices are best shown directly by a teacher rather than learned through books or videos, to ensure proper understanding and a wholesome practice.
29 Actionable Insights
1. Befriend Thoughts in Meditation
Do not try to stop thinking during meditation; instead, observe thoughts, befriend them, and become more okay with who you are. The mind naturally generates thoughts, and meditation is about familiarization and acceptance, not suppression.
2. Gently Return to Breath
When thoughts arise during meditation, don’t get uptight; notice the thought, perhaps mentally note its type, and gently return attention to the breath. This is the core practice, and it’s normal to have to redirect attention repeatedly.
3. Replace Self-Judgment with Kindness
When noticing mind wandering during meditation, replace self-judgmental thoughts with a kind and accepting internal voice, reminding yourself it’s okay to drift and to simply return. This transforms the practice from self-aggression to self-kindness and acceptance.
4. Feel Your Breath Physically
Focus on feeling the physical sensations of the breath rather than just thinking about it during meditation. Meditation is about experiencing the raw, visceral data of the body, not a purely mental exercise.
5. View Meditation as Cumulative
Approach meditation as a cumulative practice, giving yourself time and trusting that subtle effects will appear over time. It’s not an instant fix; consistent practice leads to gradual benefits.
6. Cultivate Self-Love via Meditation
Use meditation to become familiar with yourself, learn to be kind to yourself, and cultivate self-love. Self-love cultivated through meditation allows for greater love to be offered to others.
7. Celebrate Waking Up in Meditation
Reframe the moment of realizing you’ve been distracted during meditation as a celebration of waking up and training your mind. This positive reframing can make the practice feel more rewarding and highlight progress.
8. Release “Getting It Right” Pressure
Release the pressure of “getting it right” in meditation, understanding that there isn’t one single correct way to practice. This mindset prevents self-doubt and allows for exploration of various techniques.
9. Question Self-Criticism’s Utility
When repeatedly engaging in self-laceration for mind wandering, pause and ask yourself, “Is this useful? Is this actually helping me?” This question can help break the cycle of unhelpful self-criticism.
10. Note Self-Judgment, Then Relax
When self-judgment arises reflexively after distraction, simply make a mental note of the judgment without adding further pressure or self-laceration. This allows for acceptance of the initial reaction and relaxation, rather than trying to suppress it.
11. Manage Meditation Expectations
Set realistic expectations for meditation, understanding that it takes weeks of consistent practice to see effects, rather than expecting immediate happiness. Realistic expectations prevent discouragement and help sustain practice.
12. Seek Personalized Meditation Guidance
Seek personalized guidance from meditation teachers or coaches to address specific challenges and receive tailored practice recommendations. Human interaction and specific advice can help navigate difficulties and suggest appropriate practices.
13. Find Meditation Accountability/Support
Seek out community or structured environments like meditation classes for support and accountability in maintaining a meditation practice. External support and knowing teachers can help sustain motivation and consistency.
14. Prioritize Self-Care During Heartbreak
During heartbreak, prioritize self-care activities like spending time with loved ones, going for walks, taking time off, and getting enough sleep, while avoiding unhelpful coping mechanisms like overeating or excessive drinking. These actions support well-being and recovery during difficult emotional periods.
15. Seek Therapy for Heartbreak
If experiencing significant heartbreak or emotional distress, consider seeking therapy. Therapy can provide support and help process strong emotions, potentially leading back to other self-care practices like meditation.
16. Address Meditation Posture
If concerned about posture in meditation, seek guidance or classes specifically for posture correction. Correct posture can enhance comfort and confidence in practice.
17. Integrate Meditation into Routine
Integrate meditation into your daily routine, even if it means adapting to interruptions from pets or other household members. Consistency is key, and finding ways to practice amidst daily life helps maintain the habit.
18. Balance Daily Sits with Retreats
Balance daily “maintenance sits” for sanity with occasional longer retreats (e.g., once a year) for deeper practice. This approach allows for consistent mental upkeep during busy periods and opportunities for profound growth.
19. Join a Meditation Challenge
Participate in structured challenges, like a 30-day meditation challenge, to build consistency and track progress. Challenges provide financial incentives, a sense of accomplishment, and a way to stay on track.
20. Read for Mental Upkeep
Read articles about meditation and mental upkeep regularly. This helps to stay engaged in the practice and connected to its intellectual infrastructure, preventing it from feeling “stupid” or losing touch.
21. Practice Shamatha Meditation
Practice Shamatha meditation by bringing full attention to the breath, understanding that while it may not always feel calm, it aims to connect with an innate sense of peace. This foundational practice helps uncover inherent calm and peace.
22. Meditate with Eyes Open
Consider meditating with eyes open, with a soft gaze cast downwards at the floor. This is a valid method within some traditions and can have different effects on the mind.
23. Vary Breath Focus Techniques
Experiment with different ways of focusing on the breath, such as the in-breath and out-breath, counting breaths, or just the out-breath. Different techniques can have different effects and may suit individual preferences.
24. Explore Drop-in Meditation Studios
Utilize drop-in meditation studios for short, accessible classes to explore different meditation styles and teachers. It provides a convenient way to sample various practices and find what resonates before committing to a deeper tradition.
25. Apply Meditation to Daily Life
Practice meditation with an emphasis on applying it to everyday life and showing up for other human beings. This integrates the practice into daily interactions and helps one be helpful to the world.
26. Expose Kids to Meditation
Parents should show up for meditation and talk about it openly in the household. Kids will pick up on cues and be encouraged to try it themselves if it’s an accepted activity.
27. Meditate Despite Kid Interruptions
Parents with young children should still try to meditate, even if it means doing it early or amidst distractions. It’s possible to get meditation time in, even with kids interrupting, as demonstrated by an example.
28. Seek Direct Teacher Guidance
For advanced or specific meditation practices (e.g., Vajrayana, Vedic mantra), seek direct guidance and initiation from a qualified teacher. Direct transmission ensures proper understanding and a wholesome practice, as opposed to self-learning from secondary sources.
29. Prioritize Spiritual Integrity
If involved in a business related to spirituality or meditation, prioritize maintaining spiritual integrity in all aspects, including communication and representation. This ensures authenticity and responsible communication of practices, preventing dilution or misrepresentation.
5 Key Quotes
Asking the mind to stop thinking is like asking the heart to stop beating because you don't like the sound of it.
Lodro Rinzler
Simple but not easy.
Sharon Salzberg (quoted by Lodro Rinzler)
The 90 millionth time that we're beating ourselves up for wandering off in meditation, can we just stop for a second and be like, is this useful?
Lodro Rinzler
I honestly think that's love, just giving ourselves a break, a sense of kindness, when we notice that we're wandering off and starting to get annoyed.
Lodro Rinzler
I honestly think we have some of the best teachers in the entire city from all these different traditions all under one roof, which is the first time I've ever seen that happen.
Lodro Rinzler
1 Protocols
MNDFL 30-Day Challenge
Lodro Rinzler- Come to MNDFL 30 days in a row.
- Receive your next month's membership on the house.
- Track your progress using a punch card.