Mirabai Bush, Conversations on Loving and Dying
Mirabai Bush, co-author of "Walking Each Other Home" with Ram Dass, discusses reframing death as the ultimate spiritual practice. She shares her journey into meditation, bringing mindfulness to the workplace, and practical ways to approach death with curiosity and love to cultivate presence and compassion.
Deep Dive Analysis
12 Topic Outline
Mirabai Bush's Early Life and Entry into Meditation
Ram Dass's Background and Influence
Founding of Insight Meditation Society and 'Illuminations' Business
Bringing Mindfulness to the Workplace: Google's Search Inside Yourself
Addressing Me Too Allegations and Challenges in Mindfulness Communities
The Book 'Walking Each Other Home: Conversations on Loving and Dying'
Practices for Cultivating Comfort with Death and Impermanence
Ram Dass's Experience with Hospice Work and AIDS Patients
Mirabai's Personal Journey with Death and Grief
The Importance of Discussing Death with Younger Generations
Listener Question: The Value of Short Daily Meditation
Listener Question: Approaching Thoughts During Meditation
6 Key Concepts
Radical Self-Confidence about the Rightness of Being Alive
A profound feeling of belonging and certainty in one's existence, experienced after deep meditative practice. It signifies a deep sense of being at home on the planet and feeling it is right to be alive.
Sub-ek (It's All One)
A core teaching from the Indian saint Neem Karoli Baba, emphasizing the interconnectedness and unity of all things. It suggests a perspective that transcends categories and sees underlying oneness.
Awakened Company
A business model that integrates meditative practices and awareness values into its operations and culture. The goal is to function with more mindfulness, compassion, and productivity, while also being ethically prudent.
Aphasia
A condition resulting from a massive stroke that affects a person's ability to express what they are thinking, even when their cognitive abilities and thinking brain remain clear. It can make finding the right words challenging.
Loving Rock
A metaphor for the role of a companion or caregiver to a dying person, particularly in a hospice setting. It describes being a stable, non-judgmental, and loving presence, providing comfort and reassurance without medical responsibilities.
Yawning Chasm of Pure Knowing
A meditative insight gained by inquiring 'who is thinking' or 'who is hearing' during practice. It reveals the absence of a fixed 'owner' of consciousness, leading to an experience of fundamental mystery and pure awareness.
8 Questions Answered
It is possible to run an 'awakened business' by integrating meditative practices and awareness values, but it requires prudence, especially regarding financial planning and retaining earnings for difficult times.
While these practices are intended to have a positive effect, human behavior is complex, and individuals, even those with long-term meditation practice, can still act unconsciously or be prone to self-delusion, leading to challenging situations.
By approaching death with curiosity and love, and bringing it into everyday awareness, one can let go of clinging and attachment, which creates more space for presence and love in current relationships, making life feel more vibrant.
Fear often leads to a closed, tight, and self-centered state, which leaves no space for openness and love towards others. By reducing the fear of death, one creates more internal space for love to arise, making all relationships more loving.
Yes, the fear of death is fundamentally related to all other fears; if one continuously strips away what they are afraid of, it ultimately often comes down to the fear of not wanting to die.
One significant way to learn about dying is by being with people who are dying, such as through hospice work, which offers direct experience and lessons on presence and love.
Short daily meditation practices, even 5 to 10 minutes, are highly valuable and effective, providing many advertised benefits. While meditation retreats can be beneficial, they are not a prerequisite for a meaningful and impactful meditation practice.
Instead of analyzing the content of thoughts, a fruitful meditative approach is to inquire 'who is thinking' or 'who is hearing.' This can lead to an insight into the fundamental mystery of consciousness and the absence of a fixed 'owner' of awareness.
13 Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Death Awareness
Bring death into your everyday awareness, perhaps by using an app like We Croak or dedicating a minute daily to reflect on it, to become more present and less fearful in your current life.
2. Sit With Death-Related Fears
When thoughts of death arise, sit with them and observe your fears, which can reveal attachments in this life; then, practice letting go of that clinging to relax into the reality of impermanence.
3. Let Go of Regrets
Accept past actions and, if necessary, make apologies or seek forgiveness, then consciously let go of deep regrets, as this practice makes the end of life less difficult.
4. Plan End-of-Life Details
Engage in practical discussions about your wishes for dying, such as where ashes go or if you want music, as this is beneficial for people of all ages to consider.
5. Support Dying Loved Ones
Be a ’loving rock’ for people who are dying by simply being present, loving, and non-judgmental, offering comfort without trying to fix or advise them, which helps the dying person feel held by love.
6. Talk Openly About Death
Engage in conversations about death to reduce your own fear and increase comfort with the topic, and be open about it with children in a natural and appropriate way (e.g., ‘got sick and didn’t get better’).
7. Consistent Daily Meditation
Practice meditation for 5-10 minutes daily, or even 1 minute, as this consistent habit is highly effective for deriving benefits and is a great way to start a new routine.
8. Return to Breath Mindfully
During meditation, when you realize your mind has wandered into thinking, compassionately and gently return your focus to your breath or chosen object of concentration.
9. Investigate The Thinker
When distracted by thoughts during meditation, instead of analyzing the thought, investigate ‘who is thinking’ or ‘who is hearing’ to explore the fundamental mystery of consciousness.
10. Cultivate Self & Other Awareness
Practice self-awareness and awareness of others, including compassion, loving kindness, and mindful listening, especially if you are highly analytical or work in teams, to improve social skills.
11. Bring Wisdom to Midlife
Strive to integrate the wisdom typically associated with old age, such as comfort with impermanence, into the middle of your life.
12. Seek Insights Through Conversation
Engage in conversations with close friends to gain new insights and express thoughts, especially if you experience communication challenges like aphasia.
13. Start Lifelong Practice Now
Begin meditation and self-awareness practices now, understanding that ‘waking up’ is a gradual, lifelong unfolding process, not an overnight transformation.
5 Key Quotes
I just felt a kind of radical self-confidence about the rightness of being alive.
Mirabai Bush
How could somebody be meditating for 30 years and not be very compassionate?
Unnamed Zen Mountain Monastery student (recounted by Mirabai Bush)
Old is when you get broken and you can't get fixed.
Dahlia (Mirabai Bush's granddaughter)
Your meditation practice is excellent and, in fact, at the high end of the range of what I recommend for people.
Dan Harris
All there is here is this yawning chasm of pure knowing. You can't find the owner, and that is throwing you up against a fundamental mystery of the universe.
Dan Harris
2 Protocols
Cultivating Comfort with Death
Mirabai Bush- Bring death into everyday awareness, such as five times a day, using an app like We Croak, or simply dedicating a minute daily to thinking about it.
- Sit with the thoughts and feelings that arise when contemplating death, which can reveal fears and attachments in life.
- Engage in practices of letting go of attachment to what you're holding onto, such as clinging to loved ones being a certain way.
- Relax into the reality that everyone will die, which opens up space for more loving relationships.
Approaching Regrets at the End of Life
Mirabai Bush- Acknowledge and accept past actions that you couldn't have done better.
- If there's something to be done, offer apologies or forgiveness.
- Let go of deep regret to ease the dying process.