Optimizing Your Stress | Modupe Akinola
Modupe Akinola, Associate Professor at Columbia Business School, discusses how our mindset about stress determines its impact, offering practical tools to cultivate a 'stress-enhancing' perspective. She also shares insights on navigating difficult but transformative conversations around diversity, equity, and inclusion.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Modupe Akinola and the Stress Mindset
Understanding Stress as a Resource
Personal Strategies for Navigating Stress
Cultivating a Stress-as-Enhancing Mindset
Reappraising Physical Stress Responses
Overcoming Negative Self-Talk and Negativity Bias
Navigating Stressful Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) Conversations
Principles for Effective DEI Discussions
The Role of Language in DEI Conversations
Learning from Mistakes in DEI Work
Building Trust and Authenticity in the Workplace
Responding to Criticism and Defensiveness
Understanding Reverse Mentorship
8 Key Concepts
Stress Mindset
This refers to the frame or lens through which an individual views stress, determining whether they perceive it as enhancing (beneficial) or debilitating (harmful). Research suggests that cultivating an 'enhancing' mindset can lead to more positive outcomes.
Trauma Dumping
This term describes the act of sharing all one's traumatic experiences with another person, expecting them to take it all on, rather than vocalizing specific needs for support or asking if the other person has the capacity to listen.
Reappraising Anxiety as Excitement
A psychological tool where an individual reframes feelings of anxiety or nervousness as excitement. This shift in perspective can lead to beneficial outcomes and improved performance in stressful situations.
Positive Self-Talk
This involves consciously offering a balanced, positive perspective to counter the often negative inner dialogue one has. It helps to reframe situations, build resilience, and prevent negative thoughts from looming large.
Diverse Person Misconception
This highlights the incorrect use of the term 'diverse' to describe an individual. Diversity is a property of a group, while individuals are identified by their specific racial, ethnic, or other group affiliations (e.g., Black, Latinx), and it's important to acknowledge these specific identities.
White Supremacy Culture (as a term)
This term refers to the pervasive cultural norms and practices in many organizations that are rooted in whiteness and have historically dominated. Understanding this term is crucial for DEI literacy and does not imply individual belief in white supremacy or membership in hate groups.
Authenticity in the Workplace
This concept emphasizes the ability to show up as one's full self at work. It requires creating safe spaces, vulnerability, and open communication, and is a responsibility shared by both leaders and individuals to foster.
Reverse Mentorship
This is a relationship where a more senior individual learns from a more junior person who possesses expertise in a specific area. It is often used to bridge knowledge gaps and gain insights, particularly in fields like diversity, equity, and inclusion.
9 Questions Answered
Stress itself is not inherently bad; rather, it's our relationship to stress and our mindset about it that determines whether it helps or harms us. We can learn to acknowledge and use stress as a resource.
Individuals can draw on their past experiences and knowledge, lean on others for support (while being clear about their needs to avoid trauma dumping), practice self-awareness through meditation, and engage in physical activity like walking.
It involves continually reminding oneself of past stressful situations that were overcome, observing how others navigate stress, and allowing oneself to experience stress as an opportunity to work through it, rather than running from it.
Instead of viewing them as negative, one can remind themselves that these are the body's signals preparing them to act, and engage tools like deep breathing to manage the physical response while maintaining a positive psychological frame.
It requires consistent practice and noticing when negative thoughts arise, then offering a balanced, positive counter-perspective to that inner dialogue. There are ample opportunities to practice this daily.
Key learnings include intentionally placing oneself in situations of exclusion and inclusion to understand the difference, being comfortable acknowledging race directly, and familiarizing oneself with the specific lexicon and terms used in DEI discussions.
Leaders are responsible for creating safe spaces that encourage vulnerability and open feedback, while individuals should seek organizations that are a good fit for their authentic selves and test the waters by gradually bringing more of themselves to work.
The first step is to listen without immediately becoming defensive. If triggered, it's better to pause, acknowledge the feedback, express gratitude for it, and request space to process before engaging in a follow-up conversation.
Reverse mentorship is a process where a senior person learns from a junior person who is an expert in a specific area. This is particularly valuable in the DEI space, where senior leaders can gain insights from people of color about organizational dynamics.
24 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Stress-Enhancing Mindset
Acknowledge, welcome, and actively try to use stress as a resource, understanding that your mindset about stress determines whether its effects are helpful or harmful.
2. Practice Daily Self-Check-in
Dedicate time each morning, even just a few minutes, to be quiet, meditate, and check in with yourself to understand your emotional state and prevent autopilot reactions.
3. Engage Resources During Stress
When feeling overwhelmed by stress and a lack of resources, actively seek and engage both internal (past experience, knowledge) and external (people, support) resources to push through.
4. Prioritize Active Listening
In difficult conversations, especially those involving harm or pain, prioritize active listening and acknowledging others’ experiences over immediately offering solutions or defending yourself.
5. Ask “What Do I Need?”
Regularly ask yourself “What do I need right now?” to cultivate self-awareness, identify your needs, and create the space to meet them, ultimately building capacity to support others.
6. Reframe Physical Stress Signals
When you feel physical signs of stress like a racing heart or sweaty palms, reframe them as your body preparing you to act and perform, rather than as negative symptoms.
7. Counter Negative Self-Talk
Practice noticing negative thoughts as they arise and consciously counter-program them by reminding yourself of past successes or a balanced, positive perspective.
8. Set Boundaries for Support
Recognize and set boundaries for when you have the capacity to be a resource for others, ensuring you’ve met your own needs first to avoid resentment or burnout.
9. Seek Exclusion/Inclusion Experiences
To deeply understand diversity, equity, and inclusion, intentionally put yourself in situations where you are in the numerical minority or have experienced exclusion.
10. Acknowledge and Discuss Race
Get comfortable acknowledging and discussing race directly, using specific racial terms (e.g., Black, White, Latinx, BIPOC) instead of vague terms like “diverse person.”
11. Learn DEI Lexicon
Become familiar and comfortable with the specific language and terms used in diversity, equity, and inclusion (e.g., anti-racism, white supremacy culture) to engage effectively.
12. Ask for Processing Time
When receiving feedback that triggers defensiveness, ask for time to process it before responding, stating that you appreciate the feedback but need space to think clearly.
13. Use Deep Abdominal Breathing
Employ deep abdominal breathing as a physical tool to help lower your heart rate and manage intense stress responses, allowing for more efficient functioning.
14. Proactively Check-in on Friends
Proactively reach out to friends from marginalized groups, especially after incidents of hate or discrimination, to check in and offer compassionate support.
15. Vulnerability with Language Cues
When sharing sensitive information or being vulnerable, preface it with phrases like “I’m nervous about saying this, but…” to give others a heads-up and help them understand the dynamic.
16. Gradually Test Vulnerability
Increase your vulnerability and authenticity gradually by “testing the waters” and observing how your disclosures are received, adjusting based on the response.
17. Research Before Asking
Before asking someone from a marginalized group to educate you, first research “Googleable” information; only ask for personal insights or nuances not easily found.
18. Implement Reverse Mentorship
Create opportunities for more senior individuals to learn from junior people who have expertise in specific areas, such as diversity, equity, and inclusion.
19. Seek Better Workplace Fit
If your current workplace doesn’t allow you to be your authentic self, actively seek an organization that is a better fit where you feel you can bring your full self.
20. Engage in Regular Exercise
Incorporate regular physical activity, such as a daily walk, to connect your mind and body, get fresh air, and serve as a resource for managing stress.
21. Foster Safe Mistakes Environment
Cultivate an environment, especially in difficult conversations, where it is safe to make mistakes without severe judgment, encouraging participation and learning.
22. Use Interchangeable DEI Terms
When communicating DEI concepts, consider using interchangeable terms (e.g., “white privilege” instead of “white supremacy culture”) to foster understanding and avoid alienating your audience.
23. Affirm Your Voice
If you are in a numerical minority or have historically felt silenced, consciously affirm that your thoughts and voice matter, and use them because you have a seat at the table.
24. Ask “What Do You Need?” (Others)
When supporting others, ask “What do you need from me right now?” to clarify their specific needs, whether it’s just listening or advice.
5 Key Quotes
Stress does not actually have to be a bad thing. Rather, it's our relationship to stress, our mindset about stress, that determines whether we're helped or harmed by it.
Dan Harris
I've learned to live my research, which focuses on the importance of understanding that not all stress is bad and that if we actually acknowledge stress and welcome it and try to use it, we can be our best selves.
Modupe Akinola
This DEIA, Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Anti-Racism work is hard work and heart work.
Modupe Akinola
When you feel your heart beating really hard, that's your body saying, it's on. It's happening. I'm ready for you.
Modupe Akinola
I mean, we've all messed up. We all have messed up. And we need to recognize that and be compassionate about that.
Modupe Akinola
3 Protocols
Daily Self-Check-in and Meditation
Modupe Akinola- Wake up and dedicate time to be quiet and meditate.
- Use this time to check in with yourself and be present with your current state.
- Allow yourself to acknowledge any emotions that arise, even unexpected ones like sorrow.
- This practice helps prevent operating on autopilot and improves capacity to deal with challenges flexibly.
Asking for Support (with boundaries)
Modupe Akinola- Pause and ask yourself, 'What do I need right now?'
- If you need to vent, tee up the conversation by asking the other person if they mind if you vent, rather than 'trauma dumping.'
- As a friend, ask others, 'What do you need from me right now?' to understand if they need listening, advice, or something else.
- Learn your own boundaries and capacity to be there for others.
Handling Criticism or Defensiveness
Modupe Akinola- When receiving criticism, first notice your natural tendency to be defensive.
- Instead of reacting immediately, try to listen and bring the critic in for a conversation, acknowledging how their words made you feel.
- If you feel your amygdala (emotion center) activated, state that you need to process the information.
- Express appreciation for the feedback and suggest following up on the conversation later, after you've had space to think clearly and act deliberately.