Overwhelmed? Over-Scheduled? Burnt Out? Here's the Antidote. | Diana Hill
Dan Harris interviews Diana Hill, Ph.D., author of "Wise Effort," about aligning energy and actions with core values. They discuss cultivating psychological flexibility, diffusing from unhelpful thoughts, and practical strategies like identifying "genius energy" and radical acceptance to combat overwhelm.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Dan's Personal Struggle with Overwhelm and Burnout
Introducing Diana Hill and the Concept of Wise Effort
Defining Wise Effort: Values, Regeneration, and Approach
The 'Rocks in a Jar' Metaphor for Time Management
Overview of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT vs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Thought Diffusion
Three Things That Misdirect Our Efforts
Task 1: Cultivating Wise Effort - Getting Curious About Genius Energy
How Our Genius Energy Can Become a Problem
The Role of Values in Directing Effort
Identifying Personal Values Through Regrets
Task 2: Cultivating Wise Effort - Opening Up (Mind, Feelings, Self, Change)
Opening Up to Change: The 'Get Unstuck' Button
Understanding and Practicing Radical Acceptance
Task 3: Cultivating Wise Effort - Focusing Your Energy
Focusing Energy in Relationships: Diffusing from Depleters
Focusing Energy in the Body: 'Yes, Yes, Thank You, Thank You' Meditation
The Five Remembrances and Wise Effort
7 Key Concepts
Wise Effort
Using one's energy in ways that align with core values, are regenerative, utilize strengths, and benefit both oneself and others. It emphasizes the quality of one's approach to an experience, rather than just the experience itself, to find freedom or gratitude.
Psychological Flexibility
The core skill in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which involves becoming more flexible with one's attention, behavior, sense of self, feelings, emotions, and motivation/values. This skill helps individuals adapt to life's challenges and overcome feelings of being stuck or stagnant.
Diffusion (from thoughts)
A practice in ACT where one notices being caught up in thoughts and steps back from them, rather than trying to change or argue with them. The goal is to observe thoughts without letting them control behavior, allowing one to connect with what truly matters and act on values.
Genius Energy
The unique combination of an individual's personality patterns, temperament, interests (what leads to flow), emotional intelligence, character strengths, and natural abilities. It represents what makes a person uniquely themselves and can be channeled effectively when aligned with values and wisdom.
Values (in ACT)
Not abstract moral codes or 'shoulds,' but rather verbs and adverbs describing how one wants to show up and live their life in the present moment. They are chosen by the individual and serve as an intrinsic motivator and compass for directing effort, bringing vitality and guiding action.
Radical Acceptance
The practice of opening to, allowing for, or welcoming intense inner experiences (sensations, feelings, cravings) without trying to make them go away. It's about being with reality as it is, not approving of external situations, to enable effective action and change rather than resignation.
Energy Depleters
People or situations that drain one's energy. The approach to these is not always to cut them out, but to diffuse from unhelpful stories or thoughts associated with them, and consciously choose how to engage based on one's values, thereby reclaiming personal energy.
8 Questions Answered
Wise effort is about aligning your energy and actions with your core values, leading to regenerative experiences rather than draining ones, and using your unique strengths to benefit yourself and others. It emphasizes the quality of your approach to life's experiences.
Unlike CBT, which often aims to change or get rid of negative thoughts and symptoms, ACT focuses on increasing psychological flexibility by accepting inner experiences and orienting energy towards what one cares about most, even with internal obstacles.
Our efforts can be misdirected by being stuck in a story (e.g., about success or self-worth), avoiding discomfort (leading to secondary problems), and holding on too tightly to things (experiential attachment, fear of uncertainty or change).
You can identify your genius energy by reflecting on your personality patterns, temperament, interests that lead to flow, emotional intelligence, character strengths (like humility or curiosity), and abilities that come easily to you but not to others.
One effective way is to reflect on your regrets (foundational, connection, boldness, moral regrets) and ask yourself *why* you regret them; this can reveal what you truly care about and provide action steps for living in alignment with those values.
Radical acceptance means opening to, allowing for, or welcoming intense inner experiences (sensations, feelings) without trying to make them go away. It's not about approving of external situations or being passive, but about acknowledging reality to enable effective action and change rather than resignation.
You can diffuse from depleters by noticing and stepping back from unhelpful stories or thoughts you have about them, which often amplify the depletion. Instead, consciously choose to focus your attention, behavior, and priorities in ways that align with your values, such as love or kindness.
It's a simple walking meditation where with each step, you mentally say 'yes,' 'yes,' 'thank you,' 'thank you,' often paired with breath. It helps bring gratitude and presence to your body, savoring the functions you have, recognizing their impermanence.
29 Actionable Insights
1. Align Energy with Values
Use your energy in ways that align with your core values, are regenerative, utilize your strengths, and both give to others and give back to yourself. This helps prevent draining effort and fosters well-being.
2. Cultivate Psychological Flexibility
Recognize that your well-being is heavily influenced by your relationship with experiences, not just the experiences themselves. Practice psychological flexibility to approach situations with freedom or gratitude, even difficult ones.
3. Identify Effort Misdirections
Regularly check if your efforts are misdirected by being “stuck in a story” (e.g., about success or self-worth), “avoiding discomfort” (e.g., picking up your phone to avoid silence), or “holding on too tight” (e.g., resisting change or uncertainty). Addressing these can free up wise energy.
4. Practice Thought Diffusion
When caught in unhelpful thoughts, notice them without judgment and ask if they are serving your values or preventing you from engaging with what matters. Step back from the thought and re-orient to your values and how you want to show up.
5. Cease Experiential Avoidance
Recognize that avoiding discomfort (e.g., through overworking, distraction, or staying in bed) often leads to secondary problems and psychological suffering. Instead, allow yourself to face difficult realities and feelings.
6. Define Values as Actions
Understand your values as active verbs and adverbs describing how you want to show up in daily life, rather than abstract concepts or external “shoulds.” This makes values actionable and personally chosen.
7. Explore Your Regrets
Reflect on your regrets (foundational, connection, boldness, moral) to uncover what you truly value. These insights can provide a clear “to-do list” for future actions aligned with your values.
8. Cultivate Intrinsic Motivation
Base your efforts and goals on intrinsic, deeper values rather than extrinsic factors (e.g., weight loss, external approval). Intrinsic motivators provide a sustainable and always-available source of drive.
9. Practice Radical Acceptance
Cultivate radical acceptance by opening to, allowing for, and welcoming your inner sensations and experiences without judgment or trying to make them disappear. This is not resignation, but a clear-eyed embrace of reality that enables effective action.
10. Wisely Direct Genius Energy
Ensure your unique “genius energy” (your natural strengths and abilities) is not overused, underused, or misdirected. Use your values and wisdom to guide this energy, like banks guiding a river, towards directions that truly matter to you.
11. Reflect on Five Remembrances
Regularly call to mind the five remembrances (impermanence of body, health, age, relationships, and the ownership of our actions). This wise acknowledgement of truth can guide you to make present-moment decisions aligned with your values, but avoid if severely depressed.
12. Identify Values Through Pain
Reflect on what bothers you most or keeps you awake at night, as these pain points often reveal what you deeply care about. Use these insights as a guide to direct your energy towards your true values.
13. Cultivate Open Curiosity
Approach your problems, stuck points, strengths, and values with an open, non-judgmental curiosity. This act of questioning itself can be an intervention, fostering openness and leading to solutions.
14. Practice “Opening Up”
Engage in practices that open your mind (e.g., questioning assumptions), open to feelings (even uncomfortable ones), open your sense of self (e.g., connecting with a “wiser self”), and open to change (e.g., trying new behaviors).
15. Connect with Your Wiser Self
To make important decisions, go beyond simple pros and cons lists by consulting trusted, wise individuals, spending time in nature, reflecting on ancestral wisdom, listening to your body’s signals, or engaging in meditation.
16. Embrace Behavioral Variability
When feeling stuck, intentionally try different behaviors or approaches, even if they seem unusual or uncomfortable, rather than doing the same thing harder. This “get unstuck button” fosters evolution and helps identify what works.
17. Wisely Focus Your Energy
Identify what truly matters in the present moment and adjust your effort accordingly, sometimes dialing back, sometimes adding more. Use wisdom to determine whether to broaden or narrow your focus, like adjusting a camera’s aperture.
18. Reclaim Energy by Prioritizing Values
When dealing with depleting situations or individuals, consciously shift your attention, behavior, and priorities to align with your deeper values (e.g., love, kindness). This helps reclaim your energy and fosters wiser interactions.
19. Review Calendar for Alignment
Periodically review your calendar and commitments to identify tasks or responsibilities that do not align with your values or desires. Actively divest yourself of non-aligned responsibilities if possible.
20. Create Margins in Schedule
Avoid overfilling your schedule with small tasks (“sand”) between major commitments (“rocks”). Ensure you leave “room to breathe” and margins in your day to prevent feeling overwhelmed and allow for presence.
21. Approach Unwanted Tasks Mindfully
For necessary but undesirable tasks, approach them with radical acceptance and align your behavior with your core values and character strengths. This transforms the experience and makes it feel more aligned and alive.
22. Accept Inner Experiences
Instead of trying to eliminate symptoms, thoughts, or inner experiences, practice accepting their presence. This approach, central to ACT, focuses on flexibility rather than control over internal states.
23. Identify Your Genius Energy
Reflect on your unique combination of personality, interests, emotional intelligence, character strengths, and natural abilities that come easily to you. Understanding your “genius energy” helps you apply it wisely.
24. Reframe Anxiety as Care
View anxiety not as a character deficit, but as an indicator of what you care about. This reframing allows for a curious and compassionate approach to anxiety, helping you address the underlying care.
25. Question Your Assumptions
When caught in unhelpful narratives or judgments, mentally or verbally ask yourself, “Are you sure?” This simple question can create an opening in your mind, allowing for new perspectives and wiser efforts.
26. Re-direct Energy During Insomnia
If you can’t sleep, avoid unproductive worrying or working. Instead, try a brief, grounding activity like going outside to feel the elements (e.g., moon bath, feeling concrete under feet) to shift your energy and attention.
27. Diffuse from Energy Depleters
When interacting with “energy depleters,” notice and diffuse from unhelpful thoughts or stories you attach to them. This helps you stay present and prevents their energy from pulling you off track.
28. Practice “Yes, Yes, Thank You”
Engage in a walking meditation by mentally or verbally saying “yes” with two steps and “thank you” with the next two steps. This practice helps you return to your body, cultivate gratitude, and savor the present moment.
29. Practice Savoring Positive
If feeling particularly down, shift your attentional focus to savoring what is good in your life. Actively appreciate accomplishments, kind people, positive energizers, and pleasant sensory experiences (e.g., warm sun, nature).
7 Key Quotes
You hurt where you care.
Diana Hill
Sometimes the view is better when you pull your head out of your ass, but sometimes the view is quite painful. You have your head in your ass for a reason.
Diana Hill
The more that you hold on to things that are changing, the more rope burn you will experience in life.
Diana Hill
Curiosity is the foundation of everything.
Diana Hill
No one's ever died of embarrassment. No one's ever died of a craving. No one's ever died of anxiety. But they've died of some of the things that they've tried to do to get rid of that.
Diana Hill
Love, if you want something that's energizing, invest in love. That's better than any workout plan you can find on the planet. Love will energize you instantly.
Diana Hill
Everything we love, we will lose.
Diana Hill
4 Protocols
Identifying Misdirected Efforts
Diana Hill- Ask yourself if you are stuck in a story (e.g., about success, productivity, or self-worth).
- Consider if you are avoiding discomfort (e.g., feelings, stillness, or difficult truths).
- Reflect on whether you are holding on too tightly (experiential attachment, fear of uncertainty or change).
Identifying Personal Values through Regret
Diana Hill- Consider the four primary forms of regret: foundational (accumulated over time, e.g., health), connection (missed opportunities for intimacy), boldness (not stepping up or taking risks), and moral (harming self or others).
- Spend time reflecting on specific regrets within these categories.
- Ask yourself 'why do I regret this?' to uncover underlying values.
- Use these insights to generate a 'to-do list' of actions aligned with your newly clarified values.
Diffusing from Energy Depleters
Diana Hill- Identify an 'energy depleter' (person or situation).
- Notice the unhelpful stories or thoughts you have about them that make the situation worse.
- Observe where your attention goes when stuck in that story.
- Identify your behavioral response when stuck.
- Ask yourself: Where do you *want* to be placing your attention in this moment?
- Ask yourself: What behavior do you *want* to do?
- Ask yourself: What do you *want* to prioritize (your values) in this situation?
- By clarifying these, you can reclaim energy and act in alignment with your values.
'Yes, Yes, Thank You, Thank You' Walking Meditation
Diana Hill- Take one step and mentally say 'yes.'
- Take another step and mentally say 'yes.'
- Take a third step and mentally say 'thank you.'
- Take a fourth step and mentally say 'thank you.'
- (Optional) Coordinate each word with a breath.
- Use this practice to return to your body, cultivate gratitude, and savor the present moment, especially for physical capacities.