Parenting in a Pandemic | Susan Kaiser Greenland

1. Practice Brief Moments of Awareness

Integrate short periods of mindfulness into your daily activities, as this is crucial for coping with high anxiety and helps down-regulate the nervous system by broadening mental bandwidth.

2. Use Anchor Practices to Ground

When feeling agitated, shift your attention from thoughts to a neutral or pleasant present-moment sensory experience (e.g., feet on the ground, breathing, sounds) to ground yourself and down-regulate your nervous system.

3. Scan Body to Release Tension

Perform a simple body scan from top-down to identify and soften areas of tension, as relaxing the body often leads to a more relaxed mind and broader mental bandwidth.

4. Use ‘Right Now I’m Okay’ Slogan

Employ the phrase ‘Right now I’m okay’ as a circuit breaker to bring attention back to the present moment and broaden your perspective, especially when caught in anxious thoughts about the future.

5. Reframe Teen Defiance as Overwhelm

When a teenager appears defiant or pushes back, broaden your perspective to consider that they might be overwhelmed, shifting your response from irritation to compassion.

6. ‘Drop the Rope’ in Power Struggles

In relationships with kids, partners, or colleagues, identify power struggles where nothing terrible would happen if you disengaged, and choose to ‘drop the rope’ to de-escalate and become more effective, understanding the ’law of reverse effect’.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Recognize that wisdom comes from being present, not perfect, and integrate self-care into your routine, knowing you can always repair relationships when you’re feeling more steady.

8. View Tendencies as Strengths

Instead of fighting your experience or viewing personal tendencies (like a need for control) as weaknesses, recognize them as strengths (e.g., organization, planning) and redirect them to be useful for the present moment.

9. Toggle Movement and Stillness

For restless kids (including those with ADHD) or anyone experiencing anxiety, skillfully release nervous energy by alternating between periods of controlled movement and stillness, which has a calming effect.

10. Use Snow Globe for Modeling Calm

When you feel agitated with kids present, grab a snow globe (or similar prop), shake it, and say, ‘Mommy’s mind looks like this right now, let’s watch the snow settle and feel our breathing,’ to model self-regulation and co-regulate with your child.

11. Practice Formal Meditation Regularly

Treat formal meditation like ‘going to the gym’ for your mind; it’s extremely important for developing the capacity to hold strong emotions without reacting, even if only for a few minutes daily.

12. Integrate Formal and Informal Practice

Recognize that both formal meditation and dropping brief moments of awareness into your day are equally important for integrating mindfulness into daily life and should be practiced together.

13. Create and Stick to Routines

Establish and adhere to daily routines for yourself and your family, as routines provide a container for anxiety, set clear expectations, and help manage stress during challenging times.

14. Prioritize Holistic Self-Care

Carve out time for exercise, getting out in the light, good nutrition (avoiding sugar), going easy on wine, and ensuring adequate sleep, as these are crucial for long-term well-being and managing anxiety.

15. Meditate at Bedtime

Utilize the time when putting young children to bed or right before you go to sleep yourself for a short meditation, as this can wind you down, prevent mind-spinning, and improve sleep.

16. Practice Mindfulness with Kids Together

Bring mindfulness into the family by practicing together, even if it’s for a short period, as the relational component of shared practice provides significant benefits for both parent and child.

17. Use Plain Language for Kids

When introducing mindfulness to children, describe what you’re doing in plain, everyday language consistent with your family’s vocabulary, rather than using the word ‘mindfulness’ to avoid eye-rolling and increase buy-in.

18. Show Kids How Mindfulness Works

Demonstrate the effectiveness of mindfulness by using simple breathing tools (e.g., ‘breathe in a little, breathe out a lot,’ or square breathing) when kids are upset, then discuss how these tools can be used proactively when calm.

19. Lead ‘Special Star’ Meditation

Guide children through a ‘Special Star’ meditation where they imagine a star beaming soft light down their body, scanning from head to toes, to help them focus attention on sensory experience and relax.

20. Rock Stuffed Animal for Breathing

Have children (or adults) place a favorite plush toy or weighted object on their tummy and focus on its movement with their breath, as the weight makes it easier to anchor attention to the breath and calm the nervous system.

21. Allow Choice in Kids’ Meditation

When practicing with children, offer choices regarding their posture (sitting, lying, standing) and whether their eyes are open or closed, and be prepared to cut the practice short if they become uncomfortable, to foster engagement and comfort.

22. Repair Relationships After Mistakes

When you notice you haven’t been your best self (e.g., lost your temper), circle back when you’re calmer to apologize and repair the relationship with your children or partner, modeling presence and accountability.

23. Invite Teens to Meditate (or Use Apps)

Invite teenagers to join you in meditation, or if they prefer, encourage them to use meditation apps or creatively set up online group meditations with peers to foster engagement and connection.

24. Use Slogans for Teen Uncertainty

Offer teenagers helpful mottos like ‘This is what it is right now’ (modeling acceptance and impermanence) and ‘Right now I’m okay’ (fostering present moment awareness and broadening perspective) to help them cope with uncertainty.

25. Name Difficult Internal ‘Modes’

Give names to your difficult internal ‘modes’ or ‘demons’ (e.g., ‘Anger Mode,’ ‘Weird Uncle Harry’) and greet them with friendliness and curiosity when they arise, which can disarm them and make them easier to work with.

26. Treat Strong Feelings as Guests

Encourage children (and yourself) to view strong feelings or tendencies as temporary guests at a dinner party – some welcome, some not – but all will eventually leave, integrating the notion of impermanence.

27. Self-Isolation Benefits Others

Understand that by taking care of yourself through self-isolation and limiting contact, you are also taking care of others, embodying the foundational principle of ’not me, us’ and interdependence to flatten the curve.