Paula Faris, Journey of Faith
Paula Faris, former co-host of The View and Weekend GMA, discusses her decision to leave "dream jobs" for family, the challenges of losing identity, and how her Christian faith and meditation practice supported her through this transition and personal struggles.
Deep Dive Analysis
17 Topic Outline
Introduction to Paula Faris and her career transition
Listener question: Challenges with Metta meditation
Dan's advice on Metta meditation and managing expectations
Listener question: Navigating physical discomfort in meditation
Dan's perspective on pain, suffering, and moving during meditation
Dan and Paula's unique professional relationship and 'love language'
Paula's journey into meditation and the 'whack-a-mole' analogy
Reconciling Christian faith with meditation practice
Paula's personal three-minute Christian meditation protocol
Addressing misconceptions about meditation in the Christian community
Impact of meditation on managing high-stress media career
Gender-specific challenges and competitive nature of TV news
Paula's decision to leave high-profile jobs for work-life balance
Personal crises that prompted Paula's career change
Navigating identity loss after stepping down from prominent roles
Launching 'Journeys of Faith' podcast and its mission
Debate: Atheism, agnosticism, and the nature of faith
6 Key Concepts
Metta Meditation
A type of meditation, often translated as 'loving-kindness' or 'friendliness' meditation, where one systematically visualizes people and silently repeats well-wishing phrases like 'may you be happy, may you be healthy.' It typically starts with an easy person, then oneself, a benefactor, a neutral person, a difficult person, and then everybody.
Equanimity
The ability to remain calm and balanced, particularly in the face of discomfort or change. In meditation, it involves noticing sensations or thoughts without judgment or immediate reaction, understanding their impermanent nature.
Impermanence
The Buddhist principle that all things are constantly changing and nothing is permanent. In meditation, observing physical discomfort or thoughts as shifting and moving can teach one about the nature of change.
Pain vs. Suffering
Pain is an inevitable physical or emotional sensation, whereas suffering is the additional mental and emotional distress we add on top of pain through our reactions, judgments, and desires for it to end. Meditation helps disambiguate the two by allowing one to observe pain without adding suffering.
Love Languages
A framework describing five primary ways people give and receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Understanding one's own and others' love languages can improve communication and relationships.
Daily-ish
A concept promoting consistency over perfection in practices like meditation. It encourages people to try to engage in the practice most days, allowing for grace and not beating oneself up if it's not done perfectly every single day.
7 Questions Answered
The point of meditation is not to feel a certain way or achieve a specific outcome, but rather to engage in the training itself. Focus on the act of practicing, like 'inner bicep curls' for compassion, and measure its impact on your life over time, not just during each session.
If you believe you might hurt yourself, it's advisable to move. However, for common discomforts that are not physically damaging, sitting with the pain can be a valuable opportunity to observe its impermanent nature, understand the difference between pain and suffering, and push your edge in practice.
The Bible references praying and meditating, and figures like Jesus went into the wilderness to pray and meditate. Christians can make meditation their own practice, focusing on drawing closer to God and using biblical affirmations, rather than adopting specific Buddhist religious ideologies.
The job involves high pressure, high stakes, constant public scrutiny, and a competitive environment where everyone is vying for limited opportunities. Women, in particular, face disproportionate criticism regarding their appearance compared to men.
She realized her life was out of balance, her job had become an addiction, and her family was getting her 'leftovers.' A series of personal crises, including a miscarriage, a concussion from being hit by an apple, a car crash, and pneumonia, served as a wake-up call to prioritize her health, marriage, and children.
The podcast aims to fill a gap in mainstream media by providing a platform for newsmakers and influencers to discuss the role of faith in their lives, regardless of their specific beliefs. It encourages respectful dialogue and understanding across different religious and non-religious perspectives.
While some argue that atheism (without God) is distinct from agnosticism (without knowledge), the host, Dan Harris, and guest, Paula Faris, discuss that it's not a faith system in the traditional sense. However, Paula's perspective is that even a lack of faith is still a belief in something, while Dan identifies as a respectful agnostic and a non-religious Buddhist.
29 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Work-Life Balance
Evaluate your work-life balance and be willing to make significant changes, even stepping back from demanding roles, if your job has become an addiction or is causing your family and personal sanity to receive ’leftovers'.
2. Cultivate Identity Beyond Work
Reflect on whether your identity is overly tied to your professional role and actively cultivate a sense of self that is separate from your job, recognizing that losing a job can lead to a profound loss of identity if not balanced.
3. Heed Life’s Warning Signs
Pay attention to a series of negative events or health issues as potential ‘screams’ or warning signs that you need to slow down, re-evaluate your life choices, and prioritize self-care or significant change.
4. Separate Pain from Suffering
Recognize that physical pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional and arises from the mental narratives and reactions we add to the pain; use moments of discomfort to disambiguate the two.
5. Avoid Meditation Expectations
Do not go into meditation expecting to feel a certain way, as desire for a specific outcome can hinder the practice and shut down the system.
6. Focus on Meditation Training
View meditation as a training exercise for your mind and compassion muscle, rather than focusing on the specific feelings or experiences you have during the session.
7. Assess Meditation by Life Changes
To measure the true impact of meditation, practice it consistently for a while and then observe the overall changes in your life, rather than evaluating its effectiveness based on how you feel during each individual session.
8. Engage Opposing Views Respectfully
Seek out and engage in respectful conversations with people holding different views, focusing on listening and understanding their perspectives rather than debating or trying to win an argument.
9. Question and Understand Your Faith
Actively question your faith and beliefs to understand not just what you believe, but why you believe it, ensuring your faith is personal and deeply rooted, not merely inherited.
10. Practice Self-Compassion in Habits
Give yourself grace and be kind to yourself when building new habits like meditation; don’t strive for perfection, and if you miss a day or several, simply start over without self-criticism.
11. Push Meditation Discomfort Edge
While it’s acceptable to shift or get up when discomfort becomes overwhelming or you’ve reached your limit, actively strive to push and explore your edge with physical and mental discomfort during meditation, similar to physical training.
12. Explore Non-Injurious Discomfort
When experiencing discomfort that is not physically harmful, sit with it during meditation to observe the nature of the pain, the thoughts it generates, and how it shifts and changes, learning about impermanence.
13. Manage Distractions with Meditation
Recognize that distractions (like ‘whack-a-moles’) will always arise, but meditation helps you choose how and when to react to them, fostering intentionality rather than frantic responses.
14. Reduce Emotional Reactivity
Practice meditation to become less emotionally reactive and more focused, allowing you to respond to life’s challenges with greater intention rather than blindly reacting.
15. Be Calm Amidst Life’s Mess
Embrace the understanding that while life will always be messy, meditation can help you maintain inner calm and prevent you from becoming a ‘hot mess’ yourself.
16. Learn Love Languages
Read ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman to understand that individuals communicate and receive love through primary love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, physical touch).
17. Identify Your Unique “Lane”
Reflect on what truly defines you and what you can’t see yourself without (your ‘glue and foundation’) to identify your unique ’lane’ or passion, which can guide your professional or personal endeavors.
18. Discover Your Love Language
Reflect on what actions or expressions from others make you feel most loved to identify your primary love language, which is how you best receive love.
19. Express Your Love Language
Clearly communicate your primary love language to your partner or loved ones so they can express affection in ways that make you feel truly loved.
20. Practice Metta Meditation Sequence
Systematically envision people (starting with an easy person, then yourself, a benefactor, a neutral person, a difficult person, and everybody) and silently repeat phrases like ‘may you be happy, may you be healthy’ to cultivate compassion.
21. Christian-Adapted Meditation Practice
Christians can adapt meditation by using Bible verses as mantras (e.g., ‘be still’), focusing on drawing nearer to God, and incorporating affirmations from scripture (e.g., ‘I’m fearfully and wonderfully made’) into a personalized practice.
22. Three-Minute Meditation Routine
Implement a three-minute meditation routine: one minute focusing on breath, one minute visualizing a happy place with sensory details, and one minute repeating a personal affirmation.
23. Meditation as Brain Bicep Curl
Understand meditation as a ‘bicep curl for your brain,’ a mental exercise that strengthens focus and attention, rather than an attempt to empty your mind.
24. Meditate Before Answering
Practice meditating or pausing before responding to situations, allowing for a more thoughtful and wise answer rather than a frantic or reactive one, as suggested by Proverbs 15:28.
25. Prioritize Safety in Meditation
If experiencing incredible pain during meditation that suggests potential physical harm (e.g., hurting a knee or spraining an ankle), move to a more comfortable position to avoid injury.
26. Practice Meditation Daily-ish
Instead of striving for perfect daily meditation, aim for a ‘daily-ish’ practice, meaning you try to meditate most days, giving yourself grace if you miss a day.
27. Try 10% with Dan Harris App
Explore the new ‘10% with Dan Harris’ meditation app, which offers guided meditations, live Zoom community sessions, and ad-free podcast episodes, by signing up for a 14-day trial at danharris.com.
28. Listen to Journeys of Faith
Tune into Paula Faris’s ‘Journeys of Faith’ podcast, where she interviews well-known individuals about the role of faith in their lives, offering a platform for respectful dialogue on profound beliefs.
29. Subscribe to Favorite Podcasts
Support podcasts you enjoy by subscribing, as subscriptions are a key metric of success for podcasters and help them know their content is valued.
8 Key Quotes
I don't think the point of meditation is to feel a certain way. In fact, if you go into any meditation expecting to feel a certain way, expectation is, you know, can be a deal killer.
Dan Harris
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. That's the stuff we add on top.
Dan Harris
I just think it's rare to find someone that will laugh with you, laugh at you, yet advocate and champion for you.
Paula Faris
Life is a mess. You don't have to be.
Dan Harris
The heart of the righteous one meditates before answering.
Paula Faris
My job had become a bit of an addiction. It was – had become my narcotic of choice, honestly.
Paula Faris
Faith is taking that step when you can't see the rest of the staircase.
Paula Faris
If I could explain every single thing about God, he would be too small.
Paula Faris
1 Protocols
Paula Faris's Three-Minute Christian Meditation Practice
Paula Faris- Focus on breath for one minute, using a mantra like 'be still' on the in-breath and out-breath.
- Go to a 'happy place' for the next minute, visualizing sensory details such as Lake Michigan, feeling hands in the sand, hearing seagulls, and smelling the air or suntan oil.
- Repeat affirmations for the third minute, often biblical verses like 'I'm fearfully and wonderfully made,' 'I was knit together in my mother's womb,' or 'I can do all things through Christ.'