Sara Bareilles: Anxiety, Anger, and Art
Singer, songwriter, composer, and actor Sara Bareilles shares her struggles with anxiety and depression, and how therapy and meditation help her cope. She also discusses creativity, anger, and navigating social media pressures.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to the Taming Anxiety Series
Sara Bareilles' Early Experiences with Anxiety and Depression
Initial Coping Mechanisms: Talk Therapy
Discovering and Integrating Meditation Practice
The Role of Self-Knowledge and Self-Compassion
Anxiety, Relationships, and Allowing Discomfort
The Relationship Between Suffering, Creativity, and Art
Impact of the Pandemic on Mental Health
Navigating Activism and Social Media Pressure
Understanding and Processing Anger
The Importance of Sharing Vulnerability
Girls5eva: A New Musical Comedy Series
New Album: Amidst the Chaos: Live from the Hollywood Bowl
5 Key Concepts
Wet vs. Dry People
An analogy used by a friend of Sara Bareilles to describe people who are naturally close to sadness and melancholy ('wet people') versus those who are not. Sara identifies as a 'wet person,' meaning sadness comes quickly and easily for her, requiring effort to see the world differently.
Self-Knowledge is Bad News
A concept from meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein, suggesting that the process of self-discovery often reveals unpleasant aspects of oneself. The good news is that by seeing these 'unpleasant' parts, one is less likely to be controlled by them.
Good-ish Identity
A concept by professor Dolly Chug, where people identify themselves as 'good-ish' rather than strictly 'good.' This allows for flexibility and self-compassion when one makes mistakes or acts unskillfully, preventing identity threat and fostering growth.
Dignity of Discomfort
A principle from Sara Bareilles' therapist, emphasizing the importance of allowing others (and oneself) to experience their pain without immediately trying to fix it. True support can involve simply existing alongside someone in their discomfort, rather than attempting grand gestures to remove their problems.
Anger as a Secondary Emotion
The idea that anger often serves as a mask or cover for deeper, more vulnerable emotions, typically fear. It is easier to express anger than to admit to being afraid, as fear can feel weak or exposed.
7 Questions Answered
Sara Bareilles first experienced acute anxiety and disassociation around the time she was about to graduate college, facing the uncertainty of adulthood. She also had a major depressive episode after a bad breakup later in life.
Her first 'best friend' was talk therapy. Even with a therapist she described as 'awful,' the act of articulating her internal state without apology was a light bulb moment, helping her realize her experiences were not unique or shocking.
She was introduced to meditation through a 21-day challenge after moving to New York City and pressing a 'reset button' in her life. Meditation helps her balance emotional highs and lows, allowing her to bounce back better from difficult periods, and helps her let go of being a 'control freak' by accepting what's out of her control.
Sara Bareilles and Dan Harris agree that meditation does not kill creativity; in fact, it can enhance it. Dan notes that turning down the volume of habitual rumination allows for a flood of unpredictable ideas, while Sara believes it helps one see inner workings more clearly and keeps the creative 'channel open'.
Her anxiety and depression were 'horrific' and 'through the roof' during the pandemic, leading to a 'meltdown.' The lack of control, the global turmoil, and political/social unrest made it an intense exercise in surrender to the unknown.
She views anger as an indicator that 'something's wrong' but finds it not always the most efficient emotion, often leading people to get 'stuck in the whirlpool.' She believes that women are often socialized to suppress anger and apologize for their needs, and she aims to encourage young women to reclaim their voices without apology.
She does it primarily because she doesn't want anyone to feel alone in their pain, vulnerability, or embarrassment. She believes it's not true that one is the only one experiencing these feelings, and ultimately, she wants people to be okay.
20 Actionable Insights
1. Engage in Talk Therapy
Start or continue talk therapy as a self-care routine, as the act of articulating one’s internal state can be a light bulb moment and helpful for healing, even with a less-than-ideal therapist.
2. Articulate Your Inner State
Express your internal state without apology, whether through journaling, conversation, or therapy, as articulating what’s happening can be a crucial step towards healing and self-understanding.
3. Cultivate Self-Compassion
View your own ‘stuff,’ including unskillful moments or perceived ‘ugliness,’ with a sense of humor and warmth, practicing self-compassion instead of self-punishment, and committing to doing better next time.
4. Embrace a ‘Good-ish’ Identity
Relabel yourself as ‘good-ish’ rather than strictly ‘good’ to create elasticity and flexibility in your self-identity, allowing you to acknowledge unskillful or negative behaviors without threatening your core sense of self.
5. Be Your Own Friend
Practice extending the same forgiveness and generosity you offer to loved ones to yourself, treating yourself as your own friend to foster self-acceptance and progress.
6. Create a Dedicated Meditation Space
Carve out a specific, intentional space for your meditation practice, even if it’s a small corner, and make it the first thing you do every morning to help set the day and maintain consistency.
7. Integrate Meditation Throughout Day
Don’t limit meditation to a single session; use it as a tool to return to throughout the day, whether guided or unguided, when you feel ‘jagged’ or overwhelmed, to touch a space of calm more often.
8. Practice Letting Go of Control
Engage with the simplicity of the breath through meditation to become more in touch with what is out of your control, which can be helpful for those who tend to be control freaks, allowing you to let go.
9. Communicate Unexpressed Desires
Recognize that anxiety can often be attached to unexpressed desires, wishes, or resentments, and work on communicating these feelings to address the root cause of your anxiety.
10. Explore Underlying Causes of Anger
Recognize that anger is often a secondary emotion, frequently covering up deeper feelings like fear, and explore what lies beneath your anger to move beyond being stuck in its ‘whirlpool’ towards a more powerful place to work from.
11. Allow Others Their Discomfort
When someone you care about is in pain, allow them the dignity of their own discomfort rather than immediately trying to fix their problem, as sometimes the most helpful action is simply to be present and allow them to experience their pain.
12. Make Space for Creativity
Make space for creativity, as turning down habitual rumination through practices like meditation can allow for a flood of new ideas and clearer inner workings, even if the outcome is unpredictable.
13. Keep the Creative Channel Open
As an artist, keep your creative channel open and avoid judging what comes through, continuing to pursue the ‘blessed unrest’ towards the next idea.
14. Remain Open in Creative Work
Approach creative work with an open mindset, recognizing that artists often channel something larger than themselves, and avoid becoming overly proprietary about your creations, as they are part of a greater network.
15. Engage in Meaningful Activism
Participate in activism on issues you care about, but ensure your engagement is meaningful and authentic rather than feeling pressured to post or speak out constantly, as this can be a mitigating factor for anxiety.
16. Embrace Learning and Mistakes
Be open and available to learning, even if it means making mistakes, rather than being crippled by the fear of offending someone or saying the wrong thing, as learning often involves missteps.
17. Share Your Struggles to Help Others
Be open and honest about your interior life, including struggles with anxiety, depression, or other vulnerabilities, to help others realize they are not alone and to foster a sense of shared humanity.
18. Avoid Reactive Anger on Social Media
Resist the urge to express anger reactively on social media, even if it garners positive reinforcement, as such ‘outpourings of ugliness’ can be regretted later and do not ‘feed the right wolf’.
19. Seek Positive Social Media Content
When feeling low, gravitate towards social media accounts that share lighthearted animal videos (like Tony Baker’s) or focus on good news (like ’the good news movement’) to boost your mood and see the best of humanity.
20. Empower Young Women’s Voices
Encourage young women to ’turn up the volume of their voice,’ take up space, and express their needs, wishes, and desires without apology, challenging the socialization that teaches them to be people-pleasers.
7 Key Quotes
I've always talked about them like they're sisters. Like they're just this like kind of miserable relatives that show up.
Sara Bareilles
Self-knowledge is always bad news.
Joseph Goldstein
No, you're just half rotten like the rest of us.
Joseph Goldstein
We have to allow everyone the dignity of their own discomfort.
Sara Bareilles' therapist
Pain is so fertile. It craves being expressed. And it's so relatable.
Sara Bareilles
This is poison. This is not something I will do again. So that's why I don't get pissed on social media. I just don't find that it feeds the right wolf.
Sara Bareilles
I just don't want anyone to feel alone. Because it's not true. It's not true that you're the only one holding pain or vulnerability or embarrassment.
Sara Bareilles
1 Protocols
Taming Anxiety Challenge (10% Happier App)
Dan Harris- Open the 10% Happier app and join the challenge.
- Receive a daily quick video featuring Dan Harris in conversation with Dr. Luana Marquez and Leslie Booker.
- Learn how and why anxiety shows up, what feeds it, and tools for dealing with difficult thoughts and emotions.
- After each video, engage in a short guided meditation to practice what was learned.
- Receive daily reminders to stay on track.
- Invite friends to practice and track their progress.