Sharon Salzberg Makes Me Feel Better
Legendary meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg joins Dan Harris to offer practical, science-backed skills for navigating anxiety, depression, and apathy during challenging times. She provides reframing, perspective, and actionable insights rooted in meditation and Buddhist principles.
Deep Dive Analysis
15 Topic Outline
Coping with Anxiety and the Unknown During Crisis
The Nature of Fear: Stories We Tell Ourselves
Mindfulness in Moments of Anxiety
The Importance of Self-Kindness and Social Connection
Helping Others as an Antidote to Anxiety
Cultivating Connection vs. Alienation
Loving Kindness Meditation for Current Struggles
The Strength and Reality of Compassion
Potential Societal Changes Post-Crisis
Reconciling Hope with Buddhist Principles
Addressing Inequality and Valuing Essential Workers
Sharon Salzberg's New Book: Real Change
Meditation's Role in Effective Action and Joy
Redeeming the Word 'Love' for Deeper Connection
The Power and Necessity of Self-Compassion
8 Key Concepts
Anxiety and the Unknown
Anxiety often stems not from the actual unknown, but from the 'horror movies' or negative stories we tell ourselves about what we *think* we know will happen. Recognizing that 'you don't know' can create space and relaxation.
Kindness Toward Oneself
It's crucial to be forgiving of what we feel, as we cannot control what arises in our minds. Self-kindness helps us hold difficult emotions without blaming ourselves, which is distinct from acting on those emotions.
Interconnectedness
The current global crisis highlights that we are all part of an interconnected universe, not cut off and alone. Cultivating a sense of connection, even when physically isolated, undermines the myth of isolation and brings us back to what is true.
Loving Kindness (Metta)
A meditation practice involving the silent repetition of phrases like 'May I be happy, may I be peaceful.' It's not a petition but an act of gift-giving and offering care, which returns us to a stronger place inside ourselves and cultivates generosity.
Love as Connection
Love can be redeemed from sentimental notions to mean a profound sense of connection, an understanding in our being that our lives are intertwined. It involves shifting attention to be more present, open, and connected, rather than manufacturing a feeling.
Vulnerability as Truthfulness
Vulnerability, when viewed positively, means truthfulness or honesty. It allows for genuine communication, like expressing a desire for more from someone rather than lashing out, and can be an enlivening and empowering state.
Hope in Buddhism
Traditionally, 'hope' in Buddhism can be seen as code for attachment, leading to a cycle of hope and fear. However, it can also be reframed as a belief in the possibility of living differently and finding good, without rigid expectations of a precise outcome.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is not laziness or making excuses, but a fundamental and useful way to learn and make progress. The brain cannot learn when filled with shame, so a warm, humorous relationship to one's own struggles is more effective for growth than harsh self-judgment.
8 Questions Answered
Often, our fear comes not from the unknown itself, but from the negative stories and catastrophic projections we create in our minds about what we *think* we know will happen. Reminding ourselves that 'you don't know' can create space and ease.
When anxiety arises, notice the physical sensations and the thoughts spinning off. The practice is to gently remind yourself 'you don't know' or 'just breathe,' bringing attention back to the present moment and what's directly in front of you, rather than trying to solve everything at once.
Practice kindness towards oneself by being forgiving of difficult emotions. Also, cultivate social connection by noticing and caring about others' struggles, and by reaching out to help, even in small ways, as this undermines feelings of isolation.
Loving kindness meditation is generally recommended for those struggling, especially starting with oneself to foster self-compassion. It helps tune into generosity and connection, which can be a powerful antidote to feelings of isolation.
Caring for others is a strength because it connects us to what's real and true—our inherent interconnectedness. It provides a significant reward to the brain, feeling empowering and ennobling, and can shift one's mind state away from self-centered anxiety.
Traditionally, hope can be seen as attachment, leading to fear. However, it can also be understood as a belief in the possibility of positive change and living differently, without rigid expectations of specific outcomes, especially in the face of widespread suffering.
Love can be redeemed to mean a profound sense of connection and the understanding that our lives are intertwined. It's about shifting attention to be more present, open, and connected to others, rather than a grandiose, Hollywood-style emotion.
Self-compassion is not narcissistic; it's fundamental to learning and progress. Harsh self-judgment is time-wasting and demoralizing, whereas a warm, humorous relationship with one's own flaws allows for more effective learning and growth, as the brain cannot learn when filled with shame.
30 Actionable Insights
1. Practice Self-Compassion for Progress
When your mind wanders or you make a mistake, let go of harsh self-judgment and start over with self-compassion, as this is the most useful way to learn and make progress. This approach is more effective than getting caught in demoralizing loops.
2. Cultivate Self-Kindness and Forgiveness
Be very forgiving and kinder to yourself about what you feel, recognizing that you cannot control what emotions arise in your mind. You can only influence how you hold them and whether you act on them.
3. Challenge Fearful Self-Stories
When caught in fearful projections about a bad future, remind yourself “you don’t know” to create space and find relaxation. Recognize that fear often stems from self-created stories, not the unknown itself.
4. Stop Future Conjecture
Recognize that worrying about unknown future events is a useless expenditure of life energy. Instead, come back to the present moment and deal with what is directly in front of you.
5. Breathe and Return to Moment
When noticing physical signs of anxiety (e.g., faster heart rate), take a breath and remind yourself you don’t need to solve everything at once. Use this as a gesture to come back to the present moment.
6. Practice Mindfulness for Focus
Use mindfulness to notice when your mind projects fear into the future, catch it (even if it’s been going on for a while), and return your attention to your breath or take a deep breath. Formal meditation training can reinforce this skill.
7. Practice Loving Kindness Meditation
If struggling with difficult emotions, practice loving kindness meditation, beginning with yourself as the recipient, to cultivate compassion and avoid self-judgment for feeling bad. This practice helps you tune into an energy of generosity.
8. Offer Loving Kindness Phrases
Engage in loving kindness practice by silently repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be peaceful,” not as a petition, but as an act of offering care and generosity. This process of caring about somebody in that way returns us to some stronger place inside of ourselves.
9. Cultivate Love as a Skill
Understand that qualities like love, kindness, and compassion are trainable and can be cultivated through practice, rather than being innate gifts you either possess or lack. They are emergent properties of paying attention differently.
10. Define Love as Simple Caring
Define love in a down-to-earth, useful way as simply listening to someone else and genuinely caring about them, without needing it to be grandiose or sentimental. This approach can be quite useful.
11. Redefine Love as Connection
Redeem the word “love” by understanding it as a profound sense of connection and the deep realization that our lives are intertwined. This perspective is powerful and based on the truth of things.
12. Redefine Faith as Heartfelt Meaning
Redeem the word “faith” by understanding it as offering your heart to what you essentially care about or what gives you meaning. It connects to something in that way, without having anything to do with belief, dogma, or not asking questions.
13. Cultivate Awareness and Care for Others
Notice and be aware of the struggles people are going through, even without physical communication, and care in some way. This reinforces the truth of an interconnected universe and combats feelings of isolation.
14. Help Others to Reduce Anxiety
Actively look for ways to help others, as this can be an antidote to self-centered anxiety. It awakens a sense of capability and resourcefulness within you.
15. Engage in Cooperative Acts
Observe your mind when performing acts of cooperation (e.g., holding a door, running errands for a neighbor) to experience an empowered and ennobling state. Self-centeredness, in contrast, feels constricting and enfeebling.
16. Perform Mind State “Taste Test”
Actively compare the feeling of self-centered or competitive thoughts with thoughts of caring for others (e.g., an elderly neighbor) to observe the difference in your internal experience. This helps identify what brings greater well-being.
17. Practice Gratitude for Unseen Helpers
Think of someone you hardly know but are grateful for (e.g., delivery workers, healthcare workers), hold them in your heart, and wish them well. This fosters a sense of connection and appreciation.
18. Extend Kindness to Neutral People
Practice offering loving kindness to a neutral person (someone you don’t know well but see regularly, like a checkout person) to cultivate inclusion and shift your attention. This helps you look at people rather than through them.
19. Cultivate Connection to Combat Loneliness
Actively cultivate a sense of connection over alienation through activities like engaging with nature or participating in virtual social gatherings. This helps you feel part of a whole and undermines the myth of being alone.
20. Stay Connected to Others
Actively remember to try and stay connected to others, even when physically isolated. This is a way to ground yourself and deal with the present moment.
21. Reframe Experience as a Retreat
When facing difficult, unknown circumstances, reframe the experience as being on a retreat to leverage existing coping skills and a sense of familiarity. This shift in perspective can make challenges feel more manageable.
22. Reframe Self-Isolation as Care
Reframe self-isolation as an active act of real caring, recognizing that it helps common humanity, especially those at greater risk. You should feel the reward of contributing to well-being.
23. Focus on What You Have
Deliberately shift your attention to what you currently possess or have, rather than obsessing over what’s wrong or what you lack. This practice can change your perspective and bring a sense of well-being.
24. Allow Joy and Self-Care Amidst Struggle
Actively let in joy and practice self-care, even during struggles, by enjoying small things. This prevents exhaustion and depletion, sustaining your ability to engage with the world.
25. Clear Away Self-Centered Concerns
Engage in practices that help “clear away” your own self-centered concerns, which effectively turns down internal noise. This opens the door for other positive experiences and connections to arise.
26. Embrace Vulnerability for Communication
Embrace vulnerability as truthfulness and honesty in communication, choosing to express your true feelings (e.g., “I wanted so much more from you”) rather than lashing out. This fosters genuine connection.
27. Avoid Shame for Effective Learning
Recognize that the brain cannot effectively learn when filled with shame, making it crucial to avoid self-laceration and instead cultivate an internal environment conducive to learning and growth. This is a smart approach to personal development.
28. Donate to Help Others
Consider making a small donation to a food bank or similar cause to feel a sense of helping and enriching someone’s life. This can shift your internal state in a meaningful way.
29. Embrace “Cheesiness” for Freedom
To achieve freedom, learn to get comfortable with language or concepts that might initially seem “cheesy” or overly sentimental, especially in practices like loving kindness. This acceptance can be liberating.
30. Join Live Meditation Sanity Breaks
Participate in free, live 20-minute sanity breaks on YouTube every weekday at 3 p.m. Eastern/noon Pacific, which include meditation and Q&A with top teachers. This resource helps you get through difficult times.
6 Key Quotes
I'm mostly afraid when I think I do know, and it's going to be really bad. And it's the stories that I tell myself that really get me going.
Sharon Salzberg
We cannot control what arises in our minds. We can influence it, but we can't control it. And we have to be kinder to ourselves in terms of what we may be going through.
Sharon Salzberg
The antidote can be just it's almost so it's almost so obvious and after school special that it's annoying to even utter the words. But the antidote can be doing something for other people.
Dan Harris
If you can't get comfortable with the cheesiness, you can't be free.
Guest's Teacher (recounted by Dan Harris)
The brain cannot learn when it's filled with shame. That's not like a learning opportunity. It doesn't happen in that, in that kind of environment, internal or external.
Psychologist (recounted by Sharon Salzberg)
Love being really just a profound sense of connection. It's, it's understanding, I think, in the cells of our being that our lives are intertwined.
Sharon Salzberg
1 Protocols
Loving Kindness Meditation for Current Times
Sharon Salzberg- Begin with yourself as the recipient, silently repeating phrases like 'May I be happy? May I be peaceful?' to cultivate self-compassion.
- Extend the phrases to a 'neutral person' – someone you don't especially like or dislike, or someone you can be grateful for but hardly know (e.g., a delivery person, healthcare worker).
- Observe what happens when you include rather than exclude, fostering a sense of connection and generosity.