1. Embrace Life’s Realities
Regularly reflect on the ‘Five Recollections’ (aging, sickness, death, impermanence, karma) to foster equanimity and find joy within life’s truths, rather than fighting them. This practice helps you be at peace with reality and respond with freedom and love.
2. Use RAIN for Strong Emotions
When strong emotions like anger arise, use the RAIN practice: Recognize the emotion, Allow it to be there, Investigate its physical sensations without getting lost in the story, and Nurture yourself with self-compassion. This helps regulate your system and find underlying needs.
3. Dissect Anger to Understand It
Instead of intellectualizing anger, ‘check it out’ by dividing it into its constituent parts, such as physical sensations (rumbling in chest, burning ears) and thoughts. Investigating it with interest can break it apart, making it more workable and allowing for a wise response.
4. Address Mental Tiredness Differently
Distinguish between physical tiredness (requiring rest) and mental tiredness, which is often a subtle aversion to staying present. When your mind checks out, recognize it as a decision to avoid discomfort and try to stay with the experience to find clarity.
5. Permit Sleep During Meditation
If overcome with fatigue or sleepiness during meditation, give yourself permission to fall asleep. This act of not fighting the fatigue can paradoxically be a source of liberation from it, rather than a failure of practice.
6. Recognize Comparing Mind
Understand that the ‘comparing mind’ (mana), which measures yourself against others, is a deeply ingrained pattern that separates you from others. Simply seeing and acknowledging this pattern is part of the antidote to lessening its painful impact.
7. Observe Thoughts from ‘Behind Waterfall’
Cultivate the ability to observe your thoughts with nonjudgmental remove, as if from ‘behind a waterfall’ of consciousness. This brief glimpse of non-attachment allows you to see thoughts as separate from your awareness, rather than being lost in them.
8. Find Sweetness in Grief
When experiencing grief, especially with loved ones facing dementia, actively look for the ‘sweetness’ within the difficult experience. This can include recognizing the love underlying your grief and appreciating your capacity for caregiving.
9. Physically Open Your Heart
To help open the heart emotionally, engage in physical practices that literally open the chest area, such as lying on an exercise ball. This can be helpful for emotional regulation, especially when dealing with trauma or strong feelings.
10. Express Love Openly
Actively tell people you love them, even if it feels ridiculous or uncomfortable initially. This simple act can help open your heart and foster deeper connections, recognizing that life is short.
11. Don’t Argue with Dementia Patients
When interacting with individuals in advanced stages of dementia, avoid arguing with them and allow them to have their own reality. This approach can reduce friction and foster a more peaceful interaction.
12. Own Your Personal Changes
When making personal changes that others may resist, focus on owning your new self and how you choose to be, rather than trying to convince others or managing their reactions. Their resistance is their problem, not yours.