Tara Brach: Making it RAIN
Clinical psychologist Tara Brach details her RAIN method (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) for processing difficult emotions. She discusses integrating Western psychology with Buddhist meditation to foster emotional healing and self-compassion.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Dan Harris's Initial Skepticism Towards Tara Brach
Tara Brach's Response to Dan's Book and Feedback
Understanding the Eight Worldly Winds and Non-Identification
The Value of Shared Practice and RAIN Partners
Evolution of the RAIN Acronym: From Non-Identification to Nurture
RAIN: Recognizing and Allowing Difficult Emotions
RAIN: Investigating the Somatic Experience of Emotions
Modifying RAIN for Trauma: Prioritizing Nurturing
RAIN: Nurturing Vulnerability and Post-Practice Awareness
Personalizing Nurturing: Finding What Resonates
Exploring Love as the Source and Buddha Nature
Human Consciousness Evolution and Hope for Global Change
Overcoming the Trance of Unworthiness and Self-Judgment
Tara's Personal Experience with Illness and Self-Compassion
Applying RAIN in Relationships and Cultivating Empathy
Dan's Apology and Deepening Connection
Addressing the Inner Critic in Exercise
Navigating Job Stress and Toxic Work Environments
7 Key Concepts
RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture)
An acronym and method for facing and processing difficult emotions. It involves pausing to acknowledge what is happening, letting it be, exploring its physical manifestation, and responding with kindness to soften resistance.
Eight Worldly Winds
A Buddhist concept referring to eight pairs of experiences (e.g., fame and disrepute, gain and loss) that tend to 'blow us around.' Recognizing them as impersonal helps cultivate non-identification and inner peace.
Trance of Unworthiness
A pervasive belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with oneself, leading to self-judgment, shame, and a feeling of not being okay. It is often perpetuated by cultural and parental messaging.
Non-identification (original N in RAIN)
The realization that one is not permanently defined by passing emotional states like anger or fear. These are seen as temporary conditions rather than inherent aspects of one's identity, leading to a sense of freedom.
Nurture (new N in RAIN)
The act of bringing kindness and warmth to one's inner experience, especially to vulnerability. This explicit compassion softens resistance, allows for a more embodied and spacious presence, and helps dissolve identification with difficult emotions.
After the RAIN
The practice of pausing after completing the RAIN steps to notice the shift in identity and the resulting qualities of spaciousness, openness, or tenderness. This deepens familiarity with one's true nature beyond the egoic self.
Buddha Nature
The concept that humans are inherently awakened and loving at their core. This natural state is often obscured by ego, fear, and self-centeredness, but can be accessed through practices that cultivate wisdom and compassion.
8 Questions Answered
The 'N' in RAIN originally stood for 'Non-identification,' which was often misunderstood as a 'doing' rather than a natural outcome. It was changed to 'Nurture' to emphasize bringing kindness and warmth, as compassion is seen as a missing piece that helps soften resistance and leads to a more embodied, spacious presence.
Yes, sharing the unfolding of one's practice, including insights and blocks, with others can enlarge and deepen the experience. Practices like 'RAIN partners' or interpersonal meditations can foster accountability, bring awareness into the light, and build tolerance for discomfort.
Investigation is primarily somatic, focusing on how emotions are expressed in the body (e.g., tightening in the chest, buzzing in the head). While asking 'what am I believing right now?' can be a supportive cognitive tool, the core is feeling the physical sensations directly.
For those with trauma, it's crucial to prioritize nurturing first, even for weeks or months, to build sufficient stability, resilience, and a sense of safety. Going directly into somatic investigation without this foundation can overwhelm and potentially re-traumatize.
One can connect with sources of warmth and tenderness that do resonate, such as imagining love from a child, a pet, or a beloved friend. The goal is to find a pathway to feel nurtured, which helps soften self-identity and allows for a larger sense of belonging.
This refers to the experience that when one is not caught in fear and grasping, pure awareness naturally responds to whatever is encountered with tenderness and care. This sense of interconnectedness and compassion is perceived as the fundamental essence of being.
This 'trance of unworthiness' is super pervasive across cultures, manifesting as feelings of being fundamentally flawed, never enough, or less than. It often stems from cultural messaging, parenting, and societal standards that create a sense of not belonging or not being okay.
By using mindfulness to examine what's happening in one's mind in various work situations, one can gain clarity on what activities bring joy versus stress. This self-reflection helps determine if the environment is genuinely toxic or if the stress stems from the inherent dissatisfaction of being alive.
40 Actionable Insights
1. Prioritize Nurturing in RAIN
When using the RAIN technique, prioritize nurturing (kindness/warmth) towards difficult emotions. Skipping this step and going straight to non-identification can be a subtle form of dissociation, preventing full embodiment and freedom.
2. RAIN: Recognize Suffering
When experiencing suffering or a reaction, pause and intentionally notice ‘what’s going on here’ to acknowledge the presence of your feelings.
3. RAIN: Allow Feelings to Be
After recognizing a feeling, allow it to be present without trying to fix, change, ignore, or judge it. Offer an inner ‘yes’ to the actuality of the moment.
4. RAIN: Investigate Somatically
After recognizing and allowing, make a ‘U-turn’ from reactivity and investigate by bringing attention to how the experience is expressed in your body (e.g., throat, chest, belly), rather than cognitively analyzing it.
5. RAIN: Ask ‘What Does This Need?’
When investigating and contacting vulnerability, ask yourself ‘How does this place want me to be with it right now?’ or ‘What does it need right now?’ to guide your nurturing response.
6. RAIN: Notice ‘After the Rain’ Shift
After completing RAIN, pause and notice the shift in identity and the quality of spaciousness, openness, or tenderness. Rest in this newfound freedom to deepen familiarity with your true self.
7. Address the Trance of Unworthiness
Recognize the pervasive ’trance of unworthiness’—the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with you. Learn to hold your egoic self with humor and kindness to transcend self-dislike.
8. Practice Receiving Love
Actively practice letting in love, even from limited sources, to build new neural pathways. This develops the capacity for ‘spiritual reparenting’ that helps you inhabit your wholeness.
9. Personalize Nurturing Sources
Identify specific people, animals, or experiences that naturally evoke feelings of warmth, tenderness, or love in you. Bring these to mind during nurturing practice to widen your lens beyond self-criticism.
10. Feel What You’re Unwilling To
Ask yourself ‘What are you unwilling to feel?’ and then directly contact that vulnerability. Facing what you’ve been pulling away from is a powerful way to free yourself.
11. Practice RAIN with a Partner
Engage in RAIN with a partner to increase accountability and create a safe container for practice. Verbalizing what’s happening deepens awareness by bringing it into the light.
12. Share Your Practice Journey
Beyond meditating alone, share the unfolding of your practice with others, being vulnerable about both insights and blocks. This process enlarges your understanding and experience.
13. Practice Mindful Communication
Practice interpersonal meditation by intentionally bringing mindfulness to how you speak and listen in conversations. Check if you are embodied, truly listening, and speaking from a place of heart and presence.
14. Ask ‘Where Does It Hurt?’
When someone acts in a way you dislike, instead of immediately judging or reacting, pause and ask ‘Where does it hurt?’. This cultivates compassion and shifts your perspective.
15. RAIN Timeouts in Relationships
In relationships, when stuck in a pattern, take an ‘official timeout’ to individually practice RAIN inwardly. Process your feelings and beliefs before re-engaging to communicate without blame.
16. Non-Identify with Worldly Winds
Recognize that external circumstances like fame, disrepute, gain, or loss are impersonal ‘winds’ that blow. Practicing non-identification with them is essential for finding real peace and freedom.
17. Share Fears to Depersonalize Them
Share your fears with others, for example by writing them down and reading them aloud in a group. This helps you realize that what feels intensely personal is often a shared human experience, reducing its grip.
18. Practice with Flexibility
Approach your practice with flexibility, responding intuitively to what arises in the moment rather than rigidly following a rote method. This deepens freedom.
19. Practice with Kindness Intention
Approach your practice with the explicit intention of kindness. This makes the process of turning attention to the present moment significantly easier.
20. Cultivate What Feels True
Focus on cultivating actions and states of being that feel better, more true, and more ‘at home’ to you. Align with who you genuinely want to be.
21. Discover Your Deepest Longing
Regularly ask yourself ‘What would really most matter?’ (e.g., at the end of your life, today, in an interaction) to align your actions with your deepest longings and aspirations, rather than being driven by immediate gratification or fear.
22. Mindfulness for Job Evaluation
Use meditation to mindfully examine your thoughts and feelings while working to gain clarity on whether your job environment is healthy and what activities you truly love. This informs decisions about your career path.
23. Focus on What You Love
Dedicate significant time to identifying what you truly love to do and how you want to spend your days. Then actively pursue those things in your life and career.
24. Invite Fear: ‘Bring It On’
When experiencing fear or panic, adopt an attitude of ‘bring it on’ or ‘do your worst,’ inviting the sensations in. This reverses conditioning and allows you to fully experience them rather than resisting.
25. Find Joyful Exercise
Seek out forms of exercise that you genuinely love and find joyful. This significantly increases your likelihood of consistently engaging in the activity.
26. Gratitude Mantra for Self-Criticism
When self-criticism arises during exercise, repeatedly drop the word ‘gratitude’ into your mind stream. This interrupts the trance and helps you appreciate your body’s ability to function and exercise.
27. Welcome the Inner Critic
When your inner critic is active, use the mantra ‘Welcome to the party’ to acknowledge its presence without fighting it. This can soothe it and reduce its power.
28. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Steps
Practice Kristin Neff’s three-step self-compassion: 1) Notice you are suffering, 2) Remind yourself that suffering is part of the shared human experience, and 3) Send yourself love and kindness (e.g., ‘May I be happy, may I be free from suffering’).
29. RAIN: Nurture First for Trauma
If you have a history of trauma, prioritize nurturing and self-soothing before somatic investigation, potentially for weeks or months. This builds stability and resilience and avoids re-traumatization.
30. RAIN: Use Nurturing Touch
To nurture, you can place a hand on your heart or cheek, or use specific phrases like ‘It’s okay, this belongs’ to offer kindness. This creates a sense of space and acceptance for your feelings.
31. RAIN: Call Out for Nurturance
If direct self-nurturing is difficult, call out to the universe with a phrase like ‘Please love me,’ or imagine a loved one holding you. This helps access a sense of compassionate presence.
32. RAIN: Use Cognitive Questions Skillfully
When investigating, you can skillfully ask yourself ‘What am I believing right now?’ to bring underlying beliefs into consciousness. This can help you connect more directly with somatic sensations.
33. RAIN: Sculpt Feelings Physically
To deepen investigation, physically sculpt the mood you’re feeling with your body and face. Allow your physical self to take on the full expression of the emotion.
34. Engage in Dyad Work
Engage in dyad work or similar practices to build affect tolerance, allowing you to stay present with discomfort. As you relax, you can perceive vulnerability, goodness, and sameness in others.
35. Mantra: ‘We Are Friends’
Mentally use the mantra ‘We are friends’ when encountering nature or other people. This opens yourself to a sense of affinity and interbeing, fostering connection.
36. Embrace ‘Cheesiness’ for Freedom
If you find certain practices or expressions of self-compassion ‘cheesy,’ try to get comfortable with them. An unwillingness to embrace such things can hinder your path to freedom.
37. Verify Truth Through Experience
Instead of accepting beliefs on face value, continually turn your attention to the present moment and what is being experienced. Verify truths through your own direct experience.
38. Allow Awareness to Offer Care
Understand that when awareness directly contacts suffering, a natural tenderness emerges from that larger space of awareness. This awareness can then offer care.
39. Recognize Suffering of Self-Criticism
Honestly recognize the suffering caused by being ‘down on yourself’ or self-critical. Directly contacting this vulnerability can naturally evoke tenderness and care.
40. Apologize for Hurting Feelings
If you realize you have hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge your anxiety or discomfort and offer a sincere apology. This can deepen connection.
5 Key Quotes
If I'm caught in some anxiety, for me to say, oh, I'm not this anxiety actually is a subtle way of pushing it away. And what's more important is for me to feel the wave of anxiety and in some ways say, okay, this belongs.
Tara Brach
It's not the survival of the fittest. It's the survival of the nurtured.
Luis Cozzolino (quoted by Tara Brach)
When we're down on ourselves, we're kind of, our attention is very narrow. It's very fixated on what's wrong and that's like widening the lens to something that's really good and letting it in.
Tara Brach
If you can't get comfortable with cheesiness, you can't be free.
Unnamed Teacher (quoted by Dan Harris)
Where does it hurt?
Ruby Sales (quoted by Tara Brach)
3 Protocols
RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) Practice
Tara Brach- Recognize: Pause and notice what is happening when in reaction or suffering, acknowledging the actuality of the moment.
- Allow: Offer an inner whisper of 'yes' to what is present, letting it be without trying to fix, change, ignore, or judge it.
- Investigate: Make a 'U-turn' by bringing attention to how the experience is expressed somatically in the body (e.g., throat, chest, belly). Optionally, ask 'What am I believing right now?' or 'How does this place want me to be with it?' or 'What does this place need?'
- Nurture: Respond to the vulnerability contacted during investigation with kindness and warmth. This can involve placing a hand on the heart, using self-compassionate phrases (e.g., 'It's okay, this belongs'), imagining love from a trusted source, or prayerfully asking for nurturance.
- After the RAIN: Pause and notice the shift in identity, recognizing the resulting spaciousness, openness, or tenderness, and resting in this larger awareness.
RAIN in Relationships (Timeout Practice)
Tara Brach- When stuck in a dynamic or pattern with another person, call an 'official timeout.'
- Each person does RAIN inwardly, feeling where they are caught, sensing beliefs, breathing with it, and bringing care to their own experience.
- When ready, exchange what's going on without blame, speaking from a more resourced place.
- Practice 'roll reverse' by trying to see the situation through the other person's eyes and expressing empathy (e.g., 'I get why that hurt you').
Kristen Neff's Three-Step Self-Compassion Practice
Kristen Neff (described by Dan Harris)- Notice: Acknowledge that you are suffering in the moment (e.g., 'Oh, I'm suffering right now. This kind of sucks.').
- Common Humanity: Remind yourself that suffering is a universal part of being human, and millions of others are likely experiencing similar mental content.
- Self-Kindness: Send yourself love and kindness (e.g., 'May I be happy,' 'May I be free from suffering') to inject warmth into the mind stream.