The Evolutionary Case for Kindness | Dacher Keltner
Dacher Keltner, Director of the Social Interaction Lab at UC Berkeley, argues that humans are uniquely wired for kindness and compassion, contrary to popular evolutionary misconceptions. He discusses how tapping into these natural resources leads to happiness and success, exploring the science behind cooperation, awe, play, and power.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Evolutionary Advantage of Kindness and Cooperation
Darwin's True View: Sympathy as a Strongest Instinct
Revising the 'Selfish Gene' Concept of Human Nature
Balancing Aggression and Pro-Social Tendencies
Gender Nuances in Assertiveness and Collaboration
The 'Born to Be Good' Hypothesis: Buddha Nature vs. Original Sin
Operationalizing Kindness in Daily Life and Society
Optimism for the Future Amidst Global Challenges
The Foundational Role of Awe in Human Connection
The Evolutionary Importance of Play and Humor
Navigating Boundaries in Playful Teasing and Humor
Power Reveals Preexisting Tendencies, Doesn't Always Corrupt
The Power of Touch in Team Cohesion and Performance
Overcoming Biases Against Kindness in Self-Help Culture
6 Key Concepts
Sympathy as Strongest Instinct
Charles Darwin, in 'The Descent of Man,' argued that sympathy is our strongest instinct, stating that communities with the most sympathetic members will flourish and produce more offspring. This challenges the popular 'survival of the fittest' interpretation, highlighting cooperation as a core evolutionary principle.
Selfish Gene Revision
Richard Dawkins' 1978 book 'The Selfish Gene' popularized the idea of aggression and adversarialism being built into our genes. However, modern research, including studies on resource sharing and infant cooperation, suggests a deep revision, showing humans are fundamentally a collective and collaborative species.
Buddha Nature vs. Original Sin
This spectrum represents two views of human nature: Original Sin (inherently flawed) and Buddha Nature (essentially good, like a mud-encrusted gem). Dacher Keltner's scientific work leans towards Buddha Nature, suggesting humans are wired to be good, with brain regions and neurochemicals like oxytocin engaged in compassion and generosity.
Machiavellianism
This refers to a manipulative, aggressive, and coercive strategy in life, often observed in work and community groups. Men tend to exhibit more Machiavellian traits, while women tend to be more collaborative, though these gender differences are historically changing and dynamic.
Awe as Collective Emotion
Awe is a foundational human emotion, felt universally in response to nature, courage, art, and spirituality. It is considered a collective emotion that binds groups together and has positive effects, such as increasing sharing with strangers, fostering humility, and unleashing 'better angels' in human behavior.
Power Reveals
Contrary to the notion that 'power corrupts,' evidence suggests that power primarily reveals and amplifies preexisting tendencies. If a person is kind and empathetic, power will lead them to express those traits more strongly; if they are self-focused, power will make them more so, emphasizing the importance of who is placed in leadership.
8 Questions Answered
Yes, our species is uniquely wired for kindness and compassion, and we are happier and do better in life when we tap into these natural resources. Darwin himself noted that communities with the most sympathetic members flourish and raise the greatest number of offspring.
While humans possess both adversarial and pro-social tendencies, recent scientific discoveries suggest a deep revision of the 'selfish gene' idea. Research shows that humans are a collective and collaborative species, with innate tendencies for cooperation and sharing.
The first step is to contemplate and cultivate a philosophy of life that prioritizes cooperation and gratitude. This involves integrating these findings into personal ethics, building opportunities for 'born to be good' practices in workplaces, and influencing policy.
No, power does not always corrupt; instead, it tends to reveal and amplify a person's preexisting tendencies. If a leader is inherently kind and empathetic, power will lead them to express those traits even more strongly, making it crucial who is chosen for leadership positions.
Awe is a foundational human emotion that unleashes our 'better angels.' Experiencing awe can make people more generous, humble, and cooperative, leading them to share more with strangers and feel more connected to a collective.
Play is one of the deepest evolutionary tendencies of mammals and is fundamental to social life, connection, and the good life. Joking, teasing, and laughter are vital tools for building relationships, dealing with conflict, and expressing compassion.
Loving and playful teasing often includes exaggeration, funny voices, self-deprecating elements, and laughter. Using sweet but critical nicknames and being mindful of cultural and gender differences can help ensure humor uplifts rather than harms.
Physical touch is a sophisticated language of connection and communication. Studies on NBA teams showed that teams that touched more (e.g., hugs, high-fives) played better, were more cooperative, and won more games, with leaders who touched more making their teammates better.
34 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Innate Kindness
Actively engage with your natural capacity for kindness and compassion, as this leads to greater happiness and success in life when tapped into.
2. Adopt Cooperative Life Philosophy
Contemplate and integrate principles of cooperation and gratitude into your core philosophy of life to guide your actions and choices, moving beyond assumptions of unchecked competition.
3. Train Compassion Through Practice
Consciously choose to nourish your positive tendencies, as love and compassion are skills that can be trained, for instance, through meditation, aligning with the idea that ’the wolf that wins is the wolf you feed'.
4. Prioritize Cooperation, Gratitude
Make cooperation and intentional gratitude your initial responses in interactions as often as possible, as this can positively transform your relationships and work environment.
5. Seek Awe for Pro-sociality
Actively seek out experiences of awe, whether in nature, music, or art, as it fosters humility, increases sharing with strangers, and encourages helping behavior by unleashing your ‘better angels’.
6. Moderate Emotional Responses
Recognize that all passions, including kindness, anger, fear, and gratitude, are useful when applied in the right context, to the right degree, and for the right purpose, following Aristotle’s principle of moderation.
7. Acknowledge Human Complexity
Understand that humans possess many different tendencies, including adversarial and pro-social ones, and acknowledging this complexity is crucial for navigating social life effectively.
8. Employ Diverse Social Strategies
Avoid relying solely on kindness or cooperation, as a broad array of strategies, including toughness when appropriate, is necessary to avoid exploitation and succeed in life.
9. Be Tough, Not Rageful
When employing tougher tactics in conflicts or negotiations, ensure your motivation is not dehumanizing hatred or excessive rage, but rather strategic assertiveness.
10. Compete Respectfully
Engage in competition or use tough tactics while maintaining respect for others, avoiding the desire to utterly destroy them or operating from a sense of superiority.
11. Channel Anger for Social Good
Allow yourself to feel and express calibrated anger (not rage or resentment) when seeking social change, as it provides strength in negotiations and advocating for your cause.
12. Respect Adversaries
When competing, consciously maintain respect, liking, or even love for your opponents to prevent interactions from devolving into dehumanizing rage or tribalism.
13. Integrate Playfulness into Life
Recognize play as fundamental to social life and a deep human tendency, using it to build connections, foster intimacy, and navigate challenges.
14. Tease Playfully, Compassionately
When teasing, incorporate elements like exaggeration, funny voices, self-deprecation, and laughter to ensure it is lighthearted, compassionate, and strengthens bonds rather than hurts.
15. Leverage Humor in Conflict
Employ laughter, joking, and teasing as effective tools for navigating conflicts, dealing with challenging individuals, and managing negotiations.
16. Adapt to Cultural Humor
Humbly recognize and adapt to cultural variations in humor and playfulness to avoid missteps and foster more effective cross-cultural interactions.
17. Mindful Playful Communication
Deliberately use self-deprecation, laughter, and sweet-but-critical nicknames to make playful interactions more effective and less likely to cause offense.
18. Seek Consent for Physical Touch
Always ask for consent before engaging in physical touch to ensure respect, avoid misinterpretation, and prevent any form of harassment.
19. Connect Through Appropriate Touch
Employ strategic and appropriate physical touch, such as hugs or high-fives, to foster cooperation, improve team performance, and enhance leadership effectiveness.
20. Balance Self-Interest, Responsibility
As a leader, consciously balance your self-serving tendencies with your responsibilities to others, using power as an opportunity for personal growth and ethical decision-making.
21. Understand Power’s Responsibility
Understand that holding power means affecting more people’s lives daily, which entails greater responsibility for their well-being and emotional lives.
22. View Power as a Gift
Recognize that power is granted by the goodwill and respect of those you lead, fostering humility and preventing abuse that could lead to its loss.
23. Cultivate Influential Networks
Tightly connect with others and earn their trust and respect, as this network is core to your ability to do well and gain opportunities for influence; abusing this trust leads to marginalization.
24. Prioritize Kind Leadership
Actively seek to place kind, empathetic individuals in positions of power, as their pre-existing pro-social tendencies will lead to more positive outcomes for groups and organizations.
25. Foster Positive Environments
Create environments in homes, workplaces, and educational institutions that incentivize and cultivate human tendencies for cooperation and sharing.
26. Women: Assert Boundaries, Negotiate
For women, it can be beneficial to consciously draw sharper boundaries, stand up for oneself, and negotiate hard for raises or promotions to advance personal and professional goals.
27. Men: Embrace Empathy, Emotion
Men are encouraged to become more empathetic and engage with their emotional lives, contributing to a more balanced and dynamic social landscape.
28. Daily Nature Appreciation
Make a habit of daily engagement with nature, as it has been shown to have numerous positive impacts on personal well-being.
29. Practice Self-Compassion
Go easy on yourself after making mistakes, as practicing self-compassion helps mitigate self-laceration and promotes mental well-being.
30. Shift Preferences for Global Good
Contribute to addressing global challenges like climate change by consciously shifting personal attitudes and preferences towards transport and consumption.
31. Advocate for Kind Leadership
Engage in cultural conversations that encourage and promote new models of leadership rooted in kindness and the building of strong social networks.
32. Access Greater Good Resources
Explore the ‘Greater Good’ online magazine and ‘Greater Good in Action’ practices from Berkeley for scientific findings and practical exercises on cultivating positive human tendencies.
33. Educators: Use Greater Good
Educators should utilize the free resources from ‘Greater Good in Education’ to teach mindfulness, gratitude, and awe, helping to cultivate positive traits in students.
34. Listen to Science of Happiness
Tune into ‘The Science of Happiness’ podcast for expert-led discussions on research-tested strategies for living a happier life.
10 Key Quotes
Sympathy is our strongest instinct, for those communities with the most sympathetic members will flourish and raise the greatest number of offspring.
Charles Darwin (quoted by Dacher Keltner)
The kinder we are as collectives, the better those collectives do.
Dacher Keltner
We are a complicated species. You know, we have many different tendencies.
Dacher Keltner
All of the passions are useful for us, right? Kindness and anger, fear and devotion, gratitude and awe, as long as they're in the right place to the right degree and toward the right end.
Aristotle (quoted by Dacher Keltner)
You can compete without being cruel.
Sharon Salisbury (quoted by Dan Harris)
My first move in life as often as possible is to cooperate or to express gratitude in an intentional way.
Dacher Keltner
You beating yourself up is like Woody Allen playing the clarinet. I don't wanna hear it. Alright? So just, you know, knock it off. Go easy on yourself. Okay? Hey, I got your back. Ain't nothing gonna change that.
Ted Lasso (from clip)
Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Acton (quoted by Dacher Keltner)
My power is not in my words or my charisma. It's in how well my team does.
Dacher Keltner
Kindness is for suckers and fools.
Dacher Keltner (describing a biased view)