The Myth of the Dream Job | Simone Stolzoff
Simone Stolzoff, author of "The Good Enough Job," challenges defining oneself by work, advocating for diversifying sources of meaning beyond the workplace. He discusses balancing ambition with well-being and finding a job that supports life rather than consuming it.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Introduction to Balancing Happiness and Ambition
The Good Enough Job: Theory and Application
Diversifying Sources of Identity and Meaning
Workism: Risks of Over-Identification with Work
Challenging the 'Do What You Love' Mantra
Rethinking 'What Do You Do?' as a Question
Defining Identity Beyond Professional Achievement
Simone's Personal Journey to 'The Good Enough Job'
Societal Factors Exacerbating Work-Centricity
Practical Steps to Broaden Identity Outside Work
Defining Your Personal 'Good Enough' for Work
Why Work Cannot Be Your Family
Addressing Overwork and Burnout
Lightning Round: Remote Work and Mentorship
Lightning Round: Zoom Happy Hours and Vacation Policies
Lightning Round: Salary Transparency and Office Perks
Lightning Round: Bringing Your Full Self, Side Hustles
Lightning Round: Meditation at Work and Leadership Advice
5 Key Concepts
The Good Enough Job
An allusion to Donald Winnicott's theory of the 'good enough parent,' this concept suggests valuing sufficiency over perfection in one's work. It posits that a job should support the life you want to live, rather than being the central axis around which your entire life orbits, leading to more fulfillment and happiness.
Workism
A term coined by Derek Thompson, 'workism' describes the phenomenon where work becomes the primary source of identity, meaning, belonging, and purpose for many Americans. This trend is exacerbated by the decline of other community institutions, leading to an unhealthy over-reliance on the workplace for personal fulfillment.
Self-Complexity
This psychological concept refers to having a greater variety of self-aspects or identities. Research indicates that individuals with higher self-complexity are more resilient in the face of adversity and tend to be more creative and innovative, as their self-worth isn't solely tied to professional accomplishments.
Vocational Awe
This describes the perceived righteousness or 'halo effect' associated with certain industries, particularly creative, mission-driven, or prestigious fields like journalism, healthcare, or education. While it can foster passion, vocational awe can also mask exploitation, injustice, or a lack of fair pay and protections within these fields.
Boundaries vs. Guardrails
Anne Helen Peterson's distinction highlights different approaches to preventing burnout. Boundaries are individual lines or limits set by a person, while guardrails are structural protections implemented by employers. The argument is that companies are better positioned to enact guardrails that prevent employees from overworking and protect their well-being.
10 Questions Answered
The core idea is to value sufficiency over perfection in one's work, viewing a job as a means to support the life you want to live rather than the sole center of your existence. This reduces disappointment and fosters greater fulfillment by diversifying sources of meaning.
It's dangerous because if your job is your only source of identity and meaning, losing it can leave you with nothing, and high expectations for work to deliver transcendence often lead to disappointment. It also neglects other crucial aspects of identity like being a friend, parent, or artist.
People with more varied hobbies and interests outside of work tend to be more resilient in the face of adversity, more creative, more innovative, and better problem solvers, as these different aspects of life can fuel and improve their work life.
It's suggested to reframe this question, as it can place an undue burden on individuals to define themselves solely by their job titles and can be perceived as a 'classist question' used to size people up.
The simplest way is to carve out non-work time where working is not an option (e.g., during a yoga class) and then intentionally choose to fill that time by investing in relationships, hobbies, or community activities, starting small and focusing on inherent joy rather than mastery or monetization.
It involves considering circumstantial factors (like desired living location and associated costs), material needs, and personal values. A good approach is to reflect on specific past work moments where you felt you truly showed up as yourself, breaking down the component parts of what made it fulfilling, and balancing this with market realities.
While fostering connection is good, the fundamental difference is that family love is unconditional, whereas employment is conditional and tied to a company's bottom line. Treating work as family can lead to issues like information traveling through social ties rather than transparently, and decisions based on trust rather than rigorous analysis.
While individuals can practice self-care, the primary onus for preventing burnout should fall on employers, managers, and bosses. They are best equipped to enact structural protections, or 'guardrails,' such as clear norms about being offline, encouraging time off, or experimenting with initiatives like four-day workweeks.
The best office perk is trust, which involves instilling a level of autonomy in employees to get their work done when and how they see fit. This contrasts with superficial perks like on-campus dinners or gyms that can subtly encourage employees to center their entire lives around the office.
It should not be a mandate, but rather an accepted choice if an individual wishes to present their full self. Forcing personal sharing can cross lines, and some people may prefer to maintain a different persona in the workplace, which should be respected.
36 Actionable Insights
1. Diversify Life’s Meaning Sources
Actively seek out and invest in multiple sources of identity and meaning beyond your job, similar to how an investor diversifies a stock portfolio, to build a more stable foundation for fulfillment and happiness.
2. Adopt a “Good Enough Job” Mindset
View your job as “good enough” – a means to support the life you want to live, rather than the sole center of your existence. This approach can lead to more fulfillment and happiness by reducing the pressure on work to provide all meaning.
3. Don’t Over-rely on Work for Identity
Avoid placing all your identity and self-worth solely on your job, as this can make you vulnerable if you lose your job or if expectations for transcendence aren’t met, leading to disappointment.
4. Prioritize Non-Work Identities
Consciously avoid giving all your best time and energy to your job, as this can neglect other important identities like neighbor, parent, friend, traveler, or artist, which are crucial for a well-rounded life.
5. Define by Evergreen Characteristics
Strive to define your identity based on evergreen characteristics like generosity, loyalty, or kindness, rather than solely on achievements or external validations that can be taken away. This provides a more stable sense of self.
6. Design Job Around Desired Life
Begin by envisioning your ideal “life well-lived” – where you live, what you do – and then determine how your job can function as a support system for that vision, rather than letting your job dictate your life.
7. Invest Time in Non-Work Values
Dedicate time, energy, and attention to your non-work values, such as being a good friend, engaging in causes, or learning new skills, because these identities and sources of meaning grow in proportion to your investment in them.
8. Create Non-Work Zones
Intentionally carve out specific times in your days and weeks where working is not an option, especially for knowledge workers who are always connected. This allows for recharging and being present in other aspects of life.
9. Engage in Un-Multitaskable Activities
Choose activities like running or yoga where you cannot multitask, forcing you to be present. These structural protections against working help cultivate a more diverse identity portfolio and allow for genuine rest.
10. Pursue Hobbies for Pure Joy
Start small by picking up a hobby with the sole purpose of connecting with the inherent joy of doing it, rather than aiming for mastery or monetization. This acts as an antidote to workism by embracing play.
11. Seek Intrinsic Motivation in Activities
Choose activities based on what intrinsically motivates you and brings inherent pleasure or joy, rather than focusing on external validation, resume virtues, or social media likes. This helps connect with deeper personal values.
12. Embrace Active Rest & Hobbies
Recognize that rest, including active hobbies like woodworking, hiking, or exercise, is essential and complementary to work. Engaging in active rest can make you better at your job by allowing your brain to recharge and synthesize ideas.
13. Cultivate Varied Hobbies & Interests
Engage in diverse hobbies and interests outside of work, not only for personal fulfillment but also because research shows it can make you more creative, innovative, and a better problem solver in your professional life.
14. Engage in Diverse Communities
Actively participate in different communities or groups outside of work, such as sports teams, volunteer groups, or friend circles, where people have different value systems. This helps de-center work and offers refreshing perspectives on what matters.
15. Experience Diverse Value Hierarchies
Spend time in places or cultures with different value hierarchies, such as visiting family in a country with different priorities, to help rejigger your own expectations and values regarding work and life.
16. Reflect on “Life Without Capitalism”
Engage in the thought experiment: If capitalism wasn’t a thing and all your needs were met, what would you do with your life? This helps connect with the “why” of doing beyond making money and expands possibilities.
17. Differentiate Work from Family
Clearly distinguish between a workplace and a family, understanding that employment is conditional and company loyalty to its bottom line will often trump loyalty to its people, unlike the unconditional love expected in a family.
18. Adopt Transactional Work View
Embrace a more clear-headed, transactional view of work, recognizing that employers hire and fire based on value. As an employee, understand your end of the economic contract and ensure it’s not your only source of community.
19. Prioritize Breaks to Prevent Burnout
Take regular breaks and proactively reset to prevent burnout, especially if you are passionate about your work. This means refilling your “gas tank” before you’re running on empty to maintain sustainable productivity.
20. Recognize Work-Life Seasons
Understand that work and life priorities have natural seasons; some periods may involve prioritizing career more, while others focus on life outside work. Aim for a balance that evolves over time.
21. Align Work with Personal Values
Define your “good enough job” by considering both what the market values (e.g., wage, prestige) and what you personally value (e.g., collaboration, environment, impact), then seek work at their intersection.
22. Build Skills; Passion May Follow
For career development, focus on building skills, investing in expertise, and honing your craft, as passion is often a result of hard work and mastery, rather than a prerequisite for starting.
23. Reframe “What Do You Do?” Question
When meeting new people, instead of asking “What do you do?”, try asking “What do you like to do?” This subtle shift allows people to define themselves on their own terms, based on how they spend their time or find meaning, rather than just their job title.
24. Avoid Passive Post-Work Habits
After work, avoid solely turning off your brain with passive activities like watching TV, as this won’t help cultivate a diverse identity portfolio. Instead, actively invest time and energy into relationships, hobbies, and community.
25. Avoid Monetizing All Hobbies
Be wary of the inclination to turn all your passions, interests, and hobbies into side hustles or monetization schemes, as this can make it difficult to ever truly be “off the clock” and enjoy activities for their inherent value.
26. Choose When to Bring Full Self to Work
Decide for yourself whether and when to bring your “full self” to work, understanding that it should not be a mandate but an option. It’s acceptable to maintain a different persona in the workplace if preferred.
27. Leaders: Model Desired Culture
As a leader or manager, actively model the culture you wish to create; if you send emails late or work on vacation, it will trickle down and negate any progressive policies, influencing employees to do the same.
28. Leaders: Schedule Communications Strategically
If you work outside standard hours, use “send later” tools for emails and Slack messages to schedule them for regular work hours (e.g., 9 am Monday). This prevents inadvertently pressuring employees to work during their off-hours.
29. Seek Trust & Autonomy in Work
Prioritize workplaces that offer trust and autonomy, allowing employees to get their work done when and how they see fit, as this is considered the best office perk and fosters a competitive advantage.
30. Seek Employers with Structural Protections
When considering employment, look for companies and managers who implement structural protections against burnout, such as clear norms about online/offline times or cultures that prioritize taking time off.
31. Advocate for Rest as Productivity
Understand and advocate for the idea that rest and time off are integral to sustainable long-term productivity, especially in a knowledge economy where ideas need space to synthesize, rather than just more hours.
32. Seek Minimum Vacation Policies
Look for companies that implement “minimum vacation policies” which require employees to take time off, as this acts as a structural protection to ensure employees invest in their non-work lives and prevent burnout.
33. Advocate for Salary Transparency
Support and seek workplaces with salary transparency, as it helps mitigate racial and gender bias and promotes fairness in compensation for similar types of work.
34. Seek Optional Workplace Wellness
Look for workplaces that offer optional wellness resources like meditation rooms or yoga studios, supporting employees’ mindfulness practices without mandating them, as this can aid focus and compassion.
35. Design Intentional In-Person Gatherings
For remote or hybrid teams, organize intentional in-person gatherings, like quarterly retreats, specifically for building relationships, fostering culture, and connecting with coworkers, rather than just for daily Zoom meetings.
36. Be Wary of “All-Inclusive” Office Perks
Be cautious of office perks like on-campus dinners, gyms, or dry cleaning services that, while convenient, can subtly encourage centering your entire life around the office, potentially at the expense of investing in outside communities and a well-rounded life.
8 Key Quotes
Too many of us bring the best of ourselves to work and bring the leftovers home.
Esther Perel (quoted by Simone Stolzoff)
Some people do what they love for work and others do what they have to for work so they can do what they love when they're not working. And neither is more noble.
Anis Mojgani
If you treat your job as your primary source of identity and meaning, and you lose your job, what's left?
Simone Stolzoff
Happiness as being sort of the difference between our expectations and our reality.
Simone Stolzoff
Rather than think of herself as a teacher, or as a D1 athlete, or as an overachiever, she started to define herself based on being generous with her time or being a loyal friend. These traits that no market or boss or company could take away from her.
Simone Stolzoff
If capitalism wasn't a thing and you had all your needs met, what would you do with your life?
Dana White
Passion is often the result of expertise and hard work, not the precursor to doing so.
Cal Newport (quoted by Simone Stolzoff)
The best office perk is trust, is the ability to instill a level of autonomy in your employees to get their work done when and how they see fit.
Simone Stolzoff
3 Protocols
Broadening Your Identity Beyond Work
Simone Stolzoff- Carve out space in your days and weeks where working is not an option (e.g., during activities where you cannot multitask).
- Intentionally choose how to fill that non-work time by investing in relationships, causes, community, or hobbies.
- Start small with hobbies, not aiming to master or monetize them, but to connect with the inherent joy of doing them (play).
Defining Your 'Good Enough Job'
Simone Stolzoff- Start with your vision of a life well-lived (where you're living, what you're doing, what success looks like).
- Consider circumstantial factors (e.g., desired city's cost of living) and material needs that your job must provide.
- Uncover your unique values by reflecting on specific past work moments where you felt you truly showed up as the person you wanted to be.
- Break down those moments to understand the component parts (e.g., collaboration, environment, type of work, external life factors).
- Balance what the world values (e.g., high pay, prestigious title) with what you personally value, seeking work at their intersection.
Best Practices for Bosses/Managers
Simone Stolzoff- Model the type of culture you hope to create (e.g., taking time off, fully signing offline during vacation).
- Be intentional about enacting structural protections that safeguard employees' lives outside the office.
- If working odd hours, use 'send later' tools for emails/Slacks to avoid implicitly pressuring employees to work off-hours.