The Reset for Anxiety, Overthinking, and Losing Yourself in the Wrong Story | Diana Winston
Diana Winston, Director of UCLA Mindful, discusses four ways to awaken: to the present moment, to healing old patterns, to relational understanding through judgments, and to transcendence. She provides practical tools and meditations to cultivate peace, freedom, and joy in daily life.
Deep Dive Analysis
16 Topic Outline
Introduction to Repeating Mistakes and Awakening
Defining Awakening: Freedom, Peace, and Presence
Waking Up to the Present Moment
Practices for Returning to the Present
Handling Unpleasant Present Moments and Self-Criticism
The Three-Center Check-in Practice
Awakening Through Healing Old Patterns
Working with Shame and Self-Judgment
Four-Part Reset for Difficult Emotions
Overcoming Resistance to Self-Kindness
Relational Awakening and Working with Judgments
Transforming Judgments into Discernment
Awakening as Transcendence and Peak Experiences
Accessing Everyday Transcendence Through Recollection
The Accumulation of Positive States
Personal Recommendations and Closing
6 Key Concepts
Awakening
A broad term encompassing increased freedom, peace, and understanding, breaking free from old habits, becoming present, and deeper spiritual insights. It's about waking up from being lost in thoughts and worries to the experience of being alive.
Disenchantment (Buddhist Context)
In a positive sense, it refers to waking up from the 'spell' of being lost in personal dramas, fantasies, or the belief that external achievements and accumulations will bring lasting happiness. It's a realization of the impermanence and lack of ultimate payoff in the cycle of wanting and receiving.
Mindfulness Bell
Any internal or external signal, such as suffering, discomfort, or a moment of realization that one has been lost in thought, that serves as a reminder to return to the present moment and cultivate awareness.
Mindfulness Frame
A technique where one intentionally 'beefs up' their mindfulness around a specific activity or situation that is typically challenging or prone to mindlessness. This involves setting an intention to be extra aware before, during, and after the event.
Judgment vs. Discernment
Judgments are typically harsh, negative thoughts about oneself, others, or situations, often accompanied by reactivity and suffering. Discernment, on the other hand, preserves the underlying intelligence or insight within a judgment but separates it from the emotional reactivity, allowing for more compassionate and wise action.
Transcendence (Everyday)
Experiences of profound connection, oneness, equanimity, or joy that go beyond the ordinary sense of self, often occurring spontaneously in nature, relationships, or creative pursuits. These can be 'little tastes' of deeper spiritual awakenings, accessible through savoring and recollection.
7 Questions Answered
Awakening is a broad term that can mean finding more freedom, peace, and understanding, breaking free from old habits, becoming present in the here and now, or experiencing deeper, more profound spiritual insights.
Regular meditation practice helps train the mind to notice when it's lost and return to the present. Informally, you can use moments of suffering as a "mindfulness bell" to pause, feel your body, breathe, and consciously reset into the present.
If the present moment is painful or emotionally intense, you can mindfully shift your attention to neutral aspects of your environment, such as sounds or sights, or go for a mindful walk, rather than directly focusing on the difficult experience.
Instead of self-criticism, reframe your return to awareness as a positive event. Practice kindness and compassion by acknowledging your shared humanity and perhaps using a gentle mantra like "Great job. Welcome back."
Self-kindness is crucial because it forms the foundation for the capacity to love others effectively. Skeptics are encouraged to try it and observe the results, noting that scientific evidence supports its benefits for well-being and goal achievement.
Instead of rejecting judgments, use them as a "doorway" to self-understanding. Observe the judgment, notice the accompanying reactivity in your body, offer kindness to yourself, and then investigate the underlying wisdom or care that might be driving the judgment.
You can access "little tastes of enlightenment" by intentionally pausing to savor moments of peace, ease, connection, openness, or joy as they happen. Reflecting on these positive memories later can also bring back feelings of well-being and make such experiences more frequent.
6 Actionable Insights
1. Reframe Self-Criticism for Waking Up
Instead of judging yourself for being lost in thought, greet your return to awareness with kindness and positive affirmation, such as “Great job. Welcome back.” This shifts your attitude from self-blame to self-compassion, encouraging more frequent returns to the present.
2. Use a Mindfulness Frame
Before entering situations known to be challenging or prone to mindlessness (e.g., rushing, difficult meetings, habitually misplacing items), intentionally “beef up” your mindfulness. Set an intention to be extra aware during and immediately after the activity to enhance presence.
3. Practice Kindness for Difficult Emotions
When experiencing intense emotions like shame, fear, or anger, pause to feel the emotion in your body, take a breath, and consciously offer kindness to that part of yourself. This helps soften the intensity and allows for a more compassionate response.
4. Cultivate Self-Love as Foundation
Recognize that self-love and self-compassion are not selfish but are essential foundations for genuinely loving others. If direct self-kindness feels difficult, imagine a loved one or pet offering kindness to you, or use gentle touch.
5. Transform Judgments into Discernment
Instead of rejecting negative judgments about yourself or others, use them as a “doorway” to self-understanding. Observe the judgment, feel its associated reactivity, bring kindness, and then investigate the underlying wisdom or care that might be buried within it, shifting to discernment.
6. Savor and Recollect Positive Experiences
To access “little tastes of transcendence” in daily life, intentionally stop to fully experience and savor moments of peace, ease, connection, openness, or joy when they occur. Later, reflect on these memories to bring back feelings of well-being and make them a more integrated part of your life.
4 Key Quotes
The enchantment is the enchantment that we're separate, that we're lost in our dramas, right? Like we're enchanted. And then when we wake up, when we become disenchanted, we sort of wake up from that confusion, from that spell.
Diana Winston
I got into the habit and I still do this when I wake up, I'll say to myself, great job. Welcome back. And it's a nice little mantra.
Dan Harris
Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice. Without it, our other efforts to love fail.
Bell Hooks (quoted by Diana Winston)
I live on Anxiety Street. I know that one really, really well. That when they start to feel these moments, they're very, like, they're almost even confusing for people. I've had so many people over the years, like, in meditation retreat come up and say, you know, I'm feeling this thing, I'm not really sure what it is, but I think it's peace, maybe?
Diana Winston
3 Protocols
The Three-Center Check-in
Diana Winston- Pause for a moment.
- Check in with your body: Notice heaviness, lightness, warmth, tingling, tension; take a breath.
- Check in with your emotions/heart: Notice sadness, happiness, fear, anger, irritation; let whatever is there be there.
- Check in with your mind: Notice if it's racing, present, or stuck on a repeating thought; let whatever is there be there.
- Notice the whole thing together: Be present with all aspects of your experience.
Four-Part Reset for Difficult Emotions
Diana Winston- Grounding in your body: Feel your feet on the ground, connect to the earth, especially if feeling overwhelmed.
- Notice the emotion: Identify what it is (anxiety, anger, etc.) and how it manifests in your body (racing heart, clenched stomach, tight jaw); allow it to be there without judgment.
- Offer kindness: Bring kindness to yourself while experiencing the difficult emotion.
- Enlist the wisdom mind: After the intensity of the emotion drops, allow a wiser part of yourself to offer perspective, such as "you'll get through this" or "it's not as bad as I think."
Recollection Meditation for Transcendence
Diana Winston- Pause and take a breath.
- Bring to mind a time in your life where you felt a sense of peace, ease, connection, openness, or joy (can be small or tender, with animals, friends, nature, art). If nothing comes to mind, imagine the possibility.
- Recall the details: Where were you? What did you see, hear, smell, taste?
- Most importantly, remember and feel what you felt in that moment, allowing that feeling to be present now.