The Science of Emotion Regulation: Strategies for When You're Anxious, Angry, or Comparing Yourself To Others | Marc Brackett

Mar 16, 2026 1h 8m 12 insights Episode Page ↗
Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, discusses emotional regulation as a vital skill. He shares strategies to deal with stress, anxiety, anger, and how to cultivate positive emotions, emphasizing self-awareness and interpersonal connection.
Actionable Insights

1. Cultivate Permission to Feel

Give yourself permission to be a full-feeling self by not judging your emotions. This non-judgmental approach is a master emotion regulation strategy, as much of dysregulation stems from judging feelings.

2. Master the Meta-Moment

When triggered, use the ‘Sense, Stop, See your best self, Strategize, Act’ technique. Pause, take a breath, and intentionally recall the attributes of your best self in that specific role (e.g., parent, colleague) to guide your response.

3. Be Your Own Emotional Ally

Act as your own ‘Uncle Marvin’ by being non-judgmental, a good listener, and showing yourself empathy and compassion. This helps counteract the impact of not having such a figure in your upbringing and builds resilience.

4. Practice Positive Empathy

Actively help others savor their pleasant feelings by showing genuine interest and asking them to ‘say more’ about their positive experiences. This form of empathy strengthens relationships and leaves a lasting positive impact.

5. Identify & Schedule Well-being

Reflect on activities that bring you into ‘yellow’ (high-energy pleasant) and ‘green’ (low-energy pleasant, content) emotional states. Proactively schedule these well-being times into your calendar to ensure you make time for joy and contentment.

6. Quiet Your Mind Daily

Engage in breathing exercises, mindfulness, or meditation to deactivate your nervous system and create space for cognitive strategies. Consistent practice, even for a few minutes, helps build the emotional regulation ‘muscle’.

7. Use Distance Self-Talk

Interrupt rumination and negative self-talk by addressing yourself by name (e.g., ‘Mark, take the high road’). Additionally, use temporal distancing by asking if the issue will still matter in a week, recognizing emotions are impermanent.

8. Reappraise Challenging Situations

Instead of immediately blaming or assuming the worst, creatively generate five alternative ways of thinking about a particular experience. This fosters curiosity and helps you see situations from different, potentially less negative, perspectives.

9. Practice Gratitude for Envy

When experiencing social comparison or envy, use it as an alarm bell to pause and consciously think of three things you are grateful for. This shifts your cognition away from perceived lack and mitigates the pernicious effects of comparison.

10. Be Present for Others’ Feelings

When someone shares strong emotions, offer presence and support rather than trying to fix or give advice. Simply being a curious, non-judgmental listener who asks ‘What’s going on?’ or ‘Say more’ helps build their resilience.

11. Fuel Emotional Regulation

Recognize that effective emotion regulation requires physical ‘fuel’ and a ‘budget.’ Prioritize sufficient sleep, healthy food, and physical activity, as these biological factors significantly impact your ability to manage emotions.

12. Utilize Multiple Strategies

Understand that no single emotion regulation strategy is a magic bullet; real-life regulation involves a collective use of various techniques. Identify your strengths and challenge areas to cultivate a comprehensive toolkit for managing your emotional life.