The Science of Happiness | Emiliana Simon-Thomas
In this episode, Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Science Director at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, discusses cultivating happiness as a skill. She explains how generosity and compassion are biologically reinforcing, how to train compassion, and redefines love beyond romantic notions.
Deep Dive Analysis
20 Topic Outline
Happiness as a Cultivatable Skill
Emiliana Simon-Thomas's Background and Buddhist Upbringing
Defining Compassion vs. Empathy
The Biological Basis of Generosity and Reward
Why Humans Aren't Always Compassionate: Compassion Collapse
Training and Cultivating Compassion
Debating the 'Selfishness' of Compassion
Understanding and Preventing Empathy Fatigue
The Power of Social Connection and Love
Differentiating Love, Kindness, and Compassion
Barbara Fredrickson's 'Love 2.0' Concept
Discerning Compassion: Avoiding Pitfalls and Blind Trust
The Importance and Challenge of Self-Compassion
Positioning Pro-Social Behavior for Broader Appeal
Social Anxiety, Introversion, and Happiness Practices
The 'Cheater's High' and Consequences of Meanness
Are Human Beings Fundamentally Good?
Compassion as a Path to Stress Resilience
Common Misconceptions About Compassion
Resources from the Greater Good Science Center
7 Key Concepts
Compassion
Compassion is an emotional state experienced when encountering suffering, either in person or in thought, coupled with an urge and intention to alleviate that suffering. It involves activating care and nurturance systems, orienting oneself as a care provider rather than focusing on personal distress.
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to resonate with others and understand the meaning of another person's emotional expressions. It is necessary for compassion but not sufficient, as empathy alone can lead to personal distress, suppression of feelings, or apathy rather than action.
Compassion Collapse
Compassion collapse describes the phenomenon where compassion for victims wanes and becomes flat as the number of suffering individuals increases. This occurs because people feel unempowered and unable to meet the high expectation of fixing the problem, leading them to block feelings of compassion.
Tonglen Practice
Tonglen is a Tibetan meditation practice for compassion training that involves visualizing suffering in the world, breathing it in to transform it within oneself, and then breathing out love, affection, and support. This practice helps change the habit of thinking about oneself in moments of suffering, strengthening motivation for service and helping.
Love 2.0
Barbara Fredrickson's concept of Love 2.0 redefines love as any moment of trusting, biologically resonant exchange of goodwill and understanding between humans, not just romantic or parental love. It suggests an unlimited capacity for experiencing love through everyday interactions by not assuming threat or competition.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves applying the same concern about suffering to one's own life circumstances, rather than being self-critical or blaming oneself for difficulties. It means honoring one's own right not to suffer and reorienting away from a hostile inner voice to recognize what is causing harm in one's mind or environment.
Cheater's High
The cheater's high is the feeling of pleasure or fun derived from getting away with an ethically questionable or immoral act, such as breaking the law. However, even without getting caught, the mind keeps score, and the inherent unfairness of the act can chip away at one's sense of ease in the world over time.
11 Questions Answered
Compassion is defined as the experience you have when encountering suffering, coupled with an urge and intention to do something to alleviate that suffering.
Empathy is the ability to resonate with and understand another person's emotional expressions, while compassion adds the crucial element of an intention to act and alleviate suffering.
Humans are often not compassionate due to habits of thought, individualistic culture, and phenomena like 'compassion collapse,' where feeling overwhelmed by the scale of suffering leads to a sense of powerlessness and a blocking of compassionate feelings.
Training compassion involves cultivating mindfulness to observe one's reactions to suffering, interrogating reflexive judgments, practicing techniques like Tonglen to transform suffering into care, and regulating one's own emotional distress when encountering others' pain.
Yes, empathy fatigue can occur if one is constantly absorbing others' emotions without healthy ways to manage their own physical and reflexive responses, leading to burnout and emotional distress, especially in caregiving professions.
Compassion is a response to suffering with an urge to help; kindness is a behavior, not necessarily an emotion; and love is an affectionate relationship or a biologically resonant moment of goodwill and understanding, not always tied to suffering or specific actions.
While compassion and love are beneficial, they don't mean excusing malevolent behavior or blindly trusting everyone. It's important to be discerning, hold people accountable, and protect oneself from harm, as these practices are not about throwing out all boundaries.
Social connection is crucial for happiness, and while it might be harder for those with social anxiety or introverts, engaging in 'random acts of kindness' can have a greater positive effect on their happiness compared to extroverts.
Yes, if there's a genuine desire to be happier and the actions push one slightly out of their comfort zone, 'faking it' by engaging in pro-social behaviors can be very helpful and lead to a significant upswing in happiness.
There is a phenomenon called the 'cheater's high,' where getting away with unethical acts can feel good in the short term. However, the mind keeps score, and the inherent unfairness of such actions can ultimately chip away at one's sense of ease and well-being.
Yes, humans are fundamentally good, as evidenced by studies with infants and toddlers who spontaneously help others without prompting or reward. While self-interest exists, the baseline human tendency is to be social and concerned with the welfare of others.
14 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Happiness as a Skill
Recognize that happiness is a skill you can actively cultivate for yourself, rather than something that merely happens to you, empowering you to improve your well-being.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Apply the same concern for suffering to your own life circumstances, honoring your deservingness to not suffer and replacing self-critical thoughts with a supportive inner voice.
3. Train Compassion with Tonglen
Engage in the Tibetan meditation practice of Tonglen by visualizing breathing in suffering and transforming it into love and support on the out-breath, which strengthens your motivation and intention to help others.
4. Regulate Emotional Distress
Cultivate mindfulness to become more aware of your mind’s reactions to suffering and intelligently understand what goes on in your body, allowing you to differentiate your own emotions from those you mirror from others and respond constructively.
5. Reframe Compassion’s Purpose
Shift your expectation from needing to ‘fix’ suffering to simply being present and offering support, as compassion is not solely about solving problems but also about caring and nurturing.
6. Embrace Generosity for Happiness
Engage in generous and caring behaviors, as they are intrinsically reinforcing, pleasurable, and biologically wired to make you feel good, motivating you to repeat these actions.
7. Build Quality Social Connections
Prioritize forming meaningful social bonds, as humans are an ultra-social species, and being together makes the world an easier and happier place to navigate.
8. Perform Random Acts of Kindness
Regularly engage in small, simple acts of kindness, such as holding a door or offering specific thanks, as these practices significantly increase happiness, especially for introverts or those with social anxiety.
9. Avoid Excessive Self-Focus
Challenge the habit of constantly thinking about yourself, as this often leads to unhappiness; instead, orient your focus towards others.
10. Differentiate Compassion from Pity
Understand that compassion involves genuine concern for suffering without judgment of inferiority or deservingness, unlike pity, which often carries a sense of superiority.
11. Recognize Compassion as Strength
View compassion as an act of courage and strength, not weakness, because it requires putting yourself out there as an agent of support, which can be harder than walking away.
12. Balance Compassion with Discernment
Practice compassion with discernment, meaning you can feel for someone’s suffering and address its causes without endorsing their malevolent actions or putting yourself at risk.
13. Use Comforting Touch
Offer comforting touch in pro-social ways to support others, recognizing its potential benefits in a culture that is often touch-deprived.
14. Leverage Online Learning Resources
Utilize websites like greatergood.berkeley.edu and ggia.berkeley.edu for daily articles and research-backed practices in mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, and connection, or enroll in ‘The Science of Happiness’ course on edx.org for deeper learning.
6 Key Quotes
We have evolved as an ultra-social species, and it is in our biology that we find opportunities to be generous, to care for others, to feel compassion and extend it to others, intrinsically reinforcing. It's pleasurable so that we will do it again.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
As the numbers of victims goes up, compassion sort of wanes off and becomes flat asymptotically.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
I think compassion is indefatigable. We can keep being compassionate because it's actually something that is fulfilling and sort of salubrious in our own right.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
Love is any time you're with another human and you're just having a trusting, biologically resonant moment, right? Or you're exchanging goodwill and understanding and benevolence. Like, that is a moment of love.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
I don't think that there's as much out there around people getting hurt because they try to start up a friendly conversation with somebody in line at the grocery store.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
I think that humans are more good than evil and I think a lot of what we end up doing in the world has to do with habits, has to do with culture and practice and education and experience.
Emiliana Simon-Thomas
3 Protocols
Tonglen Compassion Practice
Emiliana Simon-Thomas and Dan Harris- Visualize suffering that is happening out in the world (e.g., a specific group or general suffering).
- Visualize yourself as an 'existential vacuum cleaner,' pulling in that suffering and bringing it into yourself (e.g., as black smoke).
- Transform the suffering within your own self into love, affection, support, and caring.
- Shed these transformed, affectionate sentiments back out into the world on the out-breath.
General Compassion Training
Emiliana Simon-Thomas- Cultivate greater awareness around what tends to happen in your mind when you encounter suffering (e.g., judgment, cost-benefit analysis).
- Interrogate and unravel reflexive judgments about other people and yourself to shift how you think and see them.
- Regulate your own distress by becoming more intelligent about the meaning of what goes on in your body when you encounter another person's suffering.
- Practice understanding your own emotions and differentiating them from others' emotions to avoid misinterpreting physiological arousal.
Random Acts of Kindness for Happiness
Emiliana Simon-Thomas- Decide to perform small, simple acts of kindness for a set period (e.g., 10 days).
- Examples include: opening a door for someone carrying bags, saying 'thank you' in a more specific and extended way, offering help to someone who looks like they need it, or telling a joke to a colleague.