This Conversation Actually Explains Oneness With The Universe | Sebene Selassie
Sebene Selassie, a writer and teacher, discusses her book "You Belong," exploring belonging beyond interpersonal connection to a deep "oneness with the universe." She unpacks the paradox of our interconnection and individual differences, offering practical advice for self-acceptance and navigating complex social realities.
Deep Dive Analysis
19 Topic Outline
Introduction to Sebene Selassie and the Concept of Belonging
Defining Belonging: Relative vs. Absolute Truth
Paradox as the Fundamental Nature of Reality
Sebene's Personal Journey and the Crisis of Belonging
Internal Separation and the Practice of Self-Love
Meeting Difficult Aspects of Self with Kindness
The Role of Metta in Mindfulness Practice
Studying the Self to Forget the Self
Addressing the 'Pathology of Productivity'
Belonging Amidst America's Racial Reckoning
The Revolution Will Not Be Secularized: Beyond Science and Logic
Reclaiming 'Woo-Woo' and Ancestral Wisdom
Unconscious Bias and Internalized White Supremacy
Dance as a Path to Embodied Connection
The Four Elements Meditation Practice
Balancing Mystery with Social Reality
The Central Thesis: Not Separate, Not the Same
Metta Practice for Political Adversaries
Belonging in Isolation During a Pandemic
7 Key Concepts
Relative Truth of Belonging
This refers to the more personal, mundane aspect of belonging, where we connect to other people and feel a sense of personal connection to our community or 'folks.' It's about interpersonal relationships and finding your 'people.'
Absolute Truth of Belonging
This concept describes the undeniable fact of our interconnection and non-separation from everything, extending to oneness with the universe on an energetic level. Ancient wisdom and science point to this profound interconnection beyond what our ordinary senses perceive.
Paradox
Paradox is presented as the fundamental nature of reality, where seemingly contradictory truths, such as individual separation and energetic interconnection, coexist. Accepting and grappling with these paradoxes is crucial for a deeper understanding of reality.
Contention with Reality
This describes the state of being at war with parts of oneself or with how reality is, which creates internal separation and unhappiness. It suggests that resisting or trying to change the reality of who we are or what has happened causes a sense of disconnection.
Pathology of Productivity
Coined by Coach Shayla Davison, this term refers to the unhealthy tendency to use productivity as a primary measure of self-worth, a way to feel like one belongs, or a means to gauge progress in life, career, or even meditation practice. It becomes a trap when it dictates one's value.
The Revolution Will Not Be Secularized
This phrase suggests that solving social problems requires more than just logic, reason, and scientific data. It advocates for acknowledging mysteries, heart practices like metta, and indigenous wisdom that often transcend purely material or verifiable realities, as these elements are crucial for true transformation.
Woo-Woo
This colloquial term is often used to dismiss practices or beliefs not easily verifiable by conventional science or logic. Sebene Selassie argues that such dismissals can overlook indigenous ways of knowing and the acknowledgement of 'the great mystery' as a valid part of understanding reality.
10 Questions Answered
Beyond connecting with people, belonging also refers to the absolute truth of our interconnection and the undeniable fact that nothing is separate, extending to oneness with the universe on an energetic level.
If you are at war with parts of yourself, it creates internal separation, which then blocks you from feeling connected to other people and the world.
By first noticing the pattern, then observing the energy of that tendency, and allowing it to dissipate, often supported by formal meditation practice where these patterns are first observed.
While mindfulness is important, classical teachings suggest that true mindfulness always co-arises with metta (loving-kindness). For some, like Sebene, dedicated self-metta practice is crucial for developing self-love and kindness towards oneself.
It's the tendency to use productivity as a measure of self-worth or belonging. To manage it, one must create clear boundaries with technology, intentionally turn off devices, and understand that even meditation is not about productivity.
Relying only on science and logic can lead to dismissing profound truths and indigenous wisdom, which recognize mysteries (like quantum entanglement or the universe's origin) and heart practices (like metta) that science cannot fully explain but are essential for a holistic understanding of interconnection and social change.
By turning the lens on oneself to observe internal patterns of thought or behavior that play out consciously or unconsciously. Naming and clearly seeing these biases, even when uncomfortable, is the first step towards releasing them.
Dancing helps reconnect us to our bodies, which is crucial as disconnection is often embodied. Overcoming the embarrassment of moving one's body freely in front of others can lead to a deeper sense of embodied freedom and belonging.
The practice of reconnecting to the truth of belonging starts inside, regardless of external connections. Recognizing that we are embedded in belonging (e.g., through mindful engagement with objects, as in Marie Kondo's method) helps, as the truth is that one has always belonged, despite feelings of not belonging.
No, it does not. Meeting the present moment reality without draining energy by wishing for a different past or expecting people to be different allows one to conserve energy for demanding and fighting for change in the present and future. It also dissolves superiority.
31 Actionable Insights
1. Heal Internal Separation
Heal internal separations and conflicts within yourself to open the door to a deeper feeling of connection and belonging to the entire world.
2. Cultivate Self-Love, Not Contention
Cultivate loving care and attention towards yourself, rather than being in contention with who you are, to foster natural growth and reduce unhappiness.
3. Practice Formal Meditation Daily
Engage in formal meditation practice (seated, standing, or lying down) to observe difficult thoughts and emotions, welcoming them with warmth and non-judgment, which helps in daily life to avoid negative impulses in relationships.
4. Mindfulness Requires Kindness (Meta)
When practicing mindfulness, ensure it co-arises with meta (kindness and care) towards whatever you observe, as true mindfulness involves both attention and compassion.
5. Accept Paradox as Reality
Accept paradox as the truth of your reality, recognizing that seemingly contradictory truths (like separation and interconnection) can coexist.
6. Observe Argumentative Impulses
When noticing an impulse to argue or be right, observe the energy, allow it to dissipate, and stop the habit before engaging in the pattern of speech.
7. Practice Self-Meta
Practice self-meta (loving-kindness meditation directed towards oneself) as a primary practice, especially if you find it challenging, to cultivate self-compassion.
8. Study Self, Forget Self
Study the self deeply to eventually forget the self and experience oneness with all things, as taught by Zen master Dogen.
9. Counter Productivity Pathology
Make concerted efforts to take breaks and create non-productive time, including in meditation practice, to counter the ‘pathology of productivity’ and foster well-being.
10. Set Technology Boundaries
Set clear boundaries with technology, including turning off devices, leaving phones in another room, or going outside without gadgets, to create more space and reduce distraction.
11. Balance Differences & Interconnection
Practice balancing the paradox of acknowledging both differences/difficulties and fundamental interconnection, recognizing your own tendencies to lean towards one or the other.
12. Self-Reflect on Tendencies
Self-reflect to identify your personal tendencies to gravitate towards either difference or interconnection, and actively work on balancing these perspectives.
13. Apply Interconnection to Disagreement
Apply the awareness of interconnection to people and situations you disagree with or find challenging, recognizing that you belong to all of it.
14. Practice Imaginative Meta
Practice an imaginative meta-style exercise by tracing the life story of someone you disagree with, to cultivate understanding and reduce suffering caused by needing others to be different.
15. Meet Present Reality for Energy
Meet present moment reality without contention or wishing for a different past, to preserve energy for fighting for future change.
16. Give Up Needing Others Different
Give up the need for people to be different than they are to prevent feelings of superiority and dominating behaviors like belittling or shaming.
17. Reduce Superiority for Energy
Turn down the volume on superiority and separation, as fighting against the truth of reality saps energy and prevents clarity, which is essential for liberation and effective action.
18. Reconnect to Internal Belonging
Reconnect to the internal truth that you have always belonged, even when experiencing feelings of not belonging or physical isolation, as belonging starts from within.
19. Acknowledge Unconscious Biases
Observe and acknowledge your own unconscious biases, even if it’s embarrassing, as a necessary step towards understanding and addressing them.
20. Practice Four Elements Mindfulness
Practice mindfulness of the four elements (earth, fire, water, air) in your body to connect with the understanding that you are made of the same stuff as nature and are not separate from it.
21. Embrace ‘We Are Nature’
Embrace the notion that ‘we are nature’ to dissolve boundaries and apply it to all aspects of yourself, including ‘uglier or sillier’ tendencies, seeing them as part of nature.
22. Balance Mystery & Social Realities
Explore the balance between acknowledging mystery and engaging with the complexities of social realities, avoiding dismissal of either.
23. Attune to Everyday Connection
Be attuned to the possibility of experiencing connection and belonging in everyday moments, such as with a child or in nature, not just formal meditation.
24. Engage in Heart Practices
Engage in heart practices like meta (loving-kindness meditation), wishing well to others, to experience its powerful effects on your own body and potentially on others.
25. Question ‘Woo-Woo’ Dismissals
Notice when you use terms like ‘woo-woo’ and reflect on what you might be dismissing, particularly indigenous ways of knowing rooted in mystery.
26. Create Personal Rituals
Create personal rituals, such as lighting candles and making offerings at an ancestor altar, to frame and structure creative or daily processes.
27. Call on Ancestral Wisdom
When engaging with ancestral connection, call upon the wisdom and wellness of all your ancestors, recognizing both their strengths and the survival mechanisms behind their unskillful behaviors.
28. Dance for Embodiment
Engage in dancing to reconnect with your body and challenge feelings of self-consciousness or embarrassment about moving your body in front of others.
29. Practice Dancing Privately
Practice dancing, even in private (e.g., in your bedroom), to shed self-consciousness and become more comfortable in your body.
30. Study Social Justice Leaders
Dive into the teachings of spiritual social justice leaders like Martin Luther King Jr. and healing justice movements to understand transformation, abolition, and true freedom.
31. Mindful Approach to Objects
Adopt a mindful approach to objects and experiences, honoring them as having a living presence (as in Marie Kondo’s method rooted in Shinto wisdom), to recognize that you are embedded in belonging.
6 Key Quotes
Paradox is the truth of our reality.
Sebene Selassie
To study the Badaway is to study the self. And to study the self is to forget the self. And to forget the self is to become one with myriad things, with all things.
Dogen (quoted by Sebene Selassie)
The revolution will not be secularized.
Sebene Selassie
We are not separate, but we're not the same.
Sebene Selassie
When we're wishing for things to have been different, for someone to be different than they are, it's a drain of our energy.
Sebene Selassie
You've always belonged. You just have feelings of not belonging.
Sebene Selassie
4 Protocols
Meeting Difficult Parts of Self with Kindness
Sebene Selassie- Notice the pattern of a difficult tendency (e.g., the need to be right).
- Feel the energy of that tendency in your body or mind.
- Observe it without judgment.
- Allow it to dissipate.
- Over time, this practice can lead to the tendency manifesting less often.
Ancestral Offerings Ritual (for creative process)
Sebene Selassie- Wake up very early.
- Make a cup of matcha.
- Come to an ancestor altar (with pictures of passed loved ones).
- Light incense and candles.
- Say a 'desperate prayer' to the ancestors for help.
- Begin writing.
- When finished writing, blow out the candles.
George W. Bush Metta Practice (for political adversaries)
Sebene Selassie- First, tend to your own pain or suffering.
- Every morning, imagine the adversary's life chronologically, from fetus to their current state.
- Go through their experiences, including known challenges (e.g., addiction issues, political career).
- Continue this practice daily for weeks.
- Aim to understand on a deep, fundamental level that if you lived their life, you would be them, shifting contention to understanding.
Four Elements Meditation
Sebene Selassie- Practice mindfulness of the four elements (earth, fire, water, and air) as they manifest in your body.
- Recognize this as a metaphor for how we are made of the same stuff as everything around us, illustrating that 'we are nature.'
- Connect to ancient indigenous ways of knowing that acknowledge these elements as fundamental in every ancient tradition across continents.