Weird Dreams, Family Relationships, and Collective Trauma | Dr. Mark Epstein
This episode features Dr. Mark Epstein, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist, discussing the collective experience of weird dreams and potential trauma during the pandemic. He explores blurring the lines between meditation and therapy, emphasizing self-compassion and the value of not taking oneself too seriously.
Deep Dive Analysis
14 Topic Outline
Mark Epstein's Personal Experience and Adaptation to Lockdown
Prevalence and Significance of Vivid Dreams During Pandemic
Blurring the Lines Between Meditation and Psychotherapy
Cultivating Curiosity Towards Thoughts in Meditation
Benefits of Intimate Relationship with Thinking Process
Dan's Struggle with Ambition and Self-Criticism
Compassion Practice as Corrective to Self-Centeredness
Ram Dass's Advice: Love Thoughts, See Souls
Reconciling Buddhist 'No Soul' with Personal Essence
The Pandemic as a Collective Trauma: Definition and Impact
Coping Strategies and Societal Responsibility for Front-liners
The Invigorating Role of Therapy During Crisis
Holding Contradictory Truths: Emptiness and Love
Zen Haikus on Life's Poignancy and Impermanence
5 Key Concepts
Bardo State
A Tibetan Buddhist concept referring to an intermediate or transitional state, often between lives. Dr. Epstein uses it to describe the current limbo-like reality of the pandemic, where the future is uncertain and people are in an in-between time.
Blurring Meditation and Therapy
This concept involves integrating the non-judgmental awareness cultivated in meditation with the direct engagement with personal conflicts, emotions, and history typically addressed in psychotherapy. It challenges the traditional separation, suggesting a more synthetic approach where one can be curious about thought content during meditation.
Conceit (in Buddhism)
Described as one of the 'last fetters' on the path to enlightenment, the Pali/Sanskrit word for conceit means 'measuring or comparing.' It refers to the subtle, often unconscious, tendency of the mind to compare oneself to others, even after significant spiritual progress.
Trauma (Psychological)
A psychological phenomenon defined as brushing up against anything that threatens one's sense of stability, certainty, or well-being, leading to emotions too overwhelming for the ego to integrate. The ego defensively pushes away some feelings to preserve itself, which serves as a survival mechanism but comes at a price.
Buddhist 'No Soul'
A core Buddhist psychological teaching that counters the idea of an absolute, transcendent entity or 'divine spark' dwelling within a person. Instead of seeking to merge with a divine quality, one is encouraged to cultivate their best qualities, understanding the self as a continuous, yet not fixed or permanent, stream of consciousness or awareness.
7 Questions Answered
Vivid dreams during the pandemic may be a way for nature to speak to us, or because our lives are more circumscribed, allowing deeper, less distracted processing of past experiences, hopes, and anxieties about loved ones.
While traditional meditation often emphasizes observing thoughts without dwelling on content, an alternative approach suggests being curious about the content of thoughts and emotions, allowing for a more integrated and less dualistic meditative experience.
This practice can improve one's sense of humor, lighten the emotional load by revealing ego and defenses, reduce shame and self-criticism, and foster greater vulnerability, openness, and connection with others.
It's helpful to recognize that the current period is a 'limbo state' or 'retreat time' where the future cannot be known yet. Focusing on present-moment tasks and routines, like those in a monastery, can help ground the mind and prevent unproductive looping thoughts.
Yes, the pandemic is absolutely a trauma, defined as a threat to our sense of stability or well-being that evokes overwhelming emotions. It is affecting everyone, and many will experience post-traumatic sequelae.
Yes, it is a healthy and adaptive defense mechanism. Humans are not equipped to process all intense feelings immediately; the ego pushes some away to preserve itself, though this can lead to a price paid later.
Society should collectively remind itself of the sacrifices made by front-line workers (doctors, nurses, essential staff) and prepare to offer them significant help, rather than running roughshod over them after the immediate crisis.
14 Actionable Insights
1. Embrace Dual Truths
Practice holding in your mind two hard-to-reconcile truths: that on an ultimate level, things are illusory or empty, and on an immediate level, they are real, matter, and are loved.
2. Love Thoughts, See Self as Soul
When experiencing undesirable thoughts, first try to ’love the thoughts,’ and then endeavor to see yourself as a soul, which can help you extend that perspective to others.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Develop compassion not just for external suffering but also for your own mind, thoughts, and shame, recognizing that mindfulness itself can be a compassionate practice towards your internal experience.
4. Counter Ambition with Compassion
If stuck in painful, self-centered ambition, engage in compassion practice by tuning into the suffering of others (e.g., doctors, nurses, sick, elderly) and wishing them freedom from fear, despair, or loneliness, including yourself.
5. Be Curious About Thoughts
During meditation, instead of subtly pushing away thoughts with aversion or disgust, cultivate curiosity about the content of your thoughts to allow for a more natural flow and less dualistic experience.
6. Cultivate Humor for Self-Criticism
By engaging with your thoughts curiously, especially shame-based ones, you can lighten the load and foster a sense of humor about your own situation, leading to less defensiveness and more openness.
7. Welcome Self-Interest
If self-interest arises in your mind during difficult times, welcome it as part of being a human being, giving yourself permission not to judge such thoughts as ugly.
8. Integrate Meditation into Daily Life
Put meditation into action during quarantine by staying conscious and alert while performing daily tasks like cleaning, talking to others, being a therapist, or watching non-news TV, to prevent the mind from dwelling in worry.
9. Embrace Limbo as Retreat Time
Treat the current uncertain, in-between time as a ‘retreat time’ by focusing on present tasks like cooking, cleaning, reading, or meditating, as the future will reveal itself soon enough.
10. Return to Present Moment
When thoughts are circling and interfering with present tasks rather than leading to productive action, apply the rigor of meditation to pull yourself back into the present moment.
11. Utilize Quarantine Routines as Reminders
Recognize that the routines and rituals of daily life in quarantine (like sweeping, washing, making food) are present moment reminders, and open yourself to them instead of blowing past them.
12. Access ‘On Retreat’ Feeling
Reorient yourself around your identity and the world’s meaning by accessing a ‘going on retreat’ feeling, which helps accommodate to weird, limbo realities.
13. Contemplate Worst-Case Scenarios
To stop worrying, consider the worst thing that could ever happen and realize you would likely survive, a technique used to reduce anxiety.
14. Support Frontline Trauma Survivors
Recognize that frontline workers are experiencing significant trauma and collectively commit to supporting them in the future, ensuring society does not neglect their needs after the crisis.
7 Key Quotes
Worry is my almost natural state, I would say. What got me into meditation in the first place was worrying.
Mark Epstein
It's amazing how turning down the dial on resistance can be a fascinating accelerator on meditation.
Dan Harris
Conceit is one of the last fetters.
Mark Epstein
Well, you can think about it as lightening up.
Joseph Goldstein (quoted by Dan Harris)
Now that I'm enlightened, I'm just as miserable as I ever was.
Zen master (quoted by John Cage, then by Mark Epstein)
The world of dew is the world of dew and yet, and yet.
Isa (quoted by Mark Epstein)
I'm leaving. Now you can make love, my flies.
Isa (quoted by Mark Epstein)