What Does it Actually Mean to Be a "Whole Person"? | Scott Barry Kaufman
Cognitive scientist Scott Barry Kaufman demystifies self-actualization, personal growth, and authenticity. He explains healthy vs. unhealthy transcendence, peak vs. plateau experiences, and how to cultivate a healthy self and foster societal growth.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Demystifying Self-Actualization and Transcendence
Scott Barry Kaufman's Existential Crisis and Mortality
Defining Peak Experiences and Plateau Experiences
Abraham Maslow's Humanistic Psychology and Self-Actualization
Distinguishing Healthy and Unhealthy Transcendence
The Concept of a Healthy vs. Unhealthy Self
Understanding Different Manifestations of Narcissism
Group Narcissism and its Impact on Social Justice Movements
The Humanistic Psychology View of the Whole Person
Maslow's Revised Hierarchy of Needs: The Sailboat Metaphor
Characteristics of a Self-Actualizing Society
The Light Triad: Promoting Virtue in Positions of Power
Living in the 'B-Realm' of Human Existence
Scott's Personal Journey and Integration of Self
Non-Dual Mindfulness and Effortless Attention
Maslow's 'Post-Mortem Life' and the Miraculous Everyday
Pseudo-Authenticity vs. Healthy Authenticity
Reframing 'Who Am I?' to 'What Potentialities?'
10 Key Concepts
Peak Experiences
Experiences that give a great sense of aliveness and help one get outside of trivial self-concerns, fostering a broader connectedness to all of humanity. They can arise from various activities like sports, mastering skills, sexual experiences, art, nature, or childbirth.
Plateau Experiences
Experiences characterized by an immense appreciation of the present moment while simultaneously recognizing its impermanence. This allows for a greater sense of transcendence, finding the miraculous in the everyday, akin to 'lounging in heaven' without excessive excitement.
Healthy Transcendence
An emergent phenomenon resulting from the harmonious integration of one's whole self, aimed at cultivating a good society. It involves harnessing all of one's being to realize the best version of oneself, thereby raising the bar for humanity, rather than feeling superior or outside of the whole.
Healthy Self
A self characterized by a sense of worthiness, not superiority over others, and a healthy sense of authentic pride for legitimate achievements earned through hard work and dedication. It involves owning one's highest values and having a stable identity without being egoistic or fragile.
Unhealthy Self (Narcissism)
Manifests in several forms, including grandiose narcissism (chest-thumping, 'I'm the greatest'), vulnerable narcissism (fragile ego, feeling entitled due to suffering), and communal narcissism (believing only oneself can save the world, leading to overconfidence and destruction). These forms are often detrimental to oneself and others.
Humanistic Psychology
A field of psychology interested in the whole person, exploring what it means to be an experientially vital human and the factors that predict such vitality scientifically, psychologically, and experientially. It focuses on growth, self-actualization, and the full range of human experience.
Self-Actualization
The human will or tendency for growth, to express and bring into existence the unique aspects of oneself that are not necessarily shared with others. It's about realizing one's highest potential and operating at full capacity, leading to a feeling of being most alive and creative.
B-Realm of Human Existence
Also known as the 'being realm,' it's a state where one sees the world and people clearly, without the distorting lens of chronic deprivation or deficiency. In this realm, motivation comes from growth, seeking beauty and meaningfulness, rather than trying to change the world to conform to one's lacks.
Pseudo-Authenticity
A distorted form of authenticity where individuals speak their mind without judiciousness, or claim that only their 'moral' sides represent their 'true self' while disowning less desirable traits. It lacks intentionality and full responsibility for one's whole self, hindering genuine growth and connection.
Light Triad
A psychological construct balancing the 'dark triad,' identifying characteristics like humanism (seeing dignity in each individual), faith in humanity (deep belief in human goodness), and Kantianism (treating people as ends in themselves, not means). Promoting these traits in leaders is seen as beneficial for society.
10 Questions Answered
He learned that the greatest moments of transcendence don't solely come from peak experiences, but from what Maslow called plateau experiences—finding the miraculous in the everyday. He made peace with mortality by realizing there's no ultimate 'punchline' or 'there, there' to life.
Abraham Maslow was a humanistic psychologist from the 1950s and 60s, known for his ideas on self-actualization. He viewed self-actualization as a bridge to transcendence, a human will or tendency for growth, and later preferred the term 'fully human' to describe it.
Healthy transcendence is the harmonious integration of one's whole self to cultivate a good society, serving as a North Star for humanity. Unhealthy transcendence, or 'spiritual narcissism,' involves feeling superior or outside the whole, often driven by ego rather than genuine contribution.
A healthy self involves feeling worthy and taking authentic pride in legitimate achievements, while an unhealthy self manifests as various forms of narcissism, such as grandiose (chest-thumping), vulnerable (entitlement through suffering), or communal (believing only oneself can save the world).
Group narcissism describes groups fighting over who suffers the most, often driven by a desire for power and cultural domination. While legitimate victimhood exists, this mentality can hinder empathy, growth, and societal uplifting by focusing on zero-sum thinking rather than collective benefit.
To be a whole person means to be fully human, operating at one's full capacity and accessing the full depths of human experience without leaving parts of oneself 'on the table.' It implies being a vital, integrated individual who can experience a broad range of emotions and utilize their full strengths.
The sailboat metaphor illustrates that basic safety needs are the 'boat' (foundation) that must be secure to prevent 'water' (insecurity) from getting in. However, merely having a secure boat doesn't ensure movement; one must also 'open the sail' (growth needs) to move in one's most valued direction, acknowledging shared humanity in the same 'sea'.
Practices include keeping an eye on the ends, seeking fresh experiences, embracing one's past and guilt with compassion, being understanding and forgiving of foibles, enjoying and smiling at oneself, and asking how situations would look to a child or a very old person. Mindfulness, particularly non-dual mindfulness, is also recommended.
Effortless attention, as taught by Locke Kelly, is a form of mindfulness that doesn't try to transcend or get rid of the ego, but rather fully feels it. It involves tapping into a natural state of being, love, and a primal life energy, leading to a self-accepting lightness of being.
Instead of 'Who am I?', individuals should ask, 'What potentialities within me do I want to devote my limited time and space on this earth, cultivating, growing, developing?' This tangible question can fundamentally transform one's life by focusing on intentional growth rather than a fixed identity.
44 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Plateau Experiences
Train your mind to find the miraculous in the everyday, rather than solely striving for peak experiences, which often lead to disappointment. This involves immense appreciation of the moment while also seeing its impermanence.
2. Make Peace with Mortality
Acknowledge and come to terms with the inevitability of death, as this profound realization can lead to existential panic if not addressed. This acceptance is a significant step towards inner peace.
3. Live in the Being Realm
Shift your perspective from the ‘deficiency realm’ (where the world conforms to your deprivations) to the ‘being realm.’ In this state, you see the world and people clearly, seeking growth, beauty, and meaningfulness without trying to change things to conform to your lacks.
4. Practice Meditation Regularly
Engage in meditation practices like MBSR or non-dual mindfulness to foster self-acceptance, lightness of being, and a deeper connection to a primal state of being. The speaker highlights its wonders for personal growth.
5. Develop Self-Awareness (Mindfulness)
Practice mindfulness to gain self-awareness, allowing you to observe what is going on in your mind at any given moment without being owned by it. This enables you to see emotions like anger arise without being consumed by them.
6. Relate Warmly to Neurotic Parts
After gaining self-awareness, cultivate a warmer, more accepting relationship with your angry, defensive, or jealous parts. Recognize that these neurotic programs are unskillfully trying to help you, but you don’t have to be owned by them.
7. Harmonize All Self-Parts
Strive to be a ‘whole person’ by coming into a relationship with all parts of yourself, including those that are less functional. The goal is to harmonize them into a cohesive whole, rather than ignoring or rejecting them.
8. Accept Unchanging Self-Aspects
Work to accept that certain aspects of yourself, including preferences or less-than-ideal tendencies, are not going to disappear. View these with humor rather than self-condemnation, which can lead to a greater ’easiness of being.’
9. Self-Compassion for Foibles
Cultivate compassion, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness, and even love for your own foibles and ‘ugliness.’ View these imperfections as natural expressions of human nature.
10. Cultivate Healthy Transcendence
Harness all that you are in the service of realizing the best version of yourself, not to feel superior, but to be a harmonious part of the whole of human existence. This helps raise the bar for humanity as a collective.
11. Delineate Healthy/Unhealthy Self
Understand the difference between a healthy self (characterized by self-worth and authentic pride) and an unhealthy self (manifesting as various forms of narcissism or a lack of identity). This distinction is crucial for fostering genuine personal growth.
12. Be Honest About Narcissism
To genuinely grow, be honest with yourself and take a critical look at your own capacity for narcissism and other negative tendencies. Self-awareness of these traits is a vital step towards overcoming them.
13. Take Full Responsibility for Self
Take full responsibility for your entire self, including less moral or desirable aspects, rather than attributing only positive traits to your ‘real self’ and blaming others for negative ones. This counters the common ‘authenticity bias.’
14. Cultivate Potentialities, Not ‘Who Am I?’
Instead of spending your life asking ‘who am I?’, reframe the question to ‘what potentialities within me do I want to devote my limited time and space on this earth, cultivating, growing, developing?’ This tangible question can fundamentally transform your life.
15. Live Intentionally
Approach life with intentionality, actively working to integrate various aspects of yourself and your experiences. View this process as a ‘fun puzzle’ to solve.
16. Integrate Challenges as a ‘Game’
When facing challenges, such as panic attacks, frame them as part of a ‘game’ or puzzle, finding ways to integrate them rather than avoiding them. This approach can lead to greater flexibility and freedom in navigating difficulties.
17. Embrace Impermanence
When experiencing immense appreciation of a moment, also hold in your mind the impermanence of that moment. This ability to hold both appreciation and impermanence simultaneously can give a greater sense of transcendence.
18. Recognize Human Continuity
Observe the continuity of humanity in situations and people you encounter, realizing that we are all part of a long lineage. This fosters a beautiful and transcendent appreciation of human existence.
19. See Broader Human Connectedness
Engage in experiences that allow you to get outside of your ego and trivial concerns, fostering a sense of broader connectedness to all of humanity. This perspective helps you see beyond individual self-interest.
20. Express Your Unique Self
Fulfill the need for self-actualization by expressing and bringing into existence the unique aspects of yourself that you don’t necessarily share with others. This allows you to maximize your impact or expression and feel most alive and creative.
21. Cultivate Self-Worth
Develop a healthy self-esteem where you feel inherently worthy as a human being, not necessarily better than others. Many psychological issues can arise from a fundamental feeling of unworthiness.
22. Take Authentic Pride
Allow yourself to feel a healthy sense of mastery and authentic pride for legitimate accomplishments achieved through your hard work, dedication, and devotion. This is a healthy form of self-acknowledgment.
23. Apply Healthy/Unhealthy Framework
Apply a framework to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy forms of various behaviors, such as aggression, humor, or altruism. Recognize that nothing is inherently healthy or unhealthy by itself, but rather depends on its context and intention.
24. Ground Growth in Reality
Ensure that your pursuit of growth, justice, and personal goals rests on a firm foundation of reality and a healthy sense of self. Avoid building growth on an egoistic or fragile sense of self.
25. Navigate Victimhood Constructively
While acknowledging genuine victimization, avoid taking victimhood too far if the goal is personal growth and the growth of society. Focusing excessively on who suffers most may not lead to empathy or societal uplifting.
26. Adopt Zero-Positive Thinking
Approach societal issues like racism with a zero-positive mindset, focusing on how everyone would benefit from less hate and more empathy. This contrasts with zero-sum thinking, where one group’s gain is seen as another’s loss.
27. Unite Around Common Human Needs
Foster a society where people rally around common basic human needs such as mattering, connection, safety, and security. Realize that even adversaries share these fundamental desires, which can be a basis for common ground.
28. Transcend Your Own Perspective
Practice transcending your own point of view and biases to understand the perspectives of others, including those you disagree with or who may have hurt you. This fosters empathy and personal growth.
29. Apply Humanistic Psychology
Utilize the principles of humanistic psychology to foster more experiences of strong connection and understanding between people. This is particularly effective when sharing personal struggles and vulnerabilities.
30. Strive for Full Integration
Aim to be a fully vital, integrated person who doesn’t leave parts of themselves unacknowledged or undeveloped. This means operating at your full capacity and accessing the full depths of the human experience.
31. Advocate for Societal Safety/Growth
Support a society that provides both basic safety needs (security, freedom from insecurity) and growth needs. This includes offering opportunities and resources for individuals to self-actualize.
32. Balance Equity and Excellence
Strive to balance equity and excellence in society, particularly within the education system. This involves promoting and encouraging the discovery and development of unique talents and potentialities.
33. Reward Virtue and Character
Advocate for a society where virtue pays, meaning that character and individuals whose being uplifts the world are rewarded and given positions of power. This shifts focus from solely monetary rewards to intrinsic value.
34. Promote ‘Light Triad’ Leaders
Work to promote individuals with ‘Light Triad’ characteristics (humanism, faith in humanity, and Kantianism – treating people as ends, not means) into positions of power. This aims to foster better leadership and a more ethical society.
35. Focus on Ends, Not Just Means
Practice keeping your ultimate goals and values (the ends) in mind, rather than solely focusing on the steps or methods (the means) to achieve them. This helps maintain perspective and purpose.
36. Seek Fresh Experiences
Actively fight against familiarization and seek out fresh, new experiences to keep life vibrant and foster continuous growth. This prevents stagnation and opens new avenues for learning.
37. Embrace Past and Guilt
Rather than running from your past or feelings of guilt, embrace them as an integral part of your journey and human experience. This acceptance can lead to greater psychological integration.
38. Enjoy and Smile at Yourself
Practice enjoying and smiling at yourself, fostering a lighter, more humorous relationship with your own being. This simple act can reduce self-condemnation and increase self-acceptance.
39. Gain Perspective from Others
When facing a situation, ask yourself how it would look to a child, an innocent person, or a very old person who is beyond personal ambition and competition. This mental exercise helps gain a broader, less ego-driven perspective.
40. Counter Ego with Mortality/Reflection
If you find yourself becoming egoistic, arrogant, conceited, or puffed up, think of your own mortality or observe other arrogant people. This helps to see how unappealing such behavior is, fostering humility and a sense of humor about oneself.
41. Live a ‘Post-Mortem Life’
Cultivate a deep abiding sense of the miraculous in the everyday, as if you have been given a second chance at life after a near-death experience. This perspective helps appreciate what was previously taken for granted.
42. Find Novelty in Familiarity
When engaging in familiar activities or conversations, actively seek to find something exciting and new, to learn something you’ve never learned before. This transforms routine into a ‘plateau experience’ of continuous discovery.
43. Be Intentional About Authenticity
Practice a healthy form of authenticity by being intentional about which sides of yourself you want to be true to, rather than impulsively expressing every thought or potentiality. This avoids ‘pseudo-authenticity’ and fosters deeper connections.
44. Fully Feel Ego (Effortless Attention)
In practices like non-dual mindfulness, fully feel the ego without trying to transcend or get rid of it. Paradoxically, this complete acceptance can lead to a lightness of being and profound self-acceptance.
7 Key Quotes
The punchline is that there is no punchline, that there really is no there, there, that the greatest moments of transcendence in one's life don't come from these peak experiences. But I mean, they, they may, you know, periodically fool us into thinking they come only from the peak experiences. But if we train our mind in a certain way, they actually come from what Maslow called the plateau experiences, which is the finding the miraculous in the everyday.
Scott Barry Kaufman
It seems like the purpose of self-actualization is to erase itself.
Abraham Maslow (quoted by Scott Barry Kaufman)
I define healthy transcendence as an emergent phenomenon resulting from the harmonious integration of one's whole self in the service of cultivating the good society. It's not a level any human ever actually achieves, but it's a North Star for all humanity.
Scott Barry Kaufman
There is no self apart from the world.
Dr. Mark Epstein (quoted by Scott Barry Kaufman)
Treat people, um, as ends unto themselves, not means to an end.
Scott Barry Kaufman (quoting Kant's second imperative)
I wish everyone could live a post-mortem life. I wish everyone could die and then come back and be given a certain amount of months to live so that they could experience this. He said it gave him such a deep abiding sense of the miraculous in the everyday that he had taken for granted his whole life.
Scott Barry Kaufman (quoting Abraham Maslow)
If you spend your whole life trying to figure out who you are, you wasted your life. I think that the, the question is what potentialities within me do I want to devote my limited time and space on this earth, cultivating, growing, developing?
Scott Barry Kaufman