What To Do When Life Won't Let Up | Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren
This Meditation Party episode features Dan Harris, Sebene Selassie (writer, teacher, author of You Belong), and Jeff Warren (writer, meditation teacher, co-wrote Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics). They discuss trusting life, handling work-life balance, obsessive thinking, and the meditation vs. napping debate.
Deep Dive Analysis
20 Actionable Insights
1. Trust Life as a Guiding Post
Adopt the mantra ’trust life’ to allow what’s happening, move with challenges, and keep moving towards freedom, joy, and love, even amidst personal difficulties.
2. Adopt ‘This Is The Curriculum’ Mindset
Embrace the mantra ’this is the curriculum’ to accept life’s challenges as opportunities to build resources and respond more intelligently, rather than fighting against what is happening.
3. Transform Suffering into Meaning
Make meaning out of personal suffering by transforming challenges into something you can pass on or use to help others, which adds coherence and purpose to your life’s arc.
4. Choose Beliefs for Well-being
Recognize your freedom to choose beliefs that are subjectively healthy and enhance your happiness, rather than solely pursuing objective truth, as your beliefs profoundly influence your experience.
5. Practice Surrender to Counter Fear
When fear manifests as a need for control, actively practice surrender by lessening your grip on planning and obsessive research, trusting experts and focusing on self-care instead.
6. Acknowledge All Realities
When facing significant challenges, acknowledge the difficulties without letting them consume all your attention; consciously appreciate the positive aspects and amazing things also present in your life.
7. Set Intentions for Broader Benefit
Regularly set an intention, such as ‘I dedicate the benefit of whatever I’m doing now to all beings,’ to shift from self-centeredness to a broader, more altruistic and helpful perspective.
8. Accept Unhappiness as Normal
Understand that unhappiness is a normal part of life, and avoid the ‘happiness trap’ of believing you should always be happy; accepting hard times as they are can reduce internal struggle.
9. Commit to Values in Challenges
In difficult times, actively seek opportunities to align with your values, even if it means reframing challenges as ways to build resilience or contribute to a cause you care about.
10. Use ‘It’s Okay’ to Validate Feelings
When experiencing intense difficulty, use the mantra ‘it’s okay’ to acknowledge and allow the difficult feelings without judgment, rather than trying to suppress them.
11. Stir and Still for Overthinking
For strong rumination or intense emotions, first engage in energetic physical activity (like dancing or jumping) to ‘stir’ the energy, then transition to meditation to ‘still’ it, honoring the energy before finding spaciousness.
12. Employ Rituals to Stop Rumination
Create and use a personal ritual (e.g., consulting the I Ching or a specific action) to provide a sense of finality and break the cycle of obsessive thinking, recognizing that rumination rarely yields definitive answers.
13. Sing Repetitive Thoughts Aloud
To reduce the seriousness of repetitive or obsessive thoughts, try singing them out loud, which can help you detach from them.
14. Question Thought’s Usefulness
When caught in a loop of overthinking, ask yourself ‘is this useful?’ to evaluate if the continued mental activity is productive or merely repetitive.
15. Prioritize Naps When Tired
If you feel tired in the afternoon, take a nap, as sleep is essential and can be considered a form of meditation, especially if you are underslept.
16. Bring Mindfulness to Napping
If taking a nap, consider incorporating a body scan or other mindful awareness practices at the beginning to bring intention and presence to the rest period.
17. Practice Meditation When Alert
While naps are beneficial, ensure you also dedicate time to meditation when you are fully alert to maximize the learning and growth capacity of the practice.
18. Try Walking Meditation for Alertness
If you tend to fall asleep during seated meditation, switch to walking meditation, as it helps maintain alertness while still engaging in mindful practice.
19. Embrace Clowning for Spontaneity
To develop spontaneity, overcome self-consciousness, and embody humor, consider taking a clowning workshop, which can be a powerful and revelatory spiritual practice.
20. Focus on Positive Reception
In interactions or performances, direct your attention and energy towards those who are receptive and positive (‘go where the love is’), rather than fixating on those who are not engaged or critical.