Wise Selfishness | Part 3 of The Dalai Lama's Guide to Happiness
Dan Harris interviews His Holiness the Dalai Lama and unpacks the conversation with neuroscientist Dr. Richard Davidson, founder of the Center for Healthy Minds. They discuss "wise selfishness," handling enemies, the Dalai Lama's rare anger, and practical ways to operationalize compassion and mindfulness for inner peace and physical health.
Deep Dive Analysis
11 Topic Outline
Dan Harris's Interview with the Dalai Lama
Dalai Lama's Perspective on Warm-heartedness and Anger
Richie Davidson Recounts Dalai Lama's Anger
Managing Personal Anger Through Mindfulness and Compassion
Dalai Lama's View on Compassion for Difficult People
Understanding the Dalai Lama's Non-Conceptual Teaching Style
Practical Steps to Develop Compassion for Difficult People
The Concept and Science of 'Wise Selfishness'
Addressing Selfish Tendencies and Cultural Influences
Physical Health Benefits of Compassion
The Dalai Lama's Approach to Death
3 Key Concepts
Non-conceptual World
For the Dalai Lama, this describes a state where compassion is not an abstract idea but a deeply embodied, lived experience and a fundamental perceptual stance toward the universe, cultivated through decades of practice.
Functional Autonomy
A concept by psychologist Gordon Allport, it explains how a behavior initially engaged for one motive (e.g., selfish reasons) can, over time, become intrinsically motivated and take on a life of its own, independent of the original motive.
Wise Selfishness
This is the Dalai Lama's concept that thinking compassionately towards others is the most effective way to fulfill one's own self-interest. By sincerely helping others, one ultimately receives maximum personal benefit and happiness.
6 Questions Answered
The Dalai Lama states he almost never gets angry, with the only exception being mosquitoes during sleep. He even feels sympathy and concern, not anger, towards those who suppressed Tibet.
It's important not to feel bad about anger. Research shows that mindfulness and compassion meditation help by increasing awareness of anger, understanding its causes, and changing one's relationship to it so that one is not completely fused with the emotion.
Start by practicing with mildly annoying people, not the most problematic. Research with young children shows that simple kindness training can lead to more altruistic behavior towards disliked peers, and personal practice involves bringing difficult people to mind and heart, appreciating their shared wish for happiness despite their challenging behavior.
'Wise selfishness' is the concept that thinking compassionately towards others is the best way to fulfill one's own interests. Scientific research supports this, showing that people who spend money on others report significantly higher levels of happiness than those who spend it on themselves.
Developing compassion has been shown to decrease inflammation in the body by reducing pro-inflammatory cytokines, which are molecules involved in many chronic illnesses like cardiovascular diseases, arthritis, and asthma. While it doesn't cure illnesses, it can change symptom profiles, decrease severity, and generally lead to better overall physical health.
Yes, it is okay to start helping others with a selfish motive because, according to the concept of functional autonomy, the motivation can gradually change over time to become more intrinsic. Humans are inherently born to be kind, and engaging in altruistic acts can align with this innate nature.
8 Actionable Insights
1. Cultivate Compassion for Well-being
Engage in warm-heartedness, altruism, and compassion as the ultimate source of happiness, inner peace, inner strength, and physical health. This practice decreases inflammation and the severity of chronic illnesses.
2. Manage Anger with Mindfulness
Practice simple mindfulness and compassion meditation to become aware of anger, understand its causes, and change your relationship to it. This helps create distance from the emotion, allowing it to dissipate more easily.
3. Deal with Difficult People Gradually
Start by practicing compassion with slightly annoying people, then gradually approach more problematic individuals. Reflect on their feelings, take their perspective, appreciate that their actions may not be intentionally hurtful, and recognize their universal wish to be happy.
4. Embrace Wise Selfishness
Understand that thinking in a more compassionate way towards others is the best way to fulfill your own interests. Helping others sincerely leads to maximum benefit for yourself, including increased happiness.
5. Help Others, Even Selfishly
Begin engaging in altruistic behaviors even if your initial motivation is selfish. Over time, through ‘functional autonomy,’ this behavior can transform into intrinsic motivation, as humans are innately kind.
6. Balance Altruism and Self-Interest
Remember that altruism does not mean completely forgetting your own interests; it is necessary to look out for your own well-being while also focusing on others.
7. Address Selfish Tendencies
Acknowledge and celebrate your awareness of selfish tendencies, as this self-awareness is a necessary condition for change. Recognize these are often culturally acquired and require consistent practice to uproot.
8. Meditate on Altruism at Death
Commit to focusing on the welfare of others, even in the last moments of life, as exemplified by the Dalai Lama’s practice of meditating on altruism at the time of his death.
5 Key Quotes
don't use mine
His Holiness (Dalai Lama)
I really feel anger really destroyer of your health. More compassionate mind really helpful your physical health.
His Holiness (Dalai Lama)
at the time of my death, I meditate on altruism.
His Holiness (Dalai Lama)
I don't think we should feel bad about ourselves. The research shows that the practice of simple mindfulness and compassion meditation practices can be enormously helpful in not so much changing our anger initially or suppressing it or controlling it, but becoming aware of it.
Richie Davidson
humans are born to be kind, they're born to be altruistic.
Richie Davidson
1 Protocols
Developing Compassion for Difficult People
Richie Davidson- Start by practicing with people who are 'a little bit annoying,' rather than the most problematic individuals in your life.
- Specifically bring the difficult person into your mind and heart during daily practice.
- Try to appreciate that they don't mean to be difficult, but their behavior is a product of their upbringing, causes, and conditions.
- Recognize that they share the same fundamental wish to be happy as you do.