Yael Shy, Helping College Students Fight Stress and FOMO
Yael Shy, Senior Director of NYU Global Spiritual Life and founder of MindfulNYU, discusses how meditation helps young people cope with anxiety, social media addiction, FOMO, and relationship issues. She shares personal experiences and practical techniques like the RAIN practice to navigate modern stressors.
Deep Dive Analysis
18 Topic Outline
Introduction to Yael Shy and MindfulNYU
Yael's Personal Journey to Meditation and Suffering
Understanding Jewish Meditation Practices
Founding and Growth of MindfulNYU
Meditation's Role in Managing Anxiety
"What Now?": Memoir and Instruction for Young Adults
Addressing Post-Graduation and Quarter-Life Crisis Anxiety
Self-Acceptance and Challenging Limiting Beliefs
Receptiveness of Young People to Mindfulness
Navigating Social Media, FOMO, and Comparison Mind
Practical Strategies for Digital Well-being
The Illusion of Separation and Interconnectedness
The Ultimate Purpose of Meditation: Easing Suffering
Mindfulness in Relationships and Sexual Ethics
The RAIN Practice for Processing Difficult Emotions
Re-evaluating Desire in Buddhist Context
Smartphones and the Youth Mental Health Crisis
Mindfulness and Addressing Sexual Assault Culture
6 Key Concepts
Jewish Meditation
A practice that draws from both Jewish tradition and Buddhist/Dharmic mindfulness, focusing on practices already present in Judaism (like the Sabbath) and complementing them with Buddhist insights to understand one's core self.
Sabbath (as Mindfulness)
The concept of the Sabbath, when observed, functions as a form of mindfulness retreat where individuals abstain from creating new things or participating in the economic machine, instead being present with the world as it is.
Comparing Mind
A psychological phenomenon, often amplified by social media, where individuals constantly compare themselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough, and depression.
No Separate Self
A core Buddhist tenet suggesting that the feeling of being a distinct, separate ego is a delusion, as individuals are deeply interconnected and constantly influenced by the world and others, leading to a sense of relaxation when this truth is recognized.
Ultimate Point of Meditation
The fundamental purpose of meditation is to ease suffering, not only one's own but also the suffering of the entire world, and to foster a greater sense of love and awakeness.
Desire (in Buddhism)
A re-interpretation of desire as a natural, powerful human emotion that isn't inherently negative, distinguishing it from the clinging and grasping that leads to suffering. The practice involves opening to desire without shame, rather than suppressing it.
10 Questions Answered
Yael Shy started meditating in college due to intense suffering, including loneliness, parental divorce, a breakup, and PTSD from the 9/11 attacks, which manifested as existential anxiety and frequent panic attacks.
Jewish meditation, as practiced by Yael Shy, integrates elements from Buddhism and Dharmic traditions, identifying and emphasizing mindfulness practices already present within Judaism, such as the Sabbath, to complement both spiritual paths.
While meditation may not entirely eliminate anxiety, consistent practice significantly reduces its control over one's life, allowing individuals to acknowledge and feel anxious moments without being overwhelmed or "going as far down the rabbit hole" as before.
Meditation helps young people identify and question the limiting beliefs, societal programming, and "mean" internal narratives they carry, fostering self-acceptance and guiding them towards healing and recognizing their unique voice and gifts.
Young people are increasingly receptive to mindfulness because they face heightened stress from technology, social media pressures to "brand" themselves, and a general search for authenticity, coupled with a diminishing social stigma around meditation.
The ultimate purpose of meditation is to alleviate suffering, both personal and global, and to cultivate a deeper sense of love for oneself and others, leading to a state of greater awareness and awakeness.
Smartphones and social media contribute to mental health issues such as FOMO (fear of missing out) and the "comparing mind," where individuals constantly compare their curated online lives to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and depression.
Strategies include pausing before reaching for the phone to identify underlying emotions, and consciously imagining oneself as completely okay, beautiful, and lovable to interrupt the cycle of self-comparison and feelings of not being enough.
Yes, mindfulness can help by teaching individuals, especially young men, to mindfully sit with and understand intense feelings like discomfort, rejection, and shame, which are often underlying psychological factors contributing to sexual misconduct.
Desire itself is not inherently bad; it is a powerful, natural human emotion. Suffering arises from clinging and grasping to desires, rather than simply acknowledging and experiencing them as a natural part of human experience.
19 Actionable Insights
1. Utilize RAIN for Emotions
Use the RAIN practice (Recognize, Allow/Accept, Inquire, Nourish/Non-Identify) as a mechanism for processing and working with very powerful emotions, especially when ambushed by them.
2. R: Recognize Emotion
When ambushed by a strong emotion, recognize and name it clearly (e.g., ‘I’m feeling jealous’), identifying the underlying feeling if possible, rather than ignoring or mislabeling it.
3. A: Allow/Accept Emotion
After recognizing an emotion, allow or accept its presence without fighting it, acknowledging that it is happening and feeling it in your body.
4. I: Inquire into Emotion
Inquire into the emotion by noticing where and how it manifests in your body (e.g., tension, stomach feeling) and gently asking what’s underneath it or what it wants to teach you.
5. N: Nourish Yourself
Conclude the RAIN practice by nourishing yourself; ask what you can do for yourself right now to be healing or soften the experience, such as sitting and breathing, getting water, or taking space.
6. Question Internal Narratives
Use meditation to observe and question internal negative narratives and programming, especially those from childhood or societal influences, to heal from limiting beliefs and move forward.
7. Pause Before Phone Use
Before reaching for your phone, pause and observe the underlying feeling (e.g., loneliness, uncertainty) to understand your impulse and potentially address the feeling directly before going online.
8. Interrupt Social Comparison
When caught in social comparison, pause, close your eyes, and imagine feeling completely okay, beautiful, and lovable just as you are, to interrupt the endless feeling of not being enough.
9. Observe Comparing Mind
When engaging in comparison, simply observe the comparing mind, acknowledge it as human, forgive yourself, and try not to believe its reality, recognizing interconnectedness.
10. Ease All Suffering
Engage in meditation with the ultimate goal of easing suffering, not just your own, but all the suffering of the whole world.
11. Train Mental Skills
View mindfulness practice as a way to train and incrementally improve mental qualities like focus, compassion, self-awareness, and mindfulness over time.
12. Mindful Conversation Practice
In conversations, practice feeling your own emotions while simultaneously being present with the other person, discerning your own projections from what is truly happening in real-time.
13. Men: Sit with Discomfort
Men should learn to mindfully sit with strong feelings of discomfort, rejection, or shame, and the underlying psychological factors related to desire, to prevent harmful actions.
14. Men: Understand Desire
Men should learn to understand and mindfully sit with desire and its associated feelings, preventing impulsive or harmful actions driven by unexamined internal states.
15. Differentiate Desire & Grasping
Differentiate between natural human desire and grasping; aim to feel desire as a powerful, beautiful emotion without immediately turning it into clinging or suffering.
16. Acknowledge Hidden Desires
Recognize that fear can often mask underlying desires; practice acknowledging what you truly want, rather than staying in the easier state of fear.
17. Practice Sabbath Mindfulness
Observe the Sabbath as a form of mindfulness retreat, focusing on being with the world as it is, without creating new things or participating in the economic machine.
18. Use Meditation for Pain
Use meditation to cope with physical pain, even if you don’t have chronic pain, as it offers a different way to address it.
19. Explore New Podcasts
Check out other podcasts, especially those mentioned by Dan, if you are looking for new content to enjoy.
8 Key Quotes
I came to meditation like a lot of people from a lot of suffering.
Yael Shy
homework is the least I'm stressed about existence and what my place is in existence
Yael Shy
The very idea of the Sabbath is pretty is pretty radical. It's a counter-cultural anti-capitalist idea that is also I think very mindful friendly.
Yael Shy
everybody's life is edited when you look at social media
Dan Harris
the reversible camera has opened up a bottomless well of narcissism that I didn't know was there
Dan Harris
it's easier to live on the fear side than it is to just acknowledge how badly we want something
Yael Shy
I think this really is the meditation generation and and they and we just have to build in more tools and more availability for young people to access these things to counter some of the stuff of the smartphones
Yael Shy
unless you start to really teach young men I think how to sit with this incredible place of discomfort these incredibly strong feelings the feelings that come when one is rejected
Yael Shy
3 Protocols
Jewish Meditation Retreat Practice
Yael Shy- Maintain a silent container from waking until bedtime.
- Begin the day with a Jewish prayer or chant.
- Engage in alternating periods of sitting and walking meditation throughout the day.
- Eat meals in silence.
- Attend evening talks, referred to as Torah talks (similar to Dharma talks).
- During Shabbat, incorporate Torah readings and Sabbath prayers.
RAIN Practice for Powerful Emotions
Yael Shy- Recognize (R): Acknowledge and name the strong emotion you are feeling (e.g., jealousy, fear), including any underlying feelings like not feeling good about yourself.
- Allow or Accept (A): Bring the emotion into your body, accepting that it is happening without fighting it, and take a few breaths to relax into the feeling.
- Inquire (I): Gently notice where you feel the emotion in your body (e.g., tension in shoulders, chest, stomach) and, if there's space, ask what's underneath it or what it wants to teach you.
- Nourish (N): Ask yourself what you can do to be healing or soften for yourself in that moment, such as sitting and breathing, getting water, or taking space. (Alternatively, N can stand for Non-identifying, letting go of the emotion, but Nourish is preferred to avoid pushing it away).
Mindful Approach to Social Media and Comparison
Yael Shy- Observe the Impulse: Watch the moments when you reach for your phone and pause to tap into and feel what you're experiencing before going online.
- Counter Comparison: When caught in the "sea of comparison" (feeling less successful, attractive, etc.), pause, close your eyes, and imagine yourself as completely okay, beautiful, and lovable just as you are right now.