Your Meditation Questions, Answered!
This episode features Dan Harris answering listener voicemails about meditation, coinciding with his new book, "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics." Topics include re-establishing a habit, affording retreats, handling inner critics, and introducing mindfulness in social and corporate settings.
Deep Dive Analysis
13 Topic Outline
Introduction to Listener Voicemail Experiment and New Book
Strategies for Re-establishing a Meditation Habit
Navigating the Cost and Experience of Meditation Retreats
Managing the Inner Critical Voice in Daily Interactions
Addressing the Stigma of Meditation with Peers
Introducing Mindfulness Practices to Elementary Students
Implementing Mindfulness in a Corporate Environment
Meditation's Impact on Marital Relationships
Benefits of Group Meditation and Social Support
Finding Time for a Daily Meditation Practice
Supporting Friends and Family Through Suffering
The Connection Between Music and Meditation
Debate: Leading with Compassion vs. Mindfulness
5 Key Concepts
Mindfulness Meditation
This practice involves sitting, closing your eyes, and bringing full attention to the feeling of your breath. The goal is to notice when your mind gets distracted and then gently return your focus to the breath, repeating this process again and again.
Willpower
Described as an ephemeral inner resource that quickly evaporates, willpower is not an effective long-term strategy for establishing healthy habits like meditation. Instead, identifying and being pulled forward by the benefits of the habit is more sustainable.
The 'Evil Twin' (Talking Mind)
This refers to the inner neurotic programs or critical voices in one's head that can give bad advice or lead to regrettable actions. Meditation helps individuals to notice these voices as they occur, rather than trying to stop them, and to have a different, less reactive relationship with them.
MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction)
An eight-week secular meditation course developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, an MIT microbiologist, in the 1970s or 80s. It was designed to teach meditation in hospital settings, removed from a Buddhist context, and its effects on the brain, immune system, and blood pressure have been scientifically measured, contributing to the modern mindfulness revolution.
Compassion Meditation
This technique involves the wise use of thoughts to systematically cultivate compassion. Practitioners envision different groups of people (self, benefactor, neutral, difficult, all beings) and mentally repeat phrases like 'may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease, may you be safe and protected from harm.'
10 Questions Answered
Recognize that starting and stopping is normal because humans are not wired for easy adoption of long-term healthy habits. Identify the benefits you miss to pull you forward, and set a low bar, like meditating for one minute most days.
Retreats are not a must for meditators, but they can be incredibly productive. Organizations like the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) and Spirit Rock offer financial aid and work programs to make retreats accessible to those who cannot afford the full tuition.
Instead of trying to stop the voice, focus on noticing when it appears and gives bad advice. The goal is to have a different relationship with it, seeing it happen without being owned by it, and then refocusing on the present moment.
You can point to successful figures who meditate (e.g., athletes, executives, entertainers) to normalize it, discuss the scientific benefits like calmness, focus, and reduced emotional reactivity, and recognize that your own practice may lead you to care less about others' opinions.
Mindful Schools, a nonprofit group based out of San Francisco, trains teachers to teach meditation in the classroom to their students, and research suggests it can boost test scores and improve behavior.
Offer mindfulness gently, making it available but not mandatory. Resources like the Institute for Mindful Leadership, run by Janice Martirano, can help leaders spread the practice, or you can craft a plan with HR to introduce it attractively.
While there are no definitive scientific studies, anecdotal evidence suggests many people benefit from group meditation due to social cohesion, positive peer pressure, and a perceived 'HOV lane effect' of increased power. Being friends with other practitioners also normalizes and deepens the practice.
Five to ten minutes a day is considered a great habit and likely enough to derive many advertised benefits. Even one minute a day, most days, can count and is a good way to establish the habit, which can then be scaled up.
There's a deep connection because when playing music and in a 'flow state,' the discursive chatter in the head diminishes, bringing the musician fully into the present moment of the song. This state of focus and presence is similar to the benefits of meditation.
While compassion meditation has proven benefits for health, happiness, and success, mindfulness is also incredibly important, and the skills developed in one often complement the other. Historically, both practices have been taught and meant to be done in conjunction, suggesting leading with both may be the best approach.
36 Actionable Insights
1. Accept Habit Inconsistency
Understand that creating long-term healthy habits like meditation is naturally difficult, and it’s okay to start and stop; view it as a process of experimentation.
2. Apply Meditation Spirit to Habits
Bring the same spirit of noticing distraction and gently restarting from your meditation practice to the process of establishing a new habit, accepting that starting and failing is part of the game.
3. Experiment with Habit Anchoring
Approach habit formation as an ongoing process of experimentation to find what truly works for integrating it into your life.
4. Embrace Distraction in Meditation
In mindfulness meditation, the goal is to notice when your mind wanders or you get distracted, and then gently bring your attention back to your breath, repeating this process.
5. Don’t Suppress Inner Voice
Do not try to preemptively stop or eradicate the ’talking mind’ or ’evil twin’ internally, as attempting to suppress internal experiences is generally ineffective.
6. Observe Inner Voice Without Engagement
Cultivate a different relationship with your inner critic by noticing its presence without being consumed by it; simply observe it, let it play out, and then refocus your attention on the present moment.
7. Aim for Marginal Improvement
When working on internal processes like managing your inner voice, understand that the goal is not perfection but rather consistent, marginal improvement over time.
8. Practice Self-Compassion for Failure
Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break when you inevitably fail to meet your goals, as failure is a natural part of the learning and improvement process.
9. Leverage Perceived Benefits
Instead of relying on willpower, identify and focus on the felt benefits of a habit (like feeling happier from meditation) to motivate yourself and pull you forward.
10. Start with Low Bar Meditation
To re-establish a meditation habit, set a low bar by aiming for just one minute a day, most days, as this approach is effective for consistent practice.
11. One Minute Daily-ish Meditation
If time is limited, even one minute of meditation counts, and aiming for ‘daily-ish’ practice rather than strictly every day can be an effective way to establish the habit.
12. Aim for 5-10 Minutes Daily
A consistent habit of five to ten minutes of meditation daily is often sufficient to derive many of the advertised benefits, according to neuroscientists.
13. Personalize Your Meditation Practice
Understand that the optimal duration and frequency of meditation are individual; experiment to discover what dosage and approach work best for you.
14. Micro-Awakenings from Autopilot
Recognize that even a single second can be enough to ‘wake up’ from autopilot mode and become present, interrupting the trance that often governs daily life.
15. Formal Practice for Real-Life Insight
Engage in formal meditation practice to enhance your ability to observe your internal processes, enabling you to apply these insights in real-life situations and conversations.
16. Name Inner Neurotic Programs
Consider naming your inner neurotic programs or critical voices (e.g., ’evil twin’) to depersonalize them, which can help you take them less seriously.
17. Cultivate Indifference to External Opinion
Understand that a long-term benefit of consistent meditation is a diminished concern for what others think of you, allowing for greater freedom and authenticity.
18. Integrate Mindfulness and Compassion
Practice both mindfulness and compassion meditation, as they are complementary techniques that historically have been taught together and enhance each other’s benefits.
19. Practice Compassion Meditation Phrases
Engage in compassion meditation by systematically envisioning yourself and others, then mentally repeating phrases such as ‘May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease, may you be safe and protected from harm.’
20. Highlight Selfish Benefits of Compassion
To encourage the adoption of compassion, emphasize the scientific evidence demonstrating that compassionate individuals are often more successful, happier, and healthier, appealing to self-interest.
21. Adopt “How Can I Help?” Mindset
Cultivate an overarching attitude of ‘How can I help?’ when approaching life and others’ problems, as this shifts you into an active, empowering mode rather than being overwhelmed.
22. Show Up for Suffering Friends
When friends or family are suffering, prioritize simply ‘showing up’ and being present, even if it’s uncomfortable, as your presence can be profoundly helpful.
23. Introduce Meditation Gently in Workplace
When introducing meditation in a corporate environment, offer it gently as an available resource without making it an expectation, as proselytizing can be counterproductive.
24. Avoid Lecturing Spouses on Meditation
When trying to introduce meditation to a spouse, avoid lecturing or pressuring them, as this approach can be counterproductive and guarantee they won’t adopt the practice.
25. Seek External Help for Obstacles
If a loved one faces obstacles to starting meditation, consider seeking guidance from an experienced teacher who can help reframe the practice and tailor it to their specific life circumstances.
26. Join Group for Habit Cohesion
For some individuals, joining a meditation group or creating a sitting group can be an effective way to solidify the habit due to social cohesion and a sense of obligation to others.
27. Cultivate Meditating Friendships
Actively seek out and befriend others who practice meditation, as these friendships can normalize the practice, enhance your commitment, and provide positive peer pressure.
28. Retreats Are Not Mandatory
Understand that attending a meditation retreat is not a requirement to be a successful meditator, and it’s perfectly fine if you choose not to do one.
29. Access Affordable Meditation Retreats
If interested in retreats but concerned about cost, inquire about financial aid or work programs at places like the Insight Meditation Society (IMS) or Spirit Rock, as they strive to make retreats accessible.
30. Cite Aspirational Meditators
When facing stigma or teasing about meditation, point to successful and aspirational figures (e.g., athletes, celebrities, executives) who practice it to normalize the activity.
31. Explain Meditation’s Scientific Benefits
When explaining meditation to others, highlight its scientific benefits such as increased calmness, focus, reduced emotional reactivity, and enhanced compassion, which can lead to greater success and happiness.
32. Connect Music and Mindfulness
Recognize that playing music in a ‘flow state’ is akin to meditation, as it naturally diminishes mental chatter and anchors you fully in the present moment of the song.
33. Utilize Mindful Schools Resource
For teachers interested in bringing mindfulness to students, explore Mindful Schools, a San Francisco-based nonprofit that trains educators to teach meditation in the classroom.
34. Engage HR for Corporate Mindfulness
If you’re not in a leadership position, approach your HR department to discuss and gain support for introducing mindfulness activities in your corporate setting.
35. Consult Institute for Mindful Leadership
For resources on implementing mindfulness in a corporate setting, consider consulting the Institute for Mindful Leadership, which trains leaders to meditate and spread the practice.
36. Explore Sam Harris’s “Waking Up”
For further exploration of meditation and related topics, consider reading Sam Harris’s book ‘Waking Up’ or listening to his ‘Waking Up’ podcast.
7 Key Quotes
Evolution did not leave us with a mind that is well-equipped for creating long-term healthy habits.
Dan Harris
Willpower is a really hard way to establish any habit because willpower is this incredibly ephemeral inner resource. It goes away. It evaporates really quickly.
Dan Harris
The goal here is not perfection. The goal here is marginal improvement over time.
Dan Harris
The more you meditate, the more you more you arrange this daily ish collision with the voice in your head, the more insane, the more you see that you are insane and are able to surf that insanity more in a more successful fashion, the less you may care what other people think about you. And that is the real fruit.
Dan Harris
Having good friends is half the holy life. And by holy I think they just mean good life. And the Buddha's like, no, no, no, no, it's the whole thing.
Dan Harris
A great phrase to have in your head as an attitude toward life is, how can I help?
Dan Harris
Clichés become clichés for a reason, usually because they're true. And showing up is huge.
Dan Harris
3 Protocols
Re-establishing a Meditation Habit
Dan Harris- Set a reasonably low bar, such as one minute a day.
- Aim to do it daily-ish, meaning most days, not necessarily every single day.
- Utilize resources like one-minute meditations available on the 10% Happier app.
Basic Mindfulness Meditation
Dan Harris- Sit in a chair or on the ground, cross-legged if you are limber enough.
- Close your eyes.
- Bring your full attention to the feeling of your breath coming in and going out.
- Notice when you become totally distracted (this is not a failure).
- Start again by refocusing on your breath.
Compassion Meditation Practice
Dan Harris- Sit and systematically envision people.
- Start with yourself, repeating phrases in your mind like 'may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease, may you be safe and protected from harm'.
- Move from yourself to a benefactor (somebody who has protected and benefited you through your life).
- Move to a dear friend (can even be a pet).
- Move to a neutral person (somebody you see every day but maybe ignore).
- Move to a difficult person.
- Finally, extend the phrases to everyone, all beings.